Musings Over How To Carry A Girl

Summary: Once again, team 10 is celebrating at the BBQ restaurant. But what happens when Asuma lets Ino have some sake and Chouji eats too much barbeque again? Cute, short (not really), and fluffy. Just like the Easter Bunny. XD

Disclaimer: Yannoe, if I ever did own Naruto, I'd have Ino jumping on Shikamaru all the time instead of Sasuke. I'd actually let a REAL pig jump onto Sasuke and let it trample him to death. (Sorry to all those 'Sasuke-kun' lovers out there.)

PART I

"Ahhhh…" A dark-haired man smoking a cigarette let out a content sigh after downing another cup of sake.

Next to him in the booth, which seemed to be their second home, sat his team number 10. He was proud of his team, although he did think he was a bit easy on them even if they slacked off. He was especially proud of a certain pineapple-head Chuunin that sat next to him staring out the window. Across from the bored boy sat a blonde dressed in her usual purple attire and bandages. As usual, she chatted non-stop to her teammates about whatever she usually chatted about- how Chouji shouldn't eat so much… how Sasuke-kun­ was so cool… how lazy Shikamaru was… how she hoped Sasuke-kun would notice her one day… how Asuma-sensei shouldn't smoke so much since it was bad for him… and all the good stuff like that.

The Jounin watched his team amusingly. The plump boy that sat across from him was eating nonstop, causing his teacher to become slightly worried about his own wallet rather than the health of his student. His crazed eating did make quite a bit of noise, so luckily he blotted out the loud girl's voice next to him. Shikamaru, however, just stared out the window, watching the clouds illuminated by the moon float across the sky as he tuned out the blonde. Thankfully, Ino was too busy talking and keeping an eye out for her beloved Sasuke-kun, that she didn't notice that none of her teammates were really listening to what she was saying.

"Asuma-senseiiiii…"

Asuma eyes refocused on the girl that sat diagonally across from him.

"Asuma-sensei," she said with a big smile on her face, "Can I try some sake?"

He raised a brow.

"Why do you want sake now?"

"Because you seem to always enjoy drinking it. And I want to know what I tastes like. Onegai?" she added the last part with puppy dog eyes.

"Eh…" Asuma eye her warily as he rubbed his bearded chin. He knew that kids their age weren't allowed to drink. And even if they were, it had to be with a guardian or parent that allowed them.

'Then again, I basically am their guardian, right? They DO spend more time with me than they do with their parents…' he thought as he picked up a half empty bottle of sake and swished around the contents.

"Onegai, sensei?" Ino still had those eyes. Asuma groaned.

"Oh… What the heck." He called the waitress for another cup.

'Her dad drinks all the time… doesn't he? Anyhow, it's just a little. What harm can it do?'

The waitress came back to their table and handed the cup to Asuma, not noticing that he already had his own cup and the only other people in the booth were kids.

Asuma heard a grunt coming from Chouji and looked towards the huge dish between them. Asuma sighed- there were only a few piece of meat left.

"Can you bring me another plate?" he asked the waitress, motioning towards the over-sized plate in front of him. The waitress smiled, bowed, and went back to retrieve his order. Asuma sighed again- that was the sixth plate Chouji had finished own his own and he could just imagine how much lighter his wallet would be after this. (T-T)

He poured some sake into the cup that the waitress had brought over for them and handed it over to the blonde.

"Remember not to tell your parents about this, alright? They're going to have my head if they don't agree with you drinking yet."

"Mmhmm!" Ino smiled as she gingerly took a small sip and made a face.

"Ewwww… How can you drink this stuff, Asuma-sensei?"

Asuma looked at the girl.

"Now if you're going to complain about drinking sake, then don't waste any," he stated as he reached for her cup.

"Nononononononooo! I'll drink it!" Ino said pulling her cup away from Asuma and took another sip. (And made a face again.)

Asuma sighed and quickly swiped the cup away from her.

"If you're gonna take that long to get used to the taste, then you'll need more sake just to enjoy drinking it," he grumbled as he filled her cup to the rim, then handed it back to the eager genin who started drinking again.

The genius Chuunin sitting across from her was now watching her out of the corner of his eye. He could already see small splotches of red on her cheeks.

"Hey… Ino. Remember you mom can't drink any sake without getting drunk and your dad doesn't drink that much." His eyes narrowed as she took another small sip smiling. "You better watch how much you drink."

He inwardly sighed as she downed even more sake. It would be very troublesome if she over-did it.

The waitress came back with the huge piled with meat. A Chouji with shining eyes drooled at it as she set it down on their table next to the cooker. Asuma sadly lifted up their tab and she happily punched another hole next the seven holes that were already there. Chouji glanced at the girl next to him.

"Yeah Ino… Shikamaru has a point there. Be careful…" With that being said, he went back to his eating frenzy.

Asuma looked at the girl. He, too, could see the small red splotches on her cheeks, but didn't say anything about it.

'Oh well…," he thought while he mourned the shrinking of his wallet.

"This is so GOOD!" Ino exclaimed after taking her fifth sip.

"Ah agwee wif oug kompweely," Chouji said while continually stuffing his mouth.

Shikamaru sighed again, but he kept his eyes on Ino. Her eyes were starting to look a little glazed. Shikamaru rubbed his eyes to make sure.

