Never Ending

Edwards POV from Breaking Dawn Chapter 'Long Night'

"I miss you already," Bella murmured.

"I don't need to leave. I can stay…" I started, but Bella had leaned foreword to kiss me again, only answering my attempted appeal with a quiet moan.

The moment would have been humorous, due to Bella's heart hammering at her chest, giving away just how far she was getting into the kiss, but since we decided to wait until after we got married, we couldn't go on, and I found this frustrating rather than funny.

Oh, I wanted to continue. Every part of me longed for her body, to touch her, kiss her. Her face, her hands, her throat…which is exactly why I had to torture both of us by denying my beautiful Bella, and act which both of us hated.

However, I could see the benefit from the pain. In a few mere hours, Bella would be my wife and I could call her mine. Bella had found another joy from this promise, now dependant on my part. Soon she would be joining my cold, immortal world where we would be free to love each other 'equally' as Bella so often put it.

I opened my eyes to see hers still closed in sheer happiness, and a flush of pink in her cheeks making her look absolutely delectable. I stared at my fragile little Bella and wondered how immortality would suit her. Although the though of being to blame for the final thud of her heart, seriously disgusted me, I couldn't see just how she could be any more perfect than she already was.

Her pale skin only to be ruined by freezing over, meaning her touch would be repelled by her human friends and family. She would have to be hidden away in order not to reveal our secret until she could control herself. This angered me more, that something that stunning should be hidden away from a world full of admirers. However, Bella seem to be eager for the transformation. She loved me too much, more than a monster should when he was to create her cold imprisonment.

Her eyes opened, my thoughts only taking half a brief second, and I stared into the deep chocolate pools staring back. I forced away the sudden thought of bright crimson eyes that would soon replace the exquisite umber ones I adored so much. I'd promised Bella to give her anything she wanted, and if this was what she wished…then that is what she shall receive. I knew eventually, when she awoke from her transformation I would love her just as much or possibly even more (which seemed quite an impossibility, a challenge I'd gladly take on) but I was still unhappy as to how early she had chose to change and I felt selfishly greedy.

Bella was more than I deserved my alluring, perfect angel. I gazed intently at my fiancée and somehow Bella seemed to read my mind. She pulled my face to hers once more, entwining her fingers in my hair and breathing excitedly. Her kisses burned at every touch and I gladly accepted them. She was my eternal light, the candle in my dark. She led the way to understanding and still her passion burned on, flaming my frozen heart, once convincing me it could beat again.

"Definitely staying," I whispered, smiling slightly as she sighed as I leaned away.

Her mouth turned down and her bottom lip stuck out slightly in a small pout. She was completely unaware how easily she gave away her emotion, and broke my heart to think why I ever decided to leave her.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go."

I was in complete awe of her. Still putting me first despite what she wanted. Well tomorrow would be different. All eyes would be on her as she comes to join me as my wife…and she would have to deal with it.

To force me more to the conclusion of staying with her, Bella pressed down on my back closer to her, and I was washed over with her scent…how could I possibly leave her now? I leant my head closer to hers and slowly brushed my fingers along her cheek and jaw.

"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."

She sighed heavily, washing waves of warm breath over my neck.

"True" she breathed.

Bella stared at me with some passion, that's I didn't really deserve, but slowly, as if she had heard the denial within my thoughts, her eyes drifted down to stare at my naked torso.

I had wrapped poor, temperature sensitive Bella in a thick afghan too keep her warm as she pressed herself against my frozen body. She felt that there was no need to cause attention as to turning on the heat; therefore alerting Charlie who slept next door…I felt, however, that there was the need to stop Bella having uncontrollable shivers. I did find it humorous, at first, when she was bundled up like a little child. However, that was until she devised her own plan. She requested that if she had to be wrapped up then I was to be topless. I willingly agreed, as this had nothing to do with me giving Bella anything she wanted, no matter how much the thing she had in mind caused Bella's hormones to take control.

