Disclaimer: I own nothing
WARNING: STOP RIGHT NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT READ MY FIC LAVINIA! THIS FIC WILL NOT MAKE ANY SENSE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THAT ONE AND PLEASE DO SO. YES IT IS OBSCENELY LONG BUT IT'S MY MASTERPIECE SO PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME TO READ IT BEFORE DIGGING INTO THIS ONE!
A/N: I never intended Lavinia to have a little sequel. The thought never occurred to me except I always played with the idea of Lavinia taking place on the show. What would change? What would they do differently and how would it permeate in later seasons? The idea of Lisbon facing a rape crisis center took root in my head and I couldn't shake it out. I decided to combine it with an alternate ending to Lavinia that I was *this* close to writing but I decided to keep it with an epilogue for reasons that will be obvious. There is a twist at the end of this fic and I'll be damned if I'll spoil it for you.
I Am Revenge
Chapter 1: To Ease the Gnawing Vulture of Thy Mind
I am Revenge: sent from the infernal kingdom,
To ease the gnawing vulture of thy mind,
By working wreakful vengeance on thy foes.
Come down, and welcome me to this world's light;
Confer with me of murder and of death:
There's not a hollow cave or lurking-place,
No vast obscurity or misty vale,
Where bloody murder or detested rape
Can couch for fear, but I will find them out;
And in their ears tell them my dreadful name,
Revenge, which makes the foul offender quake
~ Titus Andronics Act V Scene 2 Lines 30-40
The body was found dumped behind a rundown bar and an old convenience shop, the bartender had gone around back with bags full of empty beer bottles and found the surprise of his life. The bags were where he'd dropped them; a couple of bottles had rolled out and were now strewn across the alley. The frightened bartender was being questioned by a SACPD officer when the team showed up, notably absent of their team leader.
"Agent Cho," one officer said stepping up, "You taking the lead on this one?"
"For now," Cho replied, "Lisbon is at an arraignment."
"Which case?"
"Hers."
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Lisbon had gotten the call at the same time as the rest of the team but she wasn't about to leave the courtroom to go to the crime scene. She did send Jane though he fought bitterly. In some ways she was relieved he wasn't there, she needed his strength but also felt a little less self-conscious since no one she truly cared about was going to have to watch the proceedings now.
She doubted she would ever get over seeing Cole Sanford calmly sitting at the table on the defendant's side of the room. He was wearing the same blue prison jumpsuit as any inmate and somehow that made him seem even colder. It didn't matter how he looked though, he would always be a monster to her.
Cole looked behind him and immediately found her, she was sitting on the other side of the room in the back row. She wasn't supposed to testify today but she still wanted to watch. He looked away quickly, not out of fear or shame, more likely it was him dismissing her entirely. That split second of eye contact was more then enough for her.
It was easy now for Lisbon to conjure up his face, that face twisted with rage and hatred as he beat and then violated her. The truth was she had never gotten a clear image of him that night, the darkness and then her own shock meant she never saw who her attacker was. She'd retreated inside of herself when the attack had taken place, not even coming out of the fog until she was in the hospital. Even now the events weren't quite clear, images and feelings was what she remembered most. The pain of him slamming her head against the concrete, the shame of knowing that terror of being forced upon…Jane's horrified face when he found her stumbling in the parking lot. Those were the things she remembered most and what she knew would always stay fresh in her mind as the terrible night that created them.
Lisbon hadn't even noticed that the judge had walked into the room; she'd remained seated the entire time. Looks like she'd forgotten her court decorum in the middle of her thoughts. Her heart pounded while the judge called the room to order and the prosecution presented its case. District Attorney Carol Smith was the one who had taken Lisbon's case since she was one of the few DA's that didn't know Cole very well.
A cop raped by an ADA, there was something strangely twisted about that.
Carol explained that a plea bargain had been reached and the prosecution had accepted Sanford's plea of guilty in exchange for asking for a mandatory sentence of only eight years in prison and dropping the lesser charges of assault. Lisbon felt it wasn't a sufficient punishment for the bastard but asking for the full thirteen years in prison didn't sound much better. Either way it meant in a few years he would be out in the world again.
