Chapter 1.
I had been going now for three weeks. My mum signed me up for it. I knew I needed help to get through this. I wanted to be brave, everyone else here had been through so much. I admired them all.
Most of our group had been soldiers at some point in their lives. Others had normal jobs, but something had happened that meant they were suffering. Members were old, young, well-off and not so well-off. It seems that PTSD doesn't discriminate. It could affect anyone.
"Eleanor, are you ready to share?" Adam asked. He was the group leader. He knew all about what is was like to suffer from flashbacks and nightmares.
"Not yet." I relied quietly. I still wasn't ready to relive what I went through.
"Okay, I'll start us off then-" Adam proceeded to retell his story like he does every week and to catch up some of our newer members.
He told us all about how he's a police officer and that two years ago, he was almost killed in an attempted armed robbery when he was in line at the bank.
"In my job, I have a gun and friends that are all trained to respond to someone trying to rob a bank, but I was there with my teenage daughter and three-year-old son. I froze and when he pointed a knief at us, I couldn't move. No one was killed, thank god, but every time I walk past the bank I get taken back there. I'm getting better, but I'm still taking it one day at a time." He then laughed. "My wife thinks that I'm going to become one of those people that hides their money in their back garden." The rest of the group laughed.
"Always said you can't trust a bank" One of the older men called out.
We went around the room and everyone shared their stories and how they were getting on. It was wonderful to see how different some people were now compared to when they first started coming to the group therapy.
But me? I never shared, only listened. Even after coming for three straight weeks, I was still a coward.
"Get in there, it's already started." A woman's voice whispered from outside the hall.
"I don't need to be here, I'm perfectly fine." A young man's voice said back.
"Frederick Gideon, you are going in there and you are not coming out until it's over!" A woman's voice yelled as a young man was unceremoniously pushed into the room through the double doors.
Everyone watched in silence as a tall young man with red hair regained his footing and awkwardly straightened out his clothing. He was well-dressed, albeit a little out there for my taste, but he carried himself with confidence, even after being forced into the room by what I was guessing was his mother.
"Are you joining us?" Adam asked after a minute of silence.
"Apparently I have no choice." He sighed as he made his way over to a free chair directly across from me.
"Well, everyone is welcome here. We're all here to support one another and there's no judgement but don't feel the need to share anything if you're not comfortable." Adam explained like he does for every newcomer.
"Duly noted." The newcomer said. What was his name? Frederick was it?
"Would you like to introduce yourself?" Adam asked.
He signed and looked off to the side before picking at his left hand.
"I'm sure that you all heard my mother outside, but I'll repeat it." He didn't sound so happy, but then again, I wasn't happy the first time I came here. "My name is Fred and… what else do people usually say?" He asked the person directly to his right.
"Well, we explain why we're here." John, a former soldier who had insomnia, explained.
"Oh right… I-" The new man, Fred, looked like he was going to continue but he looked like he couldn't get the words out.
"It's okay Fred, you don't have to talk about what happened." Adam said trying to reassure Fred. "A few people still haven't shared why they're here." Adam's eyes focused on me for a split second. This drew Fred's eyes towards mine. "Why don't you tell us how old you are?"
That seemed to relax Fred. He seemed to release a breath that he had been holding.
"I'm twenty-two years young." He smiled.
"Anything else?" Adam asked.
"I think I'd rather take baby steps into this ther-aphy thing if that's alright with you?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He sounded like he had never spoken the word 'therapy' before.
"Baby steps is good, we know two things about you compared to some of the others." Again, Adam's eyes flew to mine. This was his subtle way of reminding me that I've only told them my name.
The rest of the session went as normal. We heard about Joyce's nightmares, Gareth's time spent in prison when he was a teenager and Rodney losing his wife last year. I had nothing to say and so did Fred.
"Well that's our time nearly done. Everyone can grab a quick cup of tea and then we'll pack everything up."
There was a scraping of chairs as everyone made their way to the small kitchen at the side of the hall.
I was just pouring myself a cup of tea when I saw Fred put his chair away and head directly to the exit. He didn't look back.
Would he be here next week?
I don't think so.