Disclaimer: Definitely don't own it. Definitely don't.
WARNING: Later chapters of this fic contain sensitive material (assault,
rape) Beware!
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February 14, 2004
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
0900 EST
Sighing, I lean back and rub my forehead. This has been one of the worst days in the history of the world, and it's only 0900. Already today, Mac has gotten three boquets of flowers from Webb. Granted, they weren't roses, which makes it a little easier to bear, but seeing the numerous decorations in her office is irritating. I haven't talked to her today, haven't even seen her. I think she might be in court.
What an ass Webb is-
"Harm?" Her voice startles me from my thoughts, and I lean forward in my chair to look at her. Sarah MacKenzie stands in my doorway, looking more beautiful than I ever remember seeing her, just looking at me.
"Yes?" I ask, trying to sound at least semi-formal. After all, she is the woman that broke my heart, and is smearing it all over the ground every day. She hesitates for a moment then steps into the office.
"Hey. How are you?" She asks. Narrowing my eyes a little, I shrug.
"Been better. Was there something you needed?" I ask her. She takes a breath and sits down in a chair in front of my desk, looking tense, nervous.
"No, I didn't need anything. I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't spoken in a while." She says. I nod.
"Well, we're both busy. What can you do?" I ask rhetorically. She glances away from me for a second, then shrugs.
"I don't know...We could be doing things together after work or something, when we're not working on opposite sides of a case." Her voice sounds so timid, so innocent, so...not like the Sarah MacKenzie that despises me and never wants to be with me.
"I wouldn't imagine that you have time to do anything with Maddie and I. After all, you've got Webb now..." I say, motioning toward her office full of flowers. She glances that way and then rolls her eyes, scoffing quietly.
"Yeah-the man that decides that there's one day in the entire year that he can do something romantic...He's-" She stops, as if realizing who she's saying these things to. Then she shakes her head self-deprecatingly.
"I suppose I'm complaining about nothing. After all, at least he decided to be romantic once." She says, her reasoning sounding weak to me and probably even more so to her. Leaning forward in my chair, I shake my head.
"No...You're not complaining. You deserve to have someone that will treat you like a princess every day. I know if I had a girlfriend, I'd do that." There's an awkward pause as we look at each other. God, I hope she can't see the longing for her that's in my eyes. I miss her so much. After a length of time that only she could exactly tell, she smiles a little.
"I'm sure that any woman would be glad to have you as a boyfriend." She says, her eyes still boring into mine, her gaze so completely focused on me that I almost forget the tense atmosphere in the room, the things that happened in Paraguay. I shake my head, sadness creeping into my heart.
"Not the one that I really wanted. Not you." I say softly, watching as she blinks slowly and then sits back in her seat, still looking at me. A tiny smile creeps across her beautiful lips and she shakes her head.
"I never said that I didn't want that. I said that it could never work out. And it couldn't, no matter how much either of us wanted it to, Harm." She says calmly, an air of sad acceptance in her voice. She wants me? I don't think she knows how wrong she is about us working out.
"I'm a stubborn man, Sarah. I can make things work. Besides, I'm so taken with you that I don't think it'd be hard for me to give a little so we would work out." I say quietly. She raises an eyebrow, a degree of some unidentifiable emotion coming into her beautiful eyes.
"You're taken with me?" She asks, not sarcastic or mean. Just surprised. I nod.
"I thought you knew." I say, knowing deep down that she does know. She knows I'm in love with her. Shrugging, she raises both eyebrows a little.
"How? You never told me." She says. How are we having this conversation, now that we're barely friends anymore, when we couldn't have it when we were closest?
"No, I never told you directly, but I resigned to come after you in Paraguay. I came back to JAG to be near you. I'm telling you now that I'm taken with you." I say. The boldness that suddenly entered into me seems to have startled her, because she blinks and stares blankly at me for a second before letting out a breath I didn't realize she was holding. Her cheeks turn pink, her eyes divert from me. After a moment of what I assume was composing herself, she looks back at me.
"So you're taken with me. That's kind of vague, Harm." She states, beating around the bush. She's avoiding actually asking me to say the words. I smile a little sadly.
"I'm not allowed to be anything but vague. You're taken, remember?" I say, raising an eyebrow. She purses her lips and looks over at her office, the flowers sitting there. Then she looks back, directly at me.
