Last Chance Dr Shepherd

by Aussiejade

The story of Addison deciding it is over, and we meet one of Dereks four sisters, who helps Addison heal.DISCLAIMER: THE FABULOUS CHARACTERS ARE CREATED BY THE WONDERFUL SHONDRA RHIMES... THE ONLY CHARACTER I CREATED IS LILY MALONEY

1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Scanning the laminate walls of the trailer, Addison sighed heavily.

"How have I gotten to this point"?

Addie was well aware she had no definite answer to that. It was a question that had rung in her ears since the night she had taken the fateful step toward adultery.

An adulteress, who would have thought? Addie almost laughed in her half empty glass of champagne.

She raised the glass in the air and sadly toasted herself.

"To the adulteress" She said meekly gulping down the last mouthful.

She began to survey her surroundings again. The aluminium features of the trailer, the spotted vinyl on the floor… all of it was like another world to her. A parallel universe she had entered as punishment for breaking her vows. The only anchor keeping her there was the hope that Derek would somehow save her... forgive her.

Then her eyes fixed on the table before her, and the now cold Chinese takeaway, the place setting for two that was untouched and the empty seat on the other side of the table.

Jolting her from her thoughts she looked towards the door as she heard footsteps on the stairs leading to the trailer veranda.

"Addison" Derek's voice called.

"Addie, you home"

She stood up as he entered.

"Yes Derek, when I say I am going to be somewhere... I am" She replied coldly.

"Ouch! I deserved that" He leant into kiss her robotically as she strategically stooped to pick up a napkin.

"I uh, Ella White had a problem in recovery… um it looks like she will be paralysed after all" Derek's eyes dropped to the floor and for a moment Addie wanted to envelope him in her eyes. She knew what a compassionate doctor he was. How he felt as though he had failed those patients who didn't get the result they had wanted. It was one of the things she loved and admired most about him.

Instead she sucked in her breath and bit her lip.

"So I'm sorry I wasn't here" He reached for her hands.

"I'm sorry too," She said quietly. "Because this was it, Derek"

"It? What do you mean?"
"This was it? Exactly what I said, it was our wedding anniversary, a chance to really begin again and your last chance to prove you were where you wanted to be, Derek"

Chapter 2

Derek's face remained unchanged as Addison's words resonated around the trailer.

"My last chance" He said stoically.

"I don't mean to sound all dramatic" Addison defended herself. She wasn't one for drama. Things were what they were.

"What do you mean exactly?" Derek finally met her gaze.

"I mean, I'm Done Derek" Addie almost choked on the words, but knew they were true.

"I am done, making this up to you, I'm done trying so hard… this…" she motioned to their surroundings as a metaphor to their marriage "… this, is done".

"Addie" Derek brushed her arm lightly.

"Addie, c'mon, I'm too tired for this tonight" he turned away from her.

Addison sighed heavily. She took a moment to process this. Was this her chance to ignore her head and follow her heart? Too continue her fight to save her marriage. But then she realised that was the problem… it was their fight, but she was fighting alone.

"Derek, I'm not going to keep you up, I just wanted you to know I tried my best…" she drifted off.

"Addison for someone not being dramatic… you really are" Derek sat down and rubbed his temples.

"Who assisted you today?" Addison asked.

"Who assisted you today Derek? With the Ella White surgery? Derek, for a brain surgeon, you're really not using your?"

"Addie, what does this have to do with anything?" The tone of Derek's voice was getting increasingly defensive.

"Nothing!" She said

"But I know the answer, and you know the answer… and yet you won't say it… that tells me something" Addison said flatly.

"It says Meredith, who assisted you, is always going to be a problem"

"She's an intern, Bailey assigned her to the case" Derek shot back.

"I get that Derek, I do, but it still creates a problem, when you can't even tell me… who assisted you in surgery"

"Because it shouldn't matter, do you want to know when Yang assists me… or Izzie or O'Malley… no, because it SHOULDN'T MATTER"

Addison sighed again.

"It shouldn't matter, but it does. Why do I feel like I am the only one fighting Derek"?

"Well you're the only one causing the fights? I wanted to leave this alone tonight" Derek opened the fridge, then slammed it shut in frustration.
"I don't mean tonight Derek, and I don't mean fighting with each other… I mean fighting for each other… why is it just me trying"

Derek turned to look at her; his cold stare sent a small wave through Addie's body.

"You want to know why you're the only one fighting Addie, you want to know… Because you are the reason we are here, it's your fault that we're at this point… you cheated, you turned away… you were the one who went looking for whatever it was… I'm not fighting Addie because it's taken all my strength just to hang on at all!"

The words were like a harsh cold wind, and Addie took a moment to hold back the tears.

Chapter 3

Suddenly Addison felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, she took a shallow breath. Derek had turned away from her, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Derek, it shouldn't be this hard" Addison said.

"Not for us… it shouldn't be this hard"

"No... It shouldn't" Derek agreed, his voice and his stance had now softened.

"Derek, I'm moving out" Addison said in a mater of fact tone.

"I'm tired of punishing myself, I don't have the strength to keep trying to prove to you I know I made a mistake… that I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore" Addison waited for him to plead with her to reconsider… he said nothing.

"So I've decided to move out, to a hotel for now, I'm pretty sure Richard won't let me out of my contract so I'll look for something more permanent soon"

"Addison"

"Yes..." She replied hopeful that Derek would beg her to stay, that he loved her too much to loose her.

"You don't need to leave tonight, it's late"

Addison stifled a cough as she tried hard not to loose it. He wasn't even going to pretend he wanted her to stay.

"Hmmm, I think we've done this long enough… I don't even remember the good times anymore, and that was way before Mark… that was before… "

"Don't say it" Derek jumped in.

Addison knew in her heart that the affair wasn't the only wall between them. They had gotten busy in New York, to busy for each other, focusing on work in an effort to fill the hole in their life. A hole left there by the loss of a child.

"Don't say his name…"

"I miss him too, Derek… Adam was my son too, I carried him for 9 months, held him while he cried uncontrollably with colic… and I wished I'd died in his place… but I didn't… and all I wanted was you, but you went back to work and I felt like I had to pick up the pieces alone, so I did, and I survived it" Addison said defiantly.

"I chose to live… and I wanted to live with you, but instead of being together we just…"

"Existed, I did what I could to get through Addison, I'm sorry that wasn't enough for you" Derek spat the words at her.

Chapter 4

"You need to calm down Derek" Addison said.

"This isn't about Adam… not anymore… I mean I think that's where it started… you blamed me for being there, I blamed you for not being there, when we should have just realised that it happened… we should have been comforting each other" Addison was crying now, but it was a calm cry.

Adam would have been seven now and though every day her heart ached to see his cherubic face, she had learnt to forgive herself.

She had forgiven herself for not acting quicker when she had noticed him gone from the playroom. She had forgiven herself for not thinking about his new love of boats… for not running straight to bath to find him.

She blinked hard to block out the image of her 2 year old son floating in the bath tub, an image like nothing she had seen as a doctor because it was her child, an image that had crippled her as a mother forever, and a doctor for a moment, as she stood in the bathroom doorway paralysed with grief that day.

She had forgiven herself.

"It isn't about Mark either, or Meredith, it's about you and me" Addison looked at Derek.

"It's about the fact that it just isn't worth it anymore, not to me anyway. I can not punish myself another day, for Adam… or for Mark" Addison shrugged her shoulders a little.

"I can't do it… and I won't do it"

She stood for a second before opening the door to the trailer and moving out to the veranda.

"Addison" Derek came out to veranda.

"I don't blame you for Adam… I really don't" Derek said softly.

"But I did… not always… but for a moment on and off, when I was looking for a reason, for some answers, I would say, why wasn't she watching him? Why wasn't she with him?" Derek trailed off.

"Then I would realise I would have to blame myself… and I did, I do" He sat on the stoop.

"It wasn't your fault Derek, I didn't mean that it was". Addie sat beside him and picked up his hand.

The two sat quietly for a moment, listening to the sounds of the property, the distant traffic. It was the most peaceful they had felt with each other in a long time.

"Things could have been different." Derek broke into the silence.

"Derek, you know how I loathe clichés, don't make me a cliché girl" Addison raised her eye at him cheekily.

"Cliché Clara that's what I'll call you" He half laughed as he tilted his head slightly to look at her.

He hadn't really looked at her in a long time. Derek believed in marriage, his parents had been together for 44 years, theirs was a relationship built on admiration and love.

He knew he still admired Addison, and certainly their was some love there but there was something missing.

"I do love you Addison"

"You are going to have me turn into cliché Clara," She laughed tossing her head back, Addie hated woman like that. Women so dependent on men they resorted to cheap romance novels and movie of the week clichés to get them through the heartache.

She looked down at her feet, hugging her knees.

"I guess, sometimes love just isn't enough". She tilted her head up to make eye contact and gave Derek a half smile.

Chapter 5

Derek returned Addie's smile, and he wandered what was wrong with him. How was he letting this woman get a way? There was a time when she was everything he had wanted, beautiful, smart, funny.

He thought silently to himself about what it was he felt was missing.

"Hmmm, I think Love could be enough…. If I could just trust you again" he said softly.

"I know" Addie said, but she was done apologising. She had made her amends… the rest were Derek's issues.

"I just can't completely trust you, I know I should, I know you Addie, I've known you forever, you've been through everything with me… you, of all people would never purposely hurt me… and yet you did" Derek couldn't make sense of it.

The logical, surgeon side of him could not process it, yet the man in him… the husband in him, wanted to let go and trust his wife again. That man wanted to admit they had both been at fault, and move on. But he couldn't.

"And I can't make that go away" Addie said.

"They're your hurdles Derek, I thought coming out here would show you, I thought that giving up my life..." She gestured to herself as if to emphasise the point "Would show you… but it didn't"

"Addison I'm trying" Derek said

"That's just it Derek, you're not… you already told me at Christmas that you love Meredith"

"We've gone through that, I was being honest to try to help us" Derek cut in.

"I'm not angry, not anymore… I'm hurt, yes, who wouldn't be, but it is what it is" Addie shrugged her shoulders.

"Now that's cliché, you keeping score?" Addie joked.

"I believe you are 3 for 3" Derek half smiled enjoying their comfortable banter.

"Well I believe this is the part where we talk about how we will always be part of each others lives, we will always have a special place in our hearts that no one can touch"

"Addie" Derek said softly placing his hand on hers; he knew she was trying to be strong.

"You will always be a part of my life and you will always have a place in my heart no one can touch, you've been my friend, my family, my wife…." He swallowed deeply to contain himself…

"You were… the mother of my son" He looked deep into her eyes to ensure she knew he was sincere.

"I love you Addie" Derek leant in and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then he moved his lips to hers.

"I love you too Derek" Addie pulled away.

"But it's time to go" She stood up.

"My bags are in the car… how about one more for the road" She looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"One more?" He asked

"One more cliché, god Derek Keep up"

"Oh sure, one more cliché would be good" Derek smiled.

"What will it be then, we had some great times, or my personal favourite all good things must come to an end" As she said them, no matter how much she was joking, she knew it was true.

Chapter 6

"How about, this too shall pass" Derek retorted amused.

Other things may have disappeared from their relationship, but the relaxed humour had not.

"Isn't that a greeting card message?" Addison asked

"So"

"Doesn't count… but good stall tactic" She smiled at him.

"Can't blame me for trying?" Derek said sadly. He could delay all he wanted but he couldn't bring himself to say the words Addison needed him to. He couldn't ask her to stay. He couldn't tell her that it would get better.

"So I guess this is it then" Derek joined her standing and took her hands.

