NEON GENESIS EVANGELION - THE SOURCE
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 1. The Moment of Truth
Part 2. A Moment of Another Truth
Part 3. Meek are the Blessed
Part 4. Rheya
Part 5. HOPE
From the author:
Although this piece of fanfiction is quite strictly based on the original Shin Seiki Evangelion
series, it has been intended as an alternative ending to Evangelion - The One I Love (www.
geocities.com/nge_toli). Hence, for instance the reference to Kaoru as a girl. The Source takes
on from TOLI Chapter 11, "Where Angels Fear To Tread". I thank Alain Gravel and all the
other contributors to the TOLI project for the inspiration.
Spoiler- this is a Shinji/Rei story. If you are primarily an Asuka fan, you may find here less then
you expected. She is treated with deep respect and plays her role here, but doesn't get the boy ?
*****************************************************************************
Part 1. The Moment of Truth
The First Angel. It had destroyed half of humanity. It had killed Misato's father. Because of it, I
eventually lost both my mother and father.
The Third Angel. It nearly killed Rei. It tried to kill me, it hurt me. It hurt Touji's sister.
The Fifth Angel. Rei nearly sacrificed herself to save me from it.
The Eighth Angel. I had barely saved Asuka that time.
The Thirteenth Angel. Touji had lost an arm and a leg because of it.
The Fourteenth Angel. It nearly killed Rei and Asuka.
The Fifteenth Angel. It raped Asuka's mind. She had left because of it, I was sure.
The Sixteenth Angel. To kill it, Rei gave up her life.
Each time I remembered how an Angel had brought pain in our lives, my anger rose. Enough to
eventually forget the girl I had known as Kaoru and in its place see a monster.
The fingers: my fingers started to close around Kaoru, cold metal around frail flesh: who's
frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something
soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer: just a moist spot,
a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it
was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains
clung to the metal: but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I
saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now
in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's
hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging
with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my left hand, numbness creeping higher and
higher:
Bastard!
You bitch!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish:
Mother:
Rei:
No.
It really doesn't matter: now.
Nothing matters at all:
Nothing
ever
mattered...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was
all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any
defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from
myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who: are you: Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the
voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife.
Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I
used to be an Angel: of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaoru when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the
solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb.
One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A:Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaoru.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was
conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate
was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin
wound from the Lance: Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the
lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the
doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light
now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew.
The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces,
gun barrels. A single flash of white clove it in two.
Rei?
No.
No, Rei.
Rei!!!
The brilliance of light upon her shining body (was she: naked: here? I caught himself
thinking thoughts too deviant for the time and place). The pearly white turned out to be her
plugsuit as she calmly came closer, to the very feet of Unit 01.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning from Lilith to Rei, still on its knees and
bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced
before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaoru minutes ago, yet in full synch
just like her. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling
on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another, another, rushing
forward - to Rei, not just standing there but rushing to meet me.
Did I care what: which Rei was that? As Rei awkwardly laid her head on my shoulder, I saw a
bandage on her neck. Must be getting in the way so, Rei : and here are the uneven tresses, the
results of my haircut. Her eyes shone like living rubies as she lifted her face to mine. And
smiled.
The unknowing Rei who didn't recognize me in the First Cranial and then at her apartment had a
bandage over one eye. Nice idea, smart NERV asses, - when things start getting hot, get a clone
ready beforehand, just in case?
Rei and I embraced in the middle of the Terminal Dogma, in the dazzling light of Unit 01's eyes,
almost blind but needing no sight to melt in a kiss, almost too weak to stand but holding each
other.
-You: there: here: Thank you, Rei! You: you have been so... Made me feel, Rei. Made me
alive, Rei, my:
Then the right word struck me.
-My source. My moment of truth - whispered I in her ear.
-This moment is eternity - whispered Rei in his.
-I love you - came two whispers at once.
Commander Ikari held up till the end. The guards and tech staff fled before us, but Gendou
remained at the threshold, clutching a small box he seemed to push towards somebody - me,
Unit 01, Rei maybe.
-Stick it up your arschloch*, - said I, smiling to my father for maybe the second time in his (or
my?) life. Asuka would be proud of her linguistic influence.
Then we walked down the corridor, Rei's hand on my shoulder, my around her slim waist,
stopping to face each other and kiss again now and then. A good distance off Unit 01 followed in
our steps, a living assurance of our victory.
-Shinji, my love: Thank you for all of it.
-All of it? No, no, I've:
-Never mind.
The next morning, at breakfast, Rei suddenly blinked and gasped in recollection.
-Oh, Shinji-kun! We must get it! I must get it back, we'll need it: in case:
-Need what? What case?
-The Lance of Longinus, - said Rei with a smile, her eyes dreamy, - fly me to the moon.
*arschloch (Germ.) - asshole
*****************************************************************************
A Moment of Another Truth
As in ancient times, told my history lessons, foreign sailors trampled the crucifix on the shore of
Japan, so felt I standing in the NERV headquarters main lobby, the half-leaf symbol under my
feet. God's in his heaven maybe - but where does it get me? Just a symbol, an empty picture one
might find spray-painted on a subway station wall.
The hall was empty, a smell of burned plastics from somewhere lingered in the air. NERV was
sure not what it used to be.
-Shinji?
Professor Fuyutsuke's voice made me spin around.
-Did you come here on your own decision? I mean,:
-Yes, Fuyutsuke-sensei, I have.
I felt like asking questions as harsh as I felt the answers had to be, and frankly, Professor would
answer them better than:
-Commander Ikari, - began he.
He did not call him my father or things like that. Good of him. Then: why wasn't he saying
anything?
Shinji, you baka! He meant you. You are the Commander Ikari.
Which means: another Commander Ikari is no more. A silence worth a hundred words.
-How did it happen, Fuyutsuke-sensei?
-After IT happened, - he gave me a wry smile, - Commander Ikari sent a report to the European
HQ. He got an answer pretty soon, read it and then: He went to the Terminal Dogma and
there: Decided to settle some personal matters, I suppose. He shot Ritsuko. She's in bad
condition, but:
-Skip the Ritsuko part. Where are the others? Asuka? Misato? Tell me!
Speaking like my father? Perhaps. I will have to be very careful. It's a trap, an open pit I knew to
be waiting for me, within me. Seconds after being called Commander Ikari the spineless Shinji
talks like one: Rei, where are you? Could you help? No, it's not over. Nothing ever is over.
