By Ael L. Bolt
Rating: G
Genre: Humor/Parody
Timeframe: Between Harry getting his letter and him arriving at Hogwarts
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, FB&WtFT, QTTA
Summary: Harry is extremely excited about finding out he's a wizard - wouldn't you be? Perhaps not enough to weave such a fast-paced tale and show remarkable clairvoyancy at the same time, but I digress.
Disclaimer: The tune of "Hardware Store" belongs to Weird Al Yankovic and is featured on his new album, 'Poodle Hat.' Buy it, it's hilarious.
Author's Notes: I don't know how I managed it, but I got references to all the existing Potter books in this parody - and it only covers the month before first year! FYI - a demiguise is the creature whose fur is used to make Invisibility Cloaks.
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until Hagrid told me the news
He said "Hey, you know your Mum and Dad
Who died a few years ago? Well, somebody bad then
Killed 'em off, and you're a special wizard
So let's go buy robes and see skrewts"
Since then I've been walking on air (air)
Now I know why there's a scar hidden in my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and the Dursleys don't care
I've been waiting since July
For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
The castle, wish I could fly
I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna not stare at my face?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place
In my cupboard I no longer spend the night
I've been to the Alley, my new wand spat light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
At that Quality Quidditch Supplies
Gonna get me a cauldron and a broom
Need a map to find every single room in the school
See these dress robes? In four years from now
They will match my emerald eyes
People staring at me all the while
I buy rolls of parchment that go on for miles and miles
Brand new feather quill sets in a plethora of styles
All arranged by their rarity
And I'm gonna do death-defying stunts
Gonna prove that I'm not really such a runt
I hope I'm gonna be a true Gryffindor
Gonna set a house-elf free
I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna not stare at my face?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place
Would you listen to this stuff...
We've got House Quidditch robes, demiguise cloak, owl treats, Remembrall smoke
Brand-new broomstick, bed of my pick, magic wand and a box of jokes
Boomslang snakeskin, Gringotts gold key, Seeker arm guards, books about me
Flying Ford cars, saved by centaurs, special gloves for Herbology
Moving pictures, evil Riddles, Zonko's dungbombs, just a little
Convict godmutt, Malfoy's dumb strut, dragon eggs and doggie spittle
Voldemort dreams, snakes are talking, four House tables, late-night walking
Hagrid's rock cakes, Trelawney's fake, my mother's love, ferret-mocking
Solemnly swear up to no good, dementor lowers its hood
Password-telling, object-spelling, Forbidden Forest or wood
Mean professors, school contestors, can see thestrals, Peeves' rude gestures
Hyper small owl, evil Snape scowl, Aragog and OWL testers
Sorting Hat that gives me a sword, can stubbornly annoy the Dark Lord
Werewolf Moony, Lovegood's loony, let's do something I'm getting bored
Redhead pranksters, love the Burrow, 'Mione's essays are thorough
Chudley Cannons, Charlie's dragons, can't wait 'till I leave tomorrow
I can't wait (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna not stare at my face?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (Hog) warts I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Hog) I'm goin' to the (Hog) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hogwarts place