The Shrink
"Now, how long has it been since you couldn't hold onto a woman?" the woman asked, leaning back in her chair, waiting for a reply. She was very pretty—she had deep blue eyes, long, wavy black hair, and a lithe figure.
"Well… I've never really been able to hold onto a woman… Most of the women are one night stands or something…" Kakashi replied back, completely uninterested.
It wasn't his fault he was seeing a shrink. Hell, Guy was the one who made him. After Guy's students and his own decided to get married, along with many of the other parts of the "Konoha 11"… and Asuma and Kurenai… and Tsunade and Jiraiya… and Guy and that girl from the village (which shocked Kakashi)… and even the ramen shop girl ('Ayuki? Ayate? Oh, well, doesn't matter…' Kakashi thought to himself), Guy loudly proclaimed Kakashi should see a shrink for a 'self-assessment' visit.
So, here he was. Laying, half-asleep, telling a stranger about his life and how he should 'fix' it.
Not that Kakashi saw how his life was really broken. He was perfectly… content. He had his books, missions, and students to keep him busy.
Okay, so Sakura was a medic-nin now, and he couldn't really help with that. And so Naruto was now on his level, so he was, quite technically, an equal—though they still sparred/fought every now and then. And so Sasuke had been killed during the Sound Wars (as they were deemed in the history scrolls). He still had plenty of missions and his Icha Icha Paradise.
OKAY, so he wasn't getting many missions recently. And, worst of all, so what that Jiraiya had stopped writing? He was still perfectly content alone, just gliding through his life.
"I see… Perhaps you, like many other men, have commitment problems?" she offered.
Kakashi slowly pointed to his headband, thinking, for the thousandth time that visit, 'What a dumbass'.
"So, just because you're a ninja, you think you have no commitment issues?" the shrink asked, a disapproving frown on her face.
"I'm prepared to die at any time for this village. I have to be committed to my body and spend a great deal of my time perfecting it. I have no problems giving away my life for something—including a woman. It's something else," Kakashi said, a look that clearly said, "You're wasting my time."
"Uh-huh…" she said, jotting some notes down on her notepad. "Well, I figured I'd try that before the other thing it could be…" she said with a smirk.
"What?" Kakashi asked, not liking the look on her face.
"You may be gay," she said simply.
Kakashi's eyes flew open, and he jumped into a sitting position. "What? How can I be gay?!" he demanded.
"Don't worry. It's not that uncommon. Just yesterday, in fact, I had another case that was diagnosed—" she began.
"I don't care about some other person," Kakashi growled.
"Oh? Well, in any case, that's about all it could be. Try going out on an innocent date with another guy—I'm sure it'll go just fine. But, anyways, our hour is done. Good day, Hatake-san," she said, bidding him farewell.
----
'Date? With a guy? I've never been homophobic, but… I was always so sure I was straight… I had a mother and a father… All of my friends were perfectly normal—except Guy… I'm kind of used to the thought, but the vast majority of men I know are married, straight, or taken…' Kakashi mused to himself as he aimlessly walked through the village, focusing on a particular page in his Icha Icha Paradise book—though he had read it thousands of times before.
"Kakashi?" came the somewhat timid voice or Iruka.
Kakashi slowly lifted his gaze. "Hmm?" he asked, seemingly completely uninterested.
"You okay?" Iruka asked concernedly.
"Fine, fine," Kakashi said, waving it off quickly. "Why?" Kakashi asked, keeping his overly happy façade present.
"It's just… You've been on that page for a while now…" Iruka explained, holding back the comment, "And you usually turn really quickly," since it made him seem like a stalker.
"Oh? It's just a good, detailed page," Kakashi explained.
"… That's the table of contents…" Iruka pointed out.
Kakashi sweat-dropped. "Yes, but it has all the details of the chapters and what page they're on…" he offered, knowing that the schoolteacher didn't buy it.
Iruka sighed and decided to drop it. Something was wrong with him, but what…? "Hey, want to go grab lunch?" Iruka offered.
'Lunch? As in a date? Already? I thought I would be the one to…!' "If you don't want to, that's fine, too," Iruka said, snapping Kakashi out of his thoughts.
"Sorry, a mental conflict. Sure, let's go," Kakashi said back quickly.
'Could be worse… And hey, he probably isn't thinking of it as a date…''Yes! Yes yes yes yes! A date with Kakashi! … Wait. He's probably not thinking of it as a date…'
----
The pair of shinobi sat at the Ichiraku bar, waiting for the ramen to be finished cooking.
"So, how is Naruto doing?" Iruka asked.
