James,
Why did you die?
Why did you leave me?
Why did I let you stay close even though I knew you were going to die?
Everything has gone to hell.
I have to stay strong for Will, Henry, Kate, Bigfoot, John. But there's nobody there for me to fall apart to.
Nobody to care whether or not I'm falling, because I am, I've been falling for so long I don't remember the feeling of staying still.
I think Nikola has noticed. He was watching me earlier while I was working.
But he doesn't know how I feel.
Because you were the only one I told, about how John was even when he was sane, how he treated me when he wasn't, how easy I found it to shoot him, when I was so scared that I was going to fail with Ashley, I told you everything.
But you didn't tell me everything. You didn't tell me that the suit was failing, you didn't tell me that you knew you were about to die.
Why?
That's all it boils down to really, isn't it?
But if you had told me, I could have helped, I could have prolonged your life.
But you didn't want that.
You would have wanted to go on your own terms, which you did.
And I suppose that I will have to accept that.