She wasn't exactly afraid; she mostly just hated the idea of them being able to breathe the same air. It wasn't the first time she questioned her decision to let Sanford live as opposed to allowing the members of her team to quietly arrange for something to "happen" to him. But Lisbon had too much respect for the law to condone murder as revenge…and she wasn't going to let her team do something that should be done by her own hand.
So this was the lesser of two evils, none of it made up for the greatest evil committed against her.
Now the judge asked Cole Sanford the big question. "How does the defendant plead?"
Lisbon watched as Sanford's overpaid lawyer stood up. "Your honor, my client pleads…not guilty."
What?
No! The agreement was made. He was supposed to plead guilty and then this whole nightmare would officially be over. Hadn't he already hurt her enough?
The judge raised his eyebrows over that turn of events. "What reasons does your client give?"
"The investigation was flawed from the beginning, your honor. A witch-hunt conducted by the agents in the victim's own team. How could they possibly be impartial?"
"And what does your client have to say about the DNA evidence?" Carol shot back.
"My client deserved a fair investigation, not one mired with investigators who could not possibly have been impartial."
"The evidence clearly shows Mr. Sanford's guilt," Carol continued, "not only was his DNA a match but the victim's necklace was found in his possession. Only her attacker would have all of that."
Lisbon hated being referred to as 'the victim'. Jane had called her a survivor, while not the best change in title it certainly was preferable to the alternative.
The judge banged on his gavel and glared at both lawyers. "I'll allow a presentation of the facts to determine if the investigation into the case is valid. This court will reconvene tomorrow morning to hear arguments."
She gaped at him in shock. So he hadn't dismissed her case but still left it as a very possible opportunity. This could be worse than Sanford being released in a few years…he could be released in a few days. A free man without a blot on his record and in the eyes of the law not the man who raped her.
And she supported this justice system.
Carol came up to her before either one of them left the courtroom. "You should not be concerned, Teresa. Your team did good work, this is just a Hail Mary pass that is doomed to fail."
Lisbon shook her head. "You don't know that. We both work with the law; we know that there are mistakes made all of the time. Sometimes they go free."
"It won't happen this time," Carol assured her, "The DNA evidence is the linchpin in this argument, no judge will throw out a case this strong." She finally looked a little chagrined. "But this does mean you will be called to testify."
Shit, that thought hadn't even crossed her mind.
She'd confronted Sanford once before, in the CBI holding cell where she was alone and in control. Testifying in open court was something else. Here she would be attacked, not by Sanford but one representing him. She'd seen enough trials to know that her whole life would be critiqued. If they wanted to they could drag her whole sexual history into the public eye with just a few well-placed comments.
It felt like she was being set up to be raped all over again.
Jane hadn't liked it that Lisbon had all but shoved him out of the courthouse when the call about the new case had come in. He'd wanted to be there with her during Sanford's arraignment, this was never going to be easy for her and more than ever she needed support. But she'd prodded him to leave, probably from some lingering shame over what happened to her.
He should have been there with her, damn the case that gave her and excuse to send him away.
With every passing minute he grew even more nervous. She wasn't answering his calls or his texts which really made him concerned, she only did that if she was mad at him or if she was avoiding him. So Jane kept a close eye on the elevator and then eventually stood by it, watching as it opened again and again, depositing dozens of people until finally the woman he loved stepped into the hallway.
As soon as he saw her he knew why she hadn't answered.
"What happened?" Jane asked, he already knew it wasn't good. Lisbon looked at him mournfully and then shook her head, trying to dismiss his comment but he grabbed her arm. "Tell me."
She looked resigned and slowly tugged at his hand to lead him silently to her office. She still hadn't said a word yet which did not help to ease his concern. They both walked past the bullpen and ignored the questioning glances from the rest of the team, they all wanted to know how the time in court went. But she still didn't say anything even in her office, just slowly closed the door, her whole body sagging as if she were carrying a heavy weight.
Finally she turned around and met his eyes again. "He pled not guilty."
Jane raised an eyebrow at that. "I knew he was arrogant but I didn't think he was an idiot."
"He's saying that the investigation was tainted because you and the rest of the team were in charge," Lisbon explained, "That you all set out against him."
Now Jane shook his head. "It's ridiculous, the whole thing is ridiculous."
