This started out a just a big joke I was laughing about with my sister. We were joking about how funny it would be to have some of the Gods pairing up with FMA characters. Then we had a good laugh about how madly and deeply in love Dionysus would fall in love with Pinako... and then I thought it'd be funny to actually write it...

So this is a crack fic written in a serious manner. It is not supposed to be taken serious. If you want to... okay. That's cool.

I do not own Percy Jackson, any Greek gods, or FMA. Of the three I would want a god the least.

Most of the other Olympians didn't like Amestris or the world it resided in.

There weren't enough worshipers, not enough respect, and quite honestly there weren't enough monsters. The monsters they did have were nasty pieces of work—that Dwarf in the Flask was worthy of Tarturus's lineage— but there weren't enough. Not nearly enough entertainment. Athena liked to vacation there every once in a while though. Alchemy was a bit of a pet project of hers. But when it came down to it, Dionysus was the only one who actually and truly loved this world.

They had better wine and parties

She lived there

He had met a lot of mortal women. He had loved a lot of mortal women. He had claimed there was "no one like her" a lot of times. But he really meant it this time. Really. Pinako Watson was special.

Dionysus had first met her at a party. He couldn't remember whose party it was, or even the reason for the party. It didn't really matter because she had been there.

She wasn't the tallest by a long shot, but very strong and muscular. Her eyes sparkled with laughter and intelligence. Strong hands. And best of all: she was great with her liquor. He had never met a woman in this world who could drink as much as she did in that single night. Even the immortal golden haired man with his ever-healing liver—Hoho, or something like that—couldn't keep up with her. She started challenging people in the room to best her and everyone backed off. When Dionysus, clothed in his favorite form, stepped forward there were chuckles and cat calls.

"How would you like your pride?" she asked, a hellcat with brown hair and pipe sticking out of her teeth. "Medium or well done, cause I can do both."

"Don't worry, I'll take it raw," he replied with a wide smile. "And I'll make sure to cook yours well enough that it won't be too hard to get down when you eat it."

"Those are some big words, Mister. I've never lost." Dionysus grinned back and her and slammed his mug on the table for a refill.

"Neither have I."

Dionysus wasn't sure how the wrench had even managed to hit him, much less how it actually hurt. The thing wasn't even made out of Celestial bronze for crying out loud! None the less, it had hit his head and it now hurt. A lot.

"What was that for?" he shouted, rubbing his head.

"That is for being an idiot. First you tell me that you're a god, and then you say you're leaving? That's not the way things are supposed to work, moron! I'm pregnant with a half-god child, engaged to a very mortal man, and you plan on leaving? What's wrong with you?"

Normally he would not accept treatment like this. He nearly did not. Then he saw the look in her eyes and he knew he couldn't. She was angry— frighteningly angry, and men had been known to disappear from the living realm and never appear in the Underworld when she was angry. True, because he was a god she could never actually harm him, but quite honestly she was crafty enough that she might be able to make the rest of his immortal life like living in the Fields of Punishment without harming him at all. However, when he looked into her eyes he could tell that The Pantheress of Resembool was honestly scared.

"Pinako, I—"

"Oh, don't 'Pinako' me, Dionysus! I'm serious, what am I supposed to do?"

He walked forward and kissed her on the forehead, grateful that her projectile weapon had already been used. Despite her anger she leaned into his arms and they stood like that for a moment before he pulled away and pushed a lock of her hair out of the way.

"Rockbell's a good man, Pinako. He can take care of you and the baby. The child shouldn't be too much of a problem, as long as you can hammer some values into him, he won't become a drunkard. Some of my children grow up to be well refined people, but only the ones with good mothers. This world is much safer for demigods than the one I and the other gods live in. He'll be safe from monsters, mythological ones at least."

"Is it going to be a normal pregnancy?" she asked finally, bitterly. Dionysus smirked slightly. She never was one for giving up on any front, but just this once she seemed to accept that there was nothing to be done. He really did love her.

