(This version originally created for TGNMemory Teen Titans Forum.)
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"The Night Before Christmas"
(in Jump City)
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'Twas the night before Christmas...
and inside the Tower
Beast Boy is crying
'cause his tofu is sour
.
Young Princess Starfire
is up in the attic
Hanging up tinsel
and getting ecstatic
.
Raven is snuggled
scrunched up, in her bed
As visions of tea-bags
Dance through her strange head
.
Cyborg is watching
a Peanuts cartoon
and when Snoopy licks Linus
he laughs, like a loon
.
Robin is sleeping
sound in his bunk
He lies on his back
and snores, like a skunk
.
When down in the rec room
There resounds a great clatter!
Robin leaps from his lair
to see what is the matter
.
Robin slips on his slippers
and scampers out quick
He bounds down the staircase
with his old whup-ass stick
.
Robin runs to the rec room
in darkness, pitch-black
He spies a strange shadow
and he gives it a whack
.
Beast Boy comes running
in frenzy and fright
he yells "What's up, Robin?"
and he turns on the light
.
Poor Robin shrieks
and then shrieks, some more
as he gapes at the figure
lying prone, on the floor
.
Says Beast Boy "I think
I am going to be sick...
Nice going, Robin -
you just murdered Saint Nick!"
.
"I just slaughtered Santa!"
Robin loudly lamented
"I bashed in his noggin!
... I must be demented!"
.
Says Beast Boy "Well Robin,
That was not nice, but naughty.
There's just one thing to do
We must hide the body!"
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So the boys pick up Santa
and his old Christmas pouch
and they stuff the old fellow
right under the couch
.
But the others run in
and see what's about
and Starfire does howl
and Cyborg does shout
.
Then Raven pokes Santa
with the point of her shoe
And she has an idea
yes, she knows what to do
.
Says Raven "This geezer
is not yet quite dead
We could soon fix him up
with some duct tape, and thread"
.
So the Titans all hurry
to patch Santa's cranium
Robin smears on some glue
Cyborg slaps on titanium
.
Soon Santa is better
the Titans decided
His head is repaired now
... if somewhat lopsided
.
Well, Santa wakes up -
and at great length, he speaks
He says "What's going on here?
Who the hell are you freaks?"
.
Says Rae "We're the Titans
and we're good girls and boys
we just saved your life
... so give us some toys!"
.
And Robin and Beast Boy
grab the old Christmas sack
as they dump out the presents
Santa yells "Put that back!"
.
But the Titans ignore him
as they divide up their loot
and Santa screams like a banshee
(Yeah, like they give a hoot)
.
And Santa is swearing
as he staggers outside
to escape from Jump City
with a quick reindeer ride
.
Robin yells "We're just kidding!
We all beg your pardon!"
... Santa makes a rude gesture
as he crawls through the garden
.
And they hear him exclaim
as he climbs over the wall
"If you're still here next year
you'll get nothing at all!"