"I know that," Lisbon said harshly. "But none of the evidence matters if the judge decides that my team investigating my rape means you guys weren't impartial, he could dismiss the whole case and Sanford could walk."
He understood that and he hated that idea as much as she did. He had the advantage of being a bit calmer about this; of course he also had been expecting this. Jane knew that there was always some way for things to get mucked up. He'd never liked this path; always wishing Lisbon had let them end this themselves.
"You shouldn't even be going through this," Jane said, "We should have taken care of this ourselves."
She met his eyes again; the true meaning of his words was not lost on her. "Don't think I haven't thought about that."
"We still have a chance."
"No," Lisbon shook her head. "I made my choice and I'm sticking with it."
"Even if it means letting him walk?"
"I don't want to hear about what I should have done. I did what I could live with. I wanted that opportunity to beat him. I know that upsets you but I was the one he raped, not you."
"You don't think I know that?" Jane asked, feeling is own frustration bubble to the surface. "I watched you fall apart because of that man so forgive me if I think he should be dead for hurting the person I care about most."
Her face fell and her voice grew softer. "I know...but it was my choice."
Jane saw how this was affecting her, and there was no way to forget that she was still healing from what happened. "I know it was and I respect your choice." He straightened, still serious. "But what if he gets off? Then what are you going to do?"
She shook her head "I can't think about that right now...if I did I might fall apart all over again which is the last thing I want."
"But it is in the back of your mind. You have already thought about it. Teresa, you don't need to be strong in front of me." He stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "You know I'm here for you." She didn't hesitate now but all but threw herself into his arms. Jane held her close, stroking her hair gently, pretending not to feel the slight wetness on her cheeks. "Just talk to me."
Lisbon drew in a few ragged breaths. "You said it yourself. It's never really going to be over."
He swallowed and pulled her tighter. "It's true. But we can get through this; we already went through the worst of it. We'll do it again."
She pulled back a little and sighed again. "I know. But right now we have case."
"No one expects you to…"
"I need to do this, I need something to think about other then what might be happening." She cut him off quickly.
Jane wasn't sure if that was the best advice but he really wasn't in any place to dispute her, he'd used that same excuse himself. "Well I'm sure the guys have something for us."
Lisbon nodded and Jane pulled back but she didn't let him go so quickly. Standing up on her toes to kiss him softly on the lips, then deepening a little since neither one of them was good at denying their passion anymore. She eventually pulled away with a slight blush and shining eyes. "Thank you, thank you for staying with me. I…I don't think I could do this without you."
"I'm never going to leave you," Jane told her.
"I know."
They kissed one last time, sweetly before they separated and she led the way to the bullpen. They were always careful to keep things in the privacy of her office or outside of the CBI, no one but the team was supposed to know about them. Not that there weren't rumors but nothing could be confirmed.
It would certainly spread like wildfire if word got out that he'd moved in with her last month.
The team didn't comment on their private conversation though their eyes were begging for answers. Lisbon was back into team leader mode, snapping to attention and demanding professionalism. Jane would admit that there was something undeniably sexy when she issued her dominance; it was fun battling with her professionally and otherwise.
"The case, what do we know about it?" Lisbon asked, her tone making it clear that no questions about her own case were going to be asked at the moment.
"Body was found by a bartender in the alley," Cho explained, "She was strangled and dumped there."
"Do we have an ID?"
"Actually, we do," Grace said, flipping through some files on her computer. "SACPD said that the picture matches a woman who was reported missing this morning, Lisa Klippel."
Lisbon nodded, looking through the file of notes and pictures from the crime scene. "What do we have on her?" Grace looked hesitant and Lisbon caught it. "What is it? What are you hiding?"
Jane knew immediately what the connection not just because he snuck at peek at Grace's computer screen but mostly because there really was only one obvious explanation for her hesitance. The real question was how connected was Lisa?
"She works at a counseling center," Grace explained softly, "…for sexual assault."
Lisbon flinched and went a little pale but she was no hysterical woman anymore. IT still affected her though, especially when she was already facing a heavy blow. Finally she just shook her head and mumbled. "God hates me today."
