Appreciation: I have to thank a very dear friend of mine, from RL, who took the time to read this chapter and made suggestions how to improve certain parts of it. Thank you, dear. =)
Author Notes: This is my first story for this fandom and therefore I`m a little nervous about posting it, but after reading the original works of ACD and watching the BBC series, I just had to write it. Please let me know what you think about it.
It`s a two parter and the second chapter is already in progress. Enjoy! :)
The Request
"John!"
John rolled his eyes at the tea kettle as he retrieved two mugs from the cupboard. He had learned long ago that it never boded well when Sherlock called his name with that tone in his voice. A tone that spoke of impatience, curiosity and eagerness that meant that the brilliant detective believed that he had found the solution to some complicated puzzle.
It sent a thrill of warning down John`s spine as he recalled how it had ended the last time, Sherlock had called his name like that. John had spent the remaining day lying apathetic on the sofa and waiting for the narcotic effects of the drug to fade. A drug, Sherlock hadn`t mentioned when he had offered John some tea - which in itself had been suspicious, since Sherlock never made tea - and then sat down at the kitchen table to write down his findings about the drug. There weren`t any long term effects and Sherlock`s observation had helped them to convict an influential political of being the leader of a crime ring, that produced and smuggled new drugs.
So, all in all, John couldn`t think of any negative effects of Sherlock`s experiment, if you didn`t count his lingering wariness, whenever Sherlock called him with that tone of voice.
"John!"
His eyebrows rose as he waited for the water to boil. Maybe Sherlock just wanted to have his cup of tea already. It wouldn`t be the first time that he got impatient about such a minor matter.
"The water isn`t going to boil faster... and No, I forbid you to try to lower the boiling temperature of the water in the kettle. The toaster isn`t the same anymore since you did... whatever you did with it and..." John stopped his speech as he finally turned to Sherlock, who was leaning against the kitchen table, deep blue eyes taking in every movement of John.
John cocked his head to the side.
"I thought you were," he made a vague gesture to the microscope on the kitchen table, but Sherlock only wrinkled his nose. "Boring."
If possible, John`s eyebrows rose even higher.
They had only wrapped up a homicide yesterday and Sherlock had been thrilled to research the effect of some chemical elements on human blood cells. John hadn`t asked for details, but he had been sure that this little project would keep Sherlock entertained for some time.
"And what do you want me to do about that?"
John took the kettle from the hot plate as the water started to boil, but didn`t dare infusing their teas just yet. Sherlock had a way of startling him with his ideas and John didn`t fancy a burned hand, just because Sherlock had gotten some crazy idea in his head again.
"Sleep with me."
Okay... what?!
John couldn`t help but stare at Sherlock, who was still leaning casually against the kitchen table. His calm expression didn`t give away any spur of the moment embarrassment or amusement. If John hadn`t heard him, he could have believed that Sherlock had just made a comment about the weather and not...
"Excuse me?!"
Surely, that was a new experiment of Sherlock. Observing how someone reacted to such a request or just finding the best way to make your flatmate feel uncomfortable. It certainly was a much more logical explanation than...
"No, that`s not a part of an experiment and I don`t want to test your reactions. I mean it."
John didn`t bother asking how Sherlock knew what he had just thought. It had probably been written all over his face and even if it hadn`t... well, that was Sherlock Holmes, he had noticed John`s discomfort from a slight tremble in his hand.
No, Sherlock`s deductions weren`t the point here, the point was...
"I still don`t understand what you want."
A perfect lined eyebrow rose at his words as Sherlock wrinkled his forehead.
John watched fascinated as his friend pursed his lips in concentration as if looking for an error in his calculations.
It wasn`t often that Sherlock looked like that.
To be exact, John could only remember a handful occasions, when Sherlock had looked at his wits` end and every one of them had been directly linked to Irene Adler or sex... which didn`t make much of a difference. It had been at that point that John had realised that Sherlock didn`t have many experiences with sex - if he had any at all - and obviously also wasn`t keen on gaining any knowledge about it. Some part of John had crumpled in defeat at that realisation, but he hadn`t shown his pain to anyone. The chance that Sherlock would ever be interested in him had always been small and at least the aversion of his friend to sex meant that John would never have to watch him dating some stranger.
