Authors Note: Hello all! This is my very first Swan Queen fic so please forgive me if it sucks. I got the idea when I saw a gif of Lana crying (link here: . /tumblr_md51c42CcL1qigp27o1_ ) and I just knew I had to make a fan fiction out of it. I am going to attempt to make this a multiple chapter fic and hopefully I can finish it. Please Review I would love any comments you have about it! I own nothing!
Chapter 1
Regina felt like she could hear the sound her heart thumping too fast, almost like it was going to suddenly shatter. It honestly wouldn't surprise her if it did shatter, it already felt broken. Her once black heart had been gifted with bright crimson color once more when the blonde heroine seemed to save her like she did everyone else in Storybrooke. She sometimes couldn't remember why she had once hated the younger woman, those moments usually were forgotten when she would see her smile or heard her laugh. Regina had lost everything in her life over and over again but Emma was the one thing she thought was never going to go away, even Henry was almost a ghost in her memory more than he was anything else.
The young boy was far from her mind now though. As the quick and pained beat of her heart matched with the steady yet quick beats of water against her skin. She sat in the bottom of the shower, water coating her skin. She had turned it on hot as far as it would go, hoping the scalding pain of the water would momentarily make her forget the pure hell her heart was living in; but even that couldn't help. She lifted her head up off her knees where she had been crying for longer than she cared to admit. She put her hands over her eyes as her ragged breaths grew shorter and she pushed her wet hair away from her face.
She isn't coming back. Emma is never coming back. Those eyes that were forever in a dance of ocean blue and mossy green flashed behind her own blurry vision and made her shut her eyes, as if just seeing a ghost. She opened them again, a vision of that pale face before her. Golden curls bouncing around features as a smile grew on her face. 'No crying Regina. Not while we have each other' she heard in her head. As tears fell from her blood shot eyes again, the vision before her of the younger woman seemed to melt away. "Emma! Come back!" she screamed. But before the last word could leave her mouth, the hallucination was out of sight, just like the real Emma.
They had slipped back into their old ways, always fighting and the screaming never stopped. It lead to nights spent sleeping apart, Emma working late on purpose and Regina going into work too early to be noticed by Emma or their son. She regretted all of that the morning she woke up to find Emma not in the bed or on the couch. She thought maybe she had gone to work early but remembered that even when they fought Emma wasn't a morning person. She remembered how she felt a nagging pain in her chest as she went upstairs and looked in their room. Something wasn't right. She saw a picture of Henry missing from the wall, Emma's toothbrush gone from the bathroom, and some of her clothes missing from the closet. And it was when she saw a suit case usually kept under the bed no longer there that she knew what happened. She drove Emma away.
Just the thought of it made her punch the shower door, which surprisingly didn't break. She sniffled and realized the water had gone ice cold, causing goose bumps all over her flesh. She stood up in the cold water, wiping her eyes. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body as she used another to dry her hair. She stood in front of the mirror on the wall above the sink and in one swift swipe; she wiped the fog from the mirror that had been caused by the shower steam. She looked at the reflection in the mirror, what seemed to be a shell of nothing more than a broken woman. Her short wet hair stuck to her neck and the sides of her face, her dark brown eyes blood shot as a reminder of her tears, and dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep.
She swiped again at the mirror, angrily, as if she thought she could erase what she had become. There was no more happiness in her life; the bitter sweet taste of real love was gone from her before she never got the chance to say those three special words to Emma. How hard was it to say those words? Harder than she ever would have expected. She felt it, she knew she did. She felt it in the small moments when Emma would be curled up beside her on the couch watching some boring movie while she herself lost her thoughts in a book; yet still smiled every time Emma would cuddle closer or kiss her shoulder without reason. She felt it in the mornings she woke up beside her, their limbs tangled in a mess of sweat and sheets. She could taste it in their kisses, she could feel it in their embraces, she could see it in Emma's eyes...she loved her.
She shook her head to shake the thought from her mind as she felt water drip from the ends of her hair. The water droplets rolled down her neck and she took a deep breath, she wasn't herself right now. She would give anything to get back to being herself but she didn't know which self she was trying to get back to; the powerful mayor, the evil queen, or the innocent girl she was when Daniel was around. She felt like that innocent girl more and more each day with Emma when things were good. But when the fights began again she felt her walls build back up around her heart.
The one thing Regina was wondering the most wasn't even why Emma left. She knew Emma had left because she had driven her away, or at least that is what she told herself. But what she wanted to know the most…was would she ever come back?