Safe Haven was a small shrouded building hidden in Sacramento and it was not the first time Lisbon had heard of the place. She'd been given a card with the number of a counselor there by a compassionate nurse when she was still in the hospital after her attack, the same nurse that had inadvertently forged her obsession with Lavinia. She had thrown the card away, deciding that she didn't need help. That had been a foolish decision but for some reason Lisbon still felt hesitant.
She'd come to terms with what had happened to her and overcome it, but there was no way to deny that she still felt a bit of shame and embarrassment over everything. As much as Jane and everyone, even her former therapist, had assured her that none of this was her fault…there was no way to ever fully eradicate that doubt. But at least now she refused to give in to it.
Still as she stared at the building there was no way she could stop the voice in her head from saying I could have been here. Would she have gotten better sooner? Would she have found strength with others, unifying in their shared grief? But she'd never really been a joiner like that. She was a teammate but not one who shared her pain in public either. Ever since she was a kid and she'd hid the bruises with long sleeves and sunglasses, lying to teachers when they asked if everything was all right at home. Lisbon knew that she couldn't change her stripes that easily, couldn't just come out and tell everyone "I was raped".
Jane stayed close to her as they made their way into the building; of course he knew every thought she had. She wanted to be angry that Jane was inside of her head again but she never could, not in this matter. Jane had been the one person that had managed to keep her sane after her world fell apart. She trusted him completely to know that if he pushed her then he must know something more was needed. He wasn't pushing her now, merely keeping a watchful eye in case she stumbled and needed his help to stand up once more.
The woman in charge of Safe Haven was sweet looking woman in her fifties, her nametag read Mona. "Hello, you must be the agents from the CBI here about Lisa," Mona greeted them, no mistaking the sadness in her voice.
"Hello, I'm Agent Lisbon, this is Patrick Jane," Lisbon returned the greeting. "We are sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," Mona said, "it is difficult for all of us here Lisa was a good friend as well as a colleague. She was so important around here, she was the one helping to plan the Take Back the Night event in a few days. She was always wanting to help other women through the pain she herself endured."
Lisbon closed her eyes then, wishing she could ignore that comment. It only served to remind her of her own pain. But Lisbon knew how to cover up her emotions, at least as best as she could. "We have a few questions about Lisa, her friends and family, any people that might hold a grudge against her."
"Lisa's work meant she has several complaints, mostly from abusive husbands of women who come here. Some did threaten her. I can find a list of names if you would like?"
"Yes," Lisbon told her, "That would be very helpful."
She made to follow Mona but Jane hung back. "I'll stick around, take in a class." Lisbon rolled her eyes and let him stay; she knew not to fight him when he wanted to do something. She just hoped it wouldn't be illegal.
It didn't take long for them to get the files on complaints about Lisa. Lisbon had a gut feeling that this was probably unnecessary since the manner of death, strangulation, fit more of a personal nature then of one out of distant anger. But she wasn't of the habit of neglecting any aspect of the case and there was always the chance that her gut instinct was wrong.
She made her way back with Mona and both of them got alarmed when they heard shouting. But as soon as they hurried over to the open classroom it was obvious that the instigator was Jane and this wasn't him getting into trouble but being himself. The instructor didn't look happy with her session being hijacked but the other women were beside themselves over the guest.
Jane was explaining how visualizing and shouting at their attacker would provide more empowerment then simply talking about the attack, hence the screaming. Lisbon couldn't help but smile at her love; she knew he loved doing these small things, little things that could mean a lot. And he'd helped her so much during her own painful trial.
"Can't say his methods are appropriate but the results are intriguing," Mona commented.
Her smile bloomed at that comment. "Appropriate is never a word I would associate with Jane…but he knows how to help people." She turned back to Mona. "About Lisa…there is a possibility that someone close to her committed this crime. Did she have any boyfriends or someone who might know about her personal life?"
Mona looked a little hesitant now but she nodded. "Women who got through a terrible event like rape react in different ways…as I'm sure you know." Lisbon froze and turned to gape at the woman but Mona didn't waver. "Lisa had problems with men, she was attracted to men who were not necessarily available and therefore she did not have to trust them."
"She was having an affair with a married man?"
"I believe so."
Well that was interesting, very interesting. Lisbon nodded her head. "Thank you, my team will look into this."