So, John kept on dating lots of women and pretending that he wasn`t interested in men at all. To be fair, John had never indulged in more than multiple handjobs and an occasionally blowjob with some men during his time in the army. Still, he wasn`t going to admit that to anyone, otherwise the chance that Sherlock figured out that he was interested in him, was much too high. As long as he believed that John was straight, it was fairly unlikely that Sherlock would notice John`s feelings for him. He had almost convinced himself that his feelings for Sherlock had only been a construction of his mind, only to have them all crashing back down on him now... thanks to one sentence of Sherlock.
And Sherlock probably hadn`t even meant it like it sounded.
Yes, there wasn`t much room for interpretation of Sherlock`s statement, but if John had learned one thing about him, it was that you should never take Sherlock`s words at face value.
John`s eyes found Sherlock`s again.
The blue depths weren`t focused on him, but rather turned inward like it often happened when Sherlock visited his Mind Palace.
So, John was obviously right and Sherlock hadn`t realised what he had just asked of him and was now searching for a way to re-formulate his request.
Sighing, John prepared two mugs of tea, with the still hot water in the kettle. When Sherlock was in his Mind Palace it could take hours until he resurfaced and...
"Sleep with me! Have sex with me! Make love to me! Fuck me! Are there any other expressions to make that request?"
John almost missed the last part of the sentence as one mug slid from his fingers and fell to bits on the floor. Warm liquid soaked his slippers, but John didn`t pay it any thought as he stared at Sherlock. It seemed that he really meant that...
"Sit down," John ordered and gestured to the kitchen table, without glancing once at the mess that Sherlock had made of it, with his newest experiment. Test tubes with suspicious looking liquids and dangerous looking powder in Petri dishes weren`t worth his attention when he had more important matters to discuss.
"Why do you want to... what did bring this up?"
John vaguely gestured to Sherlock, who had sat down in his usual chair, but turned away from his microscope for once, so that his eyes were solemnly fixed on John.
"I didn`t know which phrase people normally use when they ask for this kind of activity, so I made sure that I explained myself correctly, by using as many different phrases as I could think of, when you didn`t seem to grasp my request the first time."
John blinked slowly.
The way, Sherlock said that, they could also be discussing some chemical reaction or the weather - if Sherlock ever discussed the latter. If Lestrade came through their door now, he wouldn`t notice anything amiss between the two of them. Sherlock was dressed in his dark purple shirt with black trousers, sitting at the kitchen table, which was plastered with the disgusting evidences of his last experiment and John was... just John. Everything was as usual, except... it wasn`t.
John picked at his cardigan as he tried to find a way to put his thoughts into words.
"I didn`t ask why you re-phrased your request," John started slowly. "but I want to know why you want to... sleep with me, all of a sudden."
John felt the heat in his cheeks rising and cursed himself for that stupid blush. He was a grown up man, for God`s sake, with his fair share of lovers, there was no reason to blush like a little school boy, while discussing sexual activities.
Blue eyes flickered to his cheeks and ears, but for once Sherlock didn`t remark on John`s obvious discomfort.
Sherlock folded his hands in his lap as he offered an explanation, in this deep, cultivated voice, John had started to love months ago. "As even you must have figured out by now, I`m lacking important pieces of knowledge in this area and although I never had any particular interest in intercourse, I deem it important to do some research on that matter. Sadly, the internet can only provide you with a certain amount of information and therefore I decided that it would be inevitable to test some theories myself."
John shook his head slowly.
The explanation was logical - at least if you were familiar with Sherlock`s way of thinking - but it still seemed a little off.
John narrowed his eyes at the perfectly relaxed picture of his friend.
He was leaning back in his chair, legs crossed at the ankles, his head tilted to the right side as he watched John with calculating, blue eyes.
Sherlock behaved like it was perfectly normal for him to ask his only friend to have sex with him to prove some scientific point, but...
"You didn`t think it was important to know anything about sex until now. What has changed?"
