Title – He Alone Knows
Author – Niamh McNamara
E-Mail address – niamh666@hotmail.com
Rating – R
Warning – Slash! If the thought of our dearly beloved Jesus having a relationship (and no, not just as friends…) with the even more dearly beloved Judas, please leave my story alone! Now!

Summary – Jesus thoughts… Jesus Christ Superstar (the year 2000 version) Jesus/Judas slash!

Disclaimer – Don't own either of them… Or the musical… only one, poor bible… and that's not much of a help… Anyway, no infringement intended.

A/N – As I have written above, this is Jesus/Judas slash. I know it might seem revolting, but if you watch the 2000 version of Jesus Christ Superstar, I think you'll see it too… Please do not archive anywhere else without my permission. However, if you ask for it, you are likely to get itJ

***************************************

The cries of help, of healing, of saving… The pressure, the burden that has been placed upon my shoulders… He alone knows. He feels my feelings, my thoughts, my pain… Where would I be without him? And God knows I love him, not only because of the fact that he alone understands me, but also for the fact that he is he, and has become my world, my everything. It hurts me more than anything that he must be the one, the chosen. For us to live together forever, we must both be sacrificed. And perhaps it is worse for him, who does not have the knowledge I do, the one thing I cannot let him know.

***************************************

I cannot remember when this whole thing began. No talk of God then, they called me a man. And he still does, always has. At first there was a stolen glance, eyes that met and did not leave. He saw my soul, accepted it with all his heart, and I saw his, and neither ran away. Then came touches, accidental and brief, but sparkling with an electricity I had never felt before. I could see it in his eyes, reflecting the passion I knew he saw in mine. Our hands would brush, briefly but more and more determined, when serving wine, standing close, feeling the other's breath on naked skin. We knew what was happening, but stalled it. Perhaps it would pass, perhaps… but no. We already shared each other's innermost thoughts and secrets; this was just another step into each other's souls.

***************************************

Then one day, finally alone. We sat close, as always, talking about the day that had passed. Then, suddenly, he stroke back a strand of my hair that always managed to stray away from the rest and hang in my face. I looked into his eyes and saw the strength and sincerity of his feelings, very much resembling my own. Before I had time to react, his lips were touching mine, softly and hesitating, but with a passion I had never before experienced. I deepened the kiss, our tongues meeting in a never-ending battle. This was new for me, and I could tell it was for him as well. Our passion had been building for a long time, and now it was all let out. I savoured in the feeling of his smooth skin under my hands, his strong muscles working. But that feeling was nothing like the explosions I felt under his touch, his powerful hands finding my most sensitive spots. Only one thing was as satisfying; feeling him respond to my touches as strongly as I did to his. Our passion had finally found its way, reaching higher and higher until nothing else mattered, leaving us drained of energy, feeling stronger then ever.

***************************************

We spend that night together, away from the others. When walking back that morning, we were careful not to let anything show. No one said a word about us being away, though I am surprised that they cannot see the passion I feel every time I look at him. When our eyes meet, I can hardly refrain from laughing of joy. I have not felt this happy for a long as I can remember. From that day on, we were closer then ever.

***************************************

One day this will end, I know. But for now, I am resting my head against his chest, thinking of nothing else tonight.

***************************************