-As you say. It isn't a good idea to go shooting around in the NERV. Guards came and: he
fired at them. They returned fire.
-Is Asuka okay?
-I guess so. She's kept asleep most of the time, but in a couple of days you are welcome to visit.
-Where is Misato, Professor Fuyutsuke?
-Gone. Maybe she comes back, at least I hope.
-Me too. I'm going to miss her.
-Commander: Shinji, would you like to read that message? Just as I guessed. Here, some chairs
are still in place.
He handed me a folded printout.
"Gendou, my dear comrade. Thank you for your report, thank you and farewell. Under the
weight of so many mistakes it is no longer possible to continue what has been around for so long,
under different names - SEELE, GEHIRN, NERV.
After accusing so many people of incompetence, I now admit to being the biggest fool of you all.
A long, long time ago I fell in for the ravings of a long-dead fantasy writer. Yes, now I know the
truth is not written on fucking scraps of goatskin. Even if it was at the moment, the entities we
called Angels were neither dumb nor weak. They have changed.
I guess, and this guess is not a blind one, that were the Third Impact to occure sometime then,
Angels would have been more human-like - just strong enough for the few chosen warriors to
compete with using sword and spear.
All that happens now is completely unpredictable to me. I have already given orders to minimize
damage that might occur when this fact surfaces.
I have been blind. I have been.
I am no more.
May our successors be brighter.
Farewell.
Yours
Lorenz Kiel
P.S: Bury Adam. You know where. It is just a piece of dead flesh now".
-Thank you, Fuyutsuke-sensei. I have to go: I am sorry! - shouted I, rushing out of the
building.
The apartment was empty. Rei was away and the emptiness was complete, giving me time and
space to spread my thoughts far and wide.
Rei. She was everything to me. I loved her, I missed her all the brief hours since morning, I
needed her now and knew she needed me.
Asuka. We'll see her soon and hope things will be all right.
Misato. I miss her, too. All through this she's been:
The door opened, there were footsteps in the hall. Sliding the panel, Rei came in, and as I rushed
to hug her, she avoided my arms.
-Rei? What happened?
She looked up - somewhere in my direction, not in my eyes, and I saw she was weeping. Tear
after tear flowed from her ruby eyes, down her pale cheeks.
-Shinji-kun, - said Rei, - I have to tell you: The letter I wrote, I couldn't: hold it then,
couldn't keep myself: But now, I have to tell - her teeth gritted audibly, - I have talked with
Ritsuko. She: she told me everything!
-What? What did she tell you, my love? - said I, clumsily trying to embrace her, to touch her
quivering shoulders, to dry those tears with kisses, hoping the pill was sweetened and resolving
to be silent myself if it could help.
Rei backed off again, sinking on her knees before me - and before I knew, I was kneeling too.
-Don't, Shinji, don't touch me!
-But I want to!
-You won't when you know. When you know who am I.
I knew what exactly could Ritsuko tell Rei. Everything. Anger. Anger again - somebody made
Rei, my Rei suffer any more? Ritsuko? Shit, why was my late daddy so bad with guns! Hope he
did blow half her face off or something like this: damn. Thinking like Commander Ikari again,
now, when Rei cries before me:
-W-what happened, Rei? Tell me: please. Maybe you'll feel better.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice but broke down in sobs again. Burying her
face in her hands she sobbed on - words I couldn't quite understand. Words my brain couldn't
catch onto, but when it did: It felt like Unit 02 piloted by an enraged Asuka had me by the
throat, crushing and tearing at the very soul. Why did Ritsuko put her through this? What for?
-Genetic: DNA splicing: the code: Yui. Yui Ikari. I am half Yui Ikari, Shinji. I am: this
makes me your sister, doesn't it? What have we done: Or not:
-I know.
Yes, I did know, the sheer terror of that day in the Terminal Dogma surfacing back in my mind,
blanking out the light. What could this mean to her? Down the bottomless well and hitting the
bottom. My late daddy made himself a pack of toys to torture the memory of Mother! With the
help of his Ritsuko bitch! A bunch of daughters from beyond the grave! I almost wished I were
that NERV guard!!!
-And the other half, - heard I the voice that had to be my own.
-I have no father, - said Rei, - we have no father. There were many of us: of me made. Ritsuko
destroyed the rest.
-Don't mention that name to me again! Everrr!!! I know, too! I know everything!!!
Rei did not cringe or turn away this time. Rising her head with pride, she faced me and quietly
answered:
-So you know, Shinji. The other half is Lilith. I am an Angel.
I must have fainted then, for the next moment I remember something cool and moist was lying
on my forehead. The ceiling above was familiar, as if it mattered. Sure that Rei had left, I rose
and took the wet towel from my poor head.
Rei is gone. I have to find her, or everything would be in vain. With Unit 01 I could do anything.
It sucks to be omnipotent, sometimes - now that's when I get you, god in your heaven. Just call
out, reach for the link between me and the others within EVA, tell them to look for:
Hsssh - slid the panel and there was Rei, right before me. Gone to the kitchen for a glass of
water, while I pondered existence. Serves me right.
-Shinji, you:
In a flash of movement I seized her - almost forcibly, drawing her closer to me. She did not
resist, but was tense and tight against me, her heart beating madly and face turned away from
me, which brought her ear right to my lips.
-Rei-chan, listen to me please, Rei! I cannot: I made my choice, I fought for it. No. We made
the choice. We fought for each other and won! Don't desert me, Rei!
-Desert? Me desert you, Shinji? It's only the truth, if it wasn't so harsh, Shinji.
-Truth does not matter. We have: seen so many things lose meaning. Splicing, genes and
stuff: there is no proof to that, love.
Love. Three simple sounds, and Rei melted in my arms, almost accepting the unhoped-for,
turning her face to mine - just to say:
-But I am an Angel. Lilith.
-So what? Rei, I've fought and killed many Angels and I'll be damned if it made me feel right.
Maybe for killing Angels one has to atone. By loving one.
-Shinji:
-Rei:
Then we finally kissed.
*****************************************************************************
-You know, Shinji-kun - said Rei somewhere in the early morning when we finally had the want
to speak in coherent phrases, - I haven't told you all. Remember when you wasn't recognized? I
mean, when you thought you met me:
-I'd pay dear to get rid of this memory.
-Well, ummm: Shinji, I must tell you: I now: have a twin sister. Rei Three.
-I've seen her. Rushed to her, to your apartment like the fool I am.
-So, Shinji dear, here is a warning - be sure to tell us apart well!