Then Mona pressed a small flyer into her hand. "I think you should come." Lisbon looked down to see that it was about the Take Back the Night event in a few days. She met Mona's eyes and shook her head but Mona simply pressed on. "Many women find it helpful to share what happened to them, or merely to listen to the testimony of others. There is strength in numbers, Agent Lisbon. It helps to remember that you are not alone."
Lisbon was very close to breaking down. Her hands were shaking a little and her heart pounded. God this wasn't easy, it never would be how she wished that it was different. She shook her head, clearing her throat and batting down her emotions again. "I…I really have to get back to this case," she told Mona calmly.
Mona nodded her head. "I understand."
She moved away from the woman and went to collect her consultant and boyfriend. It wasn't easy extracting him for the other women who probably would have lined up around the block to talk to or maybe even propose to him. She'd love to tell these women that while he was certainly nice to look at he wasn't one they could handle…at all.
Besides, he was taken.
But Lisbon wasn't really thinking about how her boyfriend was an Adonis while also being a terror only she could handle, she was still feeling the heaviness of Mona's words. Jane noticed, probably because she tossed him the keys, something she never did unless she wanted to brood instead of drive.
"What's wrong?"
She thought about lying but that was impossible, not with Jane. Lisbon sighed. "Is there a rape radar or do I just have it tattooed on my forehead?"
"What?"
"Mona mentioned a few things and invited me to that rally for victims," Lisbon explained. "She knew what happened to me, she knew." She shook her head. "Is it really that obvious?"
"Only to those who know how to look for it," Jane explained, "You're a cop, you recognize other cops. She works with this kind of tragedy all of the time, she recognizes the signs. But the average person you meet on the street couldn't possibly know what happened to you."
Lisbon was quiet for a long moment, something that she couldn't help but remember from this conversation. "You did." She saw the look of pain on his face, the way his hands tightened over the steering wheel. "You knew what happened to me."
"Yes I did," Jane said, his voice low, no hiding that hurt.
She fell silent again, this time hesitating over whether to ask but her curiosity won out. "How? How did you know?" Jane didn't say anything and she knew just from the look on his face that he hated this conversation. "We never talked about that night…well we did but not about you. What you saw, what you felt. Can we?"
He still didn't speak but then slowly pulled the car into a near by parking lot and stopped it, his face somber and filled with pain. "What do you want to know?"
She turned in her seat and took a deep breath. "What did you see? How did you know?"
Jane looked away from her, out of the window but she knew he was seeing that terrible night when their whole world had turned on its head. "I found blood on the sidewalk and followed it into the parking lot. It didn't take long for me to find you stumbling next to some cars. Your dress was unforgettable that night."
Lisbon blushed a little at that comment. She never forgot Jane's comment "You look like a jewel" and of course that powerful moment when they danced and their attraction for each other was undeniable. But the story continued on to the tragic part of the night. "I didn't know until you turned around. Your dress was torn with obvious intent…but it was your eyes. They were blank, almost lifeless. You were in shock and I knew if someone had just beaten you, you would be angry and calm. No, something worse happened…and really there was only one thing it could have been."
She reached over and took his hand, squeezing his fingers gently. "You held me, you kept me safe until the ambulance came."
He smiled meagerly. "I assumed you were still in shock, that was why you were all right with me touching you. Neither one of us knew how things would go after that." Yes the fact that for a very long time the only touch Lisbon had accepted was Jane's. They hadn't wanted to speak about the reasons for it, letting the blame rest with Jane being the one who found her and kept her safe. Now they both knew it stemmed from her strong trust in him…and the love that had been there all along.
"What about the team?" Lisbon asked cautiously. "I was so focused on me that I…"
"You had a right to think about yourself."
"I know and I really couldn't even think about how this was affecting you and them but now…now I need to know."
Jane looked away again. "I didn't tell them…not really at least. Cho and Rigsby told Grace."
"And how did the guys find out?"
He took in a breath and let it out. "At the scene, in the alley…we found your…your underwear." That last word was hard for him to say and Lisbon felt pain at just remembering that the loss of that particular article of clothing at the hospital was what tipped off the forensic nurse.
"Oh…right," Lisbon said feeling that shame. That must have been shocking to find something so personal and made it so obvious about what happened to her. "I'm guessing they didn't take it well."