"I'm not taken." She says simply, her voice soft. Frowning, I lean forward.
"What do you mean you're not? What about Webb? What about the flowers? The being romantic once a year?" I ask, rattling off questions before she can possibly answer any of them.
"I'm not taken because I broke up with Clay last week. The flowers are because he wants me to take him back, and the being romantic once a year thing I said because I didn't want to tell you that I broke up with him." She answers my queries, all the while twisting her Marine Corps ring around her slender finger. I don't get it.
"If you came in here with the intention of not telling me that you broke up with Webb, then why did you change your mind?" I ask her. One corner of her mouth curves upward slightly.
"Because I would have felt guilty keeping it from you, especially after you told me something as important as how you feel about me." She says, her tone of voice and the look on her face making my insides turn to jelly.
"Ah, I see." I say, not really understanding at all. What does all of this mean? She nods, smiling at me a little more now.
"Are you really taken with me?" She asks, although she doesn't sound in the least bit insecure. I nod emphatically.
"Completely." I say, just saying in different words that I'm completely in love with her. I don't know why it's so much easier to say it this way. A full-blown, beautiful beyond all reason, take my breath away, Sarah MacKenzie smile crosses her face, and my brain ceases to function. She stands up slowly, then walks toward the door and is about to open it when she turns back, looking at me.
"I want to see you tonight." She says quietly. When I comprehend what she's saying, I nod.
"Do you want me to come to your place?" I ask, already looking forward to it. Tonight, I will finally make my move on her, and by the time the night is over, I'll know what it is to make love to Sarah MacKenzie, to tell her that I love her. I'm sure of it. She nods.
"Yeah. Come over as soon as you can after you change and spend some time with Maddie." She says, her eyes burning into mine. I nod.
"I'll be over as soon as I can be." I say, watching her smile and then leave my office.
I sit back in my chair, watching as she goes to her office and looks at the flowers there, shaking her head and then calling Coates in from the bullpen. Coates listens to some brief instructions, then picks up the three boquets of flowers and carries them out of Mac's office, to a large trash can in the bullpen.
With that, I know that she's mine. Sarah is finally mine.
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Sighing, I lean back and rub my forehead. This has been one of the worst days in the history of the world, and it's only 0900. Already today, Mac has gotten three boquets of flowers from Webb. Granted, they weren't roses, which makes it a little easier to bear, but seeing the numerous decorations in her office is irritating. I haven't talked to her today, haven't even seen her. I think she might be in court.
What an ass Webb is-
"Harm?" Her voice startles me from my thoughts, and I lean forward in my chair to look at her. Sarah MacKenzie stands in my doorway, looking more beautiful than I ever remember seeing her, just looking at me.
"Yes?" I ask, trying to sound at least semi-formal. After all, she is the woman that broke my heart, and is smearing it all over the ground every day. She hesitates for a moment then steps into the office.
"Hey. How are you?" She asks. Narrowing my eyes a little, I shrug.
"Been better. Was there something you needed?" I ask her. She takes a breath and sits down in a chair in front of my desk, looking tense, nervous.
"No, I didn't need anything. I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't spoken in a while." She says. I nod.
"Well, we're both busy. What can you do?" I ask rhetorically. She glances away from me for a second, then shrugs.
"I don't know...We could be doing things together after work or something, when we're not working on opposite sides of a case." Her voice sounds so timid, so innocent, so...not like the Sarah MacKenzie that despises me and never wants to be with me.
"I wouldn't imagine that you have time to do anything with Maddie and I. After all, you've got Webb now..." I say, motioning toward her office full of flowers. She glances that way and then rolls her eyes, scoffing quietly.
"Yeah-the man that decides that there's one day in the entire year that he can do something romantic...He's-" She stops, as if realizing who she's saying these things to. Then she shakes her head self-deprecatingly.
"I suppose I'm complaining about nothing. After all, at least he decided to be romantic once." She says, her reasoning sounding weak to me and probably even more so to her. Leaning forward in my chair, I shake my head.
"No...You're not complaining. You deserve to have someone that will treat you like a princess every day. I know if I had a girlfriend, I'd do that." There's an awkward pause as we look at each other. God, I hope she can't see the longing for her that's in my eyes. I miss her so much. After a length of time that only she could exactly tell, she smiles a little.