Sherlock rolled his eyes in a way that said "It`s obvious", but he still answered John`s question.
"During my interaction with The Woman, I realised that it is essential to know at least something about the carnal pleasures, most people are so found of. It would provide me with some insights, I could use in future cases."
It still sounded completely logical and John could even understand to a certain degree why Sherlock wanted to learn about sex, after he had had so much trouble reading Irene Adler and her intentions, but...
"We met Irene Adler... The Woman," John added as Sherlock blinked at him in confusion at the name, he had probably deleted. "six months ago. Why didn`t you... Why do you want to broaden your horizon on that topic now and not back then?"
Sherlock opened his mouth and closed it again.
A frustrated frown wrinkled his forehead, before it disappeared and Sherlock opened his mouth again to speak, but John had seen enough. If Sherlock had to think of an answer to that question, then he didn`t intend on given John the truth and John wouldn`t have that.
He shook his head as he got up from the chair.
"If you can`t give me the truth for your actions, I won`t even think about your request."
John ignored the way his crotch gave a disappointed twinge at these words. He wanted Sherlock, in every sense of the word, but he wouldn`t take his friend just to satisfy Sherlock`s curiosity.
It wouldn`t be fair to Sherlock... or himself.
"What are you doing?" Sherlock`s bewildered voice sounded behind him as John grabbed his jacket and wallet. "I`m going to Tesco`s and give you some time to figure out how important your... experiment really is and why you can`t tell me the true reasons for it." And so that he could get a clear head and calm down, John thought to himself as he hurried out of the flat.
OOO
He had miscalculated something.
Sherlock frowned at door of the flat, through which John had hurried away.
Had he missed something?
His frown deepened as Sherlock tried to figure out what had gone wrong. He had asked John if he wanted to sleep with him and... Oh!
The blue eyes sharpened as they flickered from the remains of the broken mug, in the kitchen, to the chair, John had vacated just minutes ago.
"Sleep with me!"
The words echoed through his mind and Sherlock cursed himself inwardly. He hadn`t asked John to sleep with him, no, he had voiced it as an order.
People normally didn`t do that, did they?
Sherlock narrowed his eyes in concentration.
The Woman had brought home to him that he didn`t know anything about this part of human interaction. Of course, he could deduct when someone was interested in him. It was easy enough to read the signs of attraction and Sherlock had often enough used it to his advantage if a witness showed that kind of interest in him, but...
He didn`t know how to react to it, when he was interested in that person as well. It had never been a question for him before and now that it was, Sherlock was at his wits` end.
Slamming his fist down in frustration, he only spared a glance for one of the Petri dishes, that tumbled to the floor.
He had been aware of John`s attraction to him for quite some time. Hell, even Lestrade would have noticed the signs, if he shared a flat with John.
Sherlock had waited for John to reveal his attraction to him. All evidence, Sherlock had gained during the time he had spent with him, suggested that John didn`t usually hid his feelings, especially not his attraction. Christ, even Sherlock had lost count of the women John had dated since they shared a flat. John had even attempted to ask out one of Mycroft`s assistants, although he had never told Sherlock about it.
So, it couldn`t be fear of rejection that held John back, right?
Sherlock didn`t keep a statistic of how often John had been turned down from the women he approached, but he was fairly certain that John hadn`t always been successful. Still, he had kept asking women out, without thinking about his failures for too long.
So, what was it? What was different in that case?
Sherlock thumped his fingers on the table.
John had never asked men out, as far as Sherlock had noticed, but he was certain that it wasn`t for a lack of interest. He had seen the eyes of his friend lingering on the frame of an attractive representative of the male gender often enough.
Maybe, his past in the army was to blame for showing little interest in men. If you had to prove your masculinity every day, you couldn`t go after other men... or some other nonsense, Sherlock had heard at some point.
But that only explained John`s hesitation to some extent. There was another factor, Sherlock was missing.
Seconds ticked by as the blue eyes just stared around the flat, taking in the obvious evidences of two friends living together for the hundredths time.
Friends! Of course!
Sherlock clapped his hands together as the realisation hit him.
