Disclaimer: Okay, so these characters aren't mine. The plotline, however, is. Go figure!
Note: This, technically, is a prequel type for "Road To Recovery" even though you don't need to have read it to understand this. Enjoy!
Soft strands of music drifted through the room as Captain Kathryn Janeway stretched languidly in one of her fairly comfortable standard issue easy chairs. The thought of what she had to do to the Doctor- what she had to do- was sobering. Eighteen months ago she'd erased portions of his program, a specific selection of memories, just because they were painful. Or was it because of her own self-righteousness that he was better off? She couldn't be sure.
Slamming her book shut, she threw it roughly onto the couch as she stood up to storm toward the replicator.
"Coffee. Black." A steaming mug of the finest replicator blend appeared, and she took a sip of the bitter liquid as she began to pace. The smooth almond flavor soothed her frayed nerves, and she could feel herself relax as the caffine entered her system. Turning back to the viewport, she began to pace again in that direction, eyes fastened to the trail of warp stars. Did the Doctor even deserve a second chance with those memories? Could he handle seeing something as traumatic as the death of a young, vivatious ensign? They'd all cared deeply for Ahna, and though his program really wasn't designed for that, he had cared just as deeply. And to see her die - again - well, it was a terrible thought to bear.
The door chime broke into her thoughts, and similatiously she let slip the mug of coffee, which shattered mercilessly on the pastel grey rug.
"Come in!"
Commander Chakotay entered, eyes taking in the darkness of her cabin, and the overall restless demeanor of its occupant.
"Are you all right?"
"Fine." Janeway's answer was clipped as she knelt to attend to the glass shards beneath her feet. "Can I help you with something, Commander?"
"I thought you might feel like talking to someone." He said softly, kneeling to her level and watching her move.
"Well, I-" Janeway's hand shook, and she dropped what she had collected as a thin trickle of blood began to flow, curling around her thumb. "I don't."
"Let me get you something for that." Chakotay stood, but she beat him to it, heading off torward the lavitory.
"Dermal regenerator's fine, thanks." She replied over her shoulder. "Why are you here, Chakotay?"
"Judging from what you did today with the Doctor, I thought you'd benefit from a sounding board."
"I appreciate the effort," She appeared in the doorway, watching him. "but I'm willing to bet there are other things you'd much rather be doing, Commander."
"Better things to do?" He picked up her uniform jacket and hung it on a chair, finally realizing that she wore just her standard grey turtleneck. "I really can't think of any, Captain. And I have a question for you."
"Really? What would that be?"
"How are you taking this?" He got a look of surprise from her, and she came further into the room. "Really?"
"How am I taking this?" She collapsed into her chair, gesturing that he take a seat on the couch. He sat on the edge, picking up a mint condition book bound in thin crimson cloth. He flipped it over, reading the cover.
"La Vita Nuova." He read it aloud, catching the captain's attention as she brushed hair away from her eyes.
"I've been thinking about the Doctor when I read that." She admitted, lying back and gazing up at the ceiling. "Am I doing the right thing, Chakotay? We're the ones who gave him a soul- do we have the right to take it away like this?"
"I can't answer that for you." She looked at him again, raising an eyebrow.
"Why not?"
"Because, Kathryn, there's only one person who can answer that particular question for you. You."
"I don't know if I can, Chakotay." Kathryn Janeway propped her chin into her hand, looking more lost than Chakotay could ever remember seeing her. "I'm not sure if it really is my decision anymore. Maybe I should allow him to keep the memories, but what is the alternative if he can't handle it? Therapy?""Maybe."
"You can't be serious."
"I am." Chakotay remained perfectly serious. "Maybe what the Doctor needs is a sounding board as well."
Kathryn looked surprised at the last comment he made, and her expression mellowed. Standing, she reached for the jacket her first officer had just picked up, and pulled it on as Chakotay watched.
"Where are you going?" The captain snatched her book away from his grasp, giving him a sly wink.
"I was thinking of going to offer a sounding board to a good friend of mine. He seems to be needing it lately."
"Would you like some company?" He rose, giving her a warm smile.
"I'd love it." She laughed as he offered his arm, reminding her fondly of a time not long ago, when she'd felt lost and vulnerable, and he'd come to her ready room to talk. Not only to talk, but to listen.
~Fin