TITLE: It's All Her Fault
AUTHOR: Micky Fine
DISCLAIMER: The West Wing and all its characters do not belong to me. Believe me if they did that Josh and Donna would have got together ages ago.
SUMMARY: After Donna quits Josh rearranges his life and it's all her fault. J/D
SPOILERS: Everything but specifically Impact Winter.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Got really mad at Josh who was a total dumbass after Donna quit. Hopefully the writers will get it together and get Josh and Donna together in the New Year. In the mean time, I took my own take on how Josh could fix things. -------- indicates a flashback. This is entirely in Josh's POV. Reviews welcome.
I have always hated waiting. It drives me insane. Donna used to say that my insanity had never been in question; it was just the waiting that allowed it to rear its ugly head. Thinking of Donna in this way inevitably brings on the now familiar pang since she quit three weeks ago.
Two days after she left me, Congressman Santos announced his candidacy for President and asked me to run his campaign. I said yes and flew back to DC to resign.
--------
"Joshua, are you stupid?"
"Jury's still out on that one, CJ."
"I'm sure. But seriously, Josh, you resign?"
"Yes. I'm not saying it's easy but I need to leave now to make sure that there's a Democrat in that office during the next administration."
"Well, that's great but do you realize what you're doing to me? I now have to bring in a rookie for your job while I'm still a rookie in my job and meanwhile we still don't have a Press Secretary."
"Um, yeah. Not really my problem anymore."
"Don't get too smug there Joshua."
"Trying not to."
"Have you heard from Donna?"
I get a sudden clenching sensation in my gut that I vaguely remember from the time when Donna left me during the campaign.
"Oh, Josh."
The sudden look of pity on CJ's face makes me bristle.
"What?"
"That face."
"What face?"
"You can't honestly say that you didn't see this coming did you?"
"Yeah, CJ, I can. I still can't figure out what I did to piss her off. And right now her roommate is screening my calls to her at home and her cell phone is always turned off. I think she's trying to avoid me."
"No kidding, Josh. She knows you're going to try to guilt her into coming back and she's afraid of the emotional sway that you have over her."
"What are you talking about? What emotional sway?"
"Honestly, Josh, if you can't figure out what's been going on between you two for who knows how long, I am not going to be the first one to clue you in."
"Ok, but I still don't get it."
"You're an idiot."
--------
After giving my fond farewells to all of my compatriots in the White House I flew back to Houston and spent the remainder of the holidays solidifying the plan of attack with Santos. Before he went back to DC he gave me the authority to start pulling a campaign staff together. I immediately got on the phone.
--------
"Schnell, Peterson and Yearling, how may I help you?"
"Um, hi, I was wondering if you could put me through to Sam Seaborn?"
"He's in a meeting right now, is it important?"
"Yes, could you pull him out for a few minutes?"
"Yes, sir, I can. Can I tell him who's calling?"
"An old friend."
As I wait I am struck by the similarity to the last time I pulled Sam out of a meeting for a campaign. The only difference is the law firm he's working for now is in California and it works mostly on political cases.
"Sam Seaborn."
"Hey Sam!"
"Josh! What are you up to? I heard through the rumor mill that you quit."
"Yeah, I did. The President's a good man but I need to make sure that there's another one to follow him."
"You found somebody?"
"Yup."
"Have you got the face?"
"Oh yeah."
"Ok, well, I think I'm going to go quit my job and get a hot dog."
"Sam it's nine...ok, this is just creepy."
"Yeah. What do you want me to do once I get out there?"
"How would you like to work on crafting Santos' message?"
"I'm gonna need some help at some point."
"Yeah, we'll work on that."
"Ok."
"Hey Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Who told you that I quit?"
"CJ, Toby, Leo. Donna told me first."
"Donna?"
"Yeah."
"Did she tell you that she quit before I did?"
"Yeah."
"Did she tell you why?"
"Yeah, but I really don't see what importance this has."
"Because this...it's all her fault!"