"Maybe this is why I came here Derek, a proper goodbye" Addison softly rubbed his hands.

"I think nearly 12 years together deserves a proper good bye, rather than a stealth escape in the middle of the night" She was referring to when Derek had fled New York.

"I think you are right… we'll always have New York" Derek tried on a terrible Bogart voice.

"Oh Derek that's shameful" Addison laughed loudly.

"No let's not make this corny, that's not right… let's not make this painful either, remember when I said to you quick and easy no anaesthetic… it works for this too"

"No anaesthetic" Derek repeated.

"I'll see you at the hospital" Addison said, dropping his hands.

"The hospital" Derek repeated again.

"Goodnight Derek" Addison said turning his back.

If he said anything else Addison couldn't hear. Her mind and her heart were suddenly frozen just so she could do this. So she could walk away from what had been her life, no matter how right she knew it was.

She got in her car and without looking at Derek again she drove away.

Chapter 7

It was a new day at Seattle Grace and Addison was tired. She had spent most of the night pondering her future and had decided to meet with Richard to once again discuss the terms of her contract.

"Addison you were looking for me" Richard startled her as she waited to board an elevator.

"Richard yes, I was hoping to speak with you" She hoped she could appeal to the soft spot she knew Richard had for her.

"So talk" he said as the elevator door opened.

"Ummm now is not ideal" Addison said as the doors opened and she was greeted with Dr. Stevens smiling face.

"Dr Shepherd, Dr Webber" Izzie smiled at them both.

"Well it's now or next week Addison, I'm leaving in an hour for some family reunion Adele's dragging me too, I traded Easter for it" He smiled knowing Addie understood it was a reluctant trip.

"Well… ummm" She looked at Dr. Stevens back.
"It's about my marriage Richard, it's over. I left Derek last night" she spilled; looking again at Dr. Stevens to see if she gave away that she too was listening.

"Oh" Richard was caught of guard.

"How permanent?" He asked.

"Permanent Permanent, dividing assets, moving on kind of permanent"

The door opened at the next floor and Dr Stevens got off. When the doors closed Richard leaned over and pulled the emergency stop.
"I thought you were working it out," He said.

"We were… we didn't" Addie shrugged her shoulders in an effort to seem unaffected.

"Well I'm not letting you out of your contract if that's what your thinking" Richard said matter of factly.

"I was hoping" Addison said "That as your friend…"

"Addison this isn't your friend talking - this is the Chief of Surgery and Seattle Grace needs you"

Addison looked at the floor.

"I told you I had big plans for you and I meant it. In fact I just finished a meeting with a reporter, we're going to do a series of reports on you for that show Lifeline – have you seen it, cutting edge medical stories and technology, it's high profile and the publicity it will bring... Wait the publicity you will bring will be invaluable". Richard had it all planned.

"Richard you flatter me," She said as he pushed the button to restart the elevator.

"But…"

"No buts Addie, you have a contract" He said directly as the elevator stoped at Ground level.

"And I plan to hold you to it… you'll see, you'll thank me" Richard stepped out.

"Getting out?" He turned to look at Addie "We're at Ground"

"No… I think I'll ride again" She smiled needing a moment to regather her self.

As the doors closed Richard suddenly stuck his arm into stop the doors from closing.

"But as your friend Addie, I am sincerely sorry… It's his loss" Richard removed his arm letting the door close as the tears in Addie's eyes began to overflow.

Chapter 8

Izzie scanned the masses for a table, fixing her eyes on Christina and Meredith she made her way across the cafeteria balancing her tray on top of a stack of charts.

"Okay I have the best news" Izzie sank in to a chair next to Meredith.

"Well not the best news being that it's a little sad for some, but the best in that it's juicy gossip" She said scooping some potato into her mouth.

"Gossip and coffee" Christina said dryly "Now I will make it through the day".

Izzie looked across at Meredith with her nose buried in some papers and a book laying open.

"Meredith did you hear me?"

Meredith looked up at Izzie then straight back.

"Sure gossip"

"What are you doing?" Izzie asked.

"She's researching some patient, the heart murmur guy," Christina said.

"You're researching the heart murmur guy" George plonked his tray down.

"Yes George, that's what I said, I usually have little problem communicating small details like that" Christina said.

"Now your interrupting Izzie and her amazing gossip… Izzie Go ahead"

"Okay, Dr Shepherd left Dr Shepherd" She blurted out; all eyes were intent on Meredith to absorb her response. She moved in her chair slightly but said nothing.

"Which Sheppard?" George asked.

"Addison left McDreamy" Still no comment from Meredith.

"Come on Meredith, give me something already" Izzie said.

"Yeah Meredith, give Izzie something" Christina replied.

Meredith looked up shutting her book.

"So Addison left Derek, pass the salt George" George obediently passed the salt.

"I really shouldn't use salt, I bloat, but hey, it tastes so much better with salt".

Izzie, George and Christina exchanged looks.

"Aha, AND did you hear her, McDreamy just got a whole lot Mcdreamier" Christina said.

"Why Christina? Because the woman he dumped me for now dumped him"

"Well, yeah" Izzie and Christina said in unison.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"I just can't celebrate the end of marriage sorry..."

"Oh C'mon, tell me you haven't been wanting this from the day dot… what ever happened to pick me, choose me, love me" Christina joked.

Izzie laughed at Christina.

"C'mon not fair that was a low point, I can't believe you brought that up Christina"

"Oh there she is" George said, and the three girls turned to look at Addison walking past the window.

"Ohhh she looks sad" Izzie said quietly turning to look at Meredith's face. She couldn't read her expression, was it pity or empathy.

"Oh my god!" Izzie shrieked causing George to jump up and knock the table, spilling his drink on his lap.

"Oh my God Lily Maloney" The three interns followed Izzies stare.

Entering the Cafeteria, was a tall, attractive dark haired woman dressed in a stunning black power suit.

"Who is Lily Maloney?" Christina dared to ask.

"My god Christina do you know anything" Izzie placed her hands on the table and looked her dead in the eye.

"Lily Maloney is a reporter on Lifeline, following the latest Medical Stories around the globe," Izzie said clearly in awe of the approaching woman.

"Shhh she's coming this way, Lily, Lily Maloney right? Oh my God"

Lily looked at Izzie and smiled.

"Hi" She extended her hand.

"I'm Izzie… ah Dr Stevens… Izzie Stevens" She laughed. Meredith and Christina looked on amused at Izzie's blubbering.

"Nice to meet you Izzie"

"Are you doing a story here at Seattle Grace?"

"Yes, just signed off on it with Dr. Webber actually" Lily gazed around the table till her eyes locked on George rubbing his groin area with a serviette.

"Hi, I'm Lily" She smiled sweetly.

"George, George say hi," Izzie said aggressively before George had a chance to say anything.

"George, I'm George"

"So I heard" lily smiled

"You heard, you heard about me, from Dr Webber" George stood proudly.

"Ahhh no, from Dr Stevens just now" Lily smiled at him.

"I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd" Lily turned to look at the three-seated woman, Christina was hurriedly finishing her meal and Meredith had returned to her research.

"Which one?" Izzie asked

"Which one? Of course… Addison. No I'm sorry I'm looking for Derek" Meredith looked up with interest.

"I haven't seen him but if you go…" Izzie started to answer

"It's fine, I see him" They all turned to see Derek in the doorway looking at Lily in surprise.

"Lovely to meet you, Izzie I'd love to talk again" Lily said sincerely rushing into the outstretched arms of Derek.

The four at the table looked on intrigued as Lily and Derek hugged.

"And there you go" Meredith slammed her book shut.

"What? She was nice" Izzie said.

"That's why they split up, right there" Meredith said as her beeper went off.

"They're probably just old friends" Izzie said packing up her tray.

"I thought she had heard about me," George said.

"Yeah way to go George" Christina laughed walking off.

"Meredith I'm sure it's nothing," Izzie said as she watched Lily and Derek walking away.

"What do I care, I've moved on" Meredith left the table with Izzie, leaving George sitting pondering his embarrassment.

Chapter 9

"Gosh it's good to see you Mush" Derek wrapped his arms around Lily.

"Good to see you too… but don't call me that" Lily pulled away to look at her big brother.

"Please. I hate it when you call me that" Lily said only half serious. Lily was the baby of the Shepherd family, 3 older sisters and a brother, who had all doted on her as a baby. As a result she hadn't needed to say much for herself and consequently babbled more than spoke to the age of four. Derek had nicknamed her; as he did everyone back then, mush mouth after the character in Fat Albert, mush for short.

He stood staring at her.

"What?" she laughed uncomfortably, whacking his arm with her purse.

"You have perfect timing" Derek said.

"Oh really, why?"

"Addie and me, it's over, she left me last night" Lily looked at her brother. They were close, Derek was her favourite person in the world and she could see how conflicted he was, but she also saw relief in his eyes.

"Well hallelujah" Lily threw her arms up mockingly.

"Lily" Derek said.

"What Derek? The only sad thing is that you didn't leave that sorry cheating cow"

"Lily, it's Addison" Derek said and Lily sighed. It was true, Addison had been like another sister to her for a time, but Lily couldn't ignore what she had done to her brother.

Lily looked over Derek's shoulder and saw Addison approaching, with a half smile on her face.

"Speak of the adulteress bitch and she shall appear" Lily said.

Derek turned around.

"Lily play nice" he said under his breath.

"Lily, good to see you" Addison said

"Wish I could say the same" Lily retorted catching Addison off guard.

"I was just down in the cafeteria and asked for Dr Sheppard, I see your still riding the coat tails of the family Addison" Lily said hand on hip.

"Lily" Derek said through his teeth.

This surprised Addison. She knew she had a long way to go to repair the relationship with Derek's family but Lily's response was one of disgust.

"And what did I hear you're going by these days, Lily Maloney. What's that about? Still running away from the family Lily? Or are they running from you?" Addison shot back a little surprised by her nastiness.

"No Maloney is a family name Addison, I'm just a big girl now so I'm making it on my own"

"Shepherd is my name" Addison said.

"Okay Okay, that's enough, let's go Lily" Derek said pulling his sister by the arm.

"I'll meet you up there Lily" He shoved her forward.

"Derek" Lily said.

"Go ahead Lily I need to talk to Addison" Lily sighed heavily then turned around almost running straight into Meredith.

"Sorry" They both said.

Meredith walked past the Shepherd's, catching Derek's glance briefly she tried to keep her head down.

Caught off guard by seeing Meredith Derek hesitated.

"This isn't necessary Derek, I'm okay, just keep your sister in check" Addison said pushing past him, she walked past Lily angrily.

"Be seeing ya Addie" Lilly sing songed after her sister in law.

Derek looked up in frustration then as he turned towards Lily he spotted Meredith near the elevator looking at him, she looked away uncomfortably then back just as quickly and smiled at him.

They shared a look, smiling at each other in a knowing way.
"Derek, c'mon" Lily called.

Derek nodded slightly at Meredith before turning to join Lily.

Chapter 10

"That was uncalled for" Derek said pushing the button on the elevator.

"Please don't bestow me with the virtues of Addison, she cheated on you Derek" Lily said not baking down.

"You think I don't know that Lily, everyone looks at me and thinks I don't know that – why did he take her back? I know everyone is talking about me" Derek said, exasperated.

"I hear it when I speak to Mum, I see it when I walk the halls, but no one knows, no one knows what goes on when we're not here. There's history Lily, and Addison's Family – sometimes you give family a second chance… you should know that better than anyone" He said as the door opened.

Lily nodded her head absorbing Derek's seemingly hurtful comment.