-Tell you and: Three apart well? What:
-Asuka had right. You are thickheaded. As thickheaded as I can get: jealous. Blush on, blush -
I know: how irresistible you are to my kindred.
Rei said it with the broadest smile I've seen on her ever. God in heaven, it was a sly smile!
-For someone foaming at the mouth ("You mention Asuka? Get some of her style!") about
angelic genes you're getting pretty human!
-You mean, perhaps, humane?
-What was your Classic Literature mark, Wonder Girl?
-Twice as high as yours, Wonder Boy!
Then she did something right out of this world.
Rei Ayanami smacked me on the head with a pillow.
*****************************************************************************
Meek are the Blessed
We both were feeling nervous on the way to the hospital. Professor Fuyutsuke said Asuka was
"all right", but what could this mean for a man after years in NERV? Barely alive might be "all
right" enough, to say nothing of her mental state. If there was any state at all.
We were ready to face the worst. I felt Rei clutching my hand as we went through halls and
corridors, her fingers getting harder and harder on mine as we counted the rooms looking for
number 34. Please, please, pretty please, not a padded cell with barred windows.
The door wasn't locked and the room (damn, hospital rooms have become a second home to us
all) was bright with sunlight from an open window. Propped high in a mound of pillows there sat
Asuka. Pale and thin. Smiling at us.
Rei burst in tears as she seized Asuka's hand. I felt my vision clouding too and found no reason
to hold back. Asuka's warm fingers ruffed my hair.
-Thanks for coming here, Shinji, Rei. Thanks for everything, you two crybabies. So you had the
Third Impact all to yourselves, huh? Serves you right. Have you been weeping a lot, Rei? With
your eye color it's hard to guess.
-Yes. And for you, too. We were afraid, Asuka:
-Right. Afraid of my family's bad blood, yes? Wrong, and thank Shinji. The doctors say I was in
coma: until the moment Shinji-kun beat the shit out of my big red toy.
Big red toy? Asuka said that about Unit 02? Was I hearing things?
-Then I was: released. Could do anything - weep, too. Perhaps I'll never synchronize with
anything, - she yawned, - or perhaps any Eva's gonna follow me around like they say Shinji can
train them.
-You must have: sustained cranial injuries, Asuka?
-Pretty bold, big mister Gendou. I see you're really a man now. Men can: may cry and blush,
too. Finally, you two sorted it out. I'm: kind of happy. Mind if we have some small girl-talk
with Rei a bit later?
-No, Asuka-chan, of course not! Sorry for getting in the:
Asuka kicked me in the ribs weakly. As she stretched to relax after this effort, my eyes idly
roamed the room. A pile of books (Asuka never used to read much), a big black one lying open
on top. Two columns of quaint Gothic type - she must have been reading the Bible in German. I
picked it up - the next page was a picture, an engraving - an old man surrounded by a bunch of
young guys. The guys had a pair of white feathery wings each. This was God and these were his
Angels.
-Ah, Shinji's gotten hold of my Grandma's gift. What did you say in German when we synched
together, "Strudel", was it? It says such a lot of stuff about Angels. And blockheads like you,
too.
-Umm: about us?
-Yep, like "Meek are the blessed", kind of. Shinji-kun, could you please leave us to chatter?
I stood in the corridor waiting for Rei. When she opened the door and called me back to the
room, this was a surprise. An even bigger surprise was when she ducked outside, leaving me
alone with Asuka. And I thought the visit was already over :
-Come here, Shinji-kun.
I did, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
-There isn't much I can say to you, Shinji. I feel sorry for many things.
Asuka was sorry. If not for the last events, I'd get surprised.
-I feel sorry for being so hard to you. On the other hand, I feel sorry, - she grinned, - for not
getting as much of you as I wanted. God knows it would have been nice. You're the best, Shinji-
kun, I know. If you were not, I'd never let you have Rei!
Seeing my confusion, Asuka wiped the smile from her face.
-Okay, you here. I've never seen a couple so made for each other. Now that we've all grown:
Just be nice to her - you can. You will, Shinji - or you'll have to deal with old Asuka,
verdammt!
-Asuka - echoed I.
-Uh-huh. Remember, Shinji - it's not parting! Hope we'll be friends.
-Friends! Some people are better to have around as friends, you violent, bossing-around,
headstrong gajin woman! All you're good for is shouting bad words in German!
-Wow. Finally you've learned a pair of my lessons, Sinji. You are making me proud.
Bursting into laughter, we shook hands and wished each other luck.
-Shinji-kun, I heard you laugh together. It's so nice we still can laugh, - said Rei on the way
back.
-Expect it to happen again, Rei, soon.
-I do.
*****************************************************************************
Rheya
The day at the Geofront proved to be long. Longer than I supposed - fixing papers, setting up a
new user profile in the system under the guidance of Maya and Professor Fuyutsuke, even
synching for a try with one of the new production Evas - Unit 08. Nothing at all like 01, of
course. As soon as I thought about it from the control room, the thing snapped in 100% synch
and behaved like an obedient puppy.
-It walks, jumps, flies and uses an authentic reproduction of the authentic Lance of the authentic
Longinus, - said I to Fuyutsuke bitterly.
-So what, Ikari-san?
-Scrap them all.
-You suppose?
-Are you taking my orders? Then I repeat - they're worthless. Take my word, Professor - Asuka
could thrash the whole batch in under five minutes, if you fixed Unit 02. Not that I suggest
actually doing it. My late daddy made several faults in the dummy plug system, Fuyutsuke-
sensei. Using Kaoru's patterns, for instance. Delete them. Don't make me order EVAs to self-
destruct.
-What's wrong with Kaoru's patterns?
-Kaoru had a free will, but it was not a will to win. Not a will to live. So don't they.
-And what about Unit 01?
-She does not need a pilot now. Just build a proper storage unit, upgrade her external addons
from time to time and let me communicate with her sometimes. When there is need, it will warn
me. Or just set things straight herself - I'm inside it and trust myself pretty well.
-What do you mean by need, Ikari-san?
-Evas falling in the wrong hands. That is why I order to scrap the series and dismantle the
production equipment. Prepare a draft for the budget reconfiguration, please. And get me home,
I'm tired of all this.
A whole day of acting big in the Ikari style. There is no escape growing up, taking responsibility,
using and getting used to every side of my nature. Making decisions, solving problems, setting
tasks no longer felt alien or dirty just because it was his job.
I no longer despised what my father did. In all his mistakes, he has left me a legacy and the
ability to handle it. The will, too. My father's will.