All the women, John asked out were usually complete strangers and the rules might be different if you were already friends. Something about destroying a friendship if you showed your affections... at least that had been the reason for that girl - name deleted - in one of their last cases to rather murder the girlfriend of her best friend than to confess her love to him.
Sentiment, Sherlock sneered at the microscope. Sex didn`t destroy friendships... but feelings did.
Something twisted in Sherlock`s stomach as he tried to push that thought away again. He hadn`t offered feelings or involvement to John, just sex. It wouldn`t change anything - or not much - between them and it would still be to both their advantages.
John didn`t have to hide his physical attraction to him anymore, Sherlock would gain new data about carnal activities and... it would certainly be enough to silence the sentiments, which always surfaced when he was close to John. Surely, physical closeness would be enough to still the urge to reach out to John, when they walked side by side through London or how he thought about sealing John`s lips with his own, whenever he caught himself staring at them. But if these urges didn`t go away...
Sherlock caught himself biting down on his lower lip and growled.
He had never felt like this before. At the university, he hadn`t understood how his peers could talk about sex all the time. There didn`t seem to be any other interesting topic for them. For some time, he had been curious why everyone seemed so obsessed with the simple act of connecting two bodies in such a primal way and exchanging bodily fluids. Sherlock had studied scientific books about theories behind such a behavior, but he had never felt the need to indulge in intercourse himself. The few times he had masturbated, had left him with brief highs - nothing in comparison to the rush of adrenalin during a chase through London or even the chemical inducted high from drugs - and sticky thighs. Not worth the trouble, when he had more important and satisfying matters to occupy him. Sherlock had thought so until... John had entered his life.
He smiled and grimaced at the same time.
John had made him aware of long forgotten feelings again.
Feelings, which left him wide open and even made it obvious to Moriarty that he still had a heart. A heart, which ached every time, John went out with another woman and looked hopeful that she would finally be the future Mrs. Watson.
In the end, John`s relationships never lasted longer than a month and Sherlock suspected that he only kept on seeking out new women to satisfy his body`s more primal needs.
That made it fairly simple. If John got what he wanted, concerning his sexual needs, from Sherlock and didn`t seek out women anymore, Sherlock`s heart wouldn`t have a reason to ache anymore and he wouldn`t be hindered by his sentiments.
The plan was perfect!
Only... John hadn`t accepted that deal!
He had asked for Sherlock`s reasons for his request and Sherlock couldn`t tell him the truth. If he did, John would... leave him. It was obvious that he was only physically attracted to Sherlock and didn`t see more than a friend in him otherwise.
John leaving the flat... leaving him... Unacceptable!
Sherlock shot to his feet as he finally came to a decision. He would never tell John the truth for his actions, but he would make sure that his plan was successful. If John was only wary of accepting his offer, because they were friends, Sherlock only had to make sure that John stopped worrying about that.
He had to make John stop thinking at all. He had to seduce John!
Sherlock grinned wolfishly as he hurried through the flat to prepare everything.
OOO
He had needed longer than he thought.
John had only wanted to make a short trip to Tesco to get some necessary supplies and clear his head during the short walk. In the end, it had taken him over an hour to get back to Baker Street.
Sighing, John pushed the door to 221 open and climbed upstairs to their flat.
He wouldn`t have taken that long, if he hadn`t spent time at the offering of countless condoms and lubes in one of the shelves. His mind had showed him all kind of things he could have done with and to Sherlock, if he hadn`t questioned him and just accepted what was so easily offered to him.
Still, John felt that it had been the right thing to do. He knew himself well enough to understand that he wouldn`t have been able to have casual sex with Sherlock and then pretend that nothing had happened.
Hell, he wasn`t even able to do that with the women he had dated and John hadn`t harbored as deep feelings for any of them as he did for Sherlock. No, it was better this way.
If John thought for one moment that Sherlock returned his feelings it would have been a different matter, but he just couldn`t sleep with him to satisfy Sherlock`s curiosity. John just hoped that Sherlock wouldn`t decide on finding someone else, who would willingly provide the knowledge, Sherlock was seeking.