"I'm sure that any woman would be glad to have you as a boyfriend." She says, her eyes still boring into mine, her gaze so completely focused on me that I almost forget the tense atmosphere in the room, the things that happened in Paraguay. I shake my head, sadness creeping into my heart.
"Not the one that I really wanted. Not you." I say softly, watching as she blinks slowly and then sits back in her seat, still looking at me. A tiny smile creeps across her beautiful lips and she shakes her head.
"I never said that I didn't want that. I said that it could never work out. And it couldn't, no matter how much either of us wanted it to, Harm." She says calmly, an air of sad acceptance in her voice. She wants me? I don't think she knows how wrong she is about us working out.
"I'm a stubborn man, Sarah. I can make things work. Besides, I'm so taken with you that I don't think it'd be hard for me to give a little so we would work out." I say quietly. She raises an eyebrow, a degree of some unidentifiable emotion coming into her beautiful eyes.
"You're taken with me?" She asks, not sarcastic or mean. Just surprised. I nod.
"I thought you knew." I say, knowing deep down that she does know. She knows I'm in love with her. Shrugging, she raises both eyebrows a little.
"How? You never told me." She says. How are we having this conversation, now that we're barely friends anymore, when we couldn't have it when we were closest?
"No, I never told you directly, but I resigned to come after you in Paraguay. I came back to JAG to be near you. I'm telling you now that I'm taken with you." I say. The boldness that suddenly entered into me seems to have startled her, because she blinks and stares blankly at me for a second before letting out a breath I didn't realize she was holding. Her cheeks turn pink, her eyes divert from me. After a moment of what I assume was composing herself, she looks back at me.
"So you're taken with me. That's kind of vague, Harm." She states, beating around the bush. She's avoiding actually asking me to say the words. I smile a little sadly.
"I'm not allowed to be anything but vague. You're taken, remember?" I say, raising an eyebrow. She purses her lips and looks over at her office, the flowers sitting there. Then she looks back, directly at me.
"I'm not taken." She says simply, her voice soft. Frowning, I lean forward.
"What do you mean you're not? What about Webb? What about the flowers? The being romantic once a year?" I ask, rattling off questions before she can possibly answer any of them.
"I'm not taken because I broke up with Clay last week. The flowers are because he wants me to take him back, and the being romantic once a year thing I said because I didn't want to tell you that I broke up with him." She answers my queries, all the while twisting her Marine Corps ring around her slender finger. I don't get it.
"If you came in here with the intention of not telling me that you broke up with Webb, then why did you change your mind?" I ask her. One corner of her mouth curves upward slightly.
"Because I would have felt guilty keeping it from you, especially after you told me something as important as how you feel about me." She says, her tone of voice and the look on her face making my insides turn to jelly.
"Ah, I see." I say, not really understanding at all. What does all of this mean? She nods, smiling at me a little more now.
"Are you really taken with me?" She asks, although she doesn't sound in the least bit insecure. I nod emphatically.
"Completely." I say, just saying in different words that I'm completely in love with her. I don't know why it's so much easier to say it this way. A full-blown, beautiful beyond all reason, take my breath away, Sarah MacKenzie smile crosses her face, and my brain ceases to function. She stands up slowly, then walks toward the door and is about to open it when she turns back, looking at me.
"I want to see you tonight." She says quietly. When I comprehend what she's saying, I nod.
"Do you want me to come to your place?" I ask, already looking forward to it. Tonight, I will finally make my move on her, and by the time the night is over, I'll know what it is to make love to Sarah MacKenzie, to tell her that I love her. I'm sure of it. She nods.
"Yeah. Come over as soon as you can after you change and spend some time with Maddie." She says, her eyes burning into mine. I nod.
"I'll be over as soon as I can be." I say, watching her smile and then leave my office.
I sit back in my chair, watching as she goes to her office and looks at the flowers there, shaking her head and then calling Coates in from the bullpen. Coates listens to some brief instructions, then picks up the three boquets of flowers and carries them out of Mac's office, to a large trash can in the bullpen.
With that, I know that she's mine. Sarah is finally mine.
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