"Cho took his feelings out on the dumpster but Rigsby remained calm. I didn't break down until I was out of their sight." Jane said that so simply that it took her a second for it to sink in. She'd never really thought about Jane being that upset that night, he'd always been so calm around her, the rock she needed to stand on when she needed it. She didn't know how he'd held it all in.
"I'm sorry," Lisbon said softly, "I'm sorry."
Jane shook his head. "Don't say that. It wasn't your fault, you know that."
"I know," she told him, "but I hate that you had to hide it from me."
"I'd do it again, I'd do it all again because you needed someone to be strong for you." Jane explained gently. "I don't regret any of it, helping you was the best choice I ever made."
Lisbon smiled a little now. "Because it made you fall in love with me."
He shook his head smiling now too. "I was already in love with you. It just meant I couldn't deny what I wanted anymore."
Lisbon felt warm all over now at that confession. "Is it weird that something so terrible turned out so wonderful?"
"No, it means something finally went our way for once," Jane told her, "and I'm not going to question it. Not this time."
"Neither am I," Lisbon said. She met Jane's eyes and felt a little silly smiling again after talking about something so intense. "Now we should get back to the case, we can talk more about when you fell in love with me at home."
"You promise?"
"Just drive."
There was no doubt that word over the arraignment had finally made its way to the rest of the team when Lisbon and Jane walked in. She saw the looks of pain immediately and she quickly cut to the chase. "I'm fine," she told them, "things will work out with the arraignment. We'll just have to see how it goes."
Okay, she wasn't really that calm about it but she needed to pretend that she actually had faith that Sanford would pay for his crime.
"The center gave us a list of complaints against Lisa," she went straight into professional mode. "Her colleague also said that Lisa was having an affair with a married man."
"That's interesting," Cho stated, his voice making it clear he knew something.
"What do you have, Cho?" Jane asked.
"The coroner sent her report, our victim was pregnant."
Eyebrows raised high with that bit of news and Lisbon shook her head with dismay. "I want to find out who this guy is, look into her phone records, anything that could give us a name."
She finished giving out the orders and made her way back to her office, feeling in control and like the professional she was. But underneath the surface she felt that familiar fear, what if she lost control again? What if things fell apart and she became lost in her own pain?
In some ways Lisbon felt like an addict, that she could fall back into old habits again and she had to resist temptation. Sometimes she still thought about it, it was impossible to truly rid herself of her obsession with Lavinia. Things came back to haunt her, a Shakespeare festival coming to town, a copy of the play sitting on the shelf of a suspect's house. It wasn't about her feeling like she was Lavinia anymore but she still felt a certain kinship with the character, the same feeling that struck her whenever a case dealt with sexual assault.
Just like Lisa.
Lisbon sat down at her desk and hated herself for giving into temptation the second she picked up the phone. A quick call and she was having Lisa's sexual assault case being emailed to her. The odds of this case being relevant were low but Lisbon still wanted to know. Maybe this was curiosity or maybe it was simply her feeding the flames of destruction again. She didn't know. But she was stronger this time, she wouldn't slip back.
But survivors had to fight for each other sometimes.
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Lisa's case was very different from her own. She's been attacked while walking alone in a park, she hadn't had time to defend herself, her attacker was a stranger…and he'd never been found. That was something Lisbon found incredibly painful…but she could also understand. She'd lived without a name and a face for her attacker for almost eight months, several of those months were by her own choice. She infinitely preferred knowing the identity of her rapist, true it meant there was a face that haunted her nightmares now but at least she didn't look in the eyes of every stranger and wonder if it was him.
She couldn't imagine living with that.
Of course Lisbon honestly didn't know what was worse though, never knowing who he was or knowing and having him get away with it.
It was something she had thought about and had pushed her to get her team to drop the case, she thought she could live without knowing who he was. Maybe she could but she'd made the choice to try again…and it let her look Sanford in the eye and see that he didn't beat her. But he could still win; he could still walk out of that courtroom without anyone being able to stop him. If that happened…well Lisbon wasn't sure what she would do but it might involve a gun and very sharp knife.
Carol, the district attorney chose that moment to call so they could go over the new strategy for the arraignment. She was almost annoyingly confident about the case still, completely certain that it will result in an easy conviction and everything would turn out fine. Lisbon wasn't so certain, perhaps she was just being cynical or maybe she was the only one who actually recognized the risks.