Fuyutsuke convinced me to retain transport and security of the former head of NERV, now that I
was the only pilot. I, on the other hand, convinced him to let me live in Misato's old apartment.
So when I turned the familiar doorknob and was greeted by noises, my first thought was of her
returning. Boy was I wrong. Two pairs of hands caught me in the darkened corridor.
-At last!
-The Boss is home!
-Have you finished taking NERV apart?
-Did you send the Evas to a pet shop?
Giggling, both Rei and Asuka were over me, dragging me into the living room.
-Surprise!
And surprise it was. Sitting on a pillow in a corner there was Rei Three. She looked confused
and shocked a bit. Poor girl, I understood what she felt being dragged to the real world by Asuka
and Rei with her newly found joie de vivre. Still, she coped well - Rei's always been strong and
intelligent, no matter how many emotions there were in her personal memory. Rei Three rose
and bowed politely. She gave a small polite smile, too - as if testing what she could do with her
face, her lips, her eyes.
-So, you came just in time for a formal introduction, Shinji. Shinji-san, let me introduce you to
Miss Rheya Ayanami. Rheya, this is Shinji Ikari.
She bowed once more and cast her eyes down - much like a porcelain doll, but no longer one.
-Nice to meet you, Shinji.
-Nice to meet you, Rheya. Thanks for the formal part, Asuka.
-We've been making it up right here before you stumbled in, Shinji-kun.
-Making what, Rei?
-The name, baka, - answered Asuka impatiently, - you cannot have two girls who look just the
same under one name, can you?
-We've considered Reiha first, but it sounded too cold, - whispered Rei in my ear.
-Now let's party!
-Your favourite, Shinji. Have some.
-Would you pass me the sauce, Rheya?
Sooner or later, there comes a lull in every party. On the couch there sat a worn out from a long
day Asuka, almost as quiet as Rheya - who in turn drifted back to the same pillow. While Rei
went to the kitchen for tea supplies (after an argument with Asuka about "shall we really drink it
or have a ceremony"), Rheya suddenly asked:
-Shinji-san, is this yours?
She was pointing: of course. My cello case. The poor deserted instrument in the corner. How
long haven't I laid a hand on it - a week? A month? Sounded like a whole life.
-Yep, Shinji-kun, why don't you treat us to some? Don't try to say you have forgotten which end
to pluck.
That sounded nice. As I got myself ready, my thoughts wandered across the humble repertoire.
Really, this wasn't a time for Beethoven. Deciding to let the hands do the work, I picked the bow
then and touched the strings as my thoughts wandered on.
No, this wasn't forgetting - the sound came flowing as hardly ever before. A few strings from
here and there to get in the mood, and then:
I realized Asuka was staring at me, obviously recognizing the melody, and Rei with the tea tray
staring at her in obvious ignorance and Rheya just enjoying the music. Without missing a key, I
realized as well what was I playing to them.
Fluent as my teachers hardly ever hoped and even improvising a little along the way, my hands
called forth the sweetest chords of the interlude from Metallica's Master of Puppets. I fouled the
next staccato part miserably and partly on purpose.
*****************************************************************************
HOPE
-Come to mama, Yui. Daddy's busy right now.
Rei picked our daughter up and cradled Yui in her arms. The huge realm of Geofront was almost
empty - I turned down all the amusement park offers in due time, now that I was of legal age and
in nominal as well as practical control. Just the lake, the grass and the single shaft system
remained, seven years later.
Free of restraints, free of cables, free of the unneeded false armour there stood what once was
EVA Unit 01. An entity of divine power, the guardian of peace, the memorial.
To my mother. To three Angels - Lilith, Zeruel and Tabriz. To the memories of Rei. To the
Shinji Ikari that died and was reborn within it. The monument to my old hopes, beliefs and
aspirations - and the foundation of my new ones.
I slowly went around footwalks encircling the shaft , descending tier after tier to the very feet of
her. The view was majestic - the new set of wings folded behind her back in a cascade of pure
white, the sleek bulge on her left forearm concealing a new positron rifle, the scarlet double helix
in her right hand - the Lance of Longinus. EVA One, the only - the one and only component of
my job - the Humanity Open Project Evangelion.
"There's stuff to pilot beside Eva" - said Asuka as she boarded the shuttle from Baikonur to the
lunar orbit three years ago. She had to part with her long hair for the astronaut training program
but said Moon and then the upcoming Mars was worth it. On the other hand, Rei never let hers
be cut since, by me or anybody else, and as she chased little Yui across the lawn, her hair
streamed along like a strand of the sky itself. Our Yui, our little wonder inherited the color, too -
a small surprise compared to her birth itself, despite whatever Rei was assured back then.
There isn't much more to say. We had an interesting mix of careers in the company - Rei
majored in biology from Tokyo U and was a consultant for a genetic-medical company.
Asuka took electronics by correspondence from Germany and extensive piloting courses - fixed-
wing, rotary lift, fixed-wing turboprop, transathmospheric at the age of nineteen, whatever. After
a brief stunt of service with the Japan Regional Tactical Fighter Squadron she moved off (or
rather was forced) to the UN Space Corps and spent a good half of the last year in orbit,
returning full of enthusiasm and dropping photos of herself floating in zero-g hand in hand with
a certain lieutenant all over the place.
Unlike her sister, Rheya preferred computer sciences at Mass.Tech. and her natural talent
(combined with Ritsuke's backup file collection I discreetly gave her as a birthday present) soon
had her among the most powerful figures of the Deep Wired. She never became as social as
Asuka or even Rei but found her own happiness with a bright classmate and is expecting to add
another to the Gendou-Ayanami family right now.
Misato returned a couple of years later, too. She almost made me "get a proper shave and
haircut", but reconciled, saying she wasn't the only one who wanted to remember Kaij.
You've given me so much. Thank you all!
*****************************************************************************
The copyright/info schtuff:
Neon Genesis Evangelion is c Gainax 1998.
Being reasonable, I did not ask for permissions - gomen.
This Moment Is Eternity is a song by Nightwish (Angels Fall First (huh. What a name for an
album: Highly recommended), 1997)
Rheya is the name of the woman recreated twice by the Ocean in Stanislaw Lem's Solaris.
Reiha is the name of the snow spirit in The Vampire Princess Miyu TV series.
Master of Puppets really does exist in cello cover version (Apocalyptica Plays Metallica By Four
Cellos, 1998)
Tactical Fighter Squadron: well, is Tactical Fighter Squadron.
