"Celebrity Jeopardy" belongs to Saturday Night Live. The various contestants come from the various backgrounds which will be mentioned, they aren't mine. Whatever laughs or kicks you get out of this are entirely yours.
"Hello and welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy! I am your host, Erek King!" there is applause.
"Now let's meet our contestants! Here from the His Dark Materials series we have Lord Asriel!"
"Ahahahhaaaa!" he laughs heartily.
"Very nice Lord Asriel. And from the famous Harry Potter series, we have Hagrid!"
"G-night to ye!" He says and waves a hand.
"Yes, yes and from our very dear Animorphs series we have a random Hork-Bajir. Won't you say hello Fet?" The Hork-Bajir looks around and scratches his head.
"Fet?" Erek tries to call back. The Hork-Bajir blinks at the set.
"Ooooooo….biiiiig leeeetteeeeeerrssss….." he marvels.
"Fet you're facing the completely wrong direction!" Erek says growing impatient.
"Just like you like it Erek! HAHAHAHAHAAA!" Lord Asriel laughs.
"That made no sense whatsoever," He sighs. "Let's just start the game. The categories are: Famous Fantasy Writers, Harry Potter's Classical Roots, Infamous Plot Holes, Diets of Fantastic Monsters, Villains, and Fanfiction. Lord Asriel you are our returning champion so you get first pick at the board."
"Bwuahahahahaa! I'll take Famous Fantasy Writers for 200 Erek, Ahahahaaa!" Erek blinks.
"All right, Famous Fantasy Writers for 200." The board turns.
"What author penned this trilogy which features parallel worlds, angels and a magical compass?" All the contestants stare blankly. Erek coughs.
"Ahem. I will repeat the question. What author penned this trilogy which features parallel worlds, angels and a magical compass?" Hagrid tries to buzz in but smashes the buzzer.
"Ur..oh…ah…beeeeeeeeep!" he supplements.
"Yes Hagrid?"
"Philip Pullman!"
"You must answer in the form of a question."
"What is Philip Pullman?" the Hork-Bajir asks.
"Yes that is correct Fet!" There is more applause and Fet just shrugs.
"Awwww e' didn't even buzz in!" Hagrid complains.
"Fet would you like to pick the next category?"
"Albus Dumbledore would 'of given it! Great man that Dumbledore…" Hagrid continues.
"Fet? Pick a category please or I will pick one for you." Erek continues. The Hork-Bajir precedes to pick at something in his ear.
" All right I'll pick for you. Harry Potter's Latin Roots for 100. This spell which casts a light at the end of a wand comes from what Latin root meaning light?" Again they all stay silent. Hagrid lights up in realization.
"Oh! Beeeeeeeeeep!"
"Yes Hagrid?"
"Lumos!"
"Answer in the form of a question please." Hagrid clenches his fists and stews in anger.
"Beep!" Lord Asriel buzzes in.
"Yes, Lord Asriel?"
"You mother! AHAHAHAAAA!" Erek looks at him in confusion.
"I don't even have a mother! I was assembled on a factory line back on the Pemalite home world!"
"Ahahhaaaa!" Lord Asriel laughs anyway.
"Is anyone going to answer this question?" They all stare at him.
"Fine, the correct answer was what is lumos. Hagrid please keep in mind to answer these in the form of a question."
"Bah!" Hagrid folds his arms.
"Okay, Fet still has the board. I guess I will be choosing again. Diets of Fantastic Creatures for 300. This brachial, semi-sentient reptile dines on its surroundings, using its sharp blades." He looks at Fet.
"Fet? You might want to answer this question instead of playing with Lord Asriel's daemon." The Hork-Bajir doesn't bother to look up from pawing through Stelmaria's fur, picking out ticks and eating them.
*sigh* "Fine, Hagrid would you like to answer?" Hagrid still has his arms folded.
"I ent' answerin'!" he says stubbornly.
"Lord Asriel? Would you like to answer this very simple question?" Lord Asriel has a relaxed, goofy look on his face as Fet tickles Stelmaria.
"Oh yeah, that's the spot…" he relishes.
" Okay, the time has passed. The correct answer was what is a Hork-Bajir. Will you all please resolve to actually answer the question?"
