Author's Note: this fic is a submission for 's Writers Anonymous Forum's "Writers Anonymous Self-Insert Challenge". I wanted to capture how John might've started leaving Dean & Sam on their own, trying to keep him from being unsympathetic (probably failed), and somehow used myself for a catalyst. I really am one of those people who watches unsupervised little ones in public places to make sure they're okay and not lost. As a result, now I can screw up the Winchesters' lives from both inside and out of a fic! Damn was it ever hard to write myself as completely grownup, though; ask me my age and I still think I'm a teenager. Even if I do remember car phones.

Our Discontent Made Glorious Summer

"I think she's watching us," whispered Sammy, clinging close.

"Probably wondering why you suck," said Dean, though he'd been thinking the same thing. Dad had dropped them off at the mall, after loading Dean up with a few tricks of the trade, so he could get some evil bastard fried without them two getting underfoot. That's what he'd said, anyway. Dean didn't know what Dad was hunting now, but he knew it'd be important.

Now that it was summer, Dad said they were going to try sleeping in the car for a while to save money. Dean thought the backseat of the Impala was more comfortable than any motel bed. He just didn't like how it left them without anywhere to go back to. That's how they'd ended up in this boring old place. At least it had A/C.

Him and Sammy looked at the mall guide to find the arcade, except the lady was still paying attention to them. Not staring, just taking a few steps then turning back and watching from the corner of her eye.

She looked comfy, not worn to the bone like the ladies who hung around the motels. There was a band on her head with a silly bow stuck out the side of it. Her outfit was fancy except for the bottom of it, where her too-long pants pooled around peeling sneakers, just like Sammy's did. Her purse was huge; it was scary to imagine how big a gun could fit in there.

He didn't know what she wanted. Maybe she was a witch or a fairy or something, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. If she was human, though, he thought he could take her. She was kind of fat but not tall at all.

Tracing along the mall map with his finger, he tried to find a route of escape. Dean wasn't real familiar with malls. Whenever they'd gone before, he'd been too little to know about things, just followed along. Now Sammy was the little one, and Dean needed to wise up and fast.

He wasn't fast enough. The lady was coming over. He grabbed Sammy's hand, ready to run, but Sammy tripped over his feet (how did someone do that?). They couldn't get away before she got to them.

"Hey kiddies, are you lost?" she asked. "Where are your parents?"

Those were bad words to hear. Dad had taught Dean what to say, but Sammy pulled his thumb out of his mouth with a wet pop and answered first.

"Our mom's dead," he said, eyes brimming over.

As usual, one look at Sam's teary face had a woman softening up. Now she would say something about how sorry she was and how their mommy was an angel. Dean would always say that he didn't believe in angels, and then the lady would laugh too hard for it to be a real laugh.

Dean screwed his face up, ready to be patted and pinched.

"Oh dear," was all this lady said. He opened his eyes. She didn't look very happy. "But what about your dad or guardian, then? Where's your adult?"

Dean snorted. There were kids who had adults? That was so lame.

He remembered that he wasn't supposed to be talking to this strange woman, and he grabbed Sammy close to him and yelled, "HELP! HELP! She's trying to kidnap us!"

Sammy wrenched away, exclaiming, "No she's not!" just as the mall cop came over. Oh great. Any kind of cop was bad news, even a fake one.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked, his narrowed eyes going back and forth between them.

The lady opened her mouth, and Dean realised she was going to tell on them and get Dad in trouble. Dad could handle them being kidnapped by a witch any day, but Dean didn't think he knew how to handle police. One time they had come after Mom died, Dad had got in a fight with them and then Dean and Sammy had to stay with Uncle... Mike?... for a day or two.

"I was kidding," said Dean, glaring daggers at the woman. "She's our... aunt."

The lady's mouth turned up a little at the corner. Dean wanted to punch that smirk off her big fat face.

"We're all right here, officer," she said. The mall cop liked that, even if he wasn't real police, and he nodded and left them alone. "Who wants to split a cinnamon bun?"

Sammy's face lit up. "I never had a cimannon bun before."

