Who Is Beck Oliver?
Tori Vega is many things. Among the most obvious qualities are her beauty and her vocal talent. And where she sometimes lacks in confidence she tends to make up for it with tenacity. It's that very tenacity that brings me the most concern. The worst part is that I can't even blame her, because my girlfriend started it, so every move since then has been an attempt to make Jade finish it Tori's way.
At first that didn't seem like such a bad idea, since Tori's idea of patching things up between them was a peace treaty showing she would settle for tolerance, but her hopes were clearly set higher for something closer to a friendship. Our social circle would easily benefit from this arrangement. If it stopped there, then I could relax and feel secure in the relationship I have with Jade. That's not how it appears to be going down though, and although I don't think I could ever express it as openly as Jade does, my feelings are definitely pointing at jealousy lately.
The biggest tip-off that Tori is after something more are the hugs. According to Jade, anytime she owes Tori in some way the first thing she expects from her is a hug, and I witnessed it for myself when we decided to join her for the Yerba vacation. Wanting friendly, emotional affection from Jade is one thing. Demanding physical affection as a reward crosses a line, or else my lack of comprehension for how this desire could be platonic is clouding my judgment in a bad way.
Jade handles these situations much like any other involving Tori, acting like her presence, voice, or touch are not only unwelcome, but punishable by death. However, the key word here is acting. Don't get me wrong, Jade is feared by many of our classmates for her attitude and style, but none of them have ever been a center of ridicule as consistently or viciously as Tori. Initially, I believed Jade was reacting to the threat she thought Tori might pose to our relationship, since she was caught rubbing me on her first day then asked me to kiss her for our improv exercise.
It wasn't long after that before Tori and I were getting along as friends, her never showing any interest in replacing Jade as my girlfriend, and in fact she helped us get back together when we broke up. The fact that Jade choose to seek Tori's help was my first clue from her side that something suspicious was going on with her pretending to hate the girl. Maybe she could have been testing once and for all if Tori would try to make a move on me with her out of the picture, or she thought roping Tori into the task of helping her out would prevent her from being able to make a move with her good girl guilty conscious.
Neither of these theories explains why the ridicule continued afterward though, because their tensions should have been settled when Tori proved their was no base to Jade's jealousy by not chasing me while I was single. That leaves just one other possibility, and it is the reason I worry that Tori really will become a threat to the relationship between Jade and I, just not in the way I would have first expected.
Surprisingly enough, kissing Tori didn't make my attention stray from Jade for very long. She knew what she was doing, and it felt nice, but I wasn't about to end a two year relationship over the new chick being a good kisser. Jade and I are in some form of love, or so I used to think. We took each other's virginity months before Tori arrived in the picture. Something has changed recently, and I'll take it as nothing less than evidence for my suspicions of Tori's intentions. What I don't know is how far Jade has caught on or how much she's into seeing the game end the same.
I cannot ignore this much longer. My kisses with Jade have become shorter, and fewer, and farther between. We haven't come even close to making out in three weeks. Forget sex. There's no way I'm the only one who would think a month of celibacy is a red flag when there used to be a weekly habit. Every attempt at confrontation on my part gets conveniently interrupted. She'll still hold my hand in the hall and we all sit together at lunch. Her sitting next to me would be more comforting if Tori wasn't always planted on her other side.
One thing is crystal clear to me now. Tori wants Jade in the way that only I am supposed to have her. The one thing holding her back is whether Jade returns her sentiments, and whether she does or not is a fact that manages to elude me. Jade is still putting on her act with Tori, yet Tori doesn't seem fazed by this at all. I honestly wonder if they intend to keep themselves on loop forever, Jade pushing Tori away as Tori pulls to bring Jade closer. Can Jade push too far, or will Tori succeed in pulling Jade as close as she wants her to be?
If Jade succeeds, then I lose a friend. If Tori succeeds, then I lose a girlfriend. If neither succeeds, then I lose my ability to feel secure and happy in my relationship with Jade, knowing that Tori could put in her closing move at any moment. While my own loss and heartbreak are shaping up to be miserable, worse is what I see happening to Jade's heart if Tori succeeds. Sometimes it may not seem like Jade has a heart, but she does, and I have done my best to take care of it since our first date as freshmen.
Tori has a habit. She always seems to end up attracted to people who either belong to other people or who are popularly desired so it's like a competition to be the one who gets their attention. If Jade has fallen into Tori's love trap, then my breaking up with her will take away the thrill of the chase for Tori. She may take advantage of the victory for a while, openly come onto Jade, and make Jade her girlfriend. However, boredom will arise from having attained what was once forbidden and unattainable, and she'll shatter Jade's heart while moving on to someone else who will give her a new challenge. I'll still be here for Jade, and perhaps I could pick up the pieces, but nothing that gets put back together is ever the same whole as it was before it was broken.
I can't say for sure that Jade couldn't be the one to change Tori. For all I know they could be the happily ever after types. The tension between them is obvious, building every time they're in the same space together. They are in a competition to one up each other, despite it mostly being just Jade who recognizes this and Tori who effortlessly comes out on top most often. This wouldn't bother me as much if the same method wasn't being used to slowly and stealthily steer Jade's desires away from me. But maybe in the end the fact that Jade can be steered away is a sign in itself that we aren't right for one another after all. Everything in my life has revolved around her since the beginning of high school, so maybe my biggest fear isn't about losing Jade, it's about having to start over and figure out who I am if I can no longer borrow ideas from her identity.
I must challenge myself to answer one question.
Who is Beck Oliver?