"Cas…Sam's trapped in hell. In the cage," the haggard voice tells me.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of hell is the darkness. Then it is of the man I rescued…the Righteous man. The man I look at now, the man who looks so worn and tired; whose own soul reflects the same. It doesn't burn as bright as it did when I first caught a glimpse of it in hell all those years ago.
In the darkness surrounded by chains screaming for anyone to help was the soul of Dean Winchester, we were there to answer his prayers. I first admit I wasn't impressed with this soul. I doubted that this was truly the "Righteous Man" that we were to save.
I can even recall the day he first slew blood, the day he broke. The demons rejoiced. We kept fighting for now the Apocalypse was started and only he could stop it now. My first thoughts then were how weak this man must be. He surely knew we were there fighting for him. Some of us had even gotten close to saving him.
In the end, I saved him and I saw how truly this soul was special. He had been broke for some time now and his soul was as bright as it was the day I first went to battle for it. All that I thought was how could this be? He tortured so many. His eyes turned to me as he saw me. I waited for the blackness of demon eyes to bleed into the green but it never came.
He rushed me in attack. I let him knowing he couldn't harm me. I spoke softly saying, "I'm here to save you."
He paused looking at me as if questioning what I said. Now of course knowing him as I do he was. Probably even thought I was not telling him the truth and would betray him. I never waited for him to say anything. I grabbed him rather roughly and took off announcing our victory as loud as I could. He fought me throughout our journey out of hell. "I'm the angel Castiel."
I felt him try to pull away could feel his doubt, his fear. "You are safe Dean. I heard your prayers and will help you."
He seemed to quite after that. I restored him to his body. As an angel we are unimpressed with our Father's creation of these mud monkeys, though I found myself bonded to this man. I left him to await my next orders.
"Cas?" his green eyes look intently at me, trying to gage my reaction to the news of Sam.
"I got him out of the cage once…I could do it again…I think." I'm not sure of my ability to do anything anymore. When I rescued Sam the first time I was so sure of myself.
I know now I did it for Dean and will do it again for him. The time I rescued Sam comes to mind as I figure out how I could go about it this time around. I went alone, sure that I could do it after all I rescued the Righteous Man, learn of free will, was destroyed by Lucifer himself, and brought back more powerful than before.
I spied him in the cage being tormented by the two archangels, they at first paid me no heed but as I got closer. Lucifer saw me. He joked and asked if upstairs got boring without the Apocalypse. I paid him no attention. I only kept my eyes on Sam. He pleaded with me to save him, to bring him back to his brother.
"Dude…no offence or anything but the first time didn't go so well."
He's right of course. I did the spell and wards. I grabbed Sam with all my might. He felt different than Dean in that moment. I assured myself that it was because of Sam's demon blood, it polluted him. Now as I think back at it I heard Lucifer laughing at me "See you soon, Castiel." I know now that he figured I would realize later that Sam's soul was missing and I would return to get that as well.
"What's the other way?"
Dean gives me a look. I don't understand it. He says nothing at first just rubbing his hands over his face. I know he doesn't think I'm strong enough anymore. I'm not. I doubt I could even fly in and out of hell. My wings are shredded they hardly look impressive anymore.
I can picture Dean's face when he saw me in Jimmy for the first time as I stretched out my wings. They were ragged from the battle of his soul. I was not pleased with them then but now I would envy those wings on me now. He was impressed and in awe, as he should be when I did. I was after all an angel of the Lord.
I am hardly now. I'm somewhere between angel and human at this point. Dean would never look so impressed at my tattered wings now.
"I don't know. But we'll find one. We always do."
I don't say anything. For what is there to say. Crowley, Rowena and Sam walked down to Hell maybe just maybe I could. I have to help someway. "And of Amara?"
Dean begins to say bits and pieces. I know something is going on that he's not saying but I don't force him. I want to ask why he doesn't trust me anymore. Why our friendship is on the brink? What changed between us?
I know the answer to the last question. It was when I became human, when Metatron tricked me. Sam was doing the trials and was dying. I didn't answer his prayers. I couldn't help. I was useless. I couldn't save Sam and other angel had to. Later that angel would betray him.
Or it could be when he had the Mark. I knew Sam was trying to find a way to save him. Dean was so against it. I had betrayed him yet again.
Dean stands up and walks out. He looks so worn. I told him to rest but he just shrugs. I just watch him like I always do. He is so sure that the three of us can stop the Darkness. I want to believe him but I don't see how. How can a broken man, a now tormented man, and a sad excuse of an angel stop the sister of God?