Behold the second part of my collab with sakiihana! We're posting our respective chapters separately, but rest assured it is indeed one story line. Neither of us own any cool stuff, but enjoy it anyway!
Attempt Two: Measurements and Comparisons
It had been exactly five days, sixteen hours, and thirty-four minutes since I died. Not like I'd been counting or anything, but between you and me, the afterlife is nothing to look forward to. It's hellishly boring, especially when you're stuck with the same people you were in life. Demyx was still prancing, Xemnas was still raving, and Larxene was still bitching. Death apparently doesn't change you much, especially when you didn't exist to begin with.
For Nobodies, apparently Dead Castle Oblivion is the underworld. Which led to some interesting metaphysical questions that I'm sure Zexion and Vexen spend long hours discussing. I for one, don't give a crap. I mean, we're dead, we're here, and we can't leave. That's all I need to know.
So there I was, minding my own business in my room when the lightbulb exploded, showering me with glass.
"Hey!" I complained, only mildly alarmed. Being dead puts things in perspective, but that had been Roxas's lamp, back when we were roommates. Whole huge castle available, and Xemnas felt the need for us to double up in rooms. He said it built camaraderie or some such crap.
I snapped my fingers and a small ball of flame appeared in my palm. I grinned at it. I love fire.
I heard a small noise from outside my door and sighed. "Larxene, stop sulking out there. I know it's you." No one else could burst lightbulbs on command. One of her manifold talents, along with mocking my war paint. Yeah, it's war paint. Commit it to memory.
The door opened and she slid in, looking fairly evil. That is to say, more evil than usual. Seriously, when you crossed her, that girl could out-evil the Superior and Saix combined.
"What do you want?" I asked tiredly. I played with the fire in my hand, dropping it back and forth from palm to palm. It was the only light in the room except for the light coming in from the hall. It was always dark outside Dead Castle Oblivion.
"Can't friends just come to visit each other?" she asked, pretending to be hurt. Frankly, I've seen more convincing displays of emotion from Lexaeus.
"They can. But, since we're not exactly friends…" I trailed off. "So. What do you want?"
She stretched her arms over her head and yawned. "Well…I was just curious…what's your waistline?"
"What?"
"You know, you're waist line. You do have an ideal figure, you know."
Well. That was unexpected. Did Larxene just…hit on me? "Thanks," I said warily.
"Ideal for a girl." There we go. Knew it couldn't have been a straight compliment.
Larxene grinned wickedly. Such a shame. She would be pretty if it weren't for the constant aura of destruction that surrounded her. "So, what's your waistline?"
I rolled my eyes. "I don't know. I don't really care." This wasn't something guys tended to know about themselves.
"Fine." A measuring tape appeared in her hands.
"How'd you do that?!" I asked. Some kind of new skill? Why couldn't I do that?
"Magical girl powers." Huh? "Hold up your arms for a sec." She wrapped the tape around my waist.
"Hey! Don't touch me! Creep! Get off!"
"Twenty five inches," she said, with some satisfaction. She then wrapped the tape around her own waist. "Twenty five…" her eyes bugged out, matching her lovely hair antennae. "And a HALF? What the hell?!"
Larxene's face was turning a mildly amusing shade of purple. I, again, didn't really care.
"Ohhh. Too bad, that," I said loftily. "You wanna turn the lights back on? I'm kind of tired of holding fire." Holding fire wasn't a problem, but being constantly careful not to ignite everything around me kind of was.
"There's no way you have a skinnier waist than me! There's just no way!" Larxene said again, looking stunned. She measured herself again, frowned, and came at me with the tape measurer.
"No. Don't touch me!" I turned and bravely fled my own room. I paused by the door. "Don't worry about it though. I'm sure your chest is bigger than mine."
Silence followed, and I strolled off down the hall. Suddenly, Larxene burst out of my room.
"Hold still!" She looped the tape around my chest, checked the number, and screamed long and loud.
I ripped through the tape and ran for my life, hoping to escape whatever rage I had just unleashed.
From far off down the hallway, I heard her screams echoing.
"His pecs are bigger than my chest?!"
Attempt two—fail.
A/N Just a short little continuation of my collab with sakiihana. In case you didn't read the first part, this is what's going on—clearly, this is post-mortem, and Larxene is bored. And a bored Larxene is a scary Larxene, and thus, she mocks Axel to pass her time. Will she ever manage to phase him? Will Axel's hips ever be proportionally correct?! Read sakiihana's continuation to see!