So Dean's only choice was to tag along with only a mumbled "It's cinnamon, duh" to relieve his feelings. Scowling fiercely, he tugged at Sammy to try to pull him away from her. Stupid Sammy had slipped his hand into hers the second the mall cop left.

"I'm Sammy Winchester," he said, "and that's my big brother Dean!" Of course the dummy gave them away first thing. "What's your name?"

"Elle Kieu," she said. "No one calls me Miss anything – or Aunt, for that matter – so I guess you can call me Elle."

Dean snorted, stepping a little on the back of her shoes. "That's a dumb name," he said. "It's just letters."

"We do what we can with what we have," said Elle. Whatever that meant. She walked a little faster to get away from Dean being on her heels. "How old are you, Dean?"

"Nine," Dean lied. Dad had told him that was the oldest he could pass for. Good thing he wasn't a runt like Sammy.

He had to make sure Elle wasn't something bad. He pulled out the little butter spreader Dad had given him, the one he'd said was silver and used to be Mom's, and poked her with it. She jumped and he laughed meanly.

"Hey!" she said. "That was cold. What was that?"

She was human. Dean relaxed. She was probably okay then, just nosy and weird.

"Keys," he said. "Our dad's gone to help our actual aunt, who's real sick, so he dropped us off here and said he'd come get us in a few hours."

"Why couldn't he take you home now?" she wanted to know. Sammy reached for Dean's hand and tugged on him and Elle until they were just about running to get to the bun place. Least he knew to keep his big mouth shut while Dean 'explained' things.

"Our house is really really far away. Not even in this state. And our dad said that kids shouldn't see whatever he was doing." Both things were true, which was good. Dean didn't like not telling the truth.

He could see the exact moment when Elle decided they were okay. It bothered him. Who was she to decide what was right?

"So it's an emergency," she said. "I'm sorry. That's too bad."

"I guess," said Sammy. He was shifting from foot to foot, bored by the conversation. "Can we get our treat now?"

Dean started to worry again when they were in line. She had asked if they wanted to share. Did that mean he'd have to pay for some of it too? Grownups usually paid for things, but they were tricky when it came to sharing. He clutched the stash of quarters stowed in his pocket tightly when she opened her wallet and it was empty, but then she used a card.

The place had a window through where you could see them making the buns. Dean didn't know much about cooking other than Spaghetti –Os or Minute Rice, but it was pretty neat to watch. They took out a ball of dough, fed it through a machine until it got flat, and brushed cinnamon and some liquid on it. Then, they cut it and rolled it into a bun. Sammy seemed to be interested, too, which was good because otherwise they'd never get anywhere near there.

"Can we sit up at the counter and watch them make it?" said Sammy. "Please please please?"

"That okay with you, Dean?" Elle asked.

"I don't care," he said automatically, shrugging.

Elle lifted Sammy onto a stool as Dean scrambled onto the one next to Sammy. Then, she plopped herself down on Sammy's other side.

"Whew!" she said. "Shopping is even more tiring when you don't have any money. Thanks for finally giving me an excuse to buy something. How much time do you two have, anyway?"

"Dad said he'd come get us at five," said Dean. Now that she'd ordered them food, he was feeling more ready to answer her questions. But why did she want to know this time?

She checked her watch. "Well, I'm free all day." She smiled. "I've decided I'm going to join you."

That would suck, if he didn't know just how to get rid of her.

"We're going to the arcade," he said, playing his trump card. "You'll be bored, 'cause girls don't know how to play. I bet even Sammy could beat you."

"I beat you once," said Sammy. "Does that make you a girl?"

"Nuh-uh, I let you win because I felt sorry for your ugly face!"

"Hey," said Elle once they'd gotten close to falling off their stools from kicking each other. The way she said it, like she didn't much care or know what to do, Dean guessed she didn't have kids. "Of course there are girls that know how to play, but I'm not one of them. I'll watch."

"You can play with me," Sammy offered before sticking his tongue out at Dean.

In return, Dean made a face, pulling at his mouth with his hands and crossing his eyes.