"He is human, Pinako. I would say the only difference would be you're actually allowed to drink while you're carrying him. If everything goes well, he could be a completely normal baby and child, but with a stronger tolerance towards alcohol that most."

"You're going to be watching over him, correct? I have a feeling this boy's going to get himself into a lot of trouble."

"I'm not that bad, am I?" he asked with a smirk.

"No," she replied without missing a beat. "I am."

She looked so beautiful, standing there in the sky light. He knew without a doubt that he loved Sara Thompson with all his heart and soul. More than anything—medicine, grapes, growing fruit… She was the love of his life, which was why he thought it was finally time to tell her the truth.

"Sara, darling." She looked up at him and smiled. "There's something I need to tell you…"

"What is it Urey?"

"It's about my father," he grabbed her hands. "And I know this might be hard to believe, but I'm not lying and I'm not crazy."

"Urey…"

"My father isn't Dan Rockbell. My real father was—is actually—" he took a deep breath, "the God of Wine, Dionysus. From the old myths. I know it sounds crazy but I'm not and neither is my mother. You've met her, you know she's not crazy. She hasn't been deceived either. I've actually met him and he really is a god. He summoned drinks out of midair and he used his real form when he left. I couldn't watch, but I could feel the power, Sara. I swear. This doesn't change who I am though. I've never gotten drunk in my life, though, that might just be my dad's influence. Stronger liver or something like that. I promise—"

She cut him off with a delicate kiss on the lips. When she pulled back he stared at her with wonder in his eyes.

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Actually I'm quite relieved. I was worried you wouldn't accept my crazy story." He shot her a confused look. "My dad's mother was Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom."

"You're kidding."

"What? You don't think my grandfather was smart enough to attract Athena's attention?" she joked in an offended tone.

"No, I just… that's so perfect."

"Well I'm not so sure my grandmother would be too happy with me falling in love with a drunkard's son, but she'll just have to deal with it." Urey froze.

"You love me?"

"I love you," she said, leaning in. "Is that okay?

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled back they were both smiling.

"Perfect."

The two watched it happen from far away. Normally Athena did not appreciate spending time with her wilder brother, but in this one instance she was glad for his company. Gods did not have physical hearts, but that didn't mean they couldn't be broken. She was happy to have Dionysus by her as they watched their children being murdered.

"It's just seems so pointless…" he muttered as the Ishvalan finished murdering his son. Urey tried to protect his wife from the insane man and died first. Athena winced as the Ishvalan used the medical instrument to kill her granddaughter as well.

"I wish we could have done something at least. Warn them. Send help."

"You know as well as I that even if we had, they would have ignored it. They were both too stubborn for their own good," Athena said sadly.

"That Winry is sure going to be something special," Dionysus chuckled, tearing his eyes away from the sight. "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"She had those Elric brothers to look out for her right now. She also has that cat of yours to watch over her. I must congratulate you on finding her. Any woman who can raise a son of yours to be a man like Urey is something special indeed." He smiled.

"Pinako, my leopard. She really is something else. I'm just lucky I got to her before Hephaestus."

"Oh yes, they would have had fun together. From the way things are working, we'll have to work hard to make sure he keeps his hands off your granddaughter."

"I don't think we'll have a problem there," Dionysus said, propping his chin up with a hand.

"True, she's has an important role to play in the future of their world. The Fates would want Hephaestus doing anything with her. She'll be able to influence the Elrics however she wants. And we both know the Unmortal's sons will play a heavy role in the future."

It was a bit of a joke, them calling Hohenheim the Unmortal. Though it wasn't proper grammar by any rights, the man was not immortal like that and as such could not be called so. He was not mortal though. Poseidon had coined the term "Unmortal" and it had, regrettably in some gods' opinions, stuck.

"Yes," Dionysus muttered. "Very important."

I was not planning on continuing this, but if anyone else wants me to, I will. Just tell me in a review.