"Oh low Blow Derek… I made amends for my mistakes" Lily said forcefully.

"And so was Addison… but it doesn't matter Lily because it turns out for me it wasn't enough anyway" Derek knew he couldn't get past Addison's adultery even though he had wanted to… even for families sake.

"Anyway, my point is Addison is a lot of things but she is NOT riding my coat tails or the families, she's one of, if not the best in her field, people fly cross country to be treated by her…"

"… And Seattle Grace is lucky to have her, yes I know, I've just had someone singing her praises for an hour I don't need you too" Lily interrupted.

"Someone, who? This is our floor" Derek motioned for Lily to exit ahead of him.

"Dr Webber"

"Richard you saw Richard?" Derek was surprised.

"Well as much as I love and miss you big brother I didn't actually come to Seattle for you" Lily said nonchalantly.

"Amongst other things I just signed off on a deal to do a series of reports on Addison, people love stories about saving babies you know, and the executive Producer is some old patient of Richards… so here I am"

"You're doing a story on Addie?" Derek stopped walking and looked at his sister a little worried.

"Derek, do have something to ask me?" Lily said

"Well, can you be impartial" Derek wandered.

"You know what, I'm going to ignore that, I'm going to pretend that my brother, the one person in this world that has always been there for me, who knows me better that anyone, did not just question my professionalism. Because I am many things, messy, not good in the mornings, a cry baby at sad films, but unprofessional is not on that list." Lily was not impressed.

"I earned my career, I gave up my pre-planned life in medicine and transferred to journalism because that what was in my heart, I went through what you know I went through," Lily said trying not to get emotional.

"And I worked my way up to be one of the youngest co-anchors at the network… I am the epitome of professional," Lily said pointing at her brother's chest.

"I'm sorry, Lily, I just wanted.."

"ah ah ah" Lily waved her finger.

"Quit while you're ahead"

Derek merely nodded.

"Now, change subject… who was the girl downstairs" Lily asked inquisitively.

"The girl, what girl?" Derek said distracted.

"What girl? Please! The girl making the goo goo eyes at you when you were talking to Addison" Lily looked at her brother.

"Who was she?"

"Oh the girl… that was Meredith" Derek said.

"Meredith, interesting" Lily responded her mind ticking over.

"Lily don't get any ideas okay… so what were the other things?" Derek asked.

"Other things?"
"You said there were other thongs you were here beside the reports on Addison" Derek said.

"Oh I did, yes, um, this and that… oh and my book launch… did I tell you I wrote a book" Lily said casually.

"A book, you wrote a book, no Mush you didn't tell me".

"Yeah a memoir of sorts, you know about my, ah struggles… Dad will probably blow a gasket when he sees it in print, but" Lily shrugged.

"Wow! You wrote a book" Derek was still surprised this was the first he was hearing it.

"Well it was what I always wanted, you know that"
"I do"

"And I got a two book deal" Lily said excitedly.

"I asked my publisher if I could launch it here, cause I simply had to have you there and I knew if it was in New York you couldn't come so here I am"

"When's the launch?" Derek asked.

"Few weeks"

"What's it called?"

"White Lilies… here's a copy… I'll even sign it if you want" Lily joked as she fished a copy out of her bag.

"Dr. Shepherd, excuse me I have Sandra Morgan's labs" Derek turned to look at the male Doctor who had just approached them.

"That's fine, Dr. Kerev this is Lily Maloney, Lily this is…"

"Dr. Karev, I was listening" Lily reached out and shook Alex's hand.

"Nice to meet you… I should let you work. I'd better go find my subject anyway" Lily smiled at the both.

"Play nice Lily" Derek said walking off.

"I'll be done by 7, wait for me and we'll have dinner" He called to Lily as Meredith rounded the corner. She looked on wandering who exactly Lily was to Derek.

Chapter 11

"Miss Maloney, Miss Maloney" Lily heard a voice calling her as she walked down the stairs to the waiting room.

"It's Lily," She said turning to face Patricia, Richard Webbers assistant, breathing deeply trying to catch her breath.

"Richard left these for you" She said passing Lily a hospital id tag and some forms.

"He also asked me to speak with Dr Montgomery Shepherd about you, though I think he saw her in the end, anyways" Lily tilted her head sideways slightly.
"Oh you told Dr Montgomery Shepherd about me".

"Sure, sure, well only that a reporter was coming not your name and such" Patricia said.

"Good, that's fine, do you know where I'd find her now" Lily asked.

"I just left her on the fourth floor, she just signed those" Patricia pointed to the permission forms.

"Excellent, thanks for your help Patrica" Lily said sweetly turning around.

"Um Miss Malo… I mean Lily" Patricia began uncomfortably

"You know a hospital takes many people to run efficiently.. Not just the medical staff…" Lily could see where this was going.

"Patricia, actually you could help me out… from time to time I need walk throughs or comments on things that I'm doing in a story… if you have time in your busy schedule I'd appreciate the help" Lily buttered her up, she was well aware Patricia would be a useful advocate.

"Oh I'm flattered, um if I can fit you in" She said and Lily tried to contain her amusement.

"4th floor you said" Lily pointed up.

"4th Floor" Patricia replied.

"Now Dr. Stevens, you're on call tonight so I need you to keep an eye on her" Addison said standing above the humidicrib.

"I understand Dr. Shepherd" Izzie said making notes on the babies chart.

"Did you want me to speak to, ah, you know…."
"Dr Shepherd" Addison coaxed

"Yeah Drs Shepard about the CT scan"

"Sure… look Izzie, I know that you heard me on the elevator, it's a small space, how could you not, and news like this travels quickly in hospital anyway" Addison wanted to clear the air.

"You should know though, you and anyone who asks, that I'm okay, I'm a big girl" Addison said confidently.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd" Izzie said a little embarrassed.

There was silence for a moment.

"So your going to be a celebrity" Izzie changed the subject.

"I had to sign some release forms too since I work with you so often"

Addison shifted her wait.
"Hardly a celebrity Dr. Stevens, though it will be great exposure for Seattle Grace and the facilities… should be right up your alley, being in front of the camera, you can give me some pointers" Addison said acknowledging she was aware of Izzie's time as a model.
"Well unless your planning on stripping off to your underwear and posing I won't be all that useful," Izzie stated checking the babies pulse.

"Not quite what I had in mind" Lily stood in the doorway of the NICU.

"Oh my god, Lily Maloney" Izzie was still a little awestruck.
"Hi Izzie, Addison I was hoping to catch up with, brainstorm these reports" A beeper sounded and all three ladies looked at their waist.

"That's me, my producer, I need to make a call, can we talk?" Lily looked at Addison who responded with a nod. Lily turned around and left.

"She is the coolest reporter, she travels all over and does stories on the latest medical developments and technologies, you know she was pre med when she changed to Journalism" Izzie babbled.

"I used to read a newspaper column she wrote religiously during college, apparently she comes from some big medical family"

"Aha, I know" Addison said lost in thought.

"You know, you know her" Izzie was fishing for something having seen Lily earlier with Derek.

"Lily is my sister in law, Dr Stevens… she's Derek's younger sister" Addison shut her file and left the room.

"Seriously" Izzie finally got it.

Chapter 12

Izzie flew down the stairs toward the coffee cart where she could see Meredith and Christina chatting.

"Okay, I know the deal with Lily and McDreamy" Izzie said.

Meredith tried to look uninterested.

"Is he boning her?" Christina asked.

"You are going to so gag on those words soon… she's his sister"

"His sister, I didn't know he had a sister" Christina said.

"But why would I know that, I don't even know if Burke has any family and I'm boning him"
"Christina" Izzie said.

"He has four" Meredith said quietly.

"Burke has four sisters?" Izzie asked amazed.

"No, Derek has four, 9 nieces and five nephews" Christina looked at Meredith disgusted at the details she knew.

"Seriously Christina, keep up… anyway that's the scoop" Izzie picked up her coffee.

"What scoop" Alex asked, sticking his finger in Izzie's coffee and licking it in a misguided attempt at seduction.

"Gross Alex" Izzie placed a lid on her drink and took a step away from Alex.

"We're just discussing McDreamy's…"
"Did you see the fox he was with earlier, hot, some TV Reporter, check it out here he comes" Alex said as Derek approached, he began to applaud. The three girls looked at each other amused but didn't stop him.

"Can I help you Dr Karev" Derek said but his eyes were fixed on Meredith.

"Just applauding you one man to another" Alex quipped.

"For?" Derek asked.

"The minx you were parading around earlier" Alex waved his hand in a too hot manner.

"That Minx Dr Karev is my baby sister" Derek shot back, giving Alex a look to say stay away.

"Meredith can we talk" Derek looked at her intensely.

"Ah labs, I've got labs," Christina said rushing off.
"Is that my beeper?" Izzie looked at her silent beeper.

"Bailey wanted you too Alex" she dragged him by the arm till Derek and Meredith stood alone, staring at each other in silence.

He hung his head, took a deep breath and looked up again.

"So" He said.

"So" Meredith replied with a soft understanding in her voice.

Chapter 13

Derek and Meredith continued to stare at each other.

"I've been looking for you all day?" Derek said.

"You have?" Meredith tried not to reveal the pleasure that gave her.

Don't be a fool, Meredith told herself quietly. Don't do this again, you were lucky to escape with your heart the first time.

"I needed to talk, I wanted to talk to you" Derek restated.

"Have you got some time?"

Meredith looked at her watch.

"Um, I'm really a little swamped, Bailey has me on on the floor, and you know what that's like, up and down" Meredith tried to make excuses.

"Really?" Derek quizzed.

"Swamped, sorry, maybe later" Meredith said, not wanting to get in between Derek's marriage problems.

"Great, Joes at say 10, I'll see you there" Turning away quickly, Derek didn't want to give her a chance to say no.

"Ah…"

"See you at Joe's " he called over his shoulder, leaving Meredith standing looking at his back, wandering how she had let herself not just say no. But deep down she knew how and why, she hadn't wanted to.

Addison sat down on a couch in the parent's waiting room of the NICU. She rubbed her temples slowly and congratulated herself on an almost Derek free day.

"So, that was my producer, first report scheduled for Tuesday week, suit you?" Lily came in and sat down next to Addison.

"Whatever Lily, but we need to clear up a few things first" Addison sat straight up and turned to face her.

"If you have an agenda here… so help me I will make you pay"
"Fair call Addison, but as I told your husband, or should I say ex husband, I am professional, so let's see if you're all the say you are, shall me?" Lily got out her notebook.

"So, I have full access to everything…"
"Everything at the hospital" Addison clarified.

"Sorry, everything at the hospital… I'll follow you around tomorrow, make some notes, and decide my angle, then my crew flies in Friday"

"Your crew?" Addison said

"Jim my cameraman, and Toby on sound, they'll be in and out over the month I'll be here"

"A month?" Addison was surprised.

"Addison, didn't you do you read the fine print?" Lily said condescendingly.

"A month is fine!"
"Good"

Lily scribbled some notes.

"So, you left my brother?"
"Is this part of your research?" Addison sat back in her chair.

"Nope, this is a little sister wandering how anyone could leave her brother"

Addison sat on Lily's question for a moment. She had certainly asked herself that a million times in the last 24 hours. How could she leave Derek?

"Well Lily maybe you don't know your brother as well as you think" was all Addison could muster.

"Oh I know my brother"

Addison wasn't in the mood to argue.

"Lily, it's complicated there isn't any one thing, I cheated yes, but it's more than that, it's…. it's… so many things, it's the silence between us when I am left wandering if it's me he's thinking about, it's the fact that we both wanted to hurt each other so bad just to feel something…. It's Adam…." Addison began to cry.