"He's fine. I was on a mission with him last week—he is still the same energetic boy we know… But he's a lot smarter and stronger. Still as determined, though…" Kakashi said, giving a brief summary of Naruto's character.
"That's good to hear. How is Sakura doing?" Iruka asked as an after thought.
"She's a medic-nin, if you haven't heard. She's said to be so good that she is already rivaling Tsunade," Kakashi said with a sigh as the food was placed before them.
"I heard she was getting married. To whom?" Iruka asked before gulping down a mouthful of ramen.
"Lee," Kakashi said. "She matured a lot when they started going out, and he… well, he got more hyper and determined. I was kind of surprised that he could…" Kakashi mused.
Iruka chuckled. "And Naruto? He have a significant other?"
"No… Naruto… I think… This may be awkward, but I think… Naruto's gay…" Kakashi explained.
"Quite possible. Most of the people who took care of him were men—it seems quite probable he would attach himself to one. So, he doesn't have a boyfriend?"
"No. Not yet… It's only a matter of time, though. He and Kiba hang out a lot…" Kakashi mused.
Iruka nodded slowly and stared at the bowl. Suddenly, Iruka's cell phone went off, and he hurriedly picked it up and glanced at the caller ID. "Hold on," he said before flipping the phone open and pressing it to his ear.
"Yes, this is Iruka. Yes, I did go in the day before yesterday. Yes, the results were clear. No, I do not want to schedule another appointment. Yes, I'm sure. Okay, thanks," he said into the phone.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Who was that?" he asked offhandedly as he sipped his tea.
"Well… I went to a shrink the day before yesterday…" Iruka explained with a shrug.
"What shrink?" Kakashi asked, interrupting Iruka's explanation.
"Haruka Yamaki…" Iruka said with a dumb folded look on his face.
"For?" Kakashi asked.
"Well… I haven't had a girlfriend or anything in years, and even when I do have one, I can't seem to keep her for more than a few weeks…" Iruka explained while rubbing the back of his head.
"Commitment problems?" Kakashi offered.
"You know very well a nin—wait… Did you see her, too?" Iruka asked, suddenly catching onto Kakashi's reference.
"Yeah… just today… When we met up that's what I was thinking of," Kakashi explained, keeping his outward appearance casual and nonchalant.
"Oh," Iruka stated back dumbly.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Kakashi asked, "Were you thinking of this as a date?"
"Er… yeah…" Iruka said, blushing (which he couldn't help) as he did so.
"I see. You look cute when you blush," Kakashi observed with a mischievous smirk.
This only caused Iruka to blush more. "So, how do you normally like ending dates?" Kakashi asked when he realized Iruka wouldn't be replying to the blushing comment.
"First dates are usually ended with a goodnight kiss…" Iruka said, the blush brightening a bit before it finally subsided.
Kakashi sighed. "You're too moral—but however you like it," Kakashi said, shrugging as if it didn't matter.
"Shall we go, then?" Iruka offered.
Kakashi smiled back at him. "Your apartment or mine?"
"T-that's not what I meant!" Iruka threw back.
Kakashi sighed. "Coffee?" he offered, trying again.
"Sure," Iruka replied. "But one thing—can you stop with that mask? Just for a little bit?" Iruka pleaded.
Kakashi frowned and sighed. "For you," he replied back.
"Are you really ready for a committed relationship? with a guy?" Iruka asked uncertainly.
Kakashi, without even thinking, said, "Of course."
----
"Holy… shit…" Asuma whispered as he watched the two men walking together, holding hands as they exited the ramen bar.
"Wow," Kurenai stated simply.
Gai looked like he was about to burst with a comment about the power of youthful love.
"Well, I guess our plan… kind of…"
"Went in a different direction than expected," Kurenai finished for him.
"Yeah," Asuma replied.
The three of them had planned to make both Kakashi and Iruka realize they needed a good woman in their lives—not to get them together (the contact between the two of them was unexpected). Kurenai would pose as a shrink in an institution that was closed for a few days due to the owner's funeral and give them a 'self-assessment' evaluation and tell them they were gay so that they'd go off and prove her wrong by becoming committed to a girl. Asuma was the one who thought up the plan, and Guy was the one who pushed both Kakashi and Iruka to go to the shrink.
"Well, I have to head to bed. I'm booked tomorrow," Kurenai said before disappearing in a cloud of leaves. Guy had, sometime during Asuma musing to himself, passed out from lack of oxygen (holding his breath so that he would yell his congratulations to Iruka and Kakashi). Asuma sat there, staring at the spot where his wife had been.
"Please tell me she was joking…" Asuma said aloud to no one in particular.