In The Time of Dragons and Duloc?
Chapter One: The Life of...an Ogre?
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort... Which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower... for her true love and true love's first kiss.
"Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of..." a voice from the inside of a rather crude looking outhouse said in a laughing manner before the sound of a toilet flushing was heard.
Trowa Barton was having the time of his life, he enjoyed living alone and he planned on living alone forever. He lived in a swamp surrounded by, more swamp, the stones covered with slime as were the toadstools. But that was the way that he liked things, and he wouldn't change them for anything. Though off somewhere in his swamp he heard thesounds of villagers, he sighed inwardly, why did they bother? They never ventured into the swamp, and if they did, did they not see the signs? At times like this he thought that humans were illiterate, or just plain stupid, which was more than likely.
"Go! Go! Go. Go. Go..." he heard one of them say as they approached his home.
"Think it's in there?"
"All right. Let's get it!"
"Woah! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?" one of them asked, holding back his eager commrade.
"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread."
"Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, Ogres--, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin," Trowa said as he had snuck up on them, not that he didn't have trouble hiding his noise as he'd walked, they'd made more than enough noise to hear them.
"No!" the villagers yelled.
"They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast," Trowa said quite thoughtfully. Then one of the braver villagers approached him brandishing a flaming branch.
"Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!" he yelled, then gasped in surprise as Trowa put the branch out as if it were no more than a candle sitting atop a birthday cake.
"Right," he said, then taking a breath roared as loud as he could, a rather frightening sight, causing the villagers to scream and huddle together, the roaring and screaming continuing for quite some time before Trowa decided to lean over and he whispered to them.
"This is the part where you run away," he stated, and they did. Laughing he merely shook his head and yelled after them, "And stay out!"
Though now, something was bothering him during his usually quiet and peaceful meal of weed rat the mob had dropped a flyer of some sorts.
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures?" He merely shrugged it off and began to eat his weed rat stew.
***
"NEXT!" a guard shouted from his wooden table in the forest clearing where people had lined up with odd creatures and items for some reason or another.
"I have here an enchanted puppet," a man with a toy crafters apron on stated.
"Hmm... five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away," the guard stated handing the man money to the old man as two guards took the puppet from him.
"No...I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy, Papa..." the puppet went on but the man didn't seem to hear him.
"NEXT!" the guard,(Who by the way is a random OZ soldier), yelled out to the line that was slowly moving forwards, this was going to take all day.
"What is it lady?" the guard asked looking at the donkey she had with her.
" Well I've got a talking donkey," the old woman said looking to the guard with a greedy grin on her face looking over the stack of gold coins beside him.
" Right......well that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it," the guard said looking to the animal with a raised brow.
"Oh yes, of course it talks. Come on donkey, say hello to the nice guard," the woman said. The guard raised an eyebrow as he watched the woman and the rather silent animal.
" Oh well go a head little fella" the woman said.
" Well????" the guard urged waiting for something to happen.
" Oh huh. ahh...He's Just a little nervous, he's really quite the chatter box. Talk you bone headed donkey," the woman whispering the last part harshly into the donkey's ear.
" That's it I've heard enough, Guards," the one guard said waving a hand and motioning for his men to take the donkey and the old woman away from him.
" No, no he talks, he does..." the woman said grasping the donkey's mouth and began to do a very, VERY bad job of making it look like the donkey was talking, " I can talk. I love to talk...I am the talkinest damn thing you ever saw."
" Get her out of my sight," the guard stated and two of his men grabbed both the arms of the old woman. Yelling and struggling, the old woman kicked her legs up, accidentally kicking a cage that had a fairy, (Tinkerbell), in it, releasing it. Flying around the fairy sprinkled dust, especially on the donkey that was supposedly a talking donkey.
" AHHHH...Hey I can fly," the donkey said.
"He can fly," a little boy (Peter Pan), stated doing his oh-so-famous pose with his hands on his hips, and the three little pigs stated at the same time.
"He can...talk," the guard yelled standing up from the table and bracing his hands on it.
"That's right fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly! But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha ha...He ha...ahh ohh" the donkey trailed off as he started to fall down towards the ground once again looking around nervously.
"GET IT!" the guard shouted and his men took off after the donkey that ran off into the forest. The donkey was too busy looking backwards that he didn't see the ogre that he ran into, who merely looked to him, then up at the pursuing guards.
"You there, Ogre! Under order...of his...ruler...Lord Farquaad...you are to be taken..." the guard started to say but trailed off as he noticed all his men had run off, so he did the same.