She ran her fingers down my chest, tantalizingly slow, trailing her fingers along the shape of my muscles. Her touch caused me to shudder as my need for her reached breaking point.

I leant in and pressed my lips to hers. I felt her heat bubbling up through her lips, drawing me in. Her scent floating around my head, making it that much harder for me to restrain. If I hadn't known better, Bella has many of the characteristics of my kind. I repressed a shiver. As soon as I felt Bella's scorching tongue touch my bottom lip I had to stop. I couldn't trust myself while Bella was this breakable.

I pulled away slightly and sighed. I watched as Bella's eyes glazed slightly, having a similar reaction to what I had just experience, only her heart was thumping madly in her chest. As her head apparently cleared, she tightened her grasp on me and pulled herself closer to my body. I was about to explain, again, why we couldn't go further, again, when she whispered "Wait."

I froze for her, taking the sense literally, whilst also being inconspicuously wary of what she planned to do. She kicked free off the covers and wrapped one leg around my waist. "Practise makes perfect" she smiled.

I laughed at her attempts to sway me.

"Well we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?"

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, "But this is the dress rehearsal," she said, "and we've only practised certain scenes. It's not time for playing safe."

A smile curved up at the corners of her mouth, but I couldn't find anything funny. I thought over how I had promised we would 'try' but every time I tried to think about the positives of what it could bring, all I saw was her lifeless, broken body, drained in my arms, whilst my eyes shone blood red, ruining all my years of hard work.

Bella's smile faltered and she started to bite her lip. She was worried and it was my fault. I saw my reflection in her scared eyes, the reflection of a monster.

"Bella…" I started.

Her forehead creased and her face flushed red in anger.

"Don't start this again," she retaliated. "A deal's a deal."

I felt bad for breaking my promise, and ever worse that my resolve to give Bella everything she wanted had already gone awry, but I still wasn't convinced on the idea of loving her to such an extent that I could kill her. Of course I wanted her, I've never wanted someone so much…and that was the problem.

"I don't know," I whispered, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. I wasn't sure if it was working as Bella frowned deeper. "It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I-I can't think straight. I won't be able to concentrate." I put my worst fear last, "You'll get hurt." I murmured.

Bella still glared at me, her jaw set stubbornly, but her eyes softened at my last statement. However, I knew she wasn't going to give in so easily.

"I'll be fine" she muttered.

I sighed at the little progress we had made. "Bella…" I began again, but was stopped at she shushed me and forced her lips onto mine.

I kissed her back, but I was too distracted. That's quite a hard thing to do, be distracted when kissing everything you ever wanted, but again I found myself thinking about what was best for her. I growled in self hatred, I would never leave her again, ever. I loved Bella with every being of my existence, whatever the reason for that was, and if she wanted me to stay, then I would remain forever at her side.

However, I could never fully understand what she saw in me that made her want me, in any sense of the word. She could do so much better…if she wanted.

As we kissed, in my already distracted state, I started to brood over Bella's reasons to marrying. Why she was so devoted that she would marry me, no matter how much the thought made her cringe. When I couldn't comprehend a viable answer other than love, I felt an overpowering emotion of happiness.

Still, she couldn't be all too happy with the choices she had made.

"How are your feet?" I asked sceptically.

She grinned slightly then answered. "Toasty warm."

I wasn't so convinced by her sarcastic answer.

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

I heard her heart stutter and rejection washed over her face.

"Are you trying to ditch me?" she asked. Her eyebrows rose slightly, physically questioning me if it was I who was getting cold feet…or as close to the sense as deemed possible.

Though my feet were already cold, the burning passion that I received off Bella easily conquered my frozen body, and nothing could sway me in my ecstasy of her finally becoming my bride tomorrow.

My bride…my mate…my life.

I pulled out of my trance and chuckled at Bella' sudden conclusion.

"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

Her frown lifted slightly, and a small, delicate smile appeared on her face.

"I'm sure about you," she whispered. "The rest I can live through."

