I was walking down the road. I didn't know where I was going. All I know is, it's more important to get away from this place as soon as possible. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know what I did to deserve this? Why would it come to this? Everything was so perfect.
I can feel a clog in my chest. A heavy feeling. All my emotions of love and pain are just mixing in my chest, and I don't know what to do. How do I handle a pain as great as this?
I wanted Sasuke to know, I wanted him to know how much I hate him. How much pain I'm going through now because of him. How dare he? After all this time, and this is how he repays me? That unfeeling bastard…
I couldn't walk properly. I put a hand in my chest to try and ease the pain that was slowly eating me up. It's as if this pain is starting to spread into every limb in my body. I wanted it to go away. Do I go to a bar and get drunk? Should I go home and weep? Is there even any way to make this pain go away? Fuck you Sasuke. You son of a bitch.
I go home, head straight to my room and stumble to my bed. What the fuck is wrong with the world? Why does it have to come to this? What did I do to deserve this? Did I do anything wrong?
I saw her. I saw the girl…Sakura was it? I've seen her before.
I just laid in my bed, crying, basking, and feeling the pain in my chest. Sasuke, you son of a bitch.
The next day, I hear my alarm ring. I can feel my eyes are sore from crying last night. It's 8AM, I'm going to be late for work if I don't move my fucking ass.
Graphic designer. That's what I am. Although I am trying to work my way into animation. I'm not really feeling well, and I can't find the inspiration to do anything. I just randomly scribble shapes and draw.
"Naruto, what happened?"
It was Sai. I don't look at him though. I don't want to talk about it. And so I completely ignore him.
"Naruto…"
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Sai, I'm not in the mood for this…"
I still couldn't look at him. I'm afraid if I look at him and decide to take comfort from him, I'm going to lose it and break down. I don't want to make a scene at the office.
"Okay. Fine."
Sai, goes back to his seat behind me.
"But at least have a drink with me later. I don't want you to be alone like that…"
He says that and turn back to whatever he was doing.
"Fine."
I don't want to be alone either. And the more things that goes on in my life, the less time I have to think of that bastard and what he did to me. That monster.
Finally, by the end of the day, I went out for a coffee with Sai. No, he didn't want me to get drunk. I wonder why. We were just having a decent casual conversation over coffee, about work, sports, and whatever comes to mind. I appreciate that he didn't force me to talk about anything, and I'm liking some company.
"So…Naruto, don't be late tomorrow." Sai, said good bye with a smile.
I looked at him, and gave a small smile. Yes, this guy has told me so many times how much he cares for me. I don't know how he keeps his shit together. As for me, a couple of hours of freedom from my agony, and here I am again, walking home, alone.
As I approach my apartment, I see a tall man, with dark hair, waiting at the door. Wow. The nerve of that guy to show his face. He sees me coming and starts walking over to me. I try to ignore him, but he grabbed my arm and forced me to face him.
"What the fuck you bastard! Let me go!"
"Naruto, we need to talk."
"What for? What for Sasuke? I think it's clear enough you made your choice!"
"I did not want this to happen to us! Naruto, just hear me out!"
"What do you have to say for yourself? You didn't want this to happen but you just went ahead and did it anyway. You just went out there and screw someone else!"
"Naruto…"
"Leave me alone. You have no right, to talk to me. I want you out! Out of my life forever! I don't want to have anything to do with you!"
"I'm sorry."
I looked at him with accusing eyes. He was shaking. Tears started to fall from his eyes. He seem to regret what happened. He should. But it's not going to change things. What's done is done.
"Well, sorry is not going to take the pain away…."
He looked at me with his tear-filled eyes as if he agrees with me. Well it's true. His regret and all his apologies will not make it all better. It's not going to make the pain disappear. I waited a while for his answer. If he had any. He didn't say anything. He stood in front of me crying, as if defeated.
"I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now….and satisfied."
I spoke to him sternly. I was angry at him. I am mad at him for hurting me. For betraying me, betraying my trust and breaking my heart. What a liar. What a fucking liar.
"Naruto…please…"
"It's over Sasuke. Go away, and stay away from me. Go back to her. That's where you belong."
"No….please."
"I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE! I don't want any of you. I don't want you in my life! Can't you understand that? Don't you understand that you will only keep hurting me? Stay away from me…please! That's the least you can do. Just stay away from me. I don't want to have anything to do with you. Start over with your life….with her. Just…leave me alone."
I was holding him by the shoulders now, convincing him and myself that this is for the best. I meant what I said though, I don't want him anymore. I don't want a liar in my life. I don't want a traitor. Sasuke, he was a friend and a lover to me. He just threw our relationship out like trash and he kept lying, and lying, and lying…I couldn't take it anymore. For my own sanity, I have to stop this. I was desperate. I have to make him leave.
"Naruto, please, I can make this better….fix this…please…"
I have never seen him cry like that. I felt his agony. He wanted to make this better- to change how things turned out. But I have given him enough chance. It's too late for that now.
"Sasuke Uchiha…stay away from me. Please leave me alone… I don't want you anymore. This is enough."
I turned my back to turn away from him as I feel my chest aching again.
"Good bye Sasuke."
I started walking to my apartment. Unlocked the door, opened it, entered my house, closed the door and locked it again. Once I heard the click from the lock, I broke down. It was the most painful feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. Like my limbs were ripped apart, leaving my chest empty but painful. It was so painful I couldn't feel the rest of my body, just my empty and heavy chest. I cried and cried, but it was over. I sent him away. We'll never be together, ever.
I wanted to run to him, to his embrace, but I fought with all my might not to. I wanted to hold him close again and to kiss him, to feel the love we share… well, we simply can't do that anymore. Love is not there anymore. It didn't exist anymore.
Good bye Sasuke…forever.
