Title: Perfect flaws
Disclaimer: Star Wars does not belong to me.
Timeframe: Between Episode 2 and 3
Summary: Anakin Skywalker wrote a letter to his master before leaving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Master Kenobi,
I'm sorry, Master, but I decided to leave now. Life as a Jedi is not what I'm expecting. I think that the Council is right in saying I am a danger. I am tainted, master, and I know it now. I cannot deny the calling anymore, nor can I fool myself into believing that I will ever be like you, so serene and calm. Master, I cannot live on like this, living this parody of a life, behaving like what I'm suppose to behave and yet inside of me, I can feel myself slowly dying.
It all began with Padme. I guess it should make sense, since everything starts with her also. She and Qui-Gon, and you, are the ones to change my life. I thought I was in love with her, the need to protect her and care for her is so strong that I fear I will be consume in its flames. I realize, that I am willing to throw away everything you gave me, for a chance to be with her.
But I do not love her now. Not the way I used to. My emotions were spent, drained to the point that I am hollow, empty within. I finally see the truth, through the Force, that our union can only bring forth darkness. And that darkness is me. Can you imagine my despair? To know that you are responsible for all those suffering and death..to realize that this is your true destiny..and you never belong to the light.
I wish I can cry now, or do something. But it's too late, my master. I once love her so much, and I thought nothing bad can happen if your love is pure. But my love is not pure, it is tainted, like me.
I have so little things left in my life now, and I'm trying so hard to keep all of them with me. You, the Jedi Order, Padme are all that I have left now. I do not want to lose you, nor anything else because I got so little left. And in my desperation to keep you and her by my side, I end up hurting you both. Love becomes hatred, joy becomes sorrow and compassion becomes possession.
I tried to hold both of you in my arms, but like sand you slipped away. And my fear of losing becomes the seed of darkness, bearing fruit so bitter that I cannot bear to look at it. I was torn, torn between the light and darkness, between love and loyalty, torn in such a way that I have never been before, literally into pieces.
Finally, I look into myself. I look into my own soul. And I realize something that all of you have realize. The darkness in my soul. I realize that whatever I do now, will only end up in suffering. And the strange thing is that balance can only be brought about by suffering, mine and the galaxy's. Because we are all tainted, and none of us is pure.
Master, despite what they say, I am only human. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending to be something I am not. I cannot be the perfect padawan you want me to be, and I cannot be the husband that Padme needs. I can only be who I am and I know that both of you will not accept me as I am.
Perhaps, if things happen differently..but there's no use dwelling in what ifs. I am leaving now, to some place that you cannot reach me, at least for a long time. It may be sad, but it is for the greater good. Please take care of Padme for me, she is pregnant with twins. Tell my children that I love them, love them as I have love you and Padme. But my lot in life is not what I am hoping and I am but a servant to the will of the Force. But remember that all my intentions stem from love, twisted as it may be and as strange as it may sound. I'm so sorry for disobeying you, master, for all those times during my apprenticeship. I did not mean to hurt you, just trying to protect myself. I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I pray that you will forgive me eventually for what I am going to do.
Your padawan
Anakin Skywalker
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The End
Author's notes: Well, suddenly I realize that maybe Anakin's upbringing as a slave will cause him to hate authorities of all kind, so that may be an explanation why he has trouble accepting Jedi Council and Obi-Wan as higher authority. So maybe he love Obi-Wan in his way, but cannot express it except in the forms of verbal sparring. But that may be just me thinking...lol.
Disclaimer: Star Wars does not belong to me.
Timeframe: Between Episode 2 and 3
Summary: Anakin Skywalker wrote a letter to his master before leaving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Master Kenobi,
I'm sorry, Master, but I decided to leave now. Life as a Jedi is not what I'm expecting. I think that the Council is right in saying I am a danger. I am tainted, master, and I know it now. I cannot deny the calling anymore, nor can I fool myself into believing that I will ever be like you, so serene and calm. Master, I cannot live on like this, living this parody of a life, behaving like what I'm suppose to behave and yet inside of me, I can feel myself slowly dying.
It all began with Padme. I guess it should make sense, since everything starts with her also. She and Qui-Gon, and you, are the ones to change my life. I thought I was in love with her, the need to protect her and care for her is so strong that I fear I will be consume in its flames. I realize, that I am willing to throw away everything you gave me, for a chance to be with her.
But I do not love her now. Not the way I used to. My emotions were spent, drained to the point that I am hollow, empty within. I finally see the truth, through the Force, that our union can only bring forth darkness. And that darkness is me. Can you imagine my despair? To know that you are responsible for all those suffering and death..to realize that this is your true destiny..and you never belong to the light.
I wish I can cry now, or do something. But it's too late, my master. I once love her so much, and I thought nothing bad can happen if your love is pure. But my love is not pure, it is tainted, like me.
I have so little things left in my life now, and I'm trying so hard to keep all of them with me. You, the Jedi Order, Padme are all that I have left now. I do not want to lose you, nor anything else because I got so little left. And in my desperation to keep you and her by my side, I end up hurting you both. Love becomes hatred, joy becomes sorrow and compassion becomes possession.
I tried to hold both of you in my arms, but like sand you slipped away. And my fear of losing becomes the seed of darkness, bearing fruit so bitter that I cannot bear to look at it. I was torn, torn between the light and darkness, between love and loyalty, torn in such a way that I have never been before, literally into pieces.
Finally, I look into myself. I look into my own soul. And I realize something that all of you have realize. The darkness in my soul. I realize that whatever I do now, will only end up in suffering. And the strange thing is that balance can only be brought about by suffering, mine and the galaxy's. Because we are all tainted, and none of us is pure.
Master, despite what they say, I am only human. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending to be something I am not. I cannot be the perfect padawan you want me to be, and I cannot be the husband that Padme needs. I can only be who I am and I know that both of you will not accept me as I am.
Perhaps, if things happen differently..but there's no use dwelling in what ifs. I am leaving now, to some place that you cannot reach me, at least for a long time. It may be sad, but it is for the greater good. Please take care of Padme for me, she is pregnant with twins. Tell my children that I love them, love them as I have love you and Padme. But my lot in life is not what I am hoping and I am but a servant to the will of the Force. But remember that all my intentions stem from love, twisted as it may be and as strange as it may sound. I'm so sorry for disobeying you, master, for all those times during my apprenticeship. I did not mean to hurt you, just trying to protect myself. I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I pray that you will forgive me eventually for what I am going to do.
Your padawan
Anakin Skywalker
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The End
Author's notes: Well, suddenly I realize that maybe Anakin's upbringing as a slave will cause him to hate authorities of all kind, so that may be an explanation why he has trouble accepting Jedi Council and Obi-Wan as higher authority. So maybe he love Obi-Wan in his way, but cannot express it except in the forms of verbal sparring. But that may be just me thinking...lol.