"Adam?" Lily was surprised.

"Yes, part of him still blames me, I'm sure of it" Addison wiped at her eyes.

Lily softened slightly.

"You know Addie, I looked up to you in the early days… but I know you had your opinion of Derek helping me out of my trouble…"
"Lily" Addison did not need this now.

"Wait, listen to me, I know you did, and I have my opinion of you and the fact that you cheated… I could say many things about you…"
"Lily really do you need to kick me when I'm down" Addison asked.
"But! I would never, EVER say it was your fault. You were a GREAT mother, Adam was blessed to have you" Lily placed her hand on Addison's shoulder.

"You were given that beautiful boy to love for 2 short years… and you both loved him like no one else could, it was sad, and it was tragic… but you need to remember you carry that baby here" She placed her hand above Addie's heart

"Always… Derek doesn't blame you for what happened, the problem is you blamed yourself" Lily stood up.

"You were a great Mother Addie…" lily started to walk out. She stopped in the doorway and looked over her shoulder at Addison seated with her head down. She looked so sad.

"I'll see you in the morning"

Then Lily turned and left Addison to cry quietly alone.

Chapter 14

Addison began packing up her bag at the end of her shift. She was looking forward to an early night, though dreading returning to the loneliness of the hotel.

"Addison" She had her back to Derek, closing her eyes she sucked up her resolve.

"Yes Derek"
"You finished for the day"

"Aha" she nodded her head.

"You?" She turned around.

"Just got to look in on a patient and check some films for a surgery tomorrow… I'm meeting Lily at 7 for tea, I thought you might like to come" He offered.

"Have you ran that past your keeper?" Addison laughed.

"She's just looking out for me Addie, That's what we do, you know that" Derek said.

"I know you've always looked out for her, god the mistakes she's made and she can't cut me some slack" Addison fumed, placing some notes in her bag and clipping it shut.

"Addie, I'm not going to get in a debate about my sister with you, we did that 9 and a half years ago when I flew to San Francisco to help her, anyway Lily doesn't lie about her mistakes…"

"And I do? Is that what you're saying" Addie accused.

"Look Addison, this isn't a fight I came here with a genuine invitation for you, to make some peace with Lily"

"Just go away Derek" Addison huffed walking past him, as she brushed his shoulder slightly with hers she felt her heart flip.

Stopping just behind him she didn't turn to speak, she feared he would see her tears.

"You're not going to even ask if I've changed my mind, are you?"

"Have you?" He said robotically.

Addison simply walked away.

"So are you going to meet him?" Christina said as she changed in the locker room.

"Who, is she going to meet who?" George asked sitting on the bench to tie his shoe.

"McDreamy George, who else" Izzie slammed her locker and sat beside George.

"Catch up"

"I don't know, I mean, I can't think straight, why do I let this guy do this to me, my head… is cloudy" Meredith raised her hand and pointed to her head to emphasise her point.

"Look I say we all go to Joes now" Izzie said.

"All of us" Meredith wasn't sure she wanted an audience.

"I just swapped my on call Alex, apparently the pig has a date tomorrow he needed the night off for" Izzie said. Izzie and Alex were locked in a love hate dilemma.

"So it's 8.45 now, we go to Joes, if you decide to stay, cool, if you don't I'll hang around and lie my arse off for you to cover" She smiled at Meredith in a warm display of support.

"We could do that… just to see" Meredith said considering the what ifs.

"We could see," She repeated.

"So lets go already," Christina said walking ahead of the others.

Meredith stopped to look in the mirror. Her eyes were tired, her hair a little messy.

"You look great Meredith" George said over her shoulder as he past her.

"Thanks George" Meredith said, not picking up on George's obvious sadness that she was going to meet Derek. Meredith took one last look in the mirror then turned following the others to Joe's.

Chapter 15

"… So that's the story, play by play as it happened" Derek sat over a half eaten bowl of pasta. Lily was on the other side of the table, finished her meal and drinking a glass of red wine, she sat listening to her brother's recap of his Seattle Life.

"I'm sorry I didn't ring you much..." Derek said.

"You're a busy man," Lily offered

"No excuse Mush, I promised I'd always check in when I left New York"

"It's fine," She said reaching across and touching his hand to reassure him.

"I'm a big girl now Derek, I don't need you to check up on you"

"Not Check up on you, check in with you" Derek said.

But Lily knew it was both. As long as she could remember Derek had looked out for her, when she'd been 5 and her 3 older sisters had dressed her up to look like Sandy in Greece and tried to make her mime the words to Hopelessly Devoted it was Derek who stopped them by threatening to tell their parents the girls had been sneaking out their window at night to smoke on the roof. When she'd kissed her first boy at age 9 and he told her she kissed like a wet fish, it was Derek who risked his future surgeon hands and punched him, getting grounded for a month and missing his baseball semi final as a result. When she'd suffered persistent headaches at 15 and her parents ignored it, it was Derek who convinced her it was more than just eyestrain, saving her from a rapid growing brain tumour and steering him towards his path in neurology.

And it was Derek who rushed to her side when the pressure of a pre destined life in medicine had gotten to much for her, causing her to drop out of pre med and take a down ward spiral into drugs. While the rest of the family turned their back in shame, Derek sat in a hotel room and held her head above the toilet as she suffered the violent effects of withdrawal. It was Derek who convinced her to follow her heart into journalism.

"Have you had your yearly check up?" he asked, referring to the annual CT scan Derek insisted she had 15 years after being given the all clear from her tumour.

"Sure" She lied, travelling for her job and writing the book had gotten in the way.

Surely now she was safe.

"All clear" She added.

"Good Good" Derek pushed his bowl away.

"Not hungry?" Lily asked.

"Too much on my mind"

"Like your date with Meredith" Lily said in a tone shamefully reminiscent of their teenage years.

"It's not a date… it's a conversation at a pre organised time…"

"… In the bar where you first met, the scene of the crime so to speak" Lily joked.

"Do you think it's a good idea?" Lily got serious.

"You don't?" Derek looked at her.

"I just mean, is it a good idea tonight, the night after your wife dumps you..."

"Thanks" he said referring to her choice of words.

"I mean, I know you were beating a dead horse in that marriage but I think you still should give it some time" She said.

Lily took her credit card back from the waiter and smiled at her in thanks.

She stood up and motioned for Derek to do the same.

Heading for the door she continued.

"You need to grieve Derek, God knows I am not Addison's greatest fan these days but you were married to her for almost 12 years, you have been through the best and the worst times of your lives" Lily emphasised the worst.

Holding the door open Derek let Lily go through.

"It's around the corner," He pointed referring to the bar.

"I get what you're saying, but I never told her I loved her" Derek said.

Lily stopped.

"Do you think she wants to hear it tonight? The night after your wife leaves you, not the other way around… do you think that will sound real?" Lily said incredulously.

"I've wasted time, I've made bad choices" Derek said.

"I want her to know that"

"Derek, give yourself credit, You tried to honour your vow, I admire you for that, but you need to give yourself time to grieve this" They had begun to walk again and now were at the doorway to Joes.

"Derek, if Meredith is as fabulous as you say then she'll give you time, and if she is that great, she doesn't deserve an I love you that is clouded by confusion and pain"

"I do love her though" Derek looked at Lily sadly.

"I know you do" Lily had seen the way his eyes changed when he spoke about her over dinner.

"I don't want to miss my chance"

"You just have to trust that she still loves you too… and if she doesn't, if she's moved on… " Lily trailed off as she opened the door and walked through. Taking her coat Derek looked around to see the faces of George, Izzie, Christina, Joe and Meredith all staring at them.

Chapter 16.

"Pay up Christina" Izzie said referring to the bet they had placed whether McDreamy would turn up at the bar.

"sshhh" Meredith said as Derek and Lily approached.

"Hi" He said to everyone but looked just at Meredith.

"Hi yourself" Meredith took a shot of tequila and her words slurred just slightly.

"Ahem" Lily hinted.

"Oh, this is my sister Lily everyone, this is Meredith, Christina, Izzie… and the sullen looking guy is …" George sat in the corner, arms crossed on the bar.

"George, I remember" Lily filled in. George looked up surprised she had remembered him, but then sure it was because he'd spilt his drink.

"We've met… today in the Cafeteria, I was embarrassingly awestruck"

Izzie said.

"You weren't embarrassing" Lily smiled.

"And that… is Joe" Derek pointed to the man with the smiling face behind the bar.

"The usual Doc" Derek nodded

"And for you, on the house for the Doc's sister"

"I'll have what she's having" Lily pointed to Meredith.

"So can I ask a question?" Izzie said.

"Why Maloney? Cause I know you weren't married, I've read everything about you" Izzie said, realising too late she sounded freakishly pathetic.

"Ahhh, I just decided I wanted to make it on my own merits, Shepherd's a pretty big name to live up to in New York, right Derek" Derek smiled at his sister.

"And Maloney's…"
"Your mothers maiden name" Meredith interrupted. For a moment no one spoke.

"You were listening?" Derek said remembering the time that Meredith had needed details of his life.

"Every word" She said throwing her head back and drinking the shot Joe had just placed in front of her.

"That's right, it's my mothers maiden name" Lily said.

"Ahh, Meredith" Derek said and all eyes turned toward them.

"Got a moment… over here" He motioned to the booths. Rather than answering Meredith got up and walked over and sat down.

"Excuse Me," he said following, and Lily sat on Meredith's empty seat….

"So catch me up on the audience view of this love story, I'm all about the audience," She said smiling at the others.

Chapter 17

Addison pulled her stethoscope off and looked around the NICU.

"You're still here Dr. Shepherd" Alex asked walking in to do an hourly observation of one of the babies.

"Yes, things to do, where's Dr. Stevens" Addison asked.

"I had to swap on calls" Alex said looking at his charts.

"Oh"

"I think I saw her and O'Malley heading to Joes" Alex added.

"Hmmm, just those two" Addison asked, thinking a drink might be good since the early night she had planned had gone a rye.

"That's all I saw" Alex turned to the NICU nurse and issued some instructions.

"Thanks Dr. Karev" Addison walked out deciding drink was exactly what she needed.

Chapter 18

"So" Derek looked across the small booth at Meredith.

"So" Meredith repeated.

"Why do I feel like we've been here already today?" Derek said with a half smile.

"Look, you don't have say anything" Meredith started.

"I heard about your marriage, I'm sorry"

"You are?" Derek looked up from his empty glass, a little sad to hear that.

"Well, a marriage ending is always sad, I mean I'm a child of divorce, so that's sad" She shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't mean I was sad… never mind" She stumbled not wanting to give the wrong impression.

"Oh" he said containing his relief.

"I just, I came here to tell you something, something I should have told you before"

"Yeah" Meredith said.

"But I'm not sure you'll want to hear it"

Meredith's heart sank.

"I mean I thought I should tell you, but my head is swimming, Mush said I should leave it alone"

"Mush?"

Oh that's what I call Lily, long story" He replied.

"Stop!" Meredith said.

"Derek, against my better judgement I came here tonight, I mean, I shouldn't have but I did, because there is something about you that makes me lose control. How ridiculous is that?"

"That's not ridiculous"
"I mean I loose my judgement, my clarity, I loose all the common sense I have, you know," She continued.

"I know, believe me I know," He said.

"I keep saying Meredith, he's married, stay away, or Meredith, you're reading it wrong, he's unavailable" She was racing through the words just to get them out.

"But then I look at you, that's my mistake, I've got to stop looking at you" She said shaking her head.

"Because you don't love me… you never did, I was… I was… I don't know… " She trailed off.