Larnir Wilfrey Haigh, 2002
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 1. The Moment of Truth
Part 2. A Moment of Another Truth
Part 3. Meek are the Blessed
Part 4. Rheya
Part 5. HOPE
From the author:
Although this piece of fanfiction is quite strictly based on the original Shin Seiki Evangelion
series, it has been intended as an alternative ending to Evangelion - The One I Love (www.
geocities.com/nge_toli). Hence, for instance the reference to Kaoru as a girl. The Source takes
on from TOLI Chapter 11, "Where Angels Fear To Tread". I thank Alain Gravel and all the
other contributors to the TOLI project for the inspiration.
Spoiler- this is a Shinji/Rei story. If you are primarily an Asuka fan, you may find here less then
you expected. She is treated with deep respect and plays her role here, but doesn't get the boy ?
*****************************************************************************
Part 1. The Moment of Truth
The First Angel. It had destroyed half of humanity. It had killed Misato's father. Because of it, I
eventually lost both my mother and father.
The Third Angel. It nearly killed Rei. It tried to kill me, it hurt me. It hurt Touji's sister.
The Fifth Angel. Rei nearly sacrificed herself to save me from it.
The Eighth Angel. I had barely saved Asuka that time.
The Thirteenth Angel. Touji had lost an arm and a leg because of it.
The Fourteenth Angel. It nearly killed Rei and Asuka.
The Fifteenth Angel. It raped Asuka's mind. She had left because of it, I was sure.
The Sixteenth Angel. To kill it, Rei gave up her life.
Each time I remembered how an Angel had brought pain in our lives, my anger rose. Enough to
eventually forget the girl I had known as Kaoru and in its place see a monster.
The fingers: my fingers started to close around Kaoru, cold metal around frail flesh: who's
frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something
soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer: just a moist spot,
a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it
was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains
clung to the metal: but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I
saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now
in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's
hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging
with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my left hand, numbness creeping higher and
higher:
Bastard!
You bitch!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish:
Mother:
Rei:
No.
It really doesn't matter: now.
Nothing matters at all:
Nothing
ever
mattered...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was
all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any
defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from
myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who: are you: Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the
voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife.
Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I
used to be an Angel: of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaoru when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the
solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb.
One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A:Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaoru.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was
conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate
was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin
wound from the Lance: Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the
lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the
doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light
now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew.
The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces,
gun barrels. A single flash of white clove it in two.
Rei?
No.
No, Rei.
Rei!!!
The brilliance of light upon her shining body (was she: naked: here? I caught himself
thinking thoughts too deviant for the time and place). The pearly white turned out to be her
plugsuit as she calmly came closer, to the very feet of Unit 01.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning from Lilith to Rei, still on its knees and
bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced
before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaoru minutes ago, yet in full synch
just like her. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling
on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another, another, rushing
forward - to Rei, not just standing there but rushing to meet me.
Did I care what: which Rei was that? As Rei awkwardly laid her head on my shoulder, I saw a
bandage on her neck. Must be getting in the way so, Rei : and here are the uneven tresses, the
results of my haircut. Her eyes shone like living rubies as she lifted her face to mine. And
smiled.
The unknowing Rei who didn't recognize me in the First Cranial and then at her apartment had a
bandage over one eye. Nice idea, smart NERV asses, - when things start getting hot, get a clone
ready beforehand, just in case?
Rei and I embraced in the middle of the Terminal Dogma, in the dazzling light of Unit 01's eyes,
almost blind but needing no sight to melt in a kiss, almost too weak to stand but holding each
other.
-You: there: here: Thank you, Rei! You: you have been so... Made me feel, Rei. Made me
alive, Rei, my:
Then the right word struck me.
-My source. My moment of truth - whispered I in her ear.
-This moment is eternity - whispered Rei in his.
-I love you - came two whispers at once.
Commander Ikari held up till the end. The guards and tech staff fled before us, but Gendou
remained at the threshold, clutching a small box he seemed to push towards somebody - me,
Unit 01, Rei maybe.
-Stick it up your arschloch*, - said I, smiling to my father for maybe the second time in his (or
my?) life. Asuka would be proud of her linguistic influence.
Then we walked down the corridor, Rei's hand on my shoulder, my around her slim waist,
stopping to face each other and kiss again now and then. A good distance off Unit 01 followed in
our steps, a living assurance of our victory.
-Shinji, my love: Thank you for all of it.
-All of it? No, no, I've:
-Never mind.
The next morning, at breakfast, Rei suddenly blinked and gasped in recollection.
-Oh, Shinji-kun! We must get it! I must get it back, we'll need it: in case:
-Need what? What case?
-The Lance of Longinus, - said Rei with a smile, her eyes dreamy, - fly me to the moon.
*arschloch (Germ.) - asshole
*****************************************************************************
A Moment of Another Truth
As in ancient times, told my history lessons, foreign sailors trampled the crucifix on the shore of
Japan, so felt I standing in the NERV headquarters main lobby, the half-leaf symbol under my
feet. God's in his heaven maybe - but where does it get me? Just a symbol, an empty picture one
might find spray-painted on a subway station wall.
The hall was empty, a smell of burned plastics from somewhere lingered in the air. NERV was
sure not what it used to be.
-Shinji?
Professor Fuyutsuke's voice made me spin around.
-Did you come here on your own decision? I mean,:
-Yes, Fuyutsuke-sensei, I have.
I felt like asking questions as harsh as I felt the answers had to be, and frankly, Professor would
answer them better than:
-Commander Ikari, - began he.
He did not call him my father or things like that. Good of him. Then: why wasn't he saying
anything?
Shinji, you baka! He meant you. You are the Commander Ikari.
Which means: another Commander Ikari is no more. A silence worth a hundred words.
-How did it happen, Fuyutsuke-sensei?
-After IT happened, - he gave me a wry smile, - Commander Ikari sent a report to the European
HQ. He got an answer pretty soon, read it and then: He went to the Terminal Dogma and
there: Decided to settle some personal matters, I suppose. He shot Ritsuko. She's in bad
condition, but:
-Skip the Ritsuko part. Where are the others? Asuka? Misato? Tell me!
Speaking like my father? Perhaps. I will have to be very careful. It's a trap, an open pit I knew to
be waiting for me, within me. Seconds after being called Commander Ikari the spineless Shinji
talks like one: Rei, where are you? Could you help? No, it's not over. Nothing ever is over.
-As you say. It isn't a good idea to go shooting around in the NERV. Guards came and: he
fired at them. They returned fire.
