Author's Note

Something I wrote during math. So the narrator is Juvia (as you will soon notice). I'm playing off of the fact that her body is water and she can't feel physical pain (Meredy doesn't exist here). I completely fell in love with this but I'm also uncertain how much other people will like it… Some parts may seem confusing but it all has meaning! Hope you like it. Reviews are appreciated!

What is pain, I asked myself. Is it what you feel when a blade crosses over your flesh? And blood pours from the gash? It is what makes you shed tears? And steals the smile from your face? Again and again, I asked myself. I could not help but wonder. Pain, that so many avoided, feared, I felt not.

Of physical wounds I feel no pain. Almost as if devoid of nerves, I feel nothing, for I am nothing more than water. Of tears, I shed none. Almost as if I am incapable of having feelings, as if I am not allowed to, for I am nothing more than water. By my hand I have seen tears shed, blood flow. Everywhere I go, it is the same. Always there is suffering, always there is pain, always there are cries of grief and sorrow.

But I am water. I am the flowing substance that feels not and purifies all. It washes the blood from the battlefield, sweeps the tears away. No one asked if I wanted to carry their pain. I simply… do. Whether I wish to or not, the burden of their suffering is thrust upon my… shoulders? But I am not human, I am merely water. This façade of mine is nothing more than that, a façade, a mold in which I fill. Because that is what water does. But even so, it's such a real, such a real, illusion. But I cannot intoxicate myself with such false ideas. Yet how much I wish to! How much I long to! And this weight upon my shoulders, no longer would I bear it! I would be… free.

But I laugh at this. They are merely the fabrication of my mind. Who am I to judge, if pain is only a foreign idea to me. To them, to humans, pain hurts. It sends a deep throbbing, agony through their body. Even now I can hear the blood curdling shrieks as they sob. But to me… to me pain is nothing. Their agony is a mere curiosity of mine. So why should I not take up the responsibility of carrying their suffering? For I am nothing more than water.

And for so long I had tried to make myself believe the lie.

But now I watch his back draw away. I see his hands leave mind. I see the smile slipping across his face as he turns away from me. As he turns towards someone else. That smile is no longer mine any more. Its brilliance is cast upon someone else.

But what is this? What is this strange sensation I feel? Countless times I have seen people turn away from me. But… what makes this so different?

This constriction in my chest. This urge to wail and chase after him. This want to collapse and exist no more. Is this it, I ask myself. Is this… pain? And as he walks away, he pushes his pain onto me, the pain from our time spent together. But no longer am I mere water. The mask is slipping away.

And my body freezes, heart turning to ice. This is pain. Pain. I hate it. Will it go away? I don't want it. If I could live an eternity devoid of my pain, I would not object to carrying the suffering of others. If I could be free from this feeling, this horrid, horrid feeling, I would stop asking, stop trying to be more than water. I would wish to stay without pain. Those times before when pain was such a foreign concept, how longing they appear now. How… oh so very… appealing.

As I watch his retreating back, I feel joy radiating from him. And now I truly understand. The real nature of pain. Pain and joy coexist. One cannot live without the other. Because with the joy of one, another holds pain. With his joy, I carry pain. But I carry more pain than his. I carry the pain of the world. And in this world, no one can hold so much hurt. But I am different… for I am nothing more than water.

And my eyes dull, breathing slows. I feel a stinging at my eyes. Yes, this is pain.

Drip, drop.