Elle let that one pass. "Thanks, Sammy! Nah, it'd be a waste of money. I'll watch."

"Won't be much to see with Sam, he almost always loses," said Dean.

"Do not!" Sammy said.

"Do too!"

They started kicking at each other again.

"Oh dear," said Elle.

Maybe having a girl tagging along wasn't so bad, after all. She'd used her card again to get them a bunch of quarters, though she definitely never played before if she thought she'd gotten enough. Dean thanked her like Dad would've told him to, though. He had some of his own anyways.

Then, the day became awesome when he hit his highest score ever in Mario Bros! He got to put in his initials, DMW (it sounded like a car, which was way cool), and he showed it to Sammy and Elle when they came by for the millionth time. Today, he was in the zone. Having someone there to watch Sammy had helped. So had all this extra time. Usually, Dad only gave him an hour or two to play, but now he had most the whole afternoon!

He didn't keep track of the time, not with his game in front of him, but Elle tapped him on the shoulder at four fifty-five and made him miss his jump.

"Aw, just once more," he said as the screen changed, taking him out of the level. Sammy laughed at seeing Dean lose. Brat.

She shook her head. "Sammy needs to use the washroom, and I thought he might appreciate not having to come into the women's with me."

Dean wrinkled his nose. "Grody! Fine, I'll take him."

Everything got less fun and the day seemed less awesome once he had Sammy's sticky hand clinging to his again. Dean loved his brother, of course he did, and he was proud to help Dad watch after Sammy, but it had been nice having an afternoon where he could just do something he wanted to do.

He'd feel better soon. Getting one afternoon free was enough – should be enough – for him. It hadn't been as fun making the score without Sammy cheering behind him on tiptoes, anyway.

Sammy took forever. What could take a kid that little so long, Dean didn't know. When they got out, Elle was on the bench checking her watch in the same way she'd been watching them the first time they met.

"Are you sure he said five?" she said. Her leg bobbed up and down, shaking the bench. It was nice, made it feel like sitting in a car.

Dean nodded. "Sometimes Dad's late – not 'cause he wants to be, but 'cause he's got a lot of important things to deal with." That's how he explained it to Dean.

"But he brings books back to work on a lot," Sammy piped in. "So then he does it at home."

Darnit, Dean should've told him in the bathroom not to talk about them anymore. He'd probably blabbed all sorts of things to Elle in the arcade, too.

"It's okay, though," said Dean. "Dad said that since he's had to work so much lately, he's gonna get us a cabin for a week and we're going to learn to fish and swim and canoe and everything."

"And we're going to have marshmallows," Sammy said. "In a fire. I never had those before."

"Sounds great," said Elle. "Even better than going to camp."

"What's that?"

Dean scouted the place out while Elle was chattering away with Sammy, who'd be asking tons of questions as usual. After how she'd meddled, it served her right. He hoped Dad was okay.

"What time is it?" he asked Elle.

"Five twenty-five," she said, and frowned. "Is there any way to reach your dad?"

"He has a car phone," said Sammy. "It's so cool!"

"Yeah," Dean said, "kids at school, their parents never have them."

"I guess not. I've only ever seen one of those before."

"There's a payphone by the entrance," said Dean. "I think I'm going to call him."

"All right," said Elle. "Sammy and I will come with you. Do you need any change?"

Dean dug in his pocket but came up empty. He grinned; it had been totally worth it.

Elle dropped two dimes in his hand and they went over for him to make his call, but he recognised the person coming through the doors.

"Dad!"

His dad swooped him and Sammy in a big hug, though he had his eye on the lady next to them the whole time. Dean looked Dad over to make sure he wasn't hurt.

Elle introduced herself, adding, "I saw your boys on their own and thought they might need some company. I'm sorry to hear about your sister."

In on the secret now, Dad smiled at Dean and squeezed his hand. It was their special code that Dean did a good job, and it made the day all better.

"John Winchester," said Dad, sticking out his hand.

Elle smiled at him as they shook hands, but it wasn't the scary alligator smile that some ladies gave Dad. Dean was glad about that.

