Disclaimer: I can't stress this enough, I don't own anything. I'm just letting my imagination go free and writing it down for all to see. Gundam Wing belongs to its respectful owners. No money is being made here.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Deathfic, POV, OOC, Angst, AU
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Series
Notes: Lets just say I wasn't my happy self when I wrote this piece.
Cause and Effect
By: Eimin
I find myself playing with the knife again. It's blade shining in the dim light. "This is what? My third attempt?" I ask myself. "Ha! I am truly weak," I said into the empty room.
It's been tormenting me for awhile. All the innocent deaths I've caused in this war. It's inevitable but some of them could have been prevented. Come to think about it, all the lives I've taken could have been prevented. I understand it all now.
I went back to where it all started. My father was against me going to fight for the colonies. He said there were other ways to obtain understanding and true peace without having the burden of war. Maybe if I had listened to his words, things might have been different. But now he's dead, because his pacifist ways were a threat. Ironic, don't you think? Why would a militaristic organization feel threatened by a weaponless man? It couldn't have been because of his influence, because the people of the colonies had turned against him. Just like they turned against the Gundams.
Upon witnessing his death a switch flipped within me. Regret and sorrow washed over me, but most of all the thirst of revenge. Which I now too regret. I now realize that one cannot gain anything by revenge. After his death, I built Wing Zero with an untested system. When Wing was completed I started my rampage of revenge.
I went after the colonies, who helped in my father's death. Caught up in the system, it clearly showed me my objective. With all feelings discarded I was a perfect weapon of destruction. With no emotions what so ever I fired on a colony, killing enemies and innocents alike. They were defenseless just like my father was.
Still I was not satisfied. I would have gone on, but Trowa and Heero had interfered. In my moment of insanity, Heero just had to push me. I told him to stay away! He didn't listen, I attempted to fire at him but Trowa got in my range to protect Heero and now he's dead! Another precious life I had taken. Only after freeing my mind from the Zero System did I realize all the chaos I had caused, all the lives I had destroyed. And my many weaknesses, I let a computer system control my and I ruthlessly killed thousands of people, and when I was my true me, my kindness proved to be my weak point.
I am guilty for those lives I took because of my weakness. That's why I am here now with the knife in my hands. It's the only way for me to prevent more useless deaths and pay for the lives I've shortened.
I traced the veins in my wrist with the blade. I made my decision; it was now or never. I made the deadly cut and my god the pain it caused. But in my clouded mind it was just another obstacle in the way of correcting my mistake. Lost in my last thoughts I watched as the blood gush out with each pulse.
"Quatre! What are you doing?!" As a reaction I jerked up to see whom it was. Using all my strength I lifted my head to see who had run at my side and started making an attempt to stop my death. My vision is hazy and I can barley make out the figure, but I can tell that it's Heero.
Slowly my vision is growing dark and Heero is near doing all he can to get me out of this colorless pit. In a low voice I said, "Let me go Heero."
"No, the world still needs you."
"I am a burden to this world, let me go."
"One who is kind is never a burden, no matter the circumstances."
These words stretched on in my mind. Until I finally lost conscience.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Deathfic, POV, OOC, Angst, AU
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Series
Notes: Lets just say I wasn't my happy self when I wrote this piece.
Cause and Effect
By: Eimin
I find myself playing with the knife again. It's blade shining in the dim light. "This is what? My third attempt?" I ask myself. "Ha! I am truly weak," I said into the empty room.
It's been tormenting me for awhile. All the innocent deaths I've caused in this war. It's inevitable but some of them could have been prevented. Come to think about it, all the lives I've taken could have been prevented. I understand it all now.
I went back to where it all started. My father was against me going to fight for the colonies. He said there were other ways to obtain understanding and true peace without having the burden of war. Maybe if I had listened to his words, things might have been different. But now he's dead, because his pacifist ways were a threat. Ironic, don't you think? Why would a militaristic organization feel threatened by a weaponless man? It couldn't have been because of his influence, because the people of the colonies had turned against him. Just like they turned against the Gundams.
Upon witnessing his death a switch flipped within me. Regret and sorrow washed over me, but most of all the thirst of revenge. Which I now too regret. I now realize that one cannot gain anything by revenge. After his death, I built Wing Zero with an untested system. When Wing was completed I started my rampage of revenge.
I went after the colonies, who helped in my father's death. Caught up in the system, it clearly showed me my objective. With all feelings discarded I was a perfect weapon of destruction. With no emotions what so ever I fired on a colony, killing enemies and innocents alike. They were defenseless just like my father was.
Still I was not satisfied. I would have gone on, but Trowa and Heero had interfered. In my moment of insanity, Heero just had to push me. I told him to stay away! He didn't listen, I attempted to fire at him but Trowa got in my range to protect Heero and now he's dead! Another precious life I had taken. Only after freeing my mind from the Zero System did I realize all the chaos I had caused, all the lives I had destroyed. And my many weaknesses, I let a computer system control my and I ruthlessly killed thousands of people, and when I was my true me, my kindness proved to be my weak point.
I am guilty for those lives I took because of my weakness. That's why I am here now with the knife in my hands. It's the only way for me to prevent more useless deaths and pay for the lives I've shortened.
I traced the veins in my wrist with the blade. I made my decision; it was now or never. I made the deadly cut and my god the pain it caused. But in my clouded mind it was just another obstacle in the way of correcting my mistake. Lost in my last thoughts I watched as the blood gush out with each pulse.
"Quatre! What are you doing?!" As a reaction I jerked up to see whom it was. Using all my strength I lifted my head to see who had run at my side and started making an attempt to stop my death. My vision is hazy and I can barley make out the figure, but I can tell that it's Heero.
Slowly my vision is growing dark and Heero is near doing all he can to get me out of this colorless pit. In a low voice I said, "Let me go Heero."
"No, the world still needs you."
"I am a burden to this world, let me go."
"One who is kind is never a burden, no matter the circumstances."
These words stretched on in my mind. Until I finally lost conscience.