This story is possibly the strangest thing I've ever written. If you've
read all my other stories, you might get confused because this is very
different from any other style I've used over the years. It is written
completely from Abby's point of view including her thoughts and everything.
Anything that is not dialogue is being thought of by Abby. It took me a
long time to write this, but I've already written the first two chapters,
so they should be posted bing bang. I just got my computer back from
Gateway on Saturday and I spent all day today dealing with the morons at my
schools computer lab and trying to load all my files onto my computer.
Needless to say this took me a really long time and also included a lot of
prayers since I wasn't 100% sure I had all my stories on disks before the
computer crashed
For those of you who do not like this story: I'm sorry. Go read some of my other stories and maybe you'll feel better.
For those of you who do like it: Thanks! And look for more chapters coming soon!
When I pulled away from the kiss, I could not speak. I could not even look at John. I turned around and went and sat in the corner of the room, like a child who had done something wrong. Even though it felt so right when it was happening, I knew it was the wrong thing. I was still struggling with my alcoholism and Carter was.well.Carter.
That was six months ago.
Now I am with Michael, who I met a few weeks after the lockdown. He is not a doctor, a nurse, a desk clerk, or anything else in the medical industry. Maybe that's why I love him. He has met a few of my friends from the hospital, but he is not in my day to day life which makes it less complicated. I thought I never wanted to be married again. I thought that maybe I was too complicated for any man to deal with. That was before Michael.
He has no baggage. One night, after we had made love, I sat in bed and thought about the past men in my life. Richard had made me feel like I needed him, and in the process had used me in all aspects. Luka had not really needed me at all. He was too caught up in his own problems. John was probably the only other person who I could possibly have connected with. Maybe that's why we were such good friends. We understood each other. We didn't pity each other, or tattle on each other, we let each other talk and then helped solve the problem. Michael doesn't know about who I was. He knows I have been married, and he knows I was in a difficult relationship a couple years ago, but he doesn't know about Carter, or about my mother, or, most importantly, about my abortion.
All of this is why I agreed to marry him when he proposed to me three days ago. It does seem like a short time, but I need to get on with my life. It seems like such a sporadic thing for me to do, but I really feel like I am doing the right thing for once in my life. We decided to have a small ceremony in a few weeks. Nothing exciting or over the top. I wanted to invite my best friend, but I knew that wouldn't be possible because I know my best friend is in love with me.
Right now I'm sitting with Susan in a bridal shop looking at wedding gowns. I wasn't really going to go through all this, but Susan insisted, so here we are. Richard and I got married at the courthouse by a judge. Neither one of us were too religious, and he didn't think it was necessary to drag a lot of people we didn't know into our lives. I always imagined somewhere in the back of my mind that Luka would propose to me. In the wee hours of the morning when he was sleeping with his strong arms around me, I would think how safe it was to be like that. I thought that was what I wanted.
A salesgirl knocks on the door to the dressing room and brings me out of my daydream. She wants to know what I think of the latest dress that she's handed through the door. I think it's hideous. Susan agrees and made a face.
"Do we have to do this today? I'm just not in the mood." I whine.
"You're getting married in three weeks. Unless you want to go in jeans and a t-shirt, you need to find something to wear quickly." Susan responds. I guess she does have a point.
"What's wrong with jeans and a t-shirt? I think that's a good idea." My reply causes her to roll her eyes.
"Over my dead body." Susan sticks her tongue out. "There are other stores in Chicago. We can grab lunch and then just go somewhere else."
"Can't we just postpone til tomorrow?" I groan.
"Fine. But we're getting lunch anyway!" I nod my head as I attempt to get out of this latest dress. Unfortunately, as I tried to step out of it, I took a bad step and went flying over. I thought it was funny, I really did, but Susan didn't look quite as amused. Twenty minutes later, we're sitting at a little café a few blocks away.
I'm not exactly sure when Susan and I actually became friends. Maybe that sexual harassment seminar was the beginning. She told me once that that was the night she and Carter broke up. She never actually said it was because of me, but I could see it in her face. She doesn't mind so much anymore though, and we never actually talk about him. No one knows about what happened the night of that lockdown, except the two parties involved.