A tight knot manifested itself in John`s throat at that thought. When he imagined that someone else was going to touch Sherlock, without loving him, just to get some physical kind of pleasure from it... he understood why people committed murder.
Pushing these thoughts aside, hence Sherlock would notice anything amiss when he saw him, John entered the flat and... stopped dead in his tracks.
The shutters were down and the lamps were out. The only light came from the crackling flames in the fireplace, which illuminated the flat with their warm light. John only had a spare second to wonder what that meant, before his eyes fell on the figure in front of the fireplace.
Sherlock was clad only in his bathrobe as he stood motionless and watched John from afar. The warm light from the flames highlighted his cheekbones and gave his skin a golden glow as his deep eyes locked with John`s.
"What...," John wanted to ask, but felt his mind going empty when the bathrobe slid from these thin shoulders and revealed alabaster skin.
The bag with the groceries hit the floor as it fell from John`s fingers. Something cracked, probably the bottle of milk, but John paid it no mind as he solemnly focused on Sherlock.
He was perfect!
Long, endless legs, muscular from running through the city almost every night. A faint line of dark curls around his crotch and... John forced himself not to let his gaze linger on the semi-erect flesh between Sherlock`s legs as he felt an answering pull in his crotch. His gaze travelled farther up, over a slim stomach and two dark nipples, which seemed to tease John as he stared at them. The dark buds were begging him to touch them and John only tore his gaze away from them with some effort as his eyes settled on the face of the man, who was always able to surprise him.
Sherlock`s gaze was intense and knowing as he met John`s. A faint flush stained his usual pale cheeks, but John couldn`t deduct if it was from the heat of the fireplace or from embarrassment of standing naked in front of him.
Before he knew it, John had crossed the space between them and closed his arms around the other man. Sherlock was warm against him as he leaned towards John, minimizing the difference in height between them and angled his face towards John.
Something in John screamed that this was wrong, that he should take the time to think... but he didn`t listen to it. Here was Sherlock, naked and willing and offering the kiss, John had craved for months and he... couldn`t resist that temptation.
Tilting his face upwards, their lips met for the first time and the contact sent a spark through John`s whole body.
Sherlock`s lips were soft against his. There was a faint stubble at his chin as they moved their mouths together, but John didn`t mind that in the least. He had never kissed a man before, not like that and even if he hadn`t been interested in men, the kiss would still have been perfect, because it was Sherlock.
John flickered his tongue out, tasting Sherlock`s lips... tasting Sherlock. Tea, milk, some chocolates and something that was purely and unique Sherlock registered on his senses and John moaned in the kiss as he shifted his body a little and seeking closer contact to Sherlock. His hands roamed over Sherlock`s back, touching smooth skin, until one of his hands came to rest on Sherlock`s buttocks. He pinched it playfully and a shudder ran through the lean body which was pressed against him.
John`s eyes snapped open. He might not be a genius, but he was a doctor and a decent lover and he could judge well enough if someone shuddered in pleasure or... trembled in nervousness.
Ending the kiss, John`s hands moved to Sherlock`s shoulders to push back at them and hold Sherlock at arm`s length. Sherlock`s lips were slightly parted, his cheeks were flushed and his hair was tousled as he returned John`s gaze.
He looked like the symbol of seduction... if you ignored the look in his eyes. The blue deeps were clouded with passion, but John also saw the nervousness and insecurity in them, before Sherlock was able to blank his expression.
"Sherlock, you... why did you do that?" John glared at him, as Sherlock tried to look innocent, which wasn`t an easy task even for Sherlock Holmes as he stood stark naked and aroused before John.
"You liked it... you wanted it."
It was true, John couldn`t argue with that point, but that didn`t make things right. For Christ`s sake, John should have put everything together sooner and realised that this act was just another, a more subtle way of Sherlock to get what he had requested before. And now... he would never forgot, how these sinful lips felt against his, how Sherlock tasted and... felt against him.
"Damn, Sherlock! Do you think that you can just... seduce me?"
Sherlock had the nerve to cock his head and flutter his eyelashes at John. "It was working, wasn`t it?"
