Disclaimer: I don't own The Fosters, only my own writing and ideas.
A/N: This is set during episode 3 (which has yet to premiere) of season 4: Truth
"I would just like an explanation," Daria said. She was leaning against the locker beside Taylor's, one hand gripping the straps of her school-bag. It was painfully obvious that she was attempting to look chill, but Taylor could tell Daria was anything but.
"Nothing needs any explaining," Taylor told her. "We're kids, Daria; Jude can be whatever he wants. And anyway it's not like him and Connor were like set in stone or something."
"You don't find it the least bit weird?" Daria pressed. "Like, Connor leaves and all of a sudden Jude isn't gay anymore?"
"Maybe he never was," Taylor snapped, glancing sharply at Daria. The other girl raised her eyebrows, and Taylor shut her locker. "Whatever. It doesn't matter, okay? Let's just go to class."
"Okay…" Daria kept quiet for a moment as they walked, then looked over at Taylor. "So, you have that church thing this weekend. That should suck, huh?"
"I don't know. I guess it could be fun." Without meaning to, Taylor's attention slid past Daria to the hallway they'd been walking past. Jude was at his locker. "Uh, talk to you later." She hurried by Daria and the latter stood in place, annoyed but aware that she shouldn't be surprised by Taylor's behavior. She rolled her eyes and continued to class.
"Hey, Jude," Taylor said.
Jude looked over as she stopped beside him. He smiled in that way he had, the kind of smile that made whoever had caused it feel incredibly special. "Hi, Taylor. What's up?"
"I was just… walking to class and saw you over here." Before she could change her mind, Taylor plunged forward. "And I was wondering if I could ask you something."
Jude raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Uh, yeah, totally."
"Great; so, my family does this like, lame church youth group weekend every month, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come." When Jude shifted on his feet, Taylor went on, rambling, "It's like a party, but at church. It's really fun, actually, but I don't know too many people there… It's fine if you don't want to; I just-"
"I know my moms aren't too big on church stuff but I'm sure they'd let me go if I wanted."
Taylor's eyes lit up. "Do you? Want to?"
"Uh, sure, why not? Sounds great." Jude closed his locker as the warning bell rang. "I'll call you later and we can work out details and stuff."
"Awesome." Taylor smiled. "See you later, then." She went off and Jude stood still for a second. A church… youth group… party? This should be something…
"A church… youth group… party?" Stef's words mimicked Jude's thoughts from earlier that day so well that he wanted to laugh out loud. He and his moms were in the kitchen; he sat at the island while Lena cut vegetables and Stef leaned against the sink. She looked to her wife in amusement.
"Yeah well, I mean Taylor just invited me this morning and I figured it could be fun," Jude told them. He knew how it sounded: ridiculous. But he was hoping that they would just agree and forget about it.
"Jude, you've never shown any interest in going to church," Lena said.
"I know. But it wouldn't really be like… a mass or anything."
"So uh, what would you guys be doing?" Stef asked. "At this… church party?"
Jude opened his mouth, but knew he didn't have any idea what to say. "I'm not really sure, actually," he conceded. "Probably… praying…"
Stef snorted on her soda and Lena put down her knife to look at her. "Stef, hey, come on." Lena looked to their son. "You know what, Jude, I think that's—great. You know, putting yourself out there. I think it's great, and you should go. Have fun, meet some new people."
"She's absolutely right," Stef agreed, clearing her throat. "Yes. You should go. And it's this weekend?"
"Yeah."
"Fine; go… tell Taylor you'd love to attend." Jude nodded and headed up the stairs while Stef leaned against Lena, shoulders shaking in laughter.
"Honestly? I think it's a stupid idea."
"You're the one convinced that Jude is gay!" Taylor said. She and Daria were on the phone discussing Taylor's plan for this weekend.
"Because he is! Taylor, oh my God, he dated a guy," Daria said. "They went to a Prom together, they kissed-and who knows what else. Why're you acting like you weren't here for all that?"
"Connor isn't here anymore. They were best friends; sometimes things happen." Daria barked out a laugh, of which Taylor talked over. "But we'll see what happens. Jude will be with me for an entire day, and he'll see that we should be together."
"And you want to be with Jude? Like that?"
"Obviously." Taylor's phone buzzed with a text. "It's Jude," she said, excited. "He said that he can come."
"Not for you…"
"Shut up, Daria." Taylor hung up and texted Jude all the info for the weekend. They would have a great time, she knew it. He would see. He would.
Jude gave all the details to Lena and Stef; they told him that if he felt at all uncomfortable that he should call them to come home. Jude wasn't too worried though; Taylor would be there, and maybe he could even meet a couple new friends. Anything's possible.
He was dropped off at Taylor's on Saturday morning to hang out until 12, when they would have to leave for church.
"So, what d'you usually do at these things?" Jude asked Taylor. She shrugged. They were out on her porch steps, eating popsicles.