"Were you boys nice to Miss Kieu?" Dad asked in a tone that promised punishment if they hadn't been.

"Duh," said Sammy. Dean nodded.

"It's Elle," she said. "They were great chums to have around, sure, didn't misbehave at all."

At least she wasn't trying to tell on him this time.

Dad's voice went back to normal. "Good to hear."

Sammy barrelled into Elle and wrapped his arms around her legs. He'd almost knocked her over, but a huge grin formed on her face.

"You're not going to go now, are you?" he asked.

"You're the one going, silly," she said, stroking his hair. "Your dad has to take you home."

"Actually," said John, "would you be free to join us all for dinner? I'd like to thank you for what you did."

Dean hadn't expected to enjoy dinner, but he did. Tonight had been Burger King night before Elle came along. Instead, they went to a really nice place, a family restaurant, which was like a diner but better. Sammy was so happy between having his newfound friend along and not having burgers that he made everyone else happy, too.

There was only one weird moment, when they first came in and Dad asked for a table for four. He hadn't heard Dad do that in a long time. At least having Elle around stopped the waitress from hanging around their table too much. He didn't think he liked tables for four anymore, though.

It just wasn't the same.

After dinner, they took Elle home. The smell of manure was coming in on the wind, and a train was going by, but if Dean had a regular settled house like that he would put up with all the noise and poop in the world.

She gave Sammy a kiss on the cheek. Dean, not wanting to receive the same, shrunk back and mumbled a thanks without meeting her eyes. Despite the day they'd spent together, it felt strange now that she was going back to her normal life and they were going on to... he didn't even know. Vacation, he hoped.

Sammy cried when she was gone. Dean was going to call him a baby for it but thought better of it. Maybe Sammy couldn't help how weird he was sometimes. When he learnt how to talk, he'd said 'Mom' to every woman he met.

Dad let Sammy sit in the middle front seat, right up next to him. By the time Sammy had cried himself to sleep, they were back on the highway.

"Dean," Dad said. "You're not asleep, are you?"

Dean rubbed at his eyes. "Nope," he said. He pulled himself upright and leaned his chin on top of the front seat. Sitting straight and seeing all the streetlights flash by would help keep him awake. "What's up, Dad?"

"How long were you and Sammy at the mall before Elle came along?"

"Just a few minutes. Why?"

"I need to–" Dad sighed and pulled off the road, shutting off the radio. Now, Dean really was awake. Dad always kept driving unless something big was happening.

"What's wrong?" Dean rested his head on Dad's shoulder.

"I don't know who I'm fooling," said Dad. "You two aren't ready to do things without an adult, or at least Sammy isn't. Even a stranger could tell."

Oh no. Dean thought they'd settled this.

"Strangers don't know anything," Dean protested, in a panic, "not even ghosts. They can't see things. I can look after Sammy, I can, I want to help. You can't go hunting for the thing that killed Mom with him around. He tripped over his own feet today, and if he knew about hunting he would've told Elle everything."

Dad chuckled. "That's our Sammy."

"If you're not going to let me go with you–"

"Definitely not," Dad snapped.

"I can't do nothing, not after what happened!"

Dad didn't say anything for a while, and Dean gave up for now. The sounds of the highway had him dropping off again when Dad finally spoke up.

"You have a good day today, sport?"

"Yeah!" Dean jumped up in his seat. Dad was usually too tired or busy to hear about Dean's day. It was exciting to be able to share. "First I had to make sure Elle wasn't evil. But then we got a snack and I got to play Mario and I practically won the whole game! And I saved Sammy from the women's bathroom. It was pretty rad."

"Rad, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hmm." Dad got lost in thought again. "Sure was nice you found someone at the mall today."

But... hadn't they been talking about Dean babysitting Sam? Dean fidgeted, but he didn't say anything. He could be patient, really he could. He'd wait for Dad to bring it up again.

"You think you could do it again?" asked Dad.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to leave without someone there with you guys. We're too broke for sitters, and it's not like we know anyone the places we go."