"What? It's her fault that you found the man who's worthy of running our country? Her fault that you quit your job to run this man's campaign? Her fault that we get to work on putting another Democrat in the White House? If she's to blame for all of that then I think her quitting may have been a favor to her entire country."
"But Sam, she left me! She left me again!"
I hear Sam sigh and when he replies his voice is softer and more sympathetic.
"Josh, she didn't leave you exactly. She left the job but that doesn't mean she left you."
"Yes, it does!"
I'm on the verge of whining now and I try to reign in the sudden desire to throw a temper tantrum like a four year old.
"No, Josh, it doesn't!"
"Sam..."
"No, listen to me for a minute. She spent a week and a half trying to have a meeting with you about her leaving. From what I've heard, everyone in the office could tell she was unhappy, they knew something was coming. Why do you think Leo wasn't surprised when you told him?
"She's done that job for seven years, better than any person could ever imagine. She went beyond what any normal assistant would ever do, Josh. She invested so much time, energy, blood, sweat, tears and love in you and that job. After seven years of that she asked you for more responsibility, she asked you for more respect and you blew her off."
"I didn't..."
"Please, Josh, I know you. I know the things that she's had to put up with from you. So you're surprised when she suddenly decides that she wants more, apparently something you can't give her, and quits. If you can't figure out after all these years the reason you're so devastated by her leaving the job then you're an idiot."
"CJ told me the same thing."
"Well, as usual, she's right."
"Yeah."
There's a long pause.
"You still don't get it, do you Josh?"
"Not really."
"You two are in love with each other. You can't face things without her and after what happened in Gaza I think both of you realized that Donna needs you too. But you're so deep in denial that you've ignored it. You've been hiding behind your job; you've been hiding behind the threat of the political mess a relationship between the two of you would cause. Well, it's gone now and you're still playing dumb!"
"Sam, why are you getting so worked up about this?"
"Because, despite the fact that Donna deserves so much better, she wants you and has always wanted you from day one. And you've always wanted her too. I want both of you to be happy. Together."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Listen, Sam, CJ wouldn't tell me where Donna's new job is but I really need to talk to her about this."
"Yeah. She's working as Issues Director for Casey Finnigan at "
"Issues Director?"
"Yeah, the guy asked her a couple years back and she said no. When she started looking last month she phoned him up and asked him if he'd be willing to put her on his staff. He said yes right away."
"Ok, thanks. Well, I should let you go quit."
"Yeah. Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"Make sure you figure everything out before you go see her."
"Ok."
--------
I did as Sam said and spent the next week and a half thinking about Donna and I and all of the enormous contributions she made to my life since I'd met her in that campaign office in New Hampshire. I also checked out daily and saw several stories with Donna's byline. A few days later I was flipping channels and discovered a movie of the week on the events in Gaza. Donna's name was listed under Executive Producer with several others. I watched it and saw that Donna must have had some pull because the issues of concern in the region were given a great deal of screen time, although the romance between the thinly veiled characters representing Donna and Colin really made me squirm. I then spent another few days considering all the arguments to make to Donna about why she needed me. It was a rather short list.
Finally I ended up here, at Donna's new office building, waiting. The young woman who approaches me interrupts my thoughts.
"Are you the representative from Congressman Santos' campaign?"
"Yes."
"Great! Donna's just finishing up with the representative from Vinick. Why don't you follow me and you can wait outside her office? It should only be a few more minutes."
"Ok."
I follow the woman through a maze of cubicles to the back wall where there are six offices lined up. She takes me to the one on the far left (a fact I find amusing) with Donna's name and title affixed to the door on a brass plate. Pointing to a chair for me to sit in, the woman, whom I now realize is Donna's assistant, returns to her desk.
I sit for another five minutes, trying not to fidget, before I hear the sound of Donna's voice and that of another woman approaching the door. I immediately stand and move out of direct line of vision from the door. Donna's assistant looks at me questioningly but I put a finger to my lips and she shrugs and turns back to her computer.
I listen as Donna and the woman from Vinick's campaign say goodbye and the representative leaves. Peering around the corner I see that Donna's back is turned. I quickly approach from behind and speak.
