Better Than This
By: Ashlee
Disclaimer: Still not owning them.
Author's Note: Hmm….I guess personal issues make for good material ;) That and avoiding studying for two essay tests. It's amazing how creative one becomes while trying to procrastinate! Anyway, here's a little angsty piece for you all, hope you enjoy!
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Have you ever been in love someone but couldn't have them? That seems to be the story of my life. Every girl I have ever had a crush on has either been with someone else at the time, totally out of my league, or in this case in love with someone she herself can't have. It really sucks.
Every morning I wake up and can't wait to go to work just so I can see her, but at the same time I know that while spending time with her will be wonderful, knowing that I can't have her will be a torturous thought in the back of my mind that will forever nag me. A bitter blend of sweetness and torture. The sad thing is I wouldn't trade our time together for anything.
You know what, I'm not even sure why I love her. She's mean to me, she constantly puts me down and treats me like a piece of gum on her shoe. But there are those moments where she opens up and I see a side of her that very few people ever get a chance to. A rare and glorious moment that she allows *me* to see and that is what makes me love her. Those rare moments where when she is vulnerable, and she chooses me to turn to. She makes me feel strong then and I know that deep down she respects me. Things are hard for her. She has to hide what she feels, what she thinks, because those things are what will be used against her in the event she should need to be 'dealt' with. Hell, her brother and Raines would take any opportunity to drag her down.
It's sad really, to think that such a beautiful woman who has so much potential should be locked away behind the façade that she requires to survive in this place. She deserves so much more than that. Believe me, if I could I would save her, but there's not much that can be done anymore. We're so caught up in the web of lies and deceit I'm beginning to believe that the only way out is death. There have been so many incidents that should have brought about the fall of this evil empire, and yet here it stands, in one piece, barley touched by the happenings of the last year. Mr. Parker's death didn't even cause a ripple in the Centre's structure. It took less than a week to rearrange the power structure. The same with Mutumbo's death. Barely a scratch in the infrastructure. It makes you wonder just what it would require to take out something as large as the Centre. A lot more than bullets and bombs apparently.
Sometimes I wonder why Jarod doesn't just use the DSA's he has to cause some trouble. Release them, hack into some popular cable station and air them all. Let everyone know what's going down here in Blue Cove, or just tell the people of Delaware, that would cause some trouble with the locals. Do something, but instead he goes and fights to save people who he doesn't even know. I'm not saying it's wrong, hell, I admire the guy, but you would think he would seek revenge on the people who made his life such a hell. Try to help the people he claims to care about.
He tries to help Parker, but how torturing her with his little hints and clues is helping I'll never know. More than anything he hurts her. She'd never let him know of course, she's too proud to admit that, but I see her every day, I see the look in her eyes, I see her heart break a little more everyday. I see how much his carelessness with her emotions affects her. It hurts to have to dig up your own mother's grave. It hurts to find out you're father is a monster. And it hurts more when someone drags it out with little clues.
I help her as much as I can, but it isn't my help she wants. I'm not sure she knows it, but I think more than anything she wants Jarod's help. I didn't know them when they where kids, but I have seen some DSA's and I'll tell you something, Jarod was Miss Parker's hero when they were kids. She used to go to him when she was having problems with her father, when she missed her mother, she could go to him with anything and he would hold her. He was her rock from the beginning. I don't know what tore them apart but when she was about fifteen the DSA's of this sort stopped. Miss Parker was sent to boarding school, and well, apparently things changed. But deep down I think Jarod is still the only person Parker truly feels can understand her, the only person she trusts. I just hope he realizes what he has.
Things have changed though, since she got back from the Scottish Isles. Something happened out there, other than the obvious affect the death of her father had on her. She looks a bit livelier. Not to the naked eye, of course, she has more self control than that, but to the well trained eye of a man who has lusted after her and loved her for the last six years, she is very different. Something happened out there, she won't talk about it, other than she ran into Jarod and the basics, but I have a feeling that they came to some sort of resolution, at least she has. Jarod hasn't sent any clues as of late, but that doesn't seem to bother Parker at all, but I have seen a few suspicious calls on her phone records. I don't ask though. It's hard to have to step back from someone you love, but I know that the person she wants is finally there to hold her and that I have no business trying to step in.
Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. It tares out my heart to look at her and realize that I have to let her go to another man, that I'm not the one that she wants or needs. In fact it's like a knife ripping out my heart and shredding it. Sometimes I think I hate Jarod, but I realize it's nothing more than jealousy. I know things are changing now, everything seems to be, and maybe things between Jarod and Parker will work out. Regardless, I love her and will always be here for her. If that means giving my life to get her out here or helping her find love with Jarod, so be it. So long as she's happy. I look across to where she is standing looking out the window of her office. She deserves better than this, of all people she deserves better than this.