My thoughts are interrupted once again by Susan asking me something. I look up and realize she knows I wasn't paying attention to her.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Are you sure? You seem distracted."
"No. I'm fine. This whole thing is just happening so fast." I attempt to smile.
"Well this whole thing was kind of your idea."
"I know."
"You could always postpone it for a couple months." Susan suggested.
"No. I can't do that to Michael."
"What about you?"
"I love him." Even though I try to convince her and myself of this, I cannot look her in the face as I say the words. Thankfully we are interrupted by the waiter coming to take our orders.
"I had this date with this guy the other night."
"The lawyer?"
"Yeah. Trey."
"How was it?"
"Fun. We went to dinner and a movie."
"And?"
"And what?" Susan said innocently. I raise my eyebrows at her. "He was very sweet. Kissed me on the cheek at my doorstep."
"And then?" I know her track record. Why? Because she always tells me.
"Well I felt guilty that I had been trying to find something wrong with him the entire night."
"Oh god.you didn't?"
"Come on! You would have done the same thing if you were in my position." I can see Susan is going to get defensive and there is nothing I will be able to say to redeem myself.
"Well how was it?"
"Good." Susan is now starting to blush. "Really good. Really really good."
"Too much information!" I groan again as she smiles.
"But do you know how long it's been?"
"What about that bartender from the Lava Lounge?"
"That never happened." Susan shook her head. "And he was way too young for me."
"Trey is young too." I feel a need to point this out.
"Well so is Carter but we aren't talking about him!" Susan giggles.
"You're not planning a bachelorette party are you?" I ask, changing the subject quickly.
"Of course! What other fun do us single gals get?"
"Oh, I don't know. The reception!" I raise my eyes.
"It's different though. There's no strippers at the reception!" Susan's smirk is starting to scare me.
"No! There's aren't going to be any strippers at any part of this wedding."
"You're no fun." Susan is pouting and I can see that I'm not going to get anywhere with this.
"I know."
"Just one stripper?"
"Uch, I'm not talking about this with you."
"Fine."
I should realize that something is wrong with me. I'm not in the mood to get married. I don't want a dress, I don't want a wild party, I just don't want to deal with all this again. I'm really not even sure what I want anymore. I wish I could just go somewhere, have someone else make all the plans and then come back and get married. If only it were that simple.
For those of you who do not like this story: I'm sorry. Go read some of my other stories and maybe you'll feel better.
For those of you who do like it: Thanks! And look for more chapters coming soon!
When I pulled away from the kiss, I could not speak. I could not even look at John. I turned around and went and sat in the corner of the room, like a child who had done something wrong. Even though it felt so right when it was happening, I knew it was the wrong thing. I was still struggling with my alcoholism and Carter was.well.Carter.
That was six months ago.
Now I am with Michael, who I met a few weeks after the lockdown. He is not a doctor, a nurse, a desk clerk, or anything else in the medical industry. Maybe that's why I love him. He has met a few of my friends from the hospital, but he is not in my day to day life which makes it less complicated. I thought I never wanted to be married again. I thought that maybe I was too complicated for any man to deal with. That was before Michael.
He has no baggage. One night, after we had made love, I sat in bed and thought about the past men in my life. Richard had made me feel like I needed him, and in the process had used me in all aspects. Luka had not really needed me at all. He was too caught up in his own problems. John was probably the only other person who I could possibly have connected with. Maybe that's why we were such good friends. We understood each other. We didn't pity each other, or tattle on each other, we let each other talk and then helped solve the problem. Michael doesn't know about who I was. He knows I have been married, and he knows I was in a difficult relationship a couple years ago, but he doesn't know about Carter, or about my mother, or, most importantly, about my abortion.
All of this is why I agreed to marry him when he proposed to me three days ago. It does seem like a short time, but I need to get on with my life. It seems like such a sporadic thing for me to do, but I really feel like I am doing the right thing for once in my life. We decided to have a small ceremony in a few weeks. Nothing exciting or over the top. I wanted to invite my best friend, but I knew that wouldn't be possible because I know my best friend is in love with me.
