Only at Dusk
By Azure Orbis
Summary: Only as the sun is setting does he dare to go out and see the world that others see everyday.
Still, he is always outside looking in.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't bother.
A child sighs in boredom, fidgeting while he waited. His caretaker has left a short while ago, leaving him all alone. She is an older lady who comes daily to cook meals for him and helps straighten the small apartment up. He sees how hard she tries not to tremble in his presence and it saddens him. She is the first person he knew in his life and he can see how uncomfortable being near him makes her. It wasn't always this way. He remembers when she used to smile sometimes at him when he was younger and how she would play with him, but it seemed as he grew older, she grew more frightened. Sometimes, she grew so frightened that her face grew hard and her voice turned sharp and calloused.
The old man has not changed much, unlike his caretaker. Sometimes, all dressed in his large white robes, he would visit him and let him play hide-and-seek in those robes. He doesn't come often and he always apologies for being busy. Naruto doesn't mind, he is always happy to see the old man, even if he cannot play hide-and-go-seek very well. The old man smiles with him and that is all that matters.
He checks outside his window every now and then, to see the color of the sky. It's getting darker and soon his time to go outside will come. He only has one window in his tiny apartment, but it is large enough for the small blonde boy and the view it gives him of the city is appreciated by the child. It is only at dusk that he dares to wander outside his home. He learned at an early age that going out in broad daylight can be risky. The proof is in all the torn clothes he kept as cleaning rags and in all the memories still echoing in his developing mind.
Strangely enough, he never had any scars from the encounters. No matter how deep the wounds were, they would heal and leave behind no trace. Still, his young mind is untroubled by such things. I guess I heal well, he guesses, not knowing how true the simple statement is. The only marks visible are the six strange lines on his face, three on each cheek. He did not like them very much at first, but learned to appreciate them for they make him more unique, distinguishing him from the rest of the ordinary children. They are a sign of courage and a bright future, he tells himself. And sometimes, he believes the lie.
He briskly zips up his jacket and tugs on his worn sandals. The excitement of being outside and breathing the fresh air after spending a whole day cooped at home is almost unbearable. It's almost as bad as waiting the whole three minutes for his instant ramen to cook. That reminds him, he's almost run out of food. He needs to shop for more soon. That will also take place at night, when there are less unkind faces to stare at him while he makes his biweekly run for supplies. Most of the time, it is just that, a run. He darts into the store, grabs the things he needs and rushes back to the register to pay. He dreads the cashier the most. The young woman who works there never smiles at him, although he's tried many times. Now, he stares brazenly at her, daring her to glare at him, while she methodically calculates the amount he owes. She looks older now. Perhaps all that frowning and glaring has made her old, really fast. He smiles to himself thinking, I'll smile as much as humanly possible so that I never get as wrinkly as that mean old hag! Every time she looks at me, all she'll see is the smooth, wrinkle-free youthful face of Uzumaki Naruto!
He wrestles the keys off their hook and whisks outside, shutting the door behind him. He glances around furtively while he turns the key to lock his door. It's not that he has any valuables for anyone to rob, but he doesn't want his home to be ransacked by the time he returns. He knows locks won't stop anyone determined from breaking in, but it's a habit and habits are hard to break, especially if they are comforting ones.
He thrusts his keys into his pocket and he's off! Down a few stairs and the open streets greet him, deserted and welcoming like an old friend. He breathes in the fresh night air. Even though he wanders the streets without a companion, the night guarantees to be interesting. He hurries along the street, eager to begin his nightly walk.
Ambling around the small residential neighborhood slowly, he relishes the sights and the freedom. However, he is still on high alert with his hands clenching his keys tightly, just in case he has to run home and have access to his keys quickly. This mind-set has saved him from trouble many times, although he wishes he could go out freely like everyone else.
Birds fill the skies with their dark forms, Naruto pauses and stares in wonder. First the groups are small, eventually growing larger, numbering in the hundreds. The collective beat of their small wings fill the air with a low hum as they fly to their roosting area, their home. The mighty trees of Konoha become alive with a thousand different tongues, all chirping and singing at the glory of the coming sunset.
The sun dips more and more behind the horizon, soon to vanish completely. It stains the sky with streaked brilliant orange rays, as if to say: I'm still here. Naruto always liked that color. It seems to mean happiness to him. It fits his personality and cheers him up. He faces the descending sun and grins widely, even with his tears streaming down his whiskered cheeks from staring straight at the yellow star.
His favorite past time is secretly looking through other peoples' windows. Often, he will see families gathered together for dinner or for some other recreation. For those few glowing moments, he feels like he is a part of this family while they share their meal. Rarely do they notice the face of a small boy peering at them, wishing he could enjoy the simple joys they have. Occasionally someone catches a glimpse of him, but he's too quick for them, darting away into the dark shadows. Must be a scavenging animal, he heard someone say once. No, he thought, just me, just Naruto. As he leaves, his heart aches. It is a familiar ache and he wishes it would go away.