Trowa turned to look at the Donkey who he had 'saved' and raised an eyebrow, he was talking, but the words were just going so fast that he couldn't really understand what it was he was saying. Getting fed up he growled bits and pieces of swamp slime that had been on his teeth came off landing beside the donkey.
"You definitely need some tic tacs or something because your breath STINKS!" the donkey yelled at him as he started to follow the ogre.
"Quit following me donkey," the ogre said trying to ignore the following nuisance. Trowa thought that he had lost him until the donkey appeared, he'd climbed on a fallen log and was looking down at him upside down.
"Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose. Just like the time (MUMBLES) and then I ate some rotten berries, I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day!" the donkey said dragging on and on and on. Trowa was starting to wonder what shut this thing up, removing his hand from the donkey's mouth he started to walk towards his swamp home.
"I'm all alonnnnne...Theres no-body hereeee..." the donkey started to sing and Trowa turned to glare at him.
"I'm starting to understand why you don't have any friends," he stated and stopped on top of a hill looking down at his house.
"Only a true friend would be that truly honest," the donkey said and looked down wrinkling his nose a bit. "Who'd wanna live in a place like that ?" he asked out loud.
" That's my home," Trowa stated simply looking back over his shoulder as he walked down the grassy hill towards the house.
"Oh well...it's amazing what you can do on such a modest bud jet ... I like that boudlder . That is a nice boulder," donkey continued to stay as he followed Trowa, not really paying attention to the signs as he passed them.
"Uh..."
"What is it donkey?" Trowa asked standing on his front porch looking him over a bit.
"Can I stay with you Trowa?" the donkey asked him.
"What?"
"Can I stay with you, please?" he asked again.
"Of course," Trowa said simply going to open the door to his house.
"Really?" he asked with disbelief.
"No,"
"Please I don't want to go back out there you don't no what it's like to be considered, well maybe you do you've got to let me stay please," the donkey pleaded with him, giving him the cute little puppy dog eyes.
"Ok but for 1 night only," Trowa said opening the door to let himself in.
"All right man this is going to be fun we can stay up late swapping manly stories and in the morning I'm making waffles" the donkey said as he sat down on Trowa's only chair in the small house for one.
Chapter One: The Life of...an Ogre?
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort... Which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower... for her true love and true love's first kiss.
"Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of..." a voice from the inside of a rather crude looking outhouse said in a laughing manner before the sound of a toilet flushing was heard.
Trowa Barton was having the time of his life, he enjoyed living alone and he planned on living alone forever. He lived in a swamp surrounded by, more swamp, the stones covered with slime as were the toadstools. But that was the way that he liked things, and he wouldn't change them for anything. Though off somewhere in his swamp he heard thesounds of villagers, he sighed inwardly, why did they bother? They never ventured into the swamp, and if they did, did they not see the signs? At times like this he thought that humans were illiterate, or just plain stupid, which was more than likely.
"Go! Go! Go. Go. Go..." he heard one of them say as they approached his home.
"Think it's in there?"
"All right. Let's get it!"
"Woah! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?" one of them asked, holding back his eager commrade.
"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread."
"Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, Ogres--, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin," Trowa said as he had snuck up on them, not that he didn't have trouble hiding his noise as he'd walked, they'd made more than enough noise to hear them.
"No!" the villagers yelled.
"They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast," Trowa said quite thoughtfully. Then one of the braver villagers approached him brandishing a flaming branch.
"Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!" he yelled, then gasped in surprise as Trowa put the branch out as if it were no more than a candle sitting atop a birthday cake.
"Right," he said, then taking a breath roared as loud as he could, a rather frightening sight, causing the villagers to scream and huddle together, the roaring and screaming continuing for quite some time before Trowa decided to lean over and he whispered to them.
"This is the part where you run away," he stated, and they did. Laughing he merely shook his head and yelled after them, "And stay out!"
Though now, something was bothering him during his usually quiet and peaceful meal of weed rat the mob had dropped a flyer of some sorts.
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures?" He merely shrugged it off and began to eat his weed rat stew.
***
"NEXT!" a guard shouted from his wooden table in the forest clearing where people had lined up with odd creatures and items for some reason or another.
"I have here an enchanted puppet," a man with a toy crafters apron on stated.
"Hmm... five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away," the guard stated handing the man money to the old man as two guards took the puppet from him.
"No...I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy, Papa..." the puppet went on but the man didn't seem to hear him.