"It... Yes, Christ! That`s not the point!" John drew his hands through his hair as he forced his mind to work and form whole sentences. "I told you before that I wouldn`t... I won`t sleep with you, before I don`t know... why you want it."
Sherlock leaned back against the side of the fireplace and curled his lips upward in a seductive smile as he looked at John. The bastard probably knew exactly how awesome he looked in that light, with his body angled this way and...
No, John growled quietly. He wouldn`t allow Sherlock to play him like that.
"I told you I need data about that topic and it`s only reasonable if you and I..."
John`s temper snapped. "If you want to get data on fucking, then feel free to go to a pub and find yourself someone to fuck with!"
The words were out, before John could think them through. He didn`t really mean it, he didn`t want Sherlock to find himself some stranger to introduce him to the physical pleasures of his body, but he also didn`t want to feel like he only was some part of an experiment. It would hurt too much to be physically close to Sherlock, while John would never be allowed to love him the way he wanted.
But now, he wouldn`t even be allowed to be physically close to Sherlock, because Sherlock would sneer at him soon, get his clothes and storm out to the next pub to...
A sob echoed through the room.
John`s eyes snapped up to Sherlock`s face, only to be frozen on the spot. A single tear leaked from the blue orbs and dangled from long eyelashes, before falling down. Pain was written all over Sherlock`s face as he met John`s eyes. His mouth opened, but no words emerged from Sherlock`s lips as he just shook his head and fled to his room.
John could only stare at Sherlock`s retiring back, before the door closed behind him with a loud bang.
He had made a mistake.
OOO
Stupid!
Sherlock hugged his knees to his chest as he curled up in a fetal position under the covers and tried to regain his composure. He knew that people found it comforting to curl up like that, because some very primal part of their brains was reminded of their time in the uterus. When they had still been protected from the world by their mother. Sherlock would have laughed at anyone, he saw like that, because it obviously meant that they weren`t able to face the world alone, but now... He didn`t care that he looked pathetic himself.
Mycroft would mock him for his sentiments, if he ever heard of it. He would tell Sherlock that it was his own fault for caring for John and that he should have seen it coming to such an end. And the officers from Scotland Yard... Sherlock cringed as he imagined the gleeful looks of Donovan and Anderson, if they were to see him now. They would tell him that John had finally done the right thing by rejecting him and that no one would ever be able to love a freak like him and... Love!
A miserable sob escaped past Sherlock`s lips before he could hold it back. Why could he solve a crime in a few hours, but wasn`t able to figure out his own feelings? Of course, the answer was so easy.
He usually didn`t admit that he had any feelings... any sentiments for anyone. And that was right... mostly, but not when it came to John. It was never the same with John as it was with everyone else. John was ordinary on the first glance, a good doctor with a bad taste in clothes and bad luck with women. Most people didn`t take the time to look deeper than that, but Sherlock wasn`t like most people. He knew that John was special.
Of course, he wasn`t as brilliant as Sherlock, but he was so full of opposites and... he was the only one, who was able to surprise Sherlock from time to time. After all, John had killed a man to protect Sherlock, when they had only known each other for about a day... and afterwards they had laughed about it together.
Sherlock hadn`t been able to anticipate that outcome nor had he been able to foresee that John would be able to force Sherlock to make room for actual food, amongst various body parts, in the refrigerator. John didn`t try to change Sherlock, instead he took Sherlock`s quirks in stride - most of the time - and made sure that they were both still alive at the end of a day. If it wasn`t for John, Sherlock would have gotten himself killed already - at least, he would have had more stays in the hospital - or gone crazy from boredom or started using again. Without John, his life wouldn`t be the same, because... John was everything good and sane in his life.
John was... everything.
Sherlock buried his face in his pillow as a single tear escaped from his eyes. He should have seen it before... he should have realized that the only reason why he wanted to be close to John, why he wanted to be physically close to someone for the first time in his life, was because... he loved John. It was so simple and yet...
Sherlock hadn`t seen it. He hadn`t seen it before he had ruined everything by his stupid plan to seduce John.
Of course John would pick up on his nervousness, he knew Sherlock better than anyone else did after all. Sherlock should have predicted that and figured out that he wouldn`t be able to go through with his plan for his lack of experience.