Again, her words set me off. I thought about how she would cope once she was immortalised. Even if she could live through it, could everyone else. Would I hate every minute of her transformation? Yes. Would her parents fret with worry? Yes. Would Bella become to regret her decisions, when she couldn't visit her family and friends, only to find out it was too late? Most probably…yes.

She was throwing it all away to be with me, and this made me feel sick. She was so connected with the people she knew and loved, and through her spoken confidence, I saw all too clearly the fear hidden in her eyes.

"Can you?" I questioned quietly. I didn't want to push her, but I didn't want her to realise what she had lost when it was too late.

"I don't mean the wedding – which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterwards…what about Renée, what about Charlie?"

She sighed. "I'll miss them." Her eyes flickered with emotion. I begged to know what she was thinking.

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike."

"I'll miss my friends, too," she said. I stared as she suddenly broke into a breathtaking smile. However, I saw something more sinister within. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?" she giggled.

That name brought on a more uncontrolled vampire reaction. My low growl was a reflex reaction to memories of his pathetic attempts to ask Bella out, all his sleazy fantasies…

Bella's laugh brought back my focus. Mike had no chance now…unless his next attempt would be as Bella walked down the aisle.

"Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

Her heart quickened in pace as she expressed her love. She truly meant it…

…but still, her life over so soon!

"Frozen forever at eighteen," I whispered, making light of my inner conflict.

"Every woman's dream come true," she teased.

But still, I felt I had to reinforce the idea that she could have so much more if she stayed human.

"Never changing…never moving foreword."

"What does that mean?" she questioned. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

I had to word this correctly so she understood. I hoped she would finally realise why she SHOULD stay human.

"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were…pregnant?"

Her eye widened slightly at the memory.

"And he though about shooting you," she sniggered. "Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it."

I didn't answer. I couldn't get distracted.

She was wrong anyway. It wasn't as though he was going to shoot me – wouldn't affect me anyway, I thought grimly – but he most probably have been extremely mad and banned me from seeing Bella…again. But I saw deeper down, that once Bella was content with the child, if the child made her happy, then he would accept it, giving Bella what she wanted…

…exactly as I was doing, giving Bella what she wanted, no matter how much we disagreed.

"What, Edward?" she whispered, looking slightly concerned.

…Well, here goes –

"I just wish…well, I wish that he'd been right."

Her eyes opened wide and she gasped.

"Gah,"

I had to explain quickly before she went into shock.

"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too."

She stared at me for a while, still in shock. "I know what I'm doing," she whispered.

She still didn't get it. She didn't understand what she was loosing, how she wouldn't realise what she truly wanted until it was too late.

"How could you know that Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not an easy a sacrifice as you imagine."

Bella looked hurt; she could hear the tension in my voice. She did understand but was choosing not too listen.

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did – we'll adopt."

Urgh, she was so, so…human. My family had all matured mentally even though we never age. Our minds were free to thoughts no mortal could possibly imagine. We all knew what we wanted and what we know regret. Bella thought she knew what was best for her…but she was wrong. I because frustrated. I couldn't hear what was going on in her mind and I became desperate in emphasizing just how dangerous becoming a vampire was. She had to understand there was no going back.

"It's not right." I growled.

Bella flinched and I aimed to soften my voice. "I don't want you to have to make more sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human –"

Suddenly Bella's soft hand touched my mouth, silencing my rant. Her intoxicating scent dazzled me so much anyway, that I lost my train of thought.

"You are my future. No stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. May you need a bachelor party?"

I looked at her beautiful face and realised what I'd done. Of all the night to lay pressure on Bella, the night before the wedding, which was something she was already panicking about. Tonight was defiantly wasn't the night,

"I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."

Bella eyed me curiously. "Are your feet cold?"

"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait-" I broke off. I had just heard something, someone who I thought I had gotten rid off, but apparently he wasn't going to let me get away with it that easily. "Oh for the love of all that is holy!" I muttered.

Bella looked confused, "What's wrong".

I clenched my teeth and damned Emmett and Jasper straight to the darkest pits of hell.