INCONCEIVABLE: AN ESSAY BY S. MORGANSTERN
Summary:"I do not think it means what you think it means"; Several years ago, a lost essay by S. Morganstern, author of The Princess Bride, was discovered. It is perhaps the only public paper he wrote to account for the themes of his novel and, naturally, it was based upon one word: Inconceivable.
VIZZINI: Inconceivable!!
It has now been several years since I have written my Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure and I am already working on my Glorious Examination of Courage Matched Against the Death of the Heart; so far, Fezzik has jumped after Buttercup's Baby, Inigo is in Despair once more as he had been after Italy, and I have gone back to where we left off in The Princess Bride. My wife has read this first chapter and she says that it is quite confusing, but I shall not change one word of it now, especially my 65-page digression on Florinese trees, their history and importance, after what happened with the country house; the lumber company ruined everything lovely about that place and I had to sell it, at a loss!
Well, that is another matter, and now I am living here in Florin City, which has hardly changed since the time of King Lotharon's reign; I visit a café every now and then to debate with its patrons about the absurdity of royalty, though I occasionally get thrown out, but not as much as I used to. In fact, I have become something of a notoriety in Florin with the success of The Princess Bride, it is even being called the national book of my dear little land, and my publishers are, naturally, quite thrilled that I am working on its sequel. A few of them are even discussing the possibilities of international publication and while I do hope that such a scheme will succeed, I fear that my books will not be as well-received in such countries as France, Britain, or America, for their novels, especially the dime novels, are so much shorter and simpler. It is a shame, for I have visited New York City once already and I intend to return again, for it is a marvel that buildings can tower so high and that so many people live in this metropolis.
During that trip, I went to Coney Island and was fascinated by its amusements illuminated by all of those electric lamps, though I avoided the freak shows as I am sure they are quite cruel and I feared that I might meet a real poor Fezzik in such exhibitions. Still, I had a good time strolling along the beach, riding the Steeplechase, and even got the chance to glimpse into those nickelodeons. The images flickered and the figures, the people, they were moving; I could not have imagined that such magic could be created. They say that these…that these films are being shown in theatres with longer scenes and true stories as a piano plays in the pit to provide the mood, an event I might want to witness for myself.
Perhaps Florin is behind these modern times, when some of my fellow citizens would think of such things as New York City and these films to be inconceivable, but I still love my little land, even with all of her faults, for all it has provided me. After all, if you are reading this, then you have likely enjoyed The Princess Bride and I likely could not have even conceived of this Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure without the material provided to me by Florin's colorful history. What other country had miracle men? ('Had' being the key term, past tense, the one thing I hate about these modern times are doctors, they are absolutely useless and cannot even cure my gas. Unfortunately, they have outlawed miracle men in Florin proper, such a thing is inconceivable!) What other country has a Zoo of Death or a Pit of Despair? And, of course, what other country was home to both a Princess Bride and a Dread Pirate that came from such humble beginnings?
It was inconceivable that one of the most beautiful women in the world could be born on a farm in the tiny country of Florin, but it did happen, and it was inconceivable that the Cliffs of Insanity in Guilder could be scaled, but they were. It was also inconceivable that anyone could survive the Fire Swamp and cross its breadth, but as you very well know, such a feat was achieved by none other than Buttercup and her Westley. It may also be said that it was inconceivable that the castle gate could be breached when it was guarded by 60 men and that it was inconceivable that, with so many people in this world, a six-fingered murderer could be traced for the sake of revenge, but nonetheless, Fezzik and Inigo Montoya managed to accomplish these tasks.
Yet do not think that it was easy, not at all, for such achievements had been inconceivable for their difficulties and our heroes certainly did learn that, yes, life is pain and life is unfair sometimes, but they were willing to face such odds and do inconceivable things for True Love and High Adventure. In the case of such men as Vizzini and Prince Humperdinck, they only see the pain and unfairness of life and use it for their own devices, unable to understand and believe in the miracles and the little quirks that make life worthwhile. For 'As you wish' is true, even if such bonds of love cannot be tracked, and they cannot be broken, not even by death-it can only delay it for awhile; yet no one should give up love if they have it in their hands, for not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. Of course, sometimes it is necessary to fight back with steel, strength, and strategy, but not for the sake of money or for power, only for the noble causes-and it doesn't necessarily have to be 'to the death', sometimes 'to the pain' works even better.
I sit here and think of my own past, of what regrets I have for settling only for simple things in my youth and doing what I was told, but now I am here and living in an age where anything is possible, where nothing is truly inconceivable, and I can only hope that others will be able to take advantage of this to do what is good. There are obstacles in this world while evil and hate still exist, but if Courage were to be Matched Against the Death of the Heart, I can only hope that such will fade by some miracle, though it cannot be rushed or else it might become rotten. In the end, it may be conceivable for a man to lie there because he lacks the strength to stand, but when death is on the line and true love is at stake, perhaps he may have the strength after all and become someone who should not be trifled with, as inconceivable as it might be.
VIZZINI: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!!
INIGO: You keep using that word—I do not think it means what you think it means.
We are back at the beginning, readers; from New York City to Florin City, the home of The Princess Bride, as inconceivable as it was, and I hope you did enjoy my Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure; I am, as always,
S. MORGANSTERN