You know. I've been thinking lately.
Mhmm.
Yeah. I have.
Not about anything really in particular. Just … thinking.
You know that upset feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you have to do something – but you really don't want to?
Like when you have to get up extra early for school that morning, but all you want to do is fall back into your warm blankets on your bed and sleep for another hour …
It's there. That feeling. Just sitting there at the bottom of my stomach; mocking me.
"Do it" it taunts, "You have to"
I ignore it and go back to my thinking. But, my thinking only leads back to the mocking of my choice.
I clench my teeth, ball my hands up into fists and take a step forward.
"Get a hold of yourself, Sel!" I curse myself for being such a coward. "You have to do this for them and you"
If only I could truly convince myself that it would all be ok after this. The sound of someone knocking on a bedroom door startled me; I didn't realize it was me.
"Come in" came the muffled voice. I hesitated as I began to reach for the doorknob. Now was the only time I could pull this off without breaking down. If I came back tomorrow, I'd be a mess.
Although – I do like the option of having a tomorrow. Where I could come back and everything would be just the way I left it.
The click of a door opening drew me back to present time. A disgruntled looking Nick stood there looking extra antsy; "Oh good. It's you" he let out a sigh of relief. "I thought it was Frankie trying to play ding dong ditch on me again."
He looked out of breath and worried as he rushed back into his room and disappeared into the back of his closet. She smiled to herself at his mixed up antics. She took a step into his cramped, yet spacious room – making her way over towards his bed. Guitars lined the wall while his clothes were piled high on the bed. He used to be so neat and tidy, but many changes in his life changed him as well.
"I need your opinion" he stated while practically running out of his closet holding two suits up. One was blue, the other gray. She pointed towards the blue one; "it makes you look less dull" she laughed lightly, joking of course.
He smiled thankfully, throwing the other suit on top of the massive pile growing on his bed.
"Oh, by the way … we talked to hollywoodrecords today" Nick smiled over towards Selena. "They're considering you for the next album!" he sounded very excited.
Selena's eyes widened, but not in joy. No … in horror. "I've done a terrible thing" she whispered to herself.
"Huh?" he smiled, "Aren't you thrilled!?" his lips were smiling, but the shine in his eyes wasn't there anymore.
It was never there.
"I can't sign with them" she shook her head. Running her fingers through her hair, she lifted herself off the bed. She began to pace back and forth in front of the tall mirror. "Umm … ok" Nick knitted his eyebrows together; taking a seat on the bed.
"No" Selena laughed harshly, "No, it's not ok"
Here we go.
"Listen, Selena, if you don't want to sign then don't"
"I want to sign" Selena argued.
"You just said you didn't want to!" Nick laughed incredibly. "What's going on with you?" he raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
Selena sighed, stopping her pacing. She planted her feet on the ground, crossed her arms over her chest loosely and then turned her gaze over towards the right wall. She couldn't look at him. Not now…
"We're like tag-a-longs … Demi and I. We didn't want it to be like this", she closed her eyes, shaking her head, "We wanted to make our own names in this crazy business. We wanted to strive for ourselves!"
"Where are you going with this Sel? We have to go to the premiere in less than an hour…"
"You got us started. You signed Demi. You are about to sign me. You made us big. When people think of us they immediately think of you as well. You, you, you!" she cut him off. Her face was flushed; anger, jealousy and hurt ruled over all of her other emotions now.
He didn't say anything. Instead, he sat there; letting her continue, "You're doing what she did … giving us all these opportunities …" Selena lowered her head.
Nick tensed at the words. He already knew where she was going with this and didn't like it. "She has nothing to do with this. She can't possibly have anything to do with this" he argued.
Selena shook her head; rolling her eyes, "She has everything to do with this!"
"No she doesn't" Nick confirmed.
It was silent now. Selena stood in front of Nick, staring at him blankly while he just sat on his bed, hands folded, staring right on back.
Finally giving in, "I'm done with this" Selena threw her hands up in the air, "I'll come back tomorrow"
Tomorrow. Yes, a brand new day.
Making her way for the door, she was stopped by a low whisper; "Please don't go"
Her hand froze on the doorknob and she closed her eyes tightly. Nick slowly rose from the bed, made his way towards the upset girl and rested his hands on hers.
Warmth shot through Selena's body. The feeling of his soft finger tips on her skin calmed her anger. She was slipping. Something she could not do.
"I have to leave Nick" Selena sighed, re-opening her eyes. "Ok, fine …" he gave in, "I'll just see you at the premiere I guess"
Selena turned around to come face to face with the good looking teenage boy. "No" she paused, "I have to leave here. You. This" she tried to explain.
His eyes widened; realizing, "Not you too" tears stung his eyes.
"No! Don't get upset, please don't! If you do then I will and I can't cry! I can't cry!" she exclaimed.
"She said the same thing to me that night" he sighed, "Almost exactly like your words"
Selena lowered her eyes, "God you don't get it" she sighed.
"What?" Nick mumbled.
"No matter how much you moan and complain she's not going to come back!"
He scoffed at her words, "You don't think I know that?"
Selena brushed her side bangs to the side of her face and went to sit down next to Nick on his bed, "I'm going to get a label my way" she stated.
"I'm going to star in many movies that I scope out myself" she continued.
"Demi and I are going to premiere Princess Protection Program by ourselves" she confirmed.
He nodded glumly, "And do you know what you're going to do?" Selena asked.
He looked up with curious eyes, "You're going to find her and hold on this time" she smiled warmly at the boy, "We're going to do something Nick … and we're going to be ok this time"
"We're going to be ok.." Nick stated.
"We're going to be ok" Selena confirmed.
Such wise words Selena :) Review and tell me if you thought it was pretty good, great or in my own words "HOLY CRAP! WHAT WAS THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!?!?!" Lol. Thanks!
xxEmilyKearsexx