"All kinds of stuff. It's not just sitting around talking about like, God. Sometimes we'll just do a movie night, or a bonfire. I'm pretty sure there's one tonight, actually. Then Sunday we would do something more religious-oriented, since it's Sunday." Taylor was speaking as if these things were obvious, and Jude didn't know what to say. Even when he had both his parents, as a little boy, they'd never been big on church. This would definitely be an experience for him.
"Right, yeah. A bonfire sounds cool." Jude glanced down at his hands; his popsicle was long gone and he was fiddling with its stick.
"Don't be nervous," Taylor told him. "It really will be fun, I promise." She nudged his shoulder with hers. "And you'll have me."
"Yeah," Jude agreed, nodding. "I know."
The ages of the kids ranged from 12 to 16, so that there wouldn't be too much of a gap between them. The instructors were young, probably early 20s, a boy and a girl named Ian and Christina, respectively. He looked like a surfer, and she looked like… a surfer's girlfriend.
"We did this same youth group when we were your age," Christina said. They'd had all the kids sit in lawn chairs that were made into a circle on the lawn, so everyone could see each other.
"We met here and have been friends since," Ian added, smiling at Christina. Jude could tell, based on the fact that he lived with older siblings, that his counselors were dating. But he wasn't about to say so out loud, if they weren't.
"So we thought we'd start with the name game, since I know I don't recognize a couple of you guys," Christina said. "I'll start, and we'll go clockwise, okay? I'm Christina, and my favorite book is the third in The Chronicles of Narnia. Always has been." She motioned for the next girl to go, a girl with brown curls and glasses.
"I'm Spencer. My favorite color is turquoise."
The boy next to Spencer was interesting. He had tan skin, as if he stayed in the sun a lot, and dark hair. He was seriously cute. Jude couldn't help it when he sat up, only slightly. "I'm Noah. My favorite day of the week is Thursday."
"Why?" Jude heard himself say. Saying a day of the week is pretty out of the box, he thought.
Noah looked at him, a slight smile on his face. "Well, it's not quite Friday, the last day of the week. And it's before the entire weekend, so there's something to look forward to."
Jude was pretty sure his favorite day was now Thursday.
After the circle, everyone was given a pen and paper to "reflect" on their everyday lives and connect their actions with those of Jesus. Jude had literally no idea what to say. They were told to spread out, but Taylor had planted herself beside him against the far wall.
"What're you going to write?" Jude asked her. He felt sheepish, not knowing what to do.
"No clue. You?"
"Same. All I know about Him is… fish. Bread?" Taylor was staring at him, trying not to laugh, and he hid his face against his knees. "Shut up…"
"Hey, it's fine. You're new here. I think it's good, that you've been doing different stuff."
Jude lifted his head to look at her in question, confused. He didn't know what she meant. "Like what?"
"Like… you know… moving away from Connor." Jude looked away. He hadn't been the one to move away… "Letting him start over, letting yourself do the same…"
"That wasn't exactly a choice," Jude said. He didn't mean to sound snappy, but losing Connor had sucked, a lot.
"I didn't mean to imply… Sorry. I just thought maybe you were over him or something."
"Trying," Jude corrected her. "But it's not easy." His eyes wandered over to the boy from earlier, Noah. Jude hadn't been interested in any boy since Connor. That had been part of the reason why he'd wondered if he was even gay.
"I know. Sorry."
"It's fine."
They were both quiet for a few seconds, then Taylor poked his knee with her pen. "I guess we'd better just make something up or look like losers when we get back in that circle."
Jude grinned a little. "Yeah, probably."
After the reflection and "church Olympics," it was time for the bonfire. The sun was setting, and it was looking to be a beautiful night.
Jude had changed into a button-up with a floral print and tried to fix his hair after all the running from the sports games. He had no idea way he'd brought this shirt; it didn't look at all flattering on him.
He was walking out of the bathroom just as Noah was opening the door to go in, and he nearly hit Jude with the door. It was laughably comical.
"Sorry," he said. His eyes scanned over Jude, who wanted to disappear. "Love the shirt." He grinned in a way that made Jude believe he was kidding, so he just nodded quickly and hurried out of the bathroom.
"What took so long?" Taylor asked when Jude arrived outside. "And what is that you're wearing?"
"I get it, and I regret ever putting this on, okay? Let's never speak of it." Taylor held up her hands as Jude sat down beside her on his chair.
"Today's been really cool," he said. "Thanks for inviting me."
"Thank you. I'm sure I would've been lost here without someone to hang with."
"What? You're like the friendliest person I know; you would've made a ton of friends." Taylor swatted his arm and Jude laughed. "Okay, I was possibly making a joke."