It wasn`t enough to read about sexual intercourse online or watch pornographic movies - Sherlock suspected that the latter didn`t provide scientific evidence - to become an expert on carnal activities. All his research hadn`t prepared him for the reaction of his body to the kiss and John`s closeness. Sherlock`s thoughts had been shattered at the simple contact, a complex mixture of hormones had raced through his blood vessels and he had... panicked slightly at the novelty of it.
But that wasn`t even the worst of it. If he had only told John why he wanted to sleep with him, then... John would still have rejected him.
A tight knot constricted Sherlock`s throat as he recalled John`s angry words.
"If you want to get data on fucking, then feel free to go to a pub and find yourself someone to fuck with!"
Sherlock closed his eyes against the pain that coursed through him at the memory. John hadn`t only rejected him, he had also made it clear that he didn`t care if Sherlock found someone else and...
A painful gasp escaped his lips, but Sherlock refused to give in to the burning sensation behind his closed eyelids.
He wouldn`t cry!
He might have lost the only friend he ever had and the only man, he would ever love, but he wouldn`t cry... he wouldn`t...
A soft knock sounded at his door, but Sherlock ignored it. Certainly John wanted to apologize for his harsh words and then request that they never speak of it... or he would just tell him that he was going to leave the flat and never wanted to see Sherlock again. Both options were bad and Sherlock didn`t want to face any of them. He couldn`t handle them, not now... not ever.
Another knock sounded and Sherlock groaned.
"Go away!" His voice sounded muffled from the covers and the pillow, but it wasn`t as unsteady as Sherlock had feared it would be.
Seconds ticked by and Sherlock strained his ears to hear what was going on outside his room, trying to determine if John was already packing his belongings, when the door to his room cracked open.
"Go away," he muttered again, but John seemed to have chosen to ignore him as he closed the door behind him. Soft steps echoed through the room, until they stopped next to the bed. Sherlock felt the mattress dip as John sat down next to him.
Silence.
Sherlock gulped.
Usually, John wasn`t at a loss for words and the silence made Sherlock more nervous than if his friend had shouted at him. To words, Sherlock could answer, but he couldn`t deduce anything from the silence in the room alone - other than that John obviously didn`t know what to say - and finally he forced his eyes open and glanced at John. He sat on level with Sherlock`s legs and his face was turned towards him.
Blue eyes squinted in the twilight of the room as Sherlock looked for clues, that would tell him what to expect to happen next. He was only able to make out the tense lines of John`s face. The way he pressed his lips together, which he always did when he was angry or upset about someone or something - mostly about Sherlock or body parts in the refrigerator. Usually that expression meant that Sherlock should prepare himself for an argument of sorts, but... the way John`s eyebrows were drawn together was at odds with all the expressions Sherlock had seen on John`s face, when he was truly upset or angry.
Sherlock frowned as he tried to remember when he had seen John like this before. After a breakup... Yes, John certainly drew his eyebrows together like that after a breakup with his latest girlfriend. So that meant... what? That he was sad? Confused? Hurt?
Sherlock clenched his hand around the fabric of the covers. He couldn`t deduct what John was feeling and that left him with only one possible way of action. Sherlock had to wait until John deemed it appropriate to release Sherlock from his misery of guessing what was going on in John`s head.
Minutes ticked by and John still hadn`t stated why he was there.
Usually, Sherlock would just wait for someone to state their business. It gave him control of a conversation if the other person was forced to speak first and allowed Sherlock to prepare his next move. Only... Sherlock couldn`t play that game now. He was too nervous, felt too raw, too open, too vulnerable to go through with his typical maneuvers.
"John...," he started, only to stop again, when he didn`t find the right words to say. There was so much he had to say... wanted to say and yet...
"You are an idiot, Sherlock."
Sherlock peeked up at that. There was some anger in John`s voice, but also amusement and fondness.
"Why am I... an idiot?"
John only called Sherlock an idiot, when Sherlock had done something incredible stupid like getting them both almost killed by telling a banker where his sexual preferences lay, although he was pointing a gun at their heads. So... did that mean that John thought that Sherlock had done something stupid? It had to! But did it also mean that John would smile fondly at Sherlock later and forgive him his error or had he gone too far this time?
