WHAT MAKES YOU YOU
Author's Note: I was looking at old files and I found this. It's just dribble drabble but I enjoyed rereading it and it kept me smiling. So I thought it would make you smile too, or even more. I hope it does. Enjoy!
YOUR EYES
Hazel brown. I don't know when I began liking it. But I knew it was real when Marlene started asking everyone their favorite colors just for fun. I know I've always loved the color blue, the calm soothing blend mixed with the white clouds that was the sky. It was nice, beautiful, and makes me feel like everything bad could be right again, everything broken could be fixed, a new hope for a darkened day. It surprised even me when it wasn't what came out of my mouth.
"Hazel brown." I said, and it took Marlene's eyes popping so wide in disbelief before it registered. I know you won't believe it even if she tells you, not even when your friends tell you. It's almost fortunate you didn't hear it anyway. You didn't, but you caught me staring at you.
You just got out of Muggle Studies with Sirius right behind you. I honestly want to know why you bother taking that class anyway. It was boring.
"Lily." You acknowledged, smiling at me. There were those dimples again, and I'll have to be blind not to see you blush. It was cute, but you're never going to hear that from me.
I nodded, forcing myself not to keep staring. I turned to Marlene, because really I shouldn't be bothered by your presence. You don't mean anything to me. You're just headboy. I'm headgirl. We're just two people, a wizard and a witch studying in the same scool and happened to be part of the same house.
I never would have guessed the reason why I was feeling so nervous knowing that you were there and can hear everything I was going to say, and I know it was stupid but hey we all have our moments. So I tried to reason and it sounded wrong even to my own ears.
"It's the color of Honeyduke's finest! I love chocolates, you know that!" I instantly added, suddenly feeling uncertain if it was Marlene I was trying to convince or myself.
'Hazel brown.' I heard my own voice murmur as I stare at your retreating back. I smiled. I felt a tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach. I'm not dense. I know they were butterflies.
I'm sorry I had to turn you down again. I know I've rejected you once, twice...maybe a million times? I'm not blind. And I have no intention of making you feel like the arrogant toerag I used to believe you were. I can see it. You've changed. You're changing.
YOUR CHARACTER
You used to be a bully, used to abuse those who are weaker than you. I used to hate you for it. But now, now you defend. It was nice when you saved Longbottom from being hexed by the Slytherins, even nicer when you waved your wand to Alice's rat just so it won't turn blue and die on her. And it was especially nice when you asked Peter to bring me food when I was in Madam Pomfrey's. He did say it was Remus's idea, but I know for enough only you would have stalked me enough to know all my favorite food and sweets. Only you will send me a get-well card with fresh lily on top. Only you would do something that thoughtful.
And I'm sorry because no matter how I'm touched with what you do, I couldn't bring myself to tell you I know it was you. It's not that I don't like you. I'm done with self denial. I care about you too. Maybe not as much as you care about me but it was there.
You were sleeping under the tree by the lake, your arms crossed under your head. I didn't know what came to me but I just felt like coming to you. I didn't know what you might think if you see me staring, but you just so looked peaceful, handsome, with the childlike contentment that people rarely see.
I've always loved that about you. It was a good thing you're heavy sleeper and didn't bulge when I sat with you, bringing your head carefully to my lap. It was nice. It was my first time touching your hair, and I kinda liked it. It was soft and smells really nice. I should know. Why do I always find myself being so not like me when I'm with you? Why do I always find myself doing crazily, embarrassing stuff when it involves you? I just kissed your forehead. You hair smells like apples. I didn't know you have it in you.
You gave a content sigh, a smile curving on your face. I was scared for a minute, thinking you're awake. But you weren't. You just shifted, leaning closer to me. I wondered if you were dreaming. If you were, what were you dreaming about?
YOUR FEELINGS
You were always the strong one. You were always brave and courageous and was never the type to show weakness. And so it surprised me to see you broken, the usual sparkle replaced by lost and emptiness.
I heard it. I heard it from Dumbledore himself. Your parents - they were attacked. I wanted to comfort you but you were already surrounded by a lot of people. The news have spread, and aside from your friends, there were a lot of girls crowding on you. They all seem willing and enthusiastic about giving you a hug. You try to shrug them away, politely declining their offer and telling them you were alright. You can fool them. But you can't fool me, and you can't fool your friends either. I wanted to run to you and give you a hug, but you were fighting so hard I can almost see desperation for them to stop launching themselves at you. Your friends seemed to notice this, and they started trying to block the girls.
I didn't, never want to see you breaking. You weren't showing it. You were trying your best to look compose. But I know you. Your shoulder were slumped a little lower, probably an inch or two, but I noticed it. You hair was even messier, and even though it made you look more attractive, I knew your running your hands on your hair even more than before means something's troubling you, and whatever it was, it's killing you inside. I knew all these, and I stood frozen on the spot.
I was trying my best to get rid of te thought that you need me. I was trying and helplessly failing to shrug my wanting to go to you, but I just can't. My feet won't move. My eyes won't leave your form.
Just then, you stood up, excusing yourself from the rest of them. You turned, and I found myself holding a breath. Your eyes landed on me and I found myself staring back. I didn't know if it was possible but apparently the fear and uncertainty was replaced by an intense desire, by courage. Seeing you stand looking so helpless, standing strong and trying to shrug everything that happened like it was nothing, making them believe that you were still the same boy when inside you're breaking...I just couldn't bare to see you like that. And so I ran to you, giving you no time to react as I wrapped my arms around your waist, squeezing you tightly. I felt your breathing stop for a moment, and as I felt you burry your head in my neck, I gripped the back of your shirt, suppressing a sob of my own as I heard yours.
I wanted to tell you it's going to be okay. I wanted to tell you I'm here for you. But I didn't know if that's what you want to hear. So instead, I just kept hugging you, rubbing my hand on your back.
We stayed like that for a while. Your friends probably shoved the rest of the crowd away together with themselves. It's not surprising. They were loyal to you just as you were to them. We found ourselves alone after what felt like hours, though it was probably was hours.
Your eyes were puffed, and I had to use magic to clear your glasses blurry with tears.
"Come here." I said, initiating something I normally wouldn't do once again when you're calm enough to sit down.
You didn't speak, but took an the offer anyway. It was like when you were sleeping under the tree again, only this time I can run my hands on your hair even when you're awake.
"Thank you Lily. You don't know how much this mean to me." You said, closing your eyes as I keep playing with your hair.
I smiled.
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