Sometimes he sees people while he's walking down the street. They mostly ignore him as if he is invisible, which is impossible especially with his eye-catching orange jacket, but they seem to tolerate him more at night. Perhaps they're too worn out by their long day or maybe they are placated by a full stomach. Whatever the cause is, Naruto doesn't mind. The silence can be easily shared between him and the odd villager. Perhaps they've even accepted him, he thinks and his heart soars. A tentative smile appears on his face. Maybe tonight will be different, better than the last.
Monster, someone hisses from nearby.
He's spoken too soon, a stray tear gathering in his eye. He continues walking by, pretending he did not hear the malicious comment. The group of adults quickly gather their things and go back inside, not willing to share the wide empty space with him. Alone once more, big tears well up and splash hot against his cheeks. He tells himself he should be used to the harsh insults by not, but they still hurt and he would still cry on cue. Well, not for a long time anymore, a quick sob of pity for himself before wiping his face with his trusty sleeve. Soon, he would have steeled himself enough to smile instead, whenever someone said something mean. It would take years of practice before the tears stopped coming and the mask of the brilliantly blinding smile slipped into place instead.
Naruto's high spirits are now dampened. He doesn't understand why everyone treats him so venomously and so coldly. He doesn't know the unspeakable crime everyone associates with his name and his face, only that he has become accustomed to the fact that everyone detests him for an unknown reason. After all, what else could he have done?
Being ignored hurts enough. The thought that no one in the village would acknowledge him, even notice that he actually existed, but acted as if he was an ill spirit passing rather a real boy of flesh and blood, that he would dissipate if they ignored him enough.
Being hated is ten times worse. The child Naruto carries the heaviest burden of all: Being hated for something he couldn't explain and hated without any chance of redemption. Long before he placed on his mask of eternal cheerfulness and took on a lifetime love of playing tricks, he tried hard to gain trust and love. He tried to do everything perfectly, to act obediently without any complaint to whatever was asked of him. It didn't work. And so now, with that cheerful face and resentful eyes, he works to piss off people because even though all he gets were annoyed faces and angry voices, he knew that he held their attention now and he knew exactly how to continually make the villagers acknowledge him. Just try to ignore me now, he challenges silently, just try it!
Naruto pads along the deserted street with a thoughtful frown on his face until he sees a young couple out for a stroll with their young child. The parents ignore Naruto, chatting happily away. The child peeks from behind his parents towering forms and smiles uncertainly at him. He smiles back, eyes lit up and teeth shining at the gesture. The child's smile grows confident and bigger too. They share their silent bond until the parents notice. Don't look at him, they scold the child sternly before dragging him down another street, away from Naruto. The child looks back at him before disappearing around the corner.
He wishes he knew the child's name so that he can always remember him for his kind deed. Then, he decides against it because he knows that they will never be friends. It's better this way, he thinks, because the next time I see him, he will have hatred in his eyes. It is better that I don't know his name. Let me hold onto this memory instead.
He continues his solitary walk, turning a corner that will soon lead him home. The sun has finally set and everywhere around him, lanterns are lit to guide travelers. The bright festive red color of the lanterns brings a smile to his face every time.
Past the red lanterns are busy restaurants full of tasty smells and wonderful conversations mingling into a low murmur. He knows better than to follow his stomach and poke his head in again after his first experience, but his heart still expresses desire to someday sit in one, to eat and have pleasant conversation with someone. Maybe that day isn't too far off, he thinks cheerfully. It is a habit he has cultivated since his earliest days to help combat his darker thoughts and drive away loneliness. Rather than linger on unhappy thoughts, he chases after the fleeting fragments of hope before him, clutching greedily onto the few he manages to snatch. I'm going to the academy soon and who knows, I might make a friend! With these cheery thoughts, he walks past the bright red lanterns, their flickering lights seem even brighter than before at the prospect that someday he will be inside sitting with a smiling face across from him. His smile is in full bloom and it is a beautiful thing to behold. It softens his face, making him look like the innocent child that he truly is, not the village pariah and scapegoat. This is the Naruto the villagers missed and the Naruto the world has forgotten.
Finally, the sky is completely dark and the child is getting sleepy. He heads home slowly with his feet dragging after him. There, he takes one last look around and listens to the quiet murmurings of street before reluctantly climbing the stairs. He wants to explore more, but there is always tomorrow night. His head nods sleepily goodnight to the dark streets before he lays his head down on his pillow. A dreamful slumber awaits him, of love and of acceptance, of friends and of family.
Far from his harsh life, a young boy dreams on, of a great day where all will see the love he has inside him and they will share that great love, giving him theirs in turn. That is the day he waits for, when everything he has suffered for, dreamed of, will give him even more reason to smile like the glowing sun. He will finally be able to be inside a circle of people precious to him; it is what he has yearned for since before he could remember. He waits patiently and dreams on.
A/N: Inspired by my own solitary walk around the neighborhood and Cotton Mather's Lily Dreams On. And the unnamed child who smiles at Naruto? It can be Sasuke, or someone else, maybe even Hinata if you want. So, I end my first Naruto-centric ficlet on a happier note. I can't stand the idea poor Naruto going to sleep crying, although that would make this fic more darker. Criticism would be greatly appreciated!