Right now I'm sitting with Susan in a bridal shop looking at wedding gowns. I wasn't really going to go through all this, but Susan insisted, so here we are. Richard and I got married at the courthouse by a judge. Neither one of us were too religious, and he didn't think it was necessary to drag a lot of people we didn't know into our lives. I always imagined somewhere in the back of my mind that Luka would propose to me. In the wee hours of the morning when he was sleeping with his strong arms around me, I would think how safe it was to be like that. I thought that was what I wanted.
A salesgirl knocks on the door to the dressing room and brings me out of my daydream. She wants to know what I think of the latest dress that she's handed through the door. I think it's hideous. Susan agrees and made a face.
"Do we have to do this today? I'm just not in the mood." I whine.
"You're getting married in three weeks. Unless you want to go in jeans and a t-shirt, you need to find something to wear quickly." Susan responds. I guess she does have a point.
"What's wrong with jeans and a t-shirt? I think that's a good idea." My reply causes her to roll her eyes.
"Over my dead body." Susan sticks her tongue out. "There are other stores in Chicago. We can grab lunch and then just go somewhere else."
"Can't we just postpone til tomorrow?" I groan.
"Fine. But we're getting lunch anyway!" I nod my head as I attempt to get out of this latest dress. Unfortunately, as I tried to step out of it, I took a bad step and went flying over. I thought it was funny, I really did, but Susan didn't look quite as amused. Twenty minutes later, we're sitting at a little café a few blocks away.
I'm not exactly sure when Susan and I actually became friends. Maybe that sexual harassment seminar was the beginning. She told me once that that was the night she and Carter broke up. She never actually said it was because of me, but I could see it in her face. She doesn't mind so much anymore though, and we never actually talk about him. No one knows about what happened the night of that lockdown, except the two parties involved.
My thoughts are interrupted once again by Susan asking me something. I look up and realize she knows I wasn't paying attention to her.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Are you sure? You seem distracted."
"No. I'm fine. This whole thing is just happening so fast." I attempt to smile.
"Well this whole thing was kind of your idea."
"I know."
"You could always postpone it for a couple months." Susan suggested.
"No. I can't do that to Michael."
"What about you?"
"I love him." Even though I try to convince her and myself of this, I cannot look her in the face as I say the words. Thankfully we are interrupted by the waiter coming to take our orders.
"I had this date with this guy the other night."
"The lawyer?"
"Yeah. Trey."
"How was it?"
"Fun. We went to dinner and a movie."
"And?"
"And what?" Susan said innocently. I raise my eyebrows at her. "He was very sweet. Kissed me on the cheek at my doorstep."
"And then?" I know her track record. Why? Because she always tells me.
"Well I felt guilty that I had been trying to find something wrong with him the entire night."
"Oh god.you didn't?"
"Come on! You would have done the same thing if you were in my position." I can see Susan is going to get defensive and there is nothing I will be able to say to redeem myself.
"Well how was it?"
"Good." Susan is now starting to blush. "Really good. Really really good."
"Too much information!" I groan again as she smiles.
"But do you know how long it's been?"
"What about that bartender from the Lava Lounge?"
"That never happened." Susan shook her head. "And he was way too young for me."
"Trey is young too." I feel a need to point this out.
"Well so is Carter but we aren't talking about him!" Susan giggles.
"You're not planning a bachelorette party are you?" I ask, changing the subject quickly.
"Of course! What other fun do us single gals get?"
"Oh, I don't know. The reception!" I raise my eyes.
"It's different though. There's no strippers at the reception!" Susan's smirk is starting to scare me.
"No! There's aren't going to be any strippers at any part of this wedding."
"You're no fun." Susan is pouting and I can see that I'm not going to get anywhere with this.
"I know."
"Just one stripper?"
"Uch, I'm not talking about this with you."
"Fine."
I should realize that something is wrong with me. I'm not in the mood to get married. I don't want a dress, I don't want a wild party, I just don't want to deal with all this again. I'm really not even sure what I want anymore. I wish I could just go somewhere, have someone else make all the plans and then come back and get married. If only it were that simple.