"Meredith STOP! That isn't true" Derek said, getting up and changing to the other side of the booth, he placed his hand on her cheek.

"To hell with it" He leaned in and softly kissed her and again, against her better judgement she kissed him back.

Pulling away he smiled his sweet smile at her, they were so lost in each others eyes that they hadn't seen Addison enter the bar and stand in the doorway just in time to witness their kiss, and they certainly hadn't seen her approaching the booth.

"I see your heartbroken, Derek… and Dr. Grey… I'm surprised it took you just 24 hours to swoop on my remains" She looked at them both with a mixture of disgust and sadness.

Chapter 19

Addison looked over her shoulder to the bar where she could see she had an audience.

She turned around to look at Derek and Meredith, sitting speechless, caught like deer in headlights.

"Cat got your tongue?" Addison folded her arms.

"Addison" Derek said

"You really are pathetic Derek, a day hasn't even settled on our 11 year marriage and here you are with… with her" She pointed to Meredith who dropped her head down.

"Addison please, not now"
"Not now Derek, not now? Are you serious, if not now, then when, am I supposed to pretend that this doesn't effect me, that this isn't like a slap in the face" She spat each word forcefully.

"Well why not, I pretended for a long time" Derek stood up, getting angrier at each word Addison spoke.

"I pretended that I was okay, pretended we were okay"

"Your pathetic Derek" Addison spun around, but Derek grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him.

"Addison, that enough. I'm sorry you saw what you saw, I didn't plan it that way, I didn't expect you to be here, I swear to you I am sorry, but it isn't about you" He tried to explain and Addison scoffed.

"It's about me and Meredith" Derek turned to look at the empty booth behind him.

"Meredith?" He looked around the bar, to see the door swinging; he looked back to the bar where Lily gave him a sympathetic smile.

Derek sunk back into her seat.

Addison leant on the table and almost whispered.

"You're kidding yourself Derek, You're kidding yourself if you think she's the love of your life" She turned and walked out.

Derek looked at the bar as Christina, Izzie and George paid their bills and left all of them avoiding eye contact with Derek.

Lily waved goodbye to them, then got up and moved to the booth, bringing two shots of tequila.

"Scoot over…" She motioned for Derek to move over for her.

"Here" She placed the drinks in front of Derek and sat down.

"Cheers" she held her shot glass up for Derek to clink; instead he picked it up and threw it straight back, screwing his face up as the alcohol burnt down his throat.

"Meredith, Meredith I know you hear me" Addison called after Meredith as she crossed the road heading to the hospital car park.

"Meredith" Addison was not going to give up.

"Look Dr. Shepherd, please…" Meredith kept walking.

"Meredith you can't drive" Izzie and George tried to catch up; Christina had caught a cab from the bar.

"Meredith stop!" Addison managed to get in front of her, causing Meredith to halt abruptly.

"I just have something to ask you" Addison said.

"I want to know why?"

Meredith kept her head down, trying to contain the emotion welling in her. The last person she wanted to break to her was Addison.

"Why couldn't you stay away?" Addison said again. Izzie and George hung back.

"Why couldn't you leave him alone, I mean when he chose me, why?" Addison asked in frustration.

"But I did?" Meredith said meekly.

"No Meredith you didn't, you were always there, batting your eye lids at him, sharing your secret glances, he chose me" Addison gestured to herself.

"Why?" Addison asked again.

"Dr Shepherd, please?" Meredith tried to step around her but Addison moved too.

"Give me an answer and I'll let you go"

"What do you want me to say?" Meredith felt trapped knowing no answer would make her happy.

"Why did you continue to chase my husband, not giving my marriage a chance" As Addie said the words she regretted them and wished there was some way to suck them back in. Meredith let the words sink in taking a moment to regroup.

"You know what, I tried to play nice, I tried not to be nasty but here it is, here's the truth"

"I figured he stayed with you because he loved you, but truth is I think now he stayed with you out of some misguided sense of obligation, he felt he had to honour your wedding vows" Meredith kept her voice steady.

"Which is more than you did? You can blame me, if that's what gets you through this, I don't care, but the truth is, you ended your marriage the night you slept with his best friend".

Addison stood stunned.

"Yes there was a connection, we did look at each other, and I wish I could have avoided him but we work together, but the difference between me and you…" Meredith said.

"The difference between you and me is will power… I chose not act on it… in the same situation I doubt you could say the same… so go ahead and blame me but you'll know that I know that the one at fault here…" Meredith moved a bit closer and stared a t Addison.

"Is You!"

She moved around her and continued towards the car park.

George and Izzie followed, Izzie stopping briefly to look at Addison. Not knowing what to say she continued on, leaving Addison to stand alone and cold.

Chapter 20

"So that was intense," Izzie said opening the front door. Breaking the silence as no one had spoken the whole ride home.

"Intense!" Meredith dragged herself through the door.

"Want some chocolate cake?" Izzie asked.

"Sure" Meredith plopped down on the couch.

"But can we talk about something else" She couldn't handle reliving the horrific events just past.

"Good idea" George jumped at the chance to not discuss McDreamy.

Izzie re-entered carrying chocolate cake and a knife.

"Here's something, Lily likes George" She smiled cutting cake for everyone; she gave Meredith the biggest piece.

"Derek's sister likes George?" Meredith looked at George a little surprised. He looked confused.

"Don't listen to her, she barely spoke to me" George stumbled, strangely interested in the notion.

"There was no time, but I could tell, there was a vibe… and she's not just Derek's sister, you know she's …"

"Lily Maloney, we know" Meredith and George said in unison.

"Well she is" Izzie licked frosting of her fingers.

"Ohhhh George, you better be careful, those Sheppard's will leave you broken hearted" Meredith said sadly.

"You just need more cake" Izzie passed her another plate.

"You done yet?" Lily nudged Derek looking at the 7 empty shot glasses in front of them.

"Done what?" He said drunkenly.

"Wallowing, you done wallowing in self pity, I'm tired" Lily said placing her head on the table.

"I have an early start with Addison and now he's even more likely to be a pain in my arse, thanks for that" Lily joked.

Derek sighed heavily his shoulders drooping.

"Sure, I'm done" He got his wallet out as they both stood up.

Walking to the bar he dropped some crumpled bills on the counter.

"Thanks Joe" He said.

"Always a pleasure… and entertaining" Joe smiled at Derek.

Lily picked her coat up from the rack, and put it on as she left the bar, joining Derek on the sidewalk standing still.

"Why aren't you walking, we'll need to catch a cab" She said.

"Lily, am a horrible person, I feel like this is some strange sort of punishment" Derek asked, looking at his sister with slightly glazed eyes.

"What? Don't be ridiculous Derek, your not horrible, drunk, yes, certainly not horrible" She tried to pull his arm to make him move.

"Really? Cause I feel horrible. I'm sure it's punishment?" He sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, his feet on the road, to consider the events of the past 24 hours.

"We're sitting, we're sitting now?" Lily was tipsy too and very tired.

But she sat next to Derek anyway.

"What are you being punished for?" She lent her head on his shoulder and hooked her arm through his.

"Bad choices" He said.

"Bad choices, wrong turns, early entries, everything… Adam" He said sadly.

"You too hey?" Lily said thinking back to her earlier conversation about her nephew with Addison.

"I swear to you here and now Derek, you are not a bad person, in fact I would go on the record to say you are the most compassionate person I know… and a reporter going on the record means something" She added.

"I know you miss Adam, and I know you wish you could do things differently, I know you've done some things that may not have been the best things, hey we all have, look why your talking to" Lily stared at Derek intensely. She wanted desperately to make him feel better.

"But it is what it is, there are things you can't change, days you can't take back and moments you can't redo" She said.

"It doesn't make you feel better, I know, but you'll be fine, and you will get through this" She hugged her brother.

"How'd you get so smart Mush?" he looked at his little sister warmly.

"Read my book and you'll find out" She winked at him.

"And seriously, you just need to let the alcohol wear off and deal with this sober" She helped him up and towards a cab.

Chapter 21

"Okay interns, rise and shine" Bailey slammed the locker room door against the wall and stood staring at Alex, Christina, Izzie and George.

"Where's Grey" She said just as Meredith joined her side, cup in hand.

"Hot chocolate, I know your feeding" Meredith gave her a big smile and Bailey looked at her sceptically.

"What's this for? Some sort of bribe" She hadn't taken the drink yet.

"A bribe is one way of looking at it… or you could drink it and think of me as your assign cases".

Christina stood up pulling her hair into a ponytail she walked between Bailey and Meredith.

"I'd love a Neuro case today… or a baby," She said dryly, and with a touch of Christina humour.

"You'd love a baby case?" Bailey was amazed.

Izzie, George and Alex joined the others in the hall.

Bailey gabbed the cup from Meredith.

"I'll take this but you should know by now that cheap bribes like these don't sit well with me…" She began to walk with the interns only steps behind, they entered the first room.

"Karev" Bailey said

"Mrs. Allison Bishop. History of heart disease and multiple surgeries. In for a triple bypass, scheduled for this morning with Dr Burke".

The old lady sat up.

"Burke, you say, Burke, is he good?" He spoke loudly, obviously partially deaf.

"Is he good" Izzie whispered to Christina.

"Oh Grow up" Christina rolled her eyes.

"He's the best Mrs. Bishop, Okay straight forward… O'Malley your on this"

"Izzie follow up in NICU with Dr Sheppard…"

Meredith held in her relief.

"Yang you with me and Karev…" Meredith closed her eyes willing her to say Sheppard, Bailey looked on amused.

"You're on the floor… "Alex groaned walking off.

"That leaves you Grey, you're with, let me see…" She pretended to look through notes.

"Your with Shepherd, the "ex" husband, a 73-year-old woman with a history of brain tumour, she's down the hall" Bailey said with amusement, handing Meredith her chart.

"Can't win em all 'ey Grey" Bailey turned her back and walked off.

Chapter 22

"Ok Mrs Masterson, I'm going to run some bloods, Dr. Shepherd will be here soon to talk to you, then I'll take you for an MIR' Meredith smiled placing his chart back in his holder.

Luck of the draw saw her working with Derek today, and even though she desperately wanted to see him, here head was telling her to stay clear of him.

Avoid the fallout Meredith, she told herself. Stay clear.

"And if it's clear… Dr. Grey, If it's clear" her patient interrupted her thoughts.

"Oh sorry, If it's clear then we need to look for another cause for these symptoms, the labs may lead us that way too" .

"I haven't met this Dr. Shepherd yet, is he a good boy, Dr. Grey" Mrs Masterson, an elderly lady with a full face of make up sat up.

"Ummm, yes, he's a good boy" Meredith bit her lip.

"And this Dr Shepherd, is he handsome…" Derek had approached and was standing out of site of the two women, listening.

"Mrs Masterson" Meredith blushed.

"Please dear, this man may be inside my brain?" The old woman was obviously a kidder.

"Yes Mrs Masterson he's very handsome, but you know what better still, he's a good… no a great surgeon… there's no one else I'd rather in my brain" Meredith smiled.

Derek stood outside and absorbed the possible hidden message of her words, in the distance he saw Addison exit the elevator, they caught each others eye for a second before Addison looked away.

"Mrs Masterson, good morning, I'm Dr. Shepherd" Derek said cheerily startling Meredith.

"Dr. Grey"

"You're right dear" Mrs Masterson leant toward Meredith.

"He is very handsome"

"You said I was handsome," He teased looking at Meredith as she shifted her weight uncomfortably.