-Is Asuka okay?
-I guess so. She's kept asleep most of the time, but in a couple of days you are welcome to visit.
-Where is Misato, Professor Fuyutsuke?
-Gone. Maybe she comes back, at least I hope.
-Me too. I'm going to miss her.
-Commander: Shinji, would you like to read that message? Just as I guessed. Here, some chairs
are still in place.
He handed me a folded printout.
"Gendou, my dear comrade. Thank you for your report, thank you and farewell. Under the
weight of so many mistakes it is no longer possible to continue what has been around for so long,
under different names - SEELE, GEHIRN, NERV.
After accusing so many people of incompetence, I now admit to being the biggest fool of you all.
A long, long time ago I fell in for the ravings of a long-dead fantasy writer. Yes, now I know the
truth is not written on fucking scraps of goatskin. Even if it was at the moment, the entities we
called Angels were neither dumb nor weak. They have changed.
I guess, and this guess is not a blind one, that were the Third Impact to occure sometime then,
Angels would have been more human-like - just strong enough for the few chosen warriors to
compete with using sword and spear.
All that happens now is completely unpredictable to me. I have already given orders to minimize
damage that might occur when this fact surfaces.
I have been blind. I have been.
I am no more.
May our successors be brighter.
Farewell.
Yours
Lorenz Kiel
P.S: Bury Adam. You know where. It is just a piece of dead flesh now".
-Thank you, Fuyutsuke-sensei. I have to go: I am sorry! - shouted I, rushing out of the
building.
The apartment was empty. Rei was away and the emptiness was complete, giving me time and
space to spread my thoughts far and wide.
Rei. She was everything to me. I loved her, I missed her all the brief hours since morning, I
needed her now and knew she needed me.
Asuka. We'll see her soon and hope things will be all right.
Misato. I miss her, too. All through this she's been:
The door opened, there were footsteps in the hall. Sliding the panel, Rei came in, and as I rushed
to hug her, she avoided my arms.
-Rei? What happened?
She looked up - somewhere in my direction, not in my eyes, and I saw she was weeping. Tear
after tear flowed from her ruby eyes, down her pale cheeks.
-Shinji-kun, - said Rei, - I have to tell you: The letter I wrote, I couldn't: hold it then,
couldn't keep myself: But now, I have to tell - her teeth gritted audibly, - I have talked with
Ritsuko. She: she told me everything!
-What? What did she tell you, my love? - said I, clumsily trying to embrace her, to touch her
quivering shoulders, to dry those tears with kisses, hoping the pill was sweetened and resolving
to be silent myself if it could help.
Rei backed off again, sinking on her knees before me - and before I knew, I was kneeling too.
-Don't, Shinji, don't touch me!
-But I want to!
-You won't when you know. When you know who am I.
I knew what exactly could Ritsuko tell Rei. Everything. Anger. Anger again - somebody made
Rei, my Rei suffer any more? Ritsuko? Shit, why was my late daddy so bad with guns! Hope he
did blow half her face off or something like this: damn. Thinking like Commander Ikari again,
now, when Rei cries before me:
-W-what happened, Rei? Tell me: please. Maybe you'll feel better.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice but broke down in sobs again. Burying her
face in her hands she sobbed on - words I couldn't quite understand. Words my brain couldn't
catch onto, but when it did: It felt like Unit 02 piloted by an enraged Asuka had me by the
throat, crushing and tearing at the very soul. Why did Ritsuko put her through this? What for?
-Genetic: DNA splicing: the code: Yui. Yui Ikari. I am half Yui Ikari, Shinji. I am: this
makes me your sister, doesn't it? What have we done: Or not:
-I know.
Yes, I did know, the sheer terror of that day in the Terminal Dogma surfacing back in my mind,
blanking out the light. What could this mean to her? Down the bottomless well and hitting the
bottom. My late daddy made himself a pack of toys to torture the memory of Mother! With the
help of his Ritsuko bitch! A bunch of daughters from beyond the grave! I almost wished I were
that NERV guard!!!
-And the other half, - heard I the voice that had to be my own.
-I have no father, - said Rei, - we have no father. There were many of us: of me made. Ritsuko
destroyed the rest.
-Don't mention that name to me again! Everrr!!! I know, too! I know everything!!!
Rei did not cringe or turn away this time. Rising her head with pride, she faced me and quietly
answered:
-So you know, Shinji. The other half is Lilith. I am an Angel.
I must have fainted then, for the next moment I remember something cool and moist was lying
on my forehead. The ceiling above was familiar, as if it mattered. Sure that Rei had left, I rose
and took the wet towel from my poor head.
Rei is gone. I have to find her, or everything would be in vain. With Unit 01 I could do anything.
It sucks to be omnipotent, sometimes - now that's when I get you, god in your heaven. Just call
out, reach for the link between me and the others within EVA, tell them to look for:
Hsssh - slid the panel and there was Rei, right before me. Gone to the kitchen for a glass of
water, while I pondered existence. Serves me right.
-Shinji, you:
In a flash of movement I seized her - almost forcibly, drawing her closer to me. She did not
resist, but was tense and tight against me, her heart beating madly and face turned away from
me, which brought her ear right to my lips.
-Rei-chan, listen to me please, Rei! I cannot: I made my choice, I fought for it. No. We made
the choice. We fought for each other and won! Don't desert me, Rei!
-Desert? Me desert you, Shinji? It's only the truth, if it wasn't so harsh, Shinji.
-Truth does not matter. We have: seen so many things lose meaning. Splicing, genes and
stuff: there is no proof to that, love.
Love. Three simple sounds, and Rei melted in my arms, almost accepting the unhoped-for,
turning her face to mine - just to say:
-But I am an Angel. Lilith.
-So what? Rei, I've fought and killed many Angels and I'll be damned if it made me feel right.
Maybe for killing Angels one has to atone. By loving one.
-Shinji:
-Rei:
Then we finally kissed.
*****************************************************************************
-You know, Shinji-kun - said Rei somewhere in the early morning when we finally had the want
to speak in coherent phrases, - I haven't told you all. Remember when you wasn't recognized? I
mean, when you thought you met me:
-I'd pay dear to get rid of this memory.
-Well, ummm: Shinji, I must tell you: I now: have a twin sister. Rei Three.
-I've seen her. Rushed to her, to your apartment like the fool I am.
-So, Shinji dear, here is a warning - be sure to tell us apart well!