"Donnatella Moss, this entire mess is all your fault."
"Joshua, you cannot blame me for leaving a job where...I wasn't...appreciated."
After finishing this statement, Donna turns and looks at me with surprise. Shock may be a better word.
"Donna, you might want to close your mouth. You're doing a pretty impressive impersonation of Gail right now."
She clamps her mouth shut and stares at me with wide eyes. Placing my hand in the small of her back I gently push her into her office and close the door behind us. By this point Donna has regained some of her composure and sits down behind her desk still looking at me in surprise.
"Josh, what are you doing here?"
"You e-mailed the Congressman and asked for an interview with a representative so that you could inform the public on the issues that he stood for. I'm the representative."
"But you're the head of the campaign."
"And?"
"Don't you have something more important to do?"
"Like what?"
"Raise funds, hire a staff, and start pushing your candidate?"
"Yeah, I've been doing that but there's been this thing that's been distracting me for about three weeks now and I've decided that it's time for me to deal it."
"Really, what's the thing?"
"It's a bit of a story, care to hear it?"
Donna looks at me with slight suspicion and gives her response slowly.
"O-k."
"Back during the first campaign for President Bartlet I had the privilege of meeting this amazing young woman. At the time her self-confidence was a little low, but she managed to convince me to hire her. After a few weeks I grew very fond of her but she suddenly left me for a few weeks to go back to this guy who didn't deserve her. When she figured this out and came back I was so relieved and grateful but I didn't tell her. When we won the Presidency this woman became my assistant and although she never brought me coffee or listened when I told her she was fired she helped me in so many ways that are impossible to list. During the first term there was a shooting and I got hit and this woman, instead of remaining at the office and performing what her job description outlined she helped me recover and made me remember why life was worth living. She continued to be this amazing presence in my life through the rest of the first term and into the second. But after a while she realized how capable she was and how much more she could contribute. I wasn't ready to let her go so I ignored her up until the point where I couldn't stand the face she kept giving me and I sent her on this trip to Gaza. She was so excited and the information that she sent back was insightful and real. But then this unbelievable tragedy happened. The SUV she was traveling in was blown up, killing some important people and injuring her. I freaked out. My boss sent me to the hospital that she had been sent to in an effort to keep me sane. When I got there I was so relieved to hear that she was all right but those events and the complications she had afterwards led me to realize just how in love with her I was. But I was stupid and convinced myself that telling her would never work out. So when she finally came back I treated her the same as before she had left. Finally, she got fed up with me and quit. After she left, I was forced to face just how much she meant to me and while I spent three weeks rearranging my life I also spent three weeks thinking about this woman. And that's why I came here today to talk to her."
When I finally finish this speech Donna looks at me with watery eyes and it takes her several moments before she can recover herself enough to speak.
"Well, that's a great story, Mr. Lyman but I don't think we can put it on our website."
"Didn't really want it there anyway."
"Ok, well..."
"Donna, before we start the actual interview I have a couple more things I want to say."
"More?"
"Yeah. I know that I've been a jerk and that you most likely don't want to jump back into a working relationship with me anytime soon, but if you ever want to work in the White House again, let me know. I can find you a job that's far more worthy of your talent."
"Thanks, Josh."
"I'm not done."
"Are we ever going to get to the interview?"
"Yes, there's just one last thing I have to say. I've loved you for longer than I can remember and I don't know if you love me now, or ever did, but if you're even slightly fond of me I was wondering if you would go out with me and let me convince you I'm worth your time."
Donna smiles and her eyes get moist once again.
"You don't have to convince me, Joshua. I'm far beyond being fond of you. But how about we go out anyway? Dinner, eight o'clock, Friday night fine with you?"
"Yes."
"Good."
"Will you wear that red dress?"
"I'll think about it. Now let's get down to this interview. Remember, you only have a year to convince me not to vote for Vinick."
"Ok, well, let's start with the fact that no matter how nice he is, all Republicans are evil."
As Donna laughs at me, I smile, anticipating the many more great moments in our future.
Fini