I Love You This Much (A Daddy James Story)

I Love You This Much,

And i'm waiting on you,

To make up your mind,

Do you love me too?

How ever long it takes,

I'm never giving up,

No matter what,

I Love You This Much…..

You sighed, looking up from the book you were reading and at the clock on the bedside table

10:00 pm…

James still wasn't home from tour rehearsal.

This was becoming an everyday thing. James would be at work all day and not get home until midnight or later and when he DID come home he was exhausted and rarely spoke or anything.

Suddenly, you hear the noise of tiny feet hitting the hardwood floor of your bedroom before feeling something land on the bed.

"Hi sweetie." You say to your 4 year old son, Brandon, "It looks like daddy won't be home until later again tonight.." You try to explain as he sighs.

"When is he ever here to tell me goodnight?…" Your son says, slowly sliding off the bed and walking out of the room to his.

You follow, your heart feeling heavy at what your son had just said.

You tuck him into bed and bend down to be eye level with him.

"Brandon, sweetie, you know daddy's job is very very busy and that's why he can't be here, right?" You explained, noticing the sad expression on his face.

"I know mommy…." He said, sadly as you started to stand up.

"Maybe he'll get a day off soon so you two can spend the day together." You add, turning from the door and seeing that he's already asleep.

You just stand there for a few moments, staring at him. You can't believe how identical him and James look.

You don't think that James will ever understand how much Brandon loved him and wanted to be just like him.

You finally turned the light off and silently closed the door, heading back to your room.

You look at the calendar by your dresser before crawling into the empty bed, seeing what was planned for this week.

Brandon had soccer practice Tuesday and his birthday was Thursday. Hopefully James could manage to get off of work that day, but you doubted that he could.

You hear the front door slowly open and the clinking of James's keys as he lays them down on the kitchen table. You hear him cough, as he was trying to be quiet thinking everyone was asleep. You knew he had to be catching a cold or something, the lack of sleep James had been getting wasn't healthy for anyone.

You hear his footsteps on the stairs as he goes into another coughing fit, trying to stay silent.

He enters the room and sees that you're not yet asleep, kissing you on the forehead.

"Hey baby." He says and you can hear the tiredness in his voice.

"I just put Brandon to bed." You said, snuggling into the warm covers as James started to leave the room to walk down the hall to Brandon's room.

James walked down the dark and lonely hallway, noticing a light coming from under Brandon's door.

Confused, James cracks the door slightly, remaining quiet so Brandon wouldn't hear him.

Soft sniffles came from the dimly lit room and James noticed his son sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed with his hands clasped.

He was praying…

"God?" He heard Brandon ask through his sniffles from crying. "I don't know if you can hear me or not….but….I don't know what I did wrong…." His son started.

James was confused…What did Brandon mean by "I don't know what I did wrong"? He continued listening, hoping to find an answer to his question.

"You see, God, I love my daddy so much, and I wanna be just like him when I grow up. But…..I don't think he loves me back….." Brandon said and James's heart sank.

"He's never home and I barely get to talk to him. But Thursday is my birthday and the only thing I want is for daddy to spend the day with me and tell me if he loves me or not. Even though I know the answer is probably that he doesn't….."

James felt a tear run down his cheek. How could his son think like that? Of course he loved him.

As Brandon stood up and crawled back in bed, James walked through the door, making eye contact with the little boy.

"Hey buddy." He said as Brandon's eyes lit up.

"Daddy!" He said with joy as James sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why aren't you asleep yet? It's 10:30." James noted, looking at his watch and then back at his son.

"I was just thinking…." Brandon stated, looking down as silence filled the space between the two.

"Daddy?" Brandon finally asked.

"Yes?"

"Why do you not love me?"

James felt his heart crack a little at the question.

"Brandon, what kind of question is that? You're my entire world and I love you so so much. I would be LOST if I didn't have you in my life. I just can't be here all the time because of my job. You know this." James said as Brandon scooted closer to him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, buddy?"

"I love you THIS much!" Brandon said, stretching his arms out as far as they would go.

James smiled, "Well, I love YOU this much!" He said as he stretched his arms out wide before wrapping them around his son.

Brandon giggled as James started tickling him as he laid down on the bed. James was laughing to, laying down beside him as his son snuggled into his side.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you so much."

"I love you to, bud." James said as they both quickly fell asleep.