-Tell you and: Three apart well? What:
-Asuka had right. You are thickheaded. As thickheaded as I can get: jealous. Blush on, blush -
I know: how irresistible you are to my kindred.
Rei said it with the broadest smile I've seen on her ever. God in heaven, it was a sly smile!
-For someone foaming at the mouth ("You mention Asuka? Get some of her style!") about
angelic genes you're getting pretty human!
-You mean, perhaps, humane?
-What was your Classic Literature mark, Wonder Girl?
-Twice as high as yours, Wonder Boy!
Then she did something right out of this world.
Rei Ayanami smacked me on the head with a pillow.
*****************************************************************************
Meek are the Blessed
We both were feeling nervous on the way to the hospital. Professor Fuyutsuke said Asuka was
"all right", but what could this mean for a man after years in NERV? Barely alive might be "all
right" enough, to say nothing of her mental state. If there was any state at all.
We were ready to face the worst. I felt Rei clutching my hand as we went through halls and
corridors, her fingers getting harder and harder on mine as we counted the rooms looking for
number 34. Please, please, pretty please, not a padded cell with barred windows.
The door wasn't locked and the room (damn, hospital rooms have become a second home to us
all) was bright with sunlight from an open window. Propped high in a mound of pillows there sat
Asuka. Pale and thin. Smiling at us.
Rei burst in tears as she seized Asuka's hand. I felt my vision clouding too and found no reason
to hold back. Asuka's warm fingers ruffed my hair.
-Thanks for coming here, Shinji, Rei. Thanks for everything, you two crybabies. So you had the
Third Impact all to yourselves, huh? Serves you right. Have you been weeping a lot, Rei? With
your eye color it's hard to guess.
-Yes. And for you, too. We were afraid, Asuka:
-Right. Afraid of my family's bad blood, yes? Wrong, and thank Shinji. The doctors say I was in
coma: until the moment Shinji-kun beat the shit out of my big red toy.
Big red toy? Asuka said that about Unit 02? Was I hearing things?
-Then I was: released. Could do anything - weep, too. Perhaps I'll never synchronize with
anything, - she yawned, - or perhaps any Eva's gonna follow me around like they say Shinji can
train them.
-You must have: sustained cranial injuries, Asuka?
-Pretty bold, big mister Gendou. I see you're really a man now. Men can: may cry and blush,
too. Finally, you two sorted it out. I'm: kind of happy. Mind if we have some small girl-talk
with Rei a bit later?
-No, Asuka-chan, of course not! Sorry for getting in the:
Asuka kicked me in the ribs weakly. As she stretched to relax after this effort, my eyes idly
roamed the room. A pile of books (Asuka never used to read much), a big black one lying open
on top. Two columns of quaint Gothic type - she must have been reading the Bible in German. I
picked it up - the next page was a picture, an engraving - an old man surrounded by a bunch of
young guys. The guys had a pair of white feathery wings each. This was God and these were his
Angels.
-Ah, Shinji's gotten hold of my Grandma's gift. What did you say in German when we synched
together, "Strudel", was it? It says such a lot of stuff about Angels. And blockheads like you,
too.
-Umm: about us?
-Yep, like "Meek are the blessed", kind of. Shinji-kun, could you please leave us to chatter?
I stood in the corridor waiting for Rei. When she opened the door and called me back to the
room, this was a surprise. An even bigger surprise was when she ducked outside, leaving me
alone with Asuka. And I thought the visit was already over :
-Come here, Shinji-kun.
I did, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
-There isn't much I can say to you, Shinji. I feel sorry for many things.
Asuka was sorry. If not for the last events, I'd get surprised.
-I feel sorry for being so hard to you. On the other hand, I feel sorry, - she grinned, - for not
getting as much of you as I wanted. God knows it would have been nice. You're the best, Shinji-
kun, I know. If you were not, I'd never let you have Rei!
Seeing my confusion, Asuka wiped the smile from her face.
-Okay, you here. I've never seen a couple so made for each other. Now that we've all grown:
Just be nice to her - you can. You will, Shinji - or you'll have to deal with old Asuka,
verdammt!
-Asuka - echoed I.
-Uh-huh. Remember, Shinji - it's not parting! Hope we'll be friends.
-Friends! Some people are better to have around as friends, you violent, bossing-around,
headstrong gajin woman! All you're good for is shouting bad words in German!
-Wow. Finally you've learned a pair of my lessons, Sinji. You are making me proud.
Bursting into laughter, we shook hands and wished each other luck.
-Shinji-kun, I heard you laugh together. It's so nice we still can laugh, - said Rei on the way
back.
-Expect it to happen again, Rei, soon.
-I do.
*****************************************************************************
Rheya
The day at the Geofront proved to be long. Longer than I supposed - fixing papers, setting up a
new user profile in the system under the guidance of Maya and Professor Fuyutsuke, even
synching for a try with one of the new production Evas - Unit 08. Nothing at all like 01, of
course. As soon as I thought about it from the control room, the thing snapped in 100% synch
and behaved like an obedient puppy.
-It walks, jumps, flies and uses an authentic reproduction of the authentic Lance of the authentic
Longinus, - said I to Fuyutsuke bitterly.
-So what, Ikari-san?
-Scrap them all.
-You suppose?
-Are you taking my orders? Then I repeat - they're worthless. Take my word, Professor - Asuka
could thrash the whole batch in under five minutes, if you fixed Unit 02. Not that I suggest
actually doing it. My late daddy made several faults in the dummy plug system, Fuyutsuke-
sensei. Using Kaoru's patterns, for instance. Delete them. Don't make me order EVAs to self-
destruct.
-What's wrong with Kaoru's patterns?
-Kaoru had a free will, but it was not a will to win. Not a will to live. So don't they.
-And what about Unit 01?
-She does not need a pilot now. Just build a proper storage unit, upgrade her external addons
from time to time and let me communicate with her sometimes. When there is need, it will warn
me. Or just set things straight herself - I'm inside it and trust myself pretty well.
-What do you mean by need, Ikari-san?
-Evas falling in the wrong hands. That is why I order to scrap the series and dismantle the
production equipment. Prepare a draft for the budget reconfiguration, please. And get me home,
I'm tired of all this.
A whole day of acting big in the Ikari style. There is no escape growing up, taking responsibility,
using and getting used to every side of my nature. Making decisions, solving problems, setting
tasks no longer felt alien or dirty just because it was his job.
I no longer despised what my father did. In all his mistakes, he has left me a legacy and the
ability to handle it. The will, too. My father's will.