"NEXT!" the guard,(Who by the way is a random OZ soldier), yelled out to the line that was slowly moving forwards, this was going to take all day.
"What is it lady?" the guard asked looking at the donkey she had with her.
" Well I've got a talking donkey," the old woman said looking to the guard with a greedy grin on her face looking over the stack of gold coins beside him.
" Right......well that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it," the guard said looking to the animal with a raised brow.
"Oh yes, of course it talks. Come on donkey, say hello to the nice guard," the woman said. The guard raised an eyebrow as he watched the woman and the rather silent animal.
" Oh well go a head little fella" the woman said.
" Well????" the guard urged waiting for something to happen.
" Oh huh. ahh...He's Just a little nervous, he's really quite the chatter box. Talk you bone headed donkey," the woman whispering the last part harshly into the donkey's ear.
" That's it I've heard enough, Guards," the one guard said waving a hand and motioning for his men to take the donkey and the old woman away from him.
" No, no he talks, he does..." the woman said grasping the donkey's mouth and began to do a very, VERY bad job of making it look like the donkey was talking, " I can talk. I love to talk...I am the talkinest damn thing you ever saw."
" Get her out of my sight," the guard stated and two of his men grabbed both the arms of the old woman. Yelling and struggling, the old woman kicked her legs up, accidentally kicking a cage that had a fairy, (Tinkerbell), in it, releasing it. Flying around the fairy sprinkled dust, especially on the donkey that was supposedly a talking donkey.
" AHHHH...Hey I can fly," the donkey said.
"He can fly," a little boy (Peter Pan), stated doing his oh-so-famous pose with his hands on his hips, and the three little pigs stated at the same time.
"He can...talk," the guard yelled standing up from the table and bracing his hands on it.
"That's right fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly! But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha ha...He ha...ahh ohh" the donkey trailed off as he started to fall down towards the ground once again looking around nervously.
"GET IT!" the guard shouted and his men took off after the donkey that ran off into the forest. The donkey was too busy looking backwards that he didn't see the ogre that he ran into, who merely looked to him, then up at the pursuing guards.
"You there, Ogre! Under order...of his...ruler...Lord Farquaad...you are to be taken..." the guard started to say but trailed off as he noticed all his men had run off, so he did the same.
Trowa turned to look at the Donkey who he had 'saved' and raised an eyebrow, he was talking, but the words were just going so fast that he couldn't really understand what it was he was saying. Getting fed up he growled bits and pieces of swamp slime that had been on his teeth came off landing beside the donkey.
"You definitely need some tic tacs or something because your breath STINKS!" the donkey yelled at him as he started to follow the ogre.
"Quit following me donkey," the ogre said trying to ignore the following nuisance. Trowa thought that he had lost him until the donkey appeared, he'd climbed on a fallen log and was looking down at him upside down.
"Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose. Just like the time (MUMBLES) and then I ate some rotten berries, I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day!" the donkey said dragging on and on and on. Trowa was starting to wonder what shut this thing up, removing his hand from the donkey's mouth he started to walk towards his swamp home.
"I'm all alonnnnne...Theres no-body hereeee..." the donkey started to sing and Trowa turned to glare at him.
"I'm starting to understand why you don't have any friends," he stated and stopped on top of a hill looking down at his house.
"Only a true friend would be that truly honest," the donkey said and looked down wrinkling his nose a bit. "Who'd wanna live in a place like that ?" he asked out loud.
" That's my home," Trowa stated simply looking back over his shoulder as he walked down the grassy hill towards the house.
"Oh well...it's amazing what you can do on such a modest bud jet ... I like that boudlder . That is a nice boulder," donkey continued to stay as he followed Trowa, not really paying attention to the signs as he passed them.
"Uh..."
"What is it donkey?" Trowa asked standing on his front porch looking him over a bit.
"Can I stay with you Trowa?" the donkey asked him.
"What?"
"Can I stay with you, please?" he asked again.
"Of course," Trowa said simply going to open the door to his house.
"Really?" he asked with disbelief.
"No,"
"Please I don't want to go back out there you don't no what it's like to be considered, well maybe you do you've got to let me stay please," the donkey pleaded with him, giving him the cute little puppy dog eyes.
"Ok but for 1 night only," Trowa said opening the door to let himself in.
"All right man this is going to be fun we can stay up late swapping manly stories and in the morning I'm making waffles" the donkey said as he sat down on Trowa's only chair in the small house for one.