"I'm just taking Mrs Masterson to MIR Doctor" Meredith ignored his question.
"Good, you're in good hands there Mrs Masterson. When you're done here Dr. Grey I need to speak with you," He said as Meredith wheeled her patient away.

"If you don't honey, I will" Mrs Masterson said slyly.

Addison rolled her neck and shoulders. She hadn't slept well at all after what Meredith had said. Was she right? Was it time to admit that it was all her fault?
She exited the elevator and saw Derek in the distance leaning against a wall outside a patient's room.

For a brief second she held his gaze unsure what to do, so she simply looked away.

Walking up the hall, she saw Bailey and Yang finishing in a room.

"I want you to clean the wound and then get the x-ray" Bailey said to Yang who nodded as she walked away.

"Dr. Sheppard I've already sent Izzie upstairs" Bailey said walking past Addison.

"Thanks" Addison tried to sound friendly.

Addison returned to the elevator hitting the up key.

The bell rand immediately, the door opened and Lily stood before her.

"Ah perfect timing" Lily smiled.

"Didn't miss your cue last night either" Addison rolled her eyes and boarded the elevator.

"So you ready to start this thing" Lily asked.

"I guess I have to be" Addison had resigned herself to working with Lily.

"Good, I'll shadow you for a while, don't worry I won't intrude, I'll make some notes, first report is an intro to you…" Addison turned to interrupt; wary of how exactly Lily would represent her.

"Before you say it Addison, it's an intro to you as a Doctor, you'll be fine, no one has to know you're the devil reincarnated" Lily continued.

"Then I'll look at some of your cases, I have to get permission from the parents, should be fine though I'm a charmer" Lily smiled.

"Yeah I've noticed that about you" Addison said sarcastically.

"I'll respect their privacy and treat them well" Lily promised knowing that emotions would be running high for parents with children in the NICU.

"Good" Addison said getting off at The NICU floor.

Lily followed silently. She stood back watching Addison talk to the nurses, Izzie was in the distance she smiled and waved at her.

"You coming" Addison called to Lily.

"Let's get this done," She said.

Chapter 23

"Ok, when Jim and Toby get to the hospital I'll do my intros and we'll send them in… yep, yep, okay let me know" Lily hung up from a call with her Producer.

"Want to grab some food?" Izzie asked.

"Sounds good" Lily agreed and they headed towards the cafeteria.

"So, Addison's an amazing Doctor, don't you think?" Izzie said. She had really grown to admire her, despite her loyalty to Meredith.

"She is" Lily responded.
"You were going to be a Doctor too right?"

"You have been reading up Izzie, um, yeah I was pre med, but it really wasn't for me, I was just following my so-called path" Lily was reluctant to go in to details about it.

"There's Meredith" Izzie made her way across the room and sat next to Meredith.

"Hi" Meredith looked at Lily and smiled uncomfortably.

"I hear you got the brain tumour after all, with McDreamy" Izzie said to Meredith.

"Izzie, really" Meredith said.

"McDreamy, who's McDreamy?" Lily asked.

"Your brother" Meredith said taking a bite from her sandwich.

Lily laughed.

"That's hilarious, really?"

"Seriously" Izzie said.

"So Meredith I was hoping we could talk sometime, get to know each other" Lily said.

"Why?" Meredith asked surprised.

"Umm, I want to see if you're good enough for my brother" Lily said intensely.

"Seriously?" Meredith almost chocked on her food.

"God, of course not" Lily laughed again.

"Are you always this intense?" she said.

"Only when it comes to McDreamy" Izzie said and Lily found herself laughing again.

Addison took a moment to rest, leaning against the sink in the scrub room. It had been a busy day, she'd just finished an emergency c-section and was dreading the follow up's she had left to complete.

"How'd you go in there?" Preston Burke was standing in the scrub in room.

"Excellent, healthy baby girl" Addison said.

"How you doing?" He asked cautiously, his concern surprising Addison.

"I'm Fine" She said walking passed him.

"Thanks for asking Preston" It was the only genuine concern she had had all day. She had seen the nurses gossiping about her as she moved the hall, but no one had bothered to really show any concern.

Grabbing a coffee Addison decided to sit for a moment and enjoy the peace and quiet in the NICU waiting room. She leant her head against the wall and closed her eyes.

"I want o give you the questions I've written" Lily startled her.

"I don't usually do that but I thought I'd reassure you, our first sit down will be tomorrow afternoon, provided you don't have any surgeries or appointments… you can let me know" Lily sat down and opened her bag.

"Here you go, see you tomorrow" She said walking out hurriedly.

"You're on call tonight right?" Meredith asked Izzie in the locker room at the end of her shift.

"Yep" She said looking briefly up from her book as Christina and George came in.

"Me too" Quipped George, peering over her shoulder at the book.

"What are you reading?" Meredith asked.

"Lily's book"

"Georges girlfriend wrote a book?" Christina said, lifting the book so she could see the cover.

"She's not my girlfriend, she doesn't even like me" George said.
"Whatever" Christina said.

"White Lilies" She read the title aloud.

"Yuck, it is a love story"

"Nope a memoir" Izzie said with a pretend accent.

"And it is so freaking good… I'll summarise it for you later Mer"

Meredith looked at her.

"For me, why?" Meredith said.

"Oh please you're chomping at the bit to see if McDreamy's in there" Christina scoffed.

"Christina" Meredith said, pulling her shirt out from under her t-shirt.

"Is he?" Meredith sat on the bench across form me.

"Yep, can you believe she is letting me read this before the book launch, it's Friday night she invited us all" Izzie was so excited.

"I'm on call," Christina said.

"Meredith?"

"Um I'll see," She said, standing up to leave.

"Wait Mer, I want you to hear this, it's amazing… the dedication"

Meredith stopped to listen to her.

Izzie flicked to the front of the book and began reading.

"For my brother, the only brain surgeon I've ever met who always thinks with his heart. Thanks for all the times you saved me."

Izzie, Christina and George all looked at Meredith, who stood speechless.

"Meredith, Mer" Izzie said snapping her fingers.

"I gotta go… I gotta go see Derek" She turned around and rushed out of the locker room.

Chapter 24

"Jim, Toby, this is my brother Dr. Derek Shepherd" Lily introduced Derek to her crew. Derek shook both their hands.

"You work with my sister often?" He asked

"Just on her location stuff, not in studio, she bosses us around" Jim, a man in his mid 40's with a balding head said adjusting the lens on the camera.

"Lily we gotta do your sound check, the editors need your intros tonight" Toby, who was only 22 and fresh out of film school, said as he fixed a lapel mic to her shirt.

"Don't plug me in yet Tobes, I need 5 minutes with my brother" Lily said, and he nodded.

Derek and Lily went and sat on a near by couch.

"Did you see Addison today?" Lily asked.

"A couple of times in the distance, I had a surgery so that kept me off the floor… how did you two go, did you play nice" Derek didn't want his sister and Addison to argue.

"Mostly" Lily said honestly.

"I asked Meredith to come see me today?" Derek said quietly.

"She didn't, I guess I missed that boat".

"I don't know… you need to rest Derek, go home" Lily stood up straightening her shirt.

"I was going to wait"

"I'll be another hour, go home… relax" Lily playfully pushed him away.

Derek stood and watched for a moment as Lily took her place in front of the camera.

" 5, 4, 3, 2…" Jim said and pointed to Lily.

"Good evening, I'm Lily Maloney for Lifeline reporting from the halls of prestigious hospital Seattle Grace…."

Derek grabbed his bag and umbrella bracing him self for the rain outside he turned and headed home.

"That was quick" Lily said, helping Toby roll a cable.

"We'll just watch it back one more time then feed it through, satellites set for another half hour" Jim replied.

The elevator door opened, and Meredith came out, hurriedly she looked around spotting Lily.

"Lily, Lily" She called a few meters up the hall.

"Have you seen your brother?" She walked up to her.

Lily looked at her watch.

"He went home…" Meredith dropped her head miserably.

"About 10 minutes ago… maybe he stopped to see a patient if you hurry you may still catch him" Lily hadn't finished but Meredith was already on her way back to the elevator.

Chapter 25

"Have you seen him?" Meredith said walking past Izzie who had just left the waiting room on Ground floor.

"Mcdreamy?"

"No, Izzie the pope?"
"Ha ha, there he is" Izzie looked towards the glass doors at the entrance where Derek was opening his umbrella on the other side.

Meredith stood frozen. She wanted to leap fearlessly, but her heart was pounding. Should she get involved again?

"So…. Meredith, he's leaving" Izzie nudged her slightly forward.

"Should I do this? Should I get involved…? Izzie" Meredith said indecisively.

"I can't tell you what to do Mer… but I'll say this… maybe it's time you think with your heart" Izzie said.

Meredith looked at her, absorbing her advice, then she took off.

"Derek" She called.

"Derek, wait" She ran through the door and into the rain.

Derek turned around to face her, his sad face began to smile.

Meredith gulped down her fear.

"I'm sorry I didn't come and see you… I got scared," She said.

"Scared? Of what?" Derek stepped closer to her, so she too was under the umbrella, just close enough to touch inadvertently.

"Of you, this, us… but mostly of me" Meredith hand was a fist inside her sleeve and she wiped her wet forehead.

"I did all this before remember, I stood in the scrub room and I bared my heart to you…"

"Shhhhh" he whispered in her ear.

"I bared my heart and soul. And you went back to your wife"
"Meredith, I'm sorry…"
"No, don't be, it's what you should have done, this is strange but it made me love you more… and hate you more" She looked up.

"But it doesn't make it any easier to take the chance" Meredith said.

Derek leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Meredith there is nothing I can say that will take away that fear… but the fear is a huge part of what makes things…. Makes Life exciting… fear is one of the things that reminds us some things are worth fighting for" He leant in and kissed her softly.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you" He pulled away.

"I should have told you before…" Meredith looked at him hopefully.

"I love you Meredith," He said.

"I love you so much that sometimes looking at you takes my breath away, I love you so much that I would catch elevators, or recheck patients several times a day I knew were okay just to be in the same room as you… I am crazy in love with you" He said wrapping one arm around her waist he pulled her in… and this time there was nothing soft about the kiss, it was intense and passionate, reflecting all the time they had been apart.

"C'mon" Meredith broke away and stepped into the rain extending her hand for him to take it.

"Let's go some place," She said.

Derek couldn't take her hand fast enough.

Chapter 26

"You guys right to get to the hotel," Lily said packing up her bag.

"Sure" Jim said, grabbing the camera case. They had done location shoots many times before.

"We'll see you tomorrow afternoon Lily, an hour before for set up" The two men walked off.

Lily looked at her watch, almost 9. She wandered whether Meredith had caught up with Derek… and where they were? Staying with Derek now had its drawbacks.

She decided to try his cell. It went straight to his Message.

"Derek, it's Lily, I saw Meredith… let me know where you are, and if you're at the trailer… I just want to know if I need a hotel," She said hanging up.

Maybe a drink would kill some time, she thought to herself, heading to Joes.

"Lucy is doing great, we'll take her off the monitor tomorrow and watch her closely" Addison stood in Tara Ramsey's room, telling the new parents the latest on there little girl who had been born at 29 ½ weeks.

"Thank you Dr Sheppard, you have been amazing" Tara's husband Andy said.

Addison smiled as she left the room.

"I'm leaving now Sue, page Dr. Stevens if there is any change with Lucy" Addison told the NICU nurse before leaving. The elevator doors open to Lily, Addison hoped on.

"I should take the stairs more often" Addison said, facing forward to avoid eye contact.

Lily didn't respond. She sighed deeply.

"Addison, how about an Olive branch?" She asked. Addison looked at her sceptically.