Finally, John inched closer to Sherlock and turned his face towards him, as his words disclosed the meaning behind his earlier accusation.
"You are an idiot, because you didn`t tell me why you wanted to sleep with me and instead arranged this," John gestured in the direction of their living-room and then back to Sherlock. "scene to seduce me."
"I... you sound like you know why I wanted to...sleep with you." Sherlock swallowed hard as John nodded and ran a hand through his hair. He would have known if John was bluffing, but he wasn`t. It was obvious from the way he held himself and from the undertone in his voice that John was sure of his own deductions about Sherlock`s behavior. The chances that John had truly figured out Sherlock`s reasons for the failed seduction were... high. After all, John mightn`t be a genius, but he was very adept at reading emotions and he could combine facts if he set his mind on it. Trust John to be observant when Sherlock least needed him to be.
"How?"
A rueful smile turned John`s lips upwards. "At first, I believed you that it was only an experiment to satisfy your curiosity on that matter, but... when I said these words, I hurt you... I hurt you and I`m sorry for that."
Sherlock nodded, more to accept John`s apology than to confirm his words, but he was still curious how that led to John figuring out what Sherlock felt for him. Maybe, there still was the slightest chance that John had gotten things wrong and...
"You wouldn`t have been hurt if the only reason for you to arrange that seduction was some experiment of yours. You were hurt, because you have... feelings for me, am I right?"
The last words were only a mere whisper and Sherlock had to avert his eyes as he felt John`s gaze on him. It would be so easy to deny John`s claim to tell him that he had gotten it all wrong and that he should leave him alone, but... Sherlock couldn`t do that. For the first time in his life, he wasn`t able to deny his feelings, push them back or run away from them. It was already too late for that. Even if Sherlock was able to deny his feelings now, that wouldn`t erase them and if John suspected what he felt, then it wouldn`t make much of a difference anyway.
"You are... right. I just... I only realised it and I didn`t... didn`t know how..."
Something changed in John`s face. The harsh lines fell and instead a beautiful and tender smile bloomed on his face as he leaned down.
Warm breath touched Sherlock`s face, before soft lips sealed his and a gentle hand ran through his curls. The kiss didn`t last as long as their first one, but Sherlock still cherished every second of it. He hadn`t known that it could feel so good to kiss someone, but he was certain that it only felt that way, because it was John`s mouth on his... because John was kissing him. Sherlock didn`t want to kiss anyone else, only John.
"Move," John ordered the next moment and only seconds later, Sherlock found himself facing him as they lay next to each other.
Silence enfolded them once more, but it wasn`t awkward this time. There were still unsaid things between them, but they didn`t feel as heavy as before. Sherlock would have happily lain in bed all night, if it meant being close to John like that.
This time, it was John who broke the silence. "You have to tell me what you want, Sherlock, because I... I know what I want, but I have to know what you... Yeah, I don`t want to make a mistake here."
The answer to that question should have been complicated. Sherlock knew that it would have been impossible to answer only a couple of hours ago, but now it was so simple that he wondered why he hadn`t realised it before. "You, John. Only you."
It was the right thing to say as the kisses proved with which John showered his face, before he laid back down on the pillow and smiled at Sherlock.
"And I want you, Sherlock. Only you."
Sherlock blinked at the statement. Of course, John`s behavior proved his words, but...
"Shh, let`s talk about that tomorrow. Let`s get some sleep first."
A small protest that he wasn`t tired and didn`t need to sleep formed on Sherlock`s tongue, but it was never voiced as John drew him close until Sherlock was cuddled against John and his warmth enfolded Sherlock.
Carefully, Sherlock bedded his head on John`s shoulder and as no protest came forward, Sherlock allowed himself to relax against him. The events and the stress of the last hours caught up with him as exhaustion clouded his mind.
Sherlock was only able to deduce that John was clad in his pajamas and that he must have planned on staying with him, before his eyes closed of their own accord and he sank into a welcoming sleep.