By: Ashlee
Disclaimer: Still not owning them.
Author's Note: Hmm….I guess personal issues make for good material ;) That and avoiding studying for two essay tests. It's amazing how creative one becomes while trying to procrastinate! Anyway, here's a little angsty piece for you all, hope you enjoy!
===
Have you ever been in love someone but couldn't have them? That seems to be the story of my life. Every girl I have ever had a crush on has either been with someone else at the time, totally out of my league, or in this case in love with someone she herself can't have. It really sucks.
Every morning I wake up and can't wait to go to work just so I can see her, but at the same time I know that while spending time with her will be wonderful, knowing that I can't have her will be a torturous thought in the back of my mind that will forever nag me. A bitter blend of sweetness and torture. The sad thing is I wouldn't trade our time together for anything.
You know what, I'm not even sure why I love her. She's mean to me, she constantly puts me down and treats me like a piece of gum on her shoe. But there are those moments where she opens up and I see a side of her that very few people ever get a chance to. A rare and glorious moment that she allows *me* to see and that is what makes me love her. Those rare moments where when she is vulnerable, and she chooses me to turn to. She makes me feel strong then and I know that deep down she respects me. Things are hard for her. She has to hide what she feels, what she thinks, because those things are what will be used against her in the event she should need to be 'dealt' with. Hell, her brother and Raines would take any opportunity to drag her down.
It's sad really, to think that such a beautiful woman who has so much potential should be locked away behind the façade that she requires to survive in this place. She deserves so much more than that. Believe me, if I could I would save her, but there's not much that can be done anymore. We're so caught up in the web of lies and deceit I'm beginning to believe that the only way out is death. There have been so many incidents that should have brought about the fall of this evil empire, and yet here it stands, in one piece, barley touched by the happenings of the last year. Mr. Parker's death didn't even cause a ripple in the Centre's structure. It took less than a week to rearrange the power structure. The same with Mutumbo's death. Barely a scratch in the infrastructure. It makes you wonder just what it would require to take out something as large as the Centre. A lot more than bullets and bombs apparently.
Sometimes I wonder why Jarod doesn't just use the DSA's he has to cause some trouble. Release them, hack into some popular cable station and air them all. Let everyone know what's going down here in Blue Cove, or just tell the people of Delaware, that would cause some trouble with the locals. Do something, but instead he goes and fights to save people who he doesn't even know. I'm not saying it's wrong, hell, I admire the guy, but you would think he would seek revenge on the people who made his life such a hell. Try to help the people he claims to care about.
He tries to help Parker, but how torturing her with his little hints and clues is helping I'll never know. More than anything he hurts her. She'd never let him know of course, she's too proud to admit that, but I see her every day, I see the look in her eyes, I see her heart break a little more everyday. I see how much his carelessness with her emotions affects her. It hurts to have to dig up your own mother's grave. It hurts to find out you're father is a monster. And it hurts more when someone drags it out with little clues.
I help her as much as I can, but it isn't my help she wants. I'm not sure she knows it, but I think more than anything she wants Jarod's help. I didn't know them when they where kids, but I have seen some DSA's and I'll tell you something, Jarod was Miss Parker's hero when they were kids. She used to go to him when she was having problems with her father, when she missed her mother, she could go to him with anything and he would hold her. He was her rock from the beginning. I don't know what tore them apart but when she was about fifteen the DSA's of this sort stopped. Miss Parker was sent to boarding school, and well, apparently things changed. But deep down I think Jarod is still the only person Parker truly feels can understand her, the only person she trusts. I just hope he realizes what he has.
Things have changed though, since she got back from the Scottish Isles. Something happened out there, other than the obvious affect the death of her father had on her. She looks a bit livelier. Not to the naked eye, of course, she has more self control than that, but to the well trained eye of a man who has lusted after her and loved her for the last six years, she is very different. Something happened out there, she won't talk about it, other than she ran into Jarod and the basics, but I have a feeling that they came to some sort of resolution, at least she has. Jarod hasn't sent any clues as of late, but that doesn't seem to bother Parker at all, but I have seen a few suspicious calls on her phone records. I don't ask though. It's hard to have to step back from someone you love, but I know that the person she wants is finally there to hold her and that I have no business trying to step in.
Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. It tares out my heart to look at her and realize that I have to let her go to another man, that I'm not the one that she wants or needs. In fact it's like a knife ripping out my heart and shredding it. Sometimes I think I hate Jarod, but I realize it's nothing more than jealousy. I know things are changing now, everything seems to be, and maybe things between Jarod and Parker will work out. Regardless, I love her and will always be here for her. If that means giving my life to get her out here or helping her find love with Jarod, so be it. So long as she's happy. I look across to where she is standing looking out the window of her office. She deserves better than this, of all people she deserves better than this.