"You're not too good at it," Taylor told him, but she was smiling. Jude looked at the fire, his laughs slowing down. Taylor took his hand in hers, and he went still. Jude knew he shouldn't be surprised; he had been the one to kiss Taylor, and they'd held hands before, more than once. But now he wasn't sure if that was because of losing Connor, the shooter… wanting to just not be different without someone to relate to.
"Taylor, you're not… You know I haven't been sure of myself lately," Jude said. Taylor tilted her head. "Like, in who I like."
"Is that a general 'who' or specific 'who'?"
"I… Both, I guess. I had a boyfriend. I said I was gay."
"But you're only 14," Taylor said. "You can change your mind."
"Taylor, I don't think I can. I thought I could." Jude released her hand, gently. "Would you not want to be my friend anymore if I said that I really am, right this second, into guys?"
"I supported you before." Taylor wasn't looking at him. "I just thought…"
"You've been a great friend, seriously," Jude told her. "It's really helped me figure out what I want."
"Awesome," Taylor said, quiet. Jude didn't know what else to say. He'd wanted to like Taylor, in that way, he really had. He just hoped that this wouldn't ruin their friendship.
"I'll be right back, okay?" he said. Maybe if he gave her some space, it would give her a second to collect her thoughts. "I just need some water. You want anything?"
Taylor shook her head, eyes on the flames, and Jude stood up to get some space of his own. He walked back towards the building and saw Noah standing near the trees. He was watching the water in the distance; the moon's light made it shimmer.
"Hey," Jude said, when he was close enough. Noah turned around and, noting who it was, stood up straighter.
"Hi." He looked surprised to see Jude, maybe amused. "What's up?"
"I saw you over here," Jude said; quite intelligent of him, really.
"Looking for stimulating conversation?"
"I just… needed to get away from the smoke."
"So why're you here?" Noah asked.
"The fire was-"
Noah laughed and shook his head. "I meant at this youth group."
"Oh…" Jude was grateful that it was somewhat dark. Maybe Noah hadn't seen the red in his cheeks. "My friend invited me. I'm actually not too…" Jude wasn't sure how to say the truth without offending Noah. For all Jude knew, he could be deeply religious. "My family and I aren't into much of this kind of thing, to be honest."
Noah breathed out. "Mine either. I'm only here cuz they're hoping it'll…" He studied Jude all of a sudden. "They want me to get out of music and focus on more important stuff."
"You play an instrument? My brother is amazing at piano," Jude said.
"I dabble in piano, too. Mostly a guitar guy, though. Won some awards along the way but my parents are, uh… Let's just say that springing my other news on them wasn't too easy for the family and I'm just trying to keep them happy."
"Other news?" Jude asked.
"I'm bi. Bisexual, if you want to get fancy about it." Jude knew he was staring, but he didn't know what to do. "I think they were hoping I was just like… experimenting or something."
"Well," Jude said, "I'm adopted. And my moms are lesbians."
Noah raised his eyebrows. "I take it you're cool with the whole Not Straight thing then?"
You have no idea. "Definitely cool with it. I'm actually…" Jude took in a breath. This probably wasn't the best time or place to do this kind of thing, especially when he'd never done it before, but here goes. "Would you—like to go out sometime?"
Noah's eyebrows drew lifted even further up his forehead. "For real?"
"Yeah." Jude's momentary surge of confidence had fallen back to its usual slot and he wanted to die. "I'm sorry. That was—you don't even know my name and I'm telling you I-"
"Jude. You're Jude. I know your name. How could I forget when the Beatles are one of my favorite bands?" Noah looked at Jude. He still couldn't believe he had just sprung that on this guy. He was clearly insane. "How long have you know you're… whatever you are?"
"Gay. I've been thinking I'm gay. Well, I had a boyfriend."
Noah couldn't possibly be able to lift his eyebrows so high. "That could do it, yeah. But you don't seem too sure. If you don't mind my saying so."
"No, I know I don't."
"Maybe you're something else. Not straight, not gay."
"I don't know yet. I guess I have to see." Jude shrugged. "I just know that I saw you earlier and… I thought you were…" Jude closed his mouth and turned to leave. He'd left Taylor alone long enough, and this kid didn't care about his problems.
"I thought the same," Noah called after him. Jude hesitated. Was he serious? "But I didn't want to assume, since most people that come to a church youth group aren't…"
"I've gathered that," Jude agreed. His hands were in his pockets and he didn't know what to say.
Noah walked forward, taking his phone out. "Look, I don't know what happened to this boyfriend of yours-"
"He moved to L.A."
Noah laughed a little, as if Jude's awkward interruptions were funny, and handed over his phone. "—but, going out sounds good. Just text me whenever you feel like it." Jude nodded, unable to speak, and when he gave the cell back his fingers brushed Noah's. It reminded him of the movie where Connor had held his pinkie, like they were criminals. But this time, there didn't have to be any hiding. He liked it.
Noah left Jude standing there, wishing that he actually did have some water to pour over his own head.