"It's not a trick," Lily said.

"I'm going to Joe's for a drink, do you want to join me" Lily asked genuinely. Lily decided it was time to make amends, she was fighting Derek's battle and it was to hard working with Addison that way.

"I'm not going to walk in my husband and Meredith again am I?"

"No Addie, you're not… and here's a tip… one sister to another, you left him, it's time to start thinking of him as your ex, it might make things just a little less painful for everyone".

The elevator stopped and Lily stepped out, she turned to look at Addison still in the elevator contemplating what she had said.

"You coming?" She asked.

"Why not?" Addie took a deep breath and followed Lily to Joes.

Chapter 26

At the door to Joes Lily took a breath and hoped she wouldn't find Derek and Meredith sitting at the bar. After all she had promised Addison they weren't there.

She walked through, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Ladies?" Joe said.

"Where?" lily joked looking around.

"What can I get you?" Joe smiled as the two woman sat down.

"For me shooter of some sort, you?" Lily turned to Addison.

"Make mine a Manhattan" She said.

"That would make me too homesick" Lily said making conversation.

"I'm homesick everyday" Addison shrugged her shoulders.

"SO why do you stay?" Lily asked

"Well I stayed for Derek… and the contract… now it's just the contract. Well the hospital really, it's all I have" Addison said feeling sorry for herself. She missed New York, her friends her family.

"So you miss New York… or do you miss Derek in New York"Lily asked.

"Are you a reporter or a Psychiatrist?" Addison asked.

"Nope, we've already got one of them in the family" Lily said, referring to her eldest sister.

"I was actually going for… friend," She added.

"We'll you caught me off guard" Addison hadn't had many friends of late.

"Make it two Manhattans Joe" Lily said.

"We're going to toast our home town".

Meredith sat up wrapping herself in a sheet; she tried to not wake Derek as she crept out of his trailer to the veranda.

Sitting down she looked around at the picture perfect property. She closed her eyes and imagined a house built there, large and inviting she could almost see Derek and her living there.

"What are you doing out here, it's freezing?" Derek said placing a blanket around her shoulders.

"It's not raining anymore" Meredith replied.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep, I'm so tired… it was nice talking" Derek said.

"Aha, there was a lot we did that was nice" Meredith giggled.

"You've got a strange definition of nice Dr Grey… what we did was naught… very, VERY naughty" He smiled at her.

Just then his phone beeped again.

"Arrgghh, message, I'd better check it" He said going inside.

Meredith closed her eyes again. This time she could see children playing in the backyard of their large inviting home. The smiled.

"Was Lily, seeing if the coast was clear" Derek came outside again.

"I'll ring her in a bit and tell her to stay in a hotel"

"Derek!"
"She offered"

"I can go home," Meredith said.

"Not a chance" He said kissing her shoulder. She shivered at his touch.

"I missed you," She whispered.

"MMMMMM" He made a noise in agreement.

Chapter 27

"Hahaha and Derek had split his pants" Lily and Addison were laughing wildly at Joes bar. Slightly tipsy the two were taking a drunken stroll down memory lane.

"What about the time your dad came out at the Thanksgiving dinner and he hadn't zipped his fly shut and all through Derek and Greg kept making stupid jokes about flying low," Addison said, giggling at the memory.

"And Dad ended up lecturing us for giggling and being immature" Lily did her best impression of her no nonsense father, she then wiped her eyes she was laughing so hard.

"Another two Manhattan's Joe" Lily said.

"Won't Derek be expecting you? He's always been protective" Addison asked Lily.

"Um, no, I'm a big girl now" Lily said, thankfully not drunk enough to spill about Meredith and Derek. At that moment her phone rang, she quickly flipped it open so Addison would not see Derek's name.

"Hold on" She slurred into the handset.

"My cameraman" She said to Addie, before walking out of earshot.

"Hey" She said.

"You're cameraman… what's that all about" Derek asked confused.

"Long story…"
"Where are you?" Derek asked.

"Joes… I'm at Joe's… where are you?" Lily giggled as she put on a silly voice.

"You're drunk," Derek said.

"Thankyou Dr Shepherd for your accurate diagnosis, very astute of you, was it my slurred speech or my inappropriate giggling"

"I'm at the home… with Meredith" Derek ignored her.

"So you're paying for a hotel then" Lily joked.

"I'll let you get back to it then" she said watching Addison flip through some CD's behind the bar, she stood up victorious, CD in hand. Lily strained her eyes to see what it was.

"Lily, C'mon" Addison screamed.

"Who's that? Lily, Lily? Who is that?" Derek was sure it was Addison's voice.

"Gotta fly Der, see you tomorrow" lily flipped the cell shut as the sweet sounds of Billy Joel's New York State of Mind took over the stereo.

Addison came up and placed her arm around Lily's shoulder and they both began to sing drunkenly as Joe laughed at the irony…

" Some folks like to get away, Take a holiday from the neighbourhood"

"She's at a Joe's" Derek said, brining a glass of wine to Meredith who was still wrapped in a blanket on the veranda.

"I think she's with … Addison" Derek said.

Meredith looked up not sure what to say.

"Well… they must be close right" She assumed.

"Ah... No, Addie was always a bit critical of Mush, I guess cause I always looked out for her she thought she got away with things… long story, but then Lily became the loyal little sis when all the stuff with Mark went down".

"Maybe I heard wrong though, it was noisy" Derek tried to reason.

"Would it worry you if she was with Addison?" Meredith wandered.

"No, why should it?" Derek wasn't as sure as he sounded.

"So what now?" Meredith changed the subject, not wanting to discuss Addison tonight.

"What do you mean?" Derek wanted to hear her say the words.

"Where do we go from here?" She looked at him, her heart skipping a beat as it often did when she saw him.

"Meredith" he said sitting next to her again.

"We go forward" And they both smiled at the possibility.

Chapter 28

"Okay kids, let's get this show on the road" Bailey said looking at her five interns.

The interns followed closely behind Bailey as she walked down the hall on rounds.

"So, was it worth it?" Izzie asked Meredith desperate to know how the evening had played out.

"Izzie, please, we're at work" Meredith tried to contain her schoolgirl excitement.

George strained to hear what the girls were saying, causing himself to trip over.

"O'Malley, Get up" Bailey said angrily.

"Nice one George" Alex said overtaking him to enter the room.

"Paul Andrews, in for suspected gall stones, ultrasound has revealed a mass on his Left kidney"
"Likely prognosis?" Bailey asked.

"Cyst or Malignant Tumour" Christina jumped in.

"Course of action"

"Best option, regardless is Kidney removal as progressive renal cancer does not respond well to treatment"

"Who wants it… good Karev" Bailey said.

The remaining interns left the room with Bailey, running straight into Preston and Derek.

"Good morning Dr Bailey" Preston said and nodded to the interns as well.

Derek and Meredith looked at each other and smiled, trying not to be too noticeable. Izzie, on the ball as ever elbowed Meredith.

"Seriously" She mouthed cheekily.

"Good Morning Dr Burke, I have O'Malley reserved for your surgery today" Bailey said.

"Has anyone seen the other Dr Shepherd" Dr Bailey dared to ask.

Everone looked around uncomfortably.

"There she is" George said pointing to Addison as she walked down the hall, pulling her hair into a ponytail and straightening her coat.

"Good morning" She said avoiding eye contact with everyone but Bailey.

"Good Morning Dr Shepherd, I checked the board and I saw you had a surgery this morning, Dr. Stevens, Yang and Grey are available" Everyone fell silent.

Derek looked from Meredith to Addison wandering whether Addison would dare.

Addison one hand on her hip, the other rubbing her head.

"Dr. Stevens, you're with me" Addison gave Meredith a sly smile.

"Excuse me" Addison said, desperately needing coffee to cure her hangover.

"Don't let us keep you?" Derek said sarcastically.

Addison stopped to shoot back a comment, then thought better of it.

Lily was helping the guys set up the camera for the sit down with Addison.

"You don't have to do that," Jim said.

"I like to help" Lily said. Suddenly the walls and floor began to swim, and she felt herself reach out for Toby to help balance herself.

"Phew… bit too much to drink last night" Lily blushed.

"Sit down" Toby guided her to the seat.

Lily leant forward and put her head on her knees.

"Mush… you feeling okay?" Derek sat down rubbing her back.

"Sure, hungover" She said, her voice muffled.

"Have you been drinking water?" He asked.

She sat up quickly, and blinked here eyes to steady the room again.

"Derek, please, I'm not 15"

"I'm going to ignore that," Derek said.

"So big brother" Lily looked at Derek with a teasing glance.

"You and Meredith"

"Please, Lily, I'm not 15" Derek replied.

"Okay, details later… I've got to get to work" Lily stood up.

"Hey have you read my book yet" Lily wandered.

Derek gave her a look.

"Yeah that's what Meredith and I did last night," They both laughed.

"Okay" Derek started to walk away but stopped and turned around.

"Lily who were you at the bar with last night?" He asked.

Lily knew she should just say it. Why would Derek care? He was the one who asked her to be nice.

"Ummm no-one" She said Derek tilted his head in thought.

"It's just I thought…" He started.

"Lily we need you" Toby called saving her from lying to her brother again, she gave a small wave to Derek and headed toward the camera.

Chapter 29

"It's amazing" Izzie gushed to Lily as they walked to grab some lunch.

"It's like… it's the best book ever.. There I said it" Izzie was referring to Lily's book she had given her to read prior to its launch.

"I'm flattered… But you give me to much credit... What about Huck Fin, To kill a mockingbird, Watership Down… shall I go on" Lily, an avid reader could list any number of fabulous books that made hers pail in comparison.

"No don't… that makes yours the fourth best then" Izzie said counting on her hand.

Lily tried to interrupt again.

"Ah" Izzie indicated with her hand for her to stop speaking.

"I don't want to hear it, it's the fourth best book ever" She smiled.

"Can you print that for my review scrapbook… I can't believe you've finished it, you were on call last night" Lily shook her head in disbelief.

"It was too good," Izzie said.

"I am so excited about your launch tonight" Izzie had a spring in her step.

"Yeah me too" Lily said, wincing as she felt a sharp pain in her temple.

"You okay?" Izzie asked.

"Just a headache" Lily said, rubbing her head again.

"Something in the air… Addison said she had a headache too," Izzie said flippantly.

"She didn't catch it from me" Lily said, sitting at a table she closed her eyes.

"I'll grab you sone water" Izzie got up to get her lunch and grab some pain medication for Lily.

Meredith rubbed her belly as it mad a rumbling sound.

"Food, I need food," She said softly to herself. She had slept late at Derek's and they'd had no time for breakfast.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, Derek pulled her into a small alcove in the hallway, kissing her quickly to stop her from shrieking.

"What are you doing?" She playfully hit him.

"Something I wanted to do for a very long time, every time you past me in the hall, in a room, in the OR, in the elevator, you know how I love you in the elevator" He said kissing her again.

"I've gotta eat" She said, her tummy rumbling again.

"Who needs food, when you've got love" Derek said, fiddling at her belt.

"No, No, Derek, not here".

"No not here, the storage cupboard up the hall" He said stepping out from the alcove he sauntered up the hall, looking around to make sure the coast was clear he stepped in.

Meredith laughed to herself. Buts she was hungry. She started to walk off, then back tracking she joined him in the small, dark cupboard.

Chapter 30

"That's it" Lily said wrapping up her first interview with Addison.

"I just have to shoot over shoulders, then I'm interviewing The Ramsey's about Lucy"

"That was relatively painless" Addison smiled.

"Did you go easy on me" She said.

"I never go easy" Lily laughed

"Hows your head?"

