Sara looked at the empty space on the Waverider. He hadn't been gone that long but hell she missed him. When it happened she didn't think it would be this hard. She had lost people before but she felt as though her heart had been pulled out of her chest. She hid her face from the others. She didn't want them to see her cry. Hell, she didn't want to see herself cry but she was. She headed back into her room, closed the door and put her face into her pillow and let the tears fall as her fingers glided softly over the gun that was left behind.
Rip sat silently in his office. He didn't expect to lose someone, especially him. He should've thought things out more. He was always carrying on about being careful and making plans and here he was just being as hot headed as the others. He didn't listen, he didn't calm down and think things through. He downed another full glass of whiskey and looked longingly at the picture on his desk. She would be so disappointed in him. He leaned his chair back and closed his eyes. Today wasn't a day for anything else.
Martin and Jefferson just sat and stared at nothing. The quietness was unnerving the both of them. Without him on board everything seemed so quiet. No one was laughing or interested in anything at the moment and possibly never again. Stein hadn't made a remark about Jax's appearance all day and Jax didn't care what his appearance was. Life would never be the same on board the Waverider again.
Ray just kept picturing things in his head. All the maybes and what ifs started rushing around. He just wanted him back. He didn't want that empty chair. He didn't want the quietness. He didn't even care that Kendra didn't want him at all anymore. Damn, Kendra didn't matter at all at this point, he wanted the ship to be back to normal, back to that happy place it was when they left all that time ago.
Kendra paced in her room like a lion stuck in a zoo. She didn't know whether to scream, or cry, or both or maybe even just kick the first desk or table she came to. So she did all of them. She screamed to whoever might be listening while the tears fell and took a wild kick at the dresser drawers that sat next to her bed. She swore at the pain but just slumped down onto her bed. He was gone. A light in a tunnel. Someone who would have your back. Damn it. "Why him?" She thought covering her face with her arm. She stared at the wall until she fell asleep from exhaustion and pain.
Gideon kept things at a steady temperature for all of the Legends. She too was saddened by the loss. He was different but in a good way. He had a code and he stuck by it. He was rough on the outside but once you pulled some of that away he was very different. She made sure that all the computer systems stayed as quiet as possible and the ship didn't make any sudden jolts as best as she could. She knew that the crew was in pain and the only way she could be of any help was to make sure the ship wasn't the cause of anymore discomfort.
And then there was him. He felt pain but was too manly to show it, even to himself. He just sat on the edge of his bed and counted the number of times the ship quietly made another turn in space. He knew he should be sad. He knew he should be worried about the others but he just didn't give a fuck. If they wanted to wallow in self-pity then let them. He was already planing the next move against Vandal. He was still out there and he was still a tyrannical monster. Again the ship quietly moved about in space and he heard the silence inside the ship. The silence that would now always be there. The silence that was slowly eating away at the people and the ship. That's how much he meant to this team. That's how much he meant to the mission. That's how much he meant to the future. Damn even the computer knew she had to be quiet and respectful right now.
He flinched. It was him having a moment of pain. A moment of guilt. A moment of sadness. He knew that it would pass. He knew that it had to or the whole mission would be fucked up and then what was all this for. What was the pain, guilt and sadness for if they failed? He hated not having somewhere to run. The walls of the ship seemed to close in more and more with each passing hour. When he was here he could at least figure out a way to keep his mind busy but not anymore, at least for right now. He shifted his weight getting more comfortable on the bed. He didn't want to sleep because when he slept his mind would betray him. It would make him believe that he should be upset, he should cry. He wouldn't sleep until it passed. Until he knew that the time of mourning was gone and the whole crew could move on with what was really important, Vandal fucking Savage. Standing he stretched his legs. He had to keep moving, keep himself busy or things wouldn't get done. He opened the door to his quarters and the silence and sadness hit him like a ton of bricks. He closed his door and sat back down. He closed his eyes. He would allow himself a few more minutes.
He would allow himself to remember and think about what could've been, what should've been and where he can go from here. His hands weren't relaxing, they were trembling and to keep them occupied he turned the ring in his fingers one more time.
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