Fuyutsuke convinced me to retain transport and security of the former head of NERV, now that I
was the only pilot. I, on the other hand, convinced him to let me live in Misato's old apartment.
So when I turned the familiar doorknob and was greeted by noises, my first thought was of her
returning. Boy was I wrong. Two pairs of hands caught me in the darkened corridor.
-At last!
-The Boss is home!
-Have you finished taking NERV apart?
-Did you send the Evas to a pet shop?
Giggling, both Rei and Asuka were over me, dragging me into the living room.
-Surprise!
And surprise it was. Sitting on a pillow in a corner there was Rei Three. She looked confused
and shocked a bit. Poor girl, I understood what she felt being dragged to the real world by Asuka
and Rei with her newly found joie de vivre. Still, she coped well - Rei's always been strong and
intelligent, no matter how many emotions there were in her personal memory. Rei Three rose
and bowed politely. She gave a small polite smile, too - as if testing what she could do with her
face, her lips, her eyes.
-So, you came just in time for a formal introduction, Shinji. Shinji-san, let me introduce you to
Miss Rheya Ayanami. Rheya, this is Shinji Ikari.
She bowed once more and cast her eyes down - much like a porcelain doll, but no longer one.
-Nice to meet you, Shinji.
-Nice to meet you, Rheya. Thanks for the formal part, Asuka.
-We've been making it up right here before you stumbled in, Shinji-kun.
-Making what, Rei?
-The name, baka, - answered Asuka impatiently, - you cannot have two girls who look just the
same under one name, can you?
-We've considered Reiha first, but it sounded too cold, - whispered Rei in my ear.
-Now let's party!
-Your favourite, Shinji. Have some.
-Would you pass me the sauce, Rheya?
Sooner or later, there comes a lull in every party. On the couch there sat a worn out from a long
day Asuka, almost as quiet as Rheya - who in turn drifted back to the same pillow. While Rei
went to the kitchen for tea supplies (after an argument with Asuka about "shall we really drink it
or have a ceremony"), Rheya suddenly asked:
-Shinji-san, is this yours?
She was pointing: of course. My cello case. The poor deserted instrument in the corner. How
long haven't I laid a hand on it - a week? A month? Sounded like a whole life.
-Yep, Shinji-kun, why don't you treat us to some? Don't try to say you have forgotten which end
to pluck.
That sounded nice. As I got myself ready, my thoughts wandered across the humble repertoire.
Really, this wasn't a time for Beethoven. Deciding to let the hands do the work, I picked the bow
then and touched the strings as my thoughts wandered on.
No, this wasn't forgetting - the sound came flowing as hardly ever before. A few strings from
here and there to get in the mood, and then:
I realized Asuka was staring at me, obviously recognizing the melody, and Rei with the tea tray
staring at her in obvious ignorance and Rheya just enjoying the music. Without missing a key, I
realized as well what was I playing to them.
Fluent as my teachers hardly ever hoped and even improvising a little along the way, my hands
called forth the sweetest chords of the interlude from Metallica's Master of Puppets. I fouled the
next staccato part miserably and partly on purpose.
*****************************************************************************
HOPE
-Come to mama, Yui. Daddy's busy right now.
Rei picked our daughter up and cradled Yui in her arms. The huge realm of Geofront was almost
empty - I turned down all the amusement park offers in due time, now that I was of legal age and
in nominal as well as practical control. Just the lake, the grass and the single shaft system
remained, seven years later.
Free of restraints, free of cables, free of the unneeded false armour there stood what once was
EVA Unit 01. An entity of divine power, the guardian of peace, the memorial.
To my mother. To three Angels - Lilith, Zeruel and Tabriz. To the memories of Rei. To the
Shinji Ikari that died and was reborn within it. The monument to my old hopes, beliefs and
aspirations - and the foundation of my new ones.
I slowly went around footwalks encircling the shaft , descending tier after tier to the very feet of
her. The view was majestic - the new set of wings folded behind her back in a cascade of pure
white, the sleek bulge on her left forearm concealing a new positron rifle, the scarlet double helix
in her right hand - the Lance of Longinus. EVA One, the only - the one and only component of
my job - the Humanity Open Project Evangelion.
"There's stuff to pilot beside Eva" - said Asuka as she boarded the shuttle from Baikonur to the
lunar orbit three years ago. She had to part with her long hair for the astronaut training program
but said Moon and then the upcoming Mars was worth it. On the other hand, Rei never let hers
be cut since, by me or anybody else, and as she chased little Yui across the lawn, her hair
streamed along like a strand of the sky itself. Our Yui, our little wonder inherited the color, too -
a small surprise compared to her birth itself, despite whatever Rei was assured back then.
There isn't much more to say. We had an interesting mix of careers in the company - Rei
majored in biology from Tokyo U and was a consultant for a genetic-medical company.
Asuka took electronics by correspondence from Germany and extensive piloting courses - fixed-
wing, rotary lift, fixed-wing turboprop, transathmospheric at the age of nineteen, whatever. After
a brief stunt of service with the Japan Regional Tactical Fighter Squadron she moved off (or
rather was forced) to the UN Space Corps and spent a good half of the last year in orbit,
returning full of enthusiasm and dropping photos of herself floating in zero-g hand in hand with
a certain lieutenant all over the place.
Unlike her sister, Rheya preferred computer sciences at Mass.Tech. and her natural talent
(combined with Ritsuke's backup file collection I discreetly gave her as a birthday present) soon
had her among the most powerful figures of the Deep Wired. She never became as social as
Asuka or even Rei but found her own happiness with a bright classmate and is expecting to add
another to the Gendou-Ayanami family right now.
Misato returned a couple of years later, too. She almost made me "get a proper shave and
haircut", but reconciled, saying she wasn't the only one who wanted to remember Kaij.
You've given me so much. Thank you all!
*****************************************************************************
The copyright/info schtuff:
Neon Genesis Evangelion is c Gainax 1998.
Being reasonable, I did not ask for permissions - gomen.
This Moment Is Eternity is a song by Nightwish (Angels Fall First (huh. What a name for an
album: Highly recommended), 1997)
Rheya is the name of the woman recreated twice by the Ocean in Stanislaw Lem's Solaris.
Reiha is the name of the snow spirit in The Vampire Princess Miyu TV series.
Master of Puppets really does exist in cello cover version (Apocalyptica Plays Metallica By Four
Cellos, 1998)
Tactical Fighter Squadron: well, is Tactical Fighter Squadron.
Larnir Wilfrey Haigh, 2002