The blonde leaned over to the chubby boy next to her, resting her hand on his arm. Chouji stopped his eating frenzy and raised his brows at her actions. Was she coming onto him? His inner-self smirked.

'HURRAH! BIG BONED GUYS ARE IN NOW!'

"Hey Chouji," she have him a sloppy smile, "You want some sake too? Huh?"

A look of disappointment came over his face as he swallowed to talk.

"Nah. My dad said that barbeque doesn't taste as great when you eat it with sake." He said with contempt and went back to eating.

Ino shrugged and leaned back in her spot, taking another sip of her sake. She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the taste of sake. Shikamaru eyed her warily.

'Yup,' he thought, 'she's getting pretty drunk already… I'd better tell Asuma to ta-'

Ino suddenly opened her eyes and leaned forward towards Shikamaru, resting her head on her palm.

"Ay Shiga…' she said smirking, her speech was beginning to slur now. "Ya wann sum?"

Her hand holding her cup of sake thrust forward towards the surprised boy. Instinctively, he scooted back in his seat as far as possible.

'She's coming onto me! I know it!' he thought panicking as he sat rigid in his spot.

'Heyyyy… Asumaaaaa……" Shikamaru nervously said nudging the man next to him.

"Huh?" Asuma looked down at the boy next to him then at the girl with a seductive look playing on her features as she tried to get even closer to the boy across from her.

"Oh…" he was left a bit speechless. This hadn't really ever happened before… technically because he never let any of his students drink sake before. Not only that, the sake he drank was a bit stronger than the regular type you could get anywhere.

"Erm, In-" he was cut short by a loud thump that came from across from him.

"Chouji!" He got up from his seat. "Chouji? Are you alright?"

He gently shook the boy on the floor who was holding his oversized stomach. Chouji seriously looked sick.

"Too… much… barbe…" he eyes bulged as he looked like he was going to throw up all over his teacher.

Silently thanking Kami-sama, Asuma stood up and looked at the scared Shikamaru and the drunken Ino.

"Guys, I'm going to take Chouji to the hospital. You two go ahead and head on home."

Then doing what any sane man would do, he grabbed the boy on the floor by his muffler and raced for the exit, trying to escape with a full wallet. The waitress that had been serving them noticed that the man that frequented their bar was running out the door without paying. She quickly took up the tab and ran after the Jounin, yelling for him to stop and pay the bill.

Shikamaru sighed, but his troubles weren't over yet. Ino was on the table now, crawling towards him with her cup held out for him to drink despite the plates already on the table.

"Ino…" Shikamaru said nervously, "Can you get… off…" he gulped when she smiled sweetly at him, "Please?"

She pressed her cup to his lips as her eyes narrowed, "Dring."

"Ah… Ino…" he tried to speak as she tried forcing him to drink the sake.

'Oh, this was just great,' the unfortunate boy thought. 'A loudmouth, drunk girl is crawling on a table, trying me to drink sake while my teacher (and supervisor), is being chased by a waitress to pay his bill. Even more, other people in the bar are starting to gawk at us, under-aged teenagers, in our strange positions. This is just great.'

"Common Shiga. Dwing sum."

His dark eyes refocus on glazed light blue ones.

'Danggit How am I supposed to get her away from me?'

"Fine den. Mweanie." Ino slurred.

Taking the sake cup away from a nervous Shikamaru's mouth, she downed the rest of the remaining sake in the cup. The now-empty cup fell from her hands as she looked around unsatisfied with the current amount of alcohol in her bloodstreams. She spotted the sake bottle that Asuma had and started downing the remaining third.

"Ino!" Shikamaru exclaimed, as he caught the falling cup and placed it nicely on the table, away from them. "Stop drinking!"

Reaching up, he grabbed her wrist of the arm that held the sake bottle in attempt to get it away form her. However, fate had other things in mind. Ino dropped the bottle and fell unconscious into Shikamaru's arms as he tried to save the plates and cups from breaking.

Shikamaru sat there for a moment, trying to take in the status of his current situation. Looking down, he saw an unconscious Ino that reeked of sake. Looking around, he saw gawkers staring at them. An uneasy smile came across his features as he broke he gaze and stared down at his feet.

'Okay… I guess I'll just have to get her home somehow?' Shikamaru thought exasperatedly. Without lifting his head, the genius Chuunin tried to keep calm as his eyes darted around as he tried to formulate a plan to get her home.

"It can't possibly be that bad… right?" he mumbled to himself.

"Her mom is probably home, and she should be easy to avoid. But her dad…" Shikamaru gulped.

It was already bad enough that Ino was loud and obnoxious, but her dad was another story. He didn't want to die, well, not yet anyways. He still had his dreams. He still wanted to grow up, get married, have a family- a normal family, thank you very much- then grow old while having a normal ninja occupation. Dropping Ino at her house was already bad enough even though they were teammates, but to arrive at her house with a drunk Ino… Shikamaru visibly shuddered. He felt like having a breakdown and go insane just for the heck of it.

The Chunnin squeezed his eyes close, trying not to imagine the many, many ways Inoshi could slowly torture him to death.

'It's okay Shikamaru. Calm down. Just BREATHE.' he told himself.

Slowly, little by little, Shikamaru began breathing somewhatedly normal again.

'OKAY! First things first,' he thought as he contemplated the situation, 'Get Ino home.'

End Part 1

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