" I would if ye'd let me!" Hagrid says angrily.
" It's very simple Hagrid, just put 'what is' before whatever you answer is." Erek explains in a condescending tone.
" I will again, choose the next category. Villains for 300. This villain accompanies the dark wizard Lord Voldemort—"
"Ahhh! You said you-know-who's name!" Hagrid covers his ears. Erek grits his metallic teeth.
"This villain accompanies the dark wizard You-Know-Who," Hagrid relaxes. "who is an animagus, being able to turn into a rat." Suddenly, Fet decides to jump up and buzz in.
"What is Jake?"
"No, I'm sorry that's wrong. Lord Asriel?"
"Ya skipped me!" Hagrid detests.
"I did not! Now shut-up! Lord Asriel—"
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz……"
"Lord Asriel?"
"Beeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz…."
"LORD ASRIEL!!!" Erek shouts. Lord Asriel puts the anbaric can opener away. Stelmaria dutifully jumps up and waits for the kitty food. Lord Asriel pulls out a kitty dish and puts the wet food in. Stelmaria eats it happily as he strokes her. Her tail swishes in Hagrid's face.
"Ack! Put the kitty away! I'm libel to sneeze!" he shields himself. Erek sighs and buries his head in his hands.
" I knew I should have stayed on Weakest Link…"
"Beeeep!" Hagrid says very purposefully. Erek looks up.
"Now remember Hagrid, answer in the form of a question."
"Why is Peter." He says. Erek slams his head down again.
"I answered in e form of e question!" he yells. Erek lifts his head and taps it with his fingers.
"The correct answer is what is Peter."
"Beep!"
"What is it Hagrid?"
"I think I should've gotten at! I ans'red in the form of e question!"
"But you didn't say 'what is'?" Erek tries to convey.
"N'other game shows asks that!" he slams his fists on his podium and it shatters.
"Ur…oopsies…."
"Beep!"
"What Fet?"
"I'll take Harry Potter's Classical
Roots for 400 please." Erek lightens up.
"That is the Daily Double!" the
lights flash and there is applause.
"Okay, actually coming from the His Dark Materials Series, this magical, truth-telling compass is named for the Greek word meaning truth. Begin." The music starts and the lights dim. The Hork-Bajir screams. Then he goes and picks up his pen, they all write for a bit and the music stops.
"All right, let us check your answers. Actually coming from the His Dark Materials Series, this magical, truth-telling compass is named for the Greek word meaning truth. Let us see what you had." The screen displays itself. With a happy face drawn.
"You said what is a smiley face. Pretty, but also very wrong. Your wager was nothing. Hagrid? Let's see if you got the right answer." The screen displays itself.
"You said what is veritas. I am sorry but I specified that I wanted the Greek word for truth, not Latin."
"What er' ya doin with puttin Greek n' Latin together?! Are ye daft?!"
"Now, now let's not be a sore loser Hagrid. Your wager was your illegal wand dressed as your umbrella handle. " Erek comes and wrestles it from Hagrid.
"I'm goin to the Millionaire show! They give ye choices and let ye answer things as it should!" Hagrid storms off.
"Oooookaaaaaaay, Lord Asriel let's see if you got the correct answer, however I hesitate in looking." The screen displays itself. Erek stares at it for a while.
"That's an Andalite having sex with me isn't it Lord Asriel?"
"Bwuahahahaaaaaa!" Lord Asriel laughs his head off. Erek clenches his fists.
"Now that is quite enough Lord Asriel! You're being unruly and rude! I have half the mind to go over there and teach you some manners, you anti-christ asshole!"
"Come and get yours Erek!" Lord Asriel welcomes Erek to bring it on. Erek takes his coat off and grinds a fist into one hand.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Erek takes after him and they begin to tussle.
"Rowrrr!" Stelmaria attacks Erek from behind. The closing music plays and the random Hork-Bajir notices a butterfly. He begins chasing it around the set as Lord Asriel and Erek fight each other.
"Jeopardy was brought to you by the following…" Footlocker, Eeylops Owl Emporium, Far North Trekker, Metlife, Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, Anbaric Services, Macy's, and Jiffy Lube.
*************************************************************Okay, so maybe I took a little more than just characters and stuff. I wrote it anyway, sue me.