Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: As usual, I make stories whenever I'm in my depressive state, I really don't know whether or not I'd be glad of it. Tsk. BUT anyways, I offer another story, first POV as per usual. No pairings but one is implied, sort of. I like using Sakuno as muse because characters like her I can relate. Most of the feelings here are a reflection of my own except for some parts that's totally Sakuno, you'll know once you read the rest.
One step.
Two step.
Three step.
Then skip.
Repeat.
Keep walking and never, I repeat, never ever look back. Pull your chin up and just keep walking. Don't ever falter. Don't let them see any weaknesses. Don't ever let one whimper escape from your lips. Just keep on walking. Not too fast, just moderately, like the others around you. Put your hands on the pockets of your coat, let them clench together inside. Don't show your teeth gritting inside your mouth, blink the tears away before they even fall. Good. So, just keep on walking.
Look straight ahead. Force your shoulders to relax. Good. Silently inhale, and then exhale. Repeat. Count one to thirty inside your mind. Inhale again, silently, and then exhale the same as before. Clench and unclench your hands inside your pockets. Good. Oh no, the tears kept on falling, use one of your hands to wipe them away.
Walk, just keep on walking. Never look back, never falter on your walk and look forward. Relax your shoulders. It's too tense. Walk. Walk. Until your feet is sore. Bite the inside of your cheeks to stop the tears. Don't let any weakness show. It's making you vulnerable; you're trying hard to be strong, right?
One step.
Two step.
Three step.
Then skip.
Repeat.
You really want to cry but you can't cry, not now, not when they're here. Not when you're trying to put a strong front. That you want to show them that you're a-okay, even though inside you want to crawl on a small space and cry, you want to hunch down like a fetus in a womb and cry your heart out. You really want to scream all the frustration, the sadness, the bitterness, everything; you really want to show them how you really feel but it's not the time nor place, no, it never was supposed to be shown to anyone.
Don't show them your weaknesses, not to any of them, especially him. Yes, especially him. You know that whether you show it or not doesn't matter to him, he simply doesn't care. But have a little respect for yourself; be strong at least on the front, for your own sake. Not to anyone else, not even to him. But for you.
One step.
Two step.
Three step.
Then skip.
Repeat.
Ah, a tree, how convenient, and there's no one here too. Perfect. Go to the most secluded part of the tree, lean your back. You can cry now. Let it all out, let it all out, all of your frustration, all the bitterness, the sadness, everything. Don't hold back, let it all out.
He'll never love you back, that's a sure guarantee, because he's too focused on himself to care for anyone, except for his cat. Cry, crying is good, just let it out, grip on the grass and cry your heart out. You hated him for it, be honest with yourself now, wasting years pining over to someone who'll never love you back. It's frustratingly sad and stupid. Now that you think about it, but cry, crying is good. Let it all out.
Cry, crying is good, letting all out is good. Cry until your voice is hoarse, it's raining anyway, it's highly doubtful that someone will hear you; the rain pour is loud, of which you are very grateful, be honest. The cold is comforting, oddly enough. You feel yourself being soaked to the bone, but you don't care, crying your heart out is quite liberating. You're now one step closer for getting yourself back. You're getting your identity back, you know your heart's a lost cause for now, but you're regaining yourself, which is good.
You don't know what to wipe away, your salty tears are mixed in with the rain or the snot that's coming out of your nose from all the crying. You think to yourself, 'It's so un-ladylike' and then you suddenly laugh at the absurdity of it all, for the first time you're laughing for real. It's not forced, it's not hollow, it's not tinged with sadness or bitterness you had tried so hard to reign in, but it sometimes slips from your guard. For the first time, in years, you felt happy, genuinely happy; you feel free and the heavy feeling that weighs you down for who knows how long is gone.
You feel your shoulders relaxes and lighten, for the first time in years, you breathe freely, the rain still pours down. But you don't care, you feel free, you feel unburdened. The rain is literally washing away your tears and everything else that came from it.
You raise your arms slowly, and spread them like a bird, you welcome the rain in. from your face, down to the rest of your body, every drop you're grateful. You don't care about the cold, because at long last, you're free.