"The most important thing that can be done right now is for you to testify," Carol explained, "Testimony from the victim will do a lot to sway any judge."
"If you want me to testify do not call me a victim ever again," Lisbon said tensely.
Carol was quiet for a moment, thoroughly chastened. "Very well. But your testimony is important, it is the best way to appeal to courts."
"I know," Lisbon said, "and I will do whatever it takes to get Sanford convicted."
"So you will testify."
She sighed heavily and nodded her head even though the woman couldn't see her. "Yes, I'll testify."
"Wonderful." Carol continued to chatter on about what would be done next, how the testimony would go and other ways they would get around Sanford's strategy. Lisbon wasn't really paying attention though, she was too busy imagining what was going to happen.
She was going to sit up on that stand and have to explain to a judge and the rest of the courtroom exactly what Sanford had done to her. She'd never actually told anyone out loud what had happened with the exception of Jane, and that had only been in the hospital when she'd been angry and went into far much detail to try and scare him off. It had almost worked. Thank God it didn't.
Her statement was one she'd written down because no one on her team wanted to sit there and listen to her explain how she'd been raped. The truth was she didn't want to have them hear it either. Maybe she could tell them not to come? Maybe they would listen, not Jane, but then again he'd already heard the worst of it.
Lisbon listened as Carol continued to prattle on; sometime she looked up to see Jane standing in her doorway, just casually watching her. She smiled softly at him but she knew he could see how tired and frustrated she was. Lisbon waited until Carole had reached a stopping point and interrupted. "Thank you, but I have to go now. I'll talk to you about my testimony tomorrow."
She hung up her phone before she could get wrangled into an even longer conversation and sighed heavily. "You all right?" Jane asked.
She shook her head. "Just take me home."
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Jane knew exactly when she needed to be pampered. He didn't need any cajoling to fix her a good meal (one of the best benefits of living with Jane, after the fabulous sex) and he basically shoved her into the bathroom to take a bath and fully relax after the stressful day. But it was hard to let herself go, mostly because she knew exactly what was going to happen once she finally went to bed.
A couple of hours later she was in his arms, her head against his chest and listening to the familiar lull of his heartbeat and it was the safest place she ever felt. They hadn't said much that evening though, mostly speaking about light safe topics and not the ones that really needed to be let out.
She traced little circles on his chest, not progressing it past touching again, they were still coming down from the exhilaration of making love, a sheet covering their rapidly cooling bodies. Lisbon sighed once. "What if he gets off?"
Jane took in a deep breath and let it out. "You shouldn't think that."
"I know…but I am," she admitted.
He was quiet for a moment before telling her simply. "If he gets away…I promise you that he won't hurt you or anyone again."
She tensed then knowing exactly what he was talking about. "You shouldn't say that."
"That doesn't make it any less true."
"I know," she said, sitting up a little to look into his eyes. "The bad thing is that I'm not sure if I want to tell you not to do it."
"Then don't say anything," Jane told her simply.
"I have to, I can't let something happen to you. Not for me."
"I love you," he reminded her, "I'll do anything for you, especially to keep you safe."
"Then let me do this my way," Lisbon replied.
"I told you I would," Jane said, "but you know what I want."
"I do. But I made this choice and I'm going see it through. So far I still think it was best of our options…and he hasn't been set free yet."
Jane squeezed her a little tighter. "Are you going to be all right testifying?"
"I've already told him off," she reminded him, "this will just be a bit more official."
"I'll be there."
"I knew there was no way I could keep you away," she told him with a little smirk, "and I want you there. You kept me strong when I was falling apart, I think you need to see this through almost as much as I do."
He couldn't argue with that, just nodded his head. She leaned up to kiss him softly before settling back into her spot in his arms again. "I don't want to sleep," she couldn't help but admit.
Jane kissed the top of her head. "It's all right, I'll be here."
Lisbon closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she felt herself start to relax. She knew the nightmares would come tonight, too much had happened that day to stop it. But Jane would be there to bring her back. She was safe with him.
That was the one thing she could be sure of.
A/N: Not so angsty as Lavinia but this fic has almost begun. This fic will have at least two chapters, maybe three and the fun is just starting. Please let me know what you think.