"What about Bobby?" Dean liked him. There were always cars to play hide-and-seek in, his dogs were huge, and he always let Dean and Sammy try on his caps.

Dad hesitated. "I don't think we'll be seeing him for a while."

"Pastor Jim?"

"Son, these men are hunters, too. They like you and Sammy fine, but they got things of their own to do. I can't take you there anymore."

Dean didn't want to spend his summer in the mall like all those icky teenagers who got their spit on each other. He tried to think of anyone else his dad had visited.

His last-ditch attempt was, "Caleb?"

"He makes weapons. I'd hand you over to a scarecrow before him, no offense to the guy."

"Don't you see, Dad, that just leaves me!"

Dad leaned forward and buried his head in his hands.

"Dad?" Dean hoped this didn't mean Dad was going to be sad enough to start drinking tonight. It was his fault, he knew it. He'd pushed too hard.

When Dad straightened, he started talking in his commanding officer voice. "Here's what you're going to do. I'm going to drop you off at a mall again tomorrow, and you're going to find a sweet little lady just like the last one–"

"She wasn't sweet, she was pushy."

"Find a sweet, pushy woman and tell her what you told Elle today. Can you do that?"

"But, Dad, isn't that–"

"It's an order, soldier."

There was no getting close to Dad when he was like this, so Dean moved away. He slumped back against his seat, the leather gone cold from his absence.

"Yes, sir."

"I didn't hear that."

He raised his voice. "Yes, sir."

"Good." Dad revved up the engine again and got them back on the road. He didn't turn the radio back on. "I'll come up with a few more tests for you to use, load you guys up with protection charms. You got lucky. I don't think the silver was enough."

Dean kicked the back of the seat, just once, before laying back down. Now all the lights passed by as shadows, shadows that took Dad's head and projected it large onto the Impala's roof. He stared upwards for a while, just watching the patterns move across.

"It doesn't feel right," he mumbled. Now that Dad was back in Dad mode, he felt free to say what he thought.

"I know," said Dad. "Think about it this way. I need to be on my own to hunt, to save people. So if someone is there looking after you, she's saving those people too. Maybe it's not the way she thinks she's helping, but it helps all the same. It's just for this summer."

That reminded Dean. "If we're doing all this mall stuff, what about the cabin?"

"We'll see. There's a bunch of cases people have been keeping for me for the summer, sticking up warning signs to keep people away. If the mall trick works out, I can do that for a while, and when I'm done those we can go stock up on ammo then head to that cabin. Might even be able to take you and Sammy game hunting, like for animals. I don't think we'll make it 'til August, though."

"But it's still June!" None of them got to have any fun lately, and he'd wanted the time with Dad and Sammy so bad. They needed it. Tears started to form in Dean's eyes. He swiped a fist across them, willing them to go away.

"You think I don't want a damn vacation too?" Dad snapped. He turned his head towards him. Dean rolled quickly to face the back, not wanting his dad to see him like this. He laid his arm over his face to hide himself even further.

Dad took a deep breath like he was about to say something, but didn't.

It took a few swallows, but Dean got his throat clear. "I'm sorry."

Dad laughed, but he didn't sound happy.

"Oh, Dean," he said. "It's not your fault. Never is, if you want to know the truth. You better get some rest."

It took a long time for Dean's thoughts to calm down enough to try to sleep.

He wished they had never met Elle. She had ruined everything in trying to help. If he and Sammy had just been at a different entrance, then he'd still get to be the one in charge. No going around pushing Insta-Cry Sammy at women who should be minding their own business, not getting the fourth spot at the table. Elle was the one wasting these ladies' time, and she'd be the one making Sammy bawl every time they pulled out of another driveway. Dad wouldn't have to work so hard, and they could be fishing...

"I promise, I'll do things better," Dad was saying, or Dean thought he was. "Once you're back in school, I can start working again, and we can get an apartment. Sammy can go to preschool, I know he'll like that. When you're all squared away, I can get that bastard. It'll work out, you'll see."

That last part was all it took for Dean. If Dad said things would work out, they would. Dad would make them.

Dean let himself fall asleep. It had been a big day.

end