"I've had better days… but I'm fine now… you?" Addison asked.

"I was lousy this morning – even vomited… but seem to be coming good" Lily said.

"I feel like I'm in college again, I've had a few good hangovers of late"

"Good hangovers… now there's an oxymoron" Addison said getting up from the chair.

"I think Good Hangovers make you appreciate feeling 100, you know like the first day after you've had the flu, you feel like you can take on the world," Lily said thoughtfully.

"At least I do, I felt that way after the tumour, I was going to take on the world"

Addison smiled at Lily.

"Then I went and screwed it up" She said referring to her addiction.

"But you got through that too… some people don't get second, second chances" Addison said.

"Yeah I think I may have filled my second chance quota" Lily replied.

"Better get these response shots done"

"I'll see you tonight" Addison said turning away. Lily was surprised.

"Tonight?" She asked.

"At your launch… you asked me last night… you still want me to come don't you?" Lily's heart was racing, in her drunken state the night before she had obviously asked Addison to attend her book launch. But she had seen Derek after lunch and he had told her he was taking Meredith.

"Ummm" Lily tried to stall.

"Lily?"

"Well, I'm just concerned?" Lily said.

"If you're worried about me seeing Derek, I promise it won't be a problem, I wouldn't dare take away from your night" Addison said.

"Not exactly… it's just, it's just that Izzie is taking Meredith" Lily lied.

"Oh" Addison looked surprised now.

"That's fine" It was her turn to lie.

"Okay, well if you're sure?" Lily said uncertainly.

"Yeah, it's fine" Addison turned and walked away in her best effort to look unaffected.

"Do I look alright?" Lily asked Derek standing outside the function centre where the book launch was being held. She was dressed in a deep purple strapless dress, with a short a-line princess skirt.

Derek, standing holding hands with Meredith, looked at his sister; he was filled with such pride.

"You look amazing Mush," He said affectionately.

"You look beautiful," Meredith added.

"Thanks" Lily said. She was so excited. Her publishing company had arranged the whole night as a surprise for her.

"I can't believe you didn't invite Mom and Dad" Derek said.

"I did… but I guess since it's not a medical convention they couldn't make it" Lily shrugged sadly.

"Hold on, Hold on" Jim called getting out of a cab with Toby.

"We gotta film you entering," He said.

"You're kidding" Lily asked.

"Nope, your big news back home, the station wants to run promos" He said setting up his camera, while Toby plugged in the mic.

"We just want you to intro yourself, from the book launch" Toby said.

"Okay… just a sec though" Lily turned to Derek and Meredith, interrupting an embrace.

"I need to tell you something" She said, Derek looked at her with intrigue.

"And I need to say I'm sorry first" She bit her lip.

"I invited Addison," She blurted out.

"You what!" He said amazed.

"Derek" Meredith said running her hand down his chest to calm him.

"I'm sorry, I was drunk, blame it on the Manhattans" Lily threw her arms in the air.

"You were at the bar with Addison last night" Derek said incredulously.

"Why would you lie about that Lily?"

"I was worried how you would react… with good reason obviously," Lily said.

"I just can't believe you two are friends now, the other day you said she was evil, what happened to her being evil?" Derek said confused.

"It's fine" Meredith tried to calm them both down.

"We'll keep our distance, that's all"

"Why? Why should we keep our distance?" Derek said stubbornly.

"Because it's the right thing to do. It's not about us Derek, tonight is for your sister" She smiled at Lily.

"Thankyou Meredith" Lily said relieved not wanting to ruin the launch worrying about other peoples feelings.

Lily reached out to grab the microphone from Toby, and it slipped through her fingers, falling to the ground.

"Sorry" Toby said, removing his headphones.

"My fault" She replied, smiling awkwardly. She looked to see if Derek had noticed, but he was distracted, talking to Meredith about Addison.

"Go inside you two, enjoy some time" Lily said before turning to the camera to film her introduction.

Chapter 31

"… I'm Lily Maloney, thanks for watching" Lily smiled at the camera; she placed the mic down and smiled at Izzie and George who had been watching quietly.

"Hi" She said.

"I am so excited, I don't get to dress up much these days" Izzie gushed, stunning in a floor length black gown.

"Was it okay to bring George?" Izzie motioned to George standing in a dark grey suit; he raised his hand to wave lamely.

"It was more than okay" Lily smiled flirtatiously at George.

"See George I told you it'd be okay"

"So, they're going to film me walking, wanna join me?" Lily asked.

"Oh my god yes" Izzie said linking arms with Lily.

"C'mon George".

The three walked in.

Lily looked around at the decorated room. She raised her hand to her chest, breathing deeply. She let go of Izzie's arm and turned 360 degrees, admiring the room. In every corner of the room there were White Lilies and candles.

At the front of the room there was a stand with an oversized picture of Lily holding white Lilies from the books cover.

She closed her eyes to contain her emotion.

"Seriously" Izzie said as Lily opened her eyes.

"Our guest of honour Lifeline co-host and future New York Times Best Selling author, Lily Maloney" The MC, boomed over the P.A. system as the 100 or so invited guests and press applauded.

Izzie sat next to Meredith and handed her a glass of Champagne.

"What are you doing here, when McDreamy's over there?" She asked.

"We're expecting a visit from the Wicked Witch so we're keeping our distance" Meredith replied looking across the room at Derek as he stood talking to Lily and a guest.

He looked over the mans shoulder and caught Meredith eye. They smiled and for a moment the room disappeared.

"Lily is so into George" Izzie leant over almost whispering, like sharing a secret.

"Really, did she say that" Meredith asked.

"Or are you just playing cupid, because you know Lily's only here for a month or so" Meredith was concerned that George would end up broken hearted.

"So, George could do with a fling" Izzie knew that George was still hung up on Meredith. She felt Lily was just what he needed.

"Izzie, I know you mean well" Meredith turned to look at Izzie directly.

"But George is like a cute little puppy" Izzie looked up to see George standing close enough to hear Meredith, she went to stop her.

"You really shouldn't take him home unless you plan on keeping him" She said, finally noticing Izzies look she followed her gaze to see George standing nodding his head in anger. He walked off.

"George, George" Meredith stood up.

"Meredith leave him be"

"I just meant" She tried to defend herself.

"I know what you meant… what he heard was bluh bluh bluh George is a puppy, bluh, bluh, blh, he's not a keeper" Izzie sipped her drink, looking over to the door she saw Addison enter.

"Oh your night just gets better by the second" She said as Meredith saw Addison too.

Chapter 32

Addison looked around the room until she locked eyes with Derek. There was no emotion, no softening. His eyes were cold. Addison looked at the ground trying to gain the extra courage she needed to go in. Determined to find the strength she looked up again. Derek's face had softened but he was no longer looking at her.

Addison followed his gaze across the room to Meredith. Suddenly her stomach felt like it dropped and she took a shallow breath of air.

Of course, she thought.

Behind Derek she saw Lily smiling at her. Addison walked towards them both.

"Addie, your just in time" Lily said kindly.

"Time?" Addie replied meekly, she looked uncomfortably at Derek to see if her would acknowledge him. He didn't.

"I'm about to do a reading – then a signing… want my autograph?" Lily said joking to try to cut the tension.

"Excuse me?" Derek said rudely.

"Derek" Addison and Lily said in unison. He ignored them both, crossing the room and sitting next to Meredith.

Addison didn't watch, the image of the two sitting side by side would break her heart.

"Guess he didn't like the company… and I thought this would be friendly" Addison wanted to apologise.

"Give it time Addie" Lily said.

Lily stared out at the audience as she read excerpts from her book. Catching Derek's eye's she half smiled as she began to read again.

"… And so he wouldn't need to place white Lilies on my coffin, just as I had done when I was15 in a hospital bed following my operation, I promised my brother that I wanted to live.

That night he held me as my body convulsed with pain and fever from the withdrawal, and I thanked God for family. The ones who will be there when everyone else shuts you out".

Lily closed the book.

"Thankyou for being here this evening, it means more than you can know. I'll be signing copies now. And I hope you all have a lovely night." She looked out at the crowd as they clapped.

RJ, her publicist from the publishing company guided her towards the signing area, where Izzie was the first in line.

"Can you sign it, To Izzie?" She giggled.

"Of course" Lily scribbled a message. Taking the book Izzie looked down at what she had written.

To Izzie,

Thanks for the reviews; I'm already certain we'll be friends forever, Lily.

"Mush we're leaving now, I'm staying at Meredith's, I'll see you at home tomorrow after your signing at the bookstore" Derek said, coming up next to Izzie and handing over two books to be signed.

Lily wrote messages on them both.

Meredith,

Take care of him, Lily x

And to Derek she wrote.

Big Brother,

My constant protector, thanks for allowing me to free-fall.

Read the book! Mush xx

As they walked away Lily began to sign the waiting guests book.

The last person waiting to have her book signed was Addison.

"I read the last page while I waited," Addison said placing the book down in front of Lily.

"You're not supposed to do that" Lily opened the book cover to sign it unsure what to write.

"Had to see if it's a happy ending," Addison said sadly. Lily suddenly knew what to write.

Addie,

The only happy endings we get are the ones we make ourselves…

To new beginnings and a few Manhattans, Lily xox

Addison picked up her book, read the message and with teary eyes she smiled at Lily.

Chapter 34

Lily wrapped the shawl around her shoulders and looked at Addison sadly.

"Are sure you won't come in, one Manhattan to help me celebrate my launch" Lily asked.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I have surgery early tomorrow" Addison said genuinely.

"That's what they all say" Lily joked.

"I'd really love too, I could use a drink" Addie smiled.

"It's fine, I understand" Lily leant in and gave Addison a quick hug.

"You'll be fine Addie, he aint all that" She leant back and winked at her.

"You and I both know that's not rue" Addie walked away and Lily felt heavy in the heart.

Walking into Joes she was pleasantly surprised to see George, sitting alone at the bar, his arms folded resting on the bar top, his chin on top of them.

"You're a regular here Miss Lily" Joe said with a southern drawl, placing a Manhattan in front of the seat next to George.

"You left my launch" Lily said.

George looked up at her, slightly twisting his head but not lifting it at all.

"Sorry" he said.

"It's okay" Lily said taking a long drink of her Manhattan.

"So Joe… what do you know?" Lily asked.

"Quiet for a Friday" He said cleaning a glass.

"Did you hear about my book launch?"

"I did, sounded swish"

"It was, you read much?" She asked.

"A bit on slow nights." He nodded.

"Like tonight… I'll drop you a copy if you like" Lily offered.

"That'd be nice," he said as he walked to clean some tables.

Lily sat silently for a moment, taking her last drink.

"So George are you always this quiet?" She began.

"Or is it just me"

"Puppy" he mumbled.

"Did you say something?" He sat up and looked at Lily.

"I did, but it doesn't matter" She signalled to Joe for another drink.

"Do I seem like a puppy to you?" George asked strongly.

"No George" Lily said confused.

"Cause I'm not, I'm not a puppy" He clenched his fist.

"Apparently it doesn't pay to be a nice guy anymore" He said.

"I like nice guys" Lily said but George didn't hear it.

"I'm not a puppy, I'm not a doormat, I get sick of being a doormat" He went on.

"George, George… I have no idea what you're talking about" Lily placed her hand on George's leg; she moved her legs so her knees were touching his.

Leaning in she kissed him hard. She pulled away to look at his stunned face.

"I'm sorry" lily said.

"Don't be" He managed.

"Let me tell you something George, I don't believe in pretending, I'm attracted to you, I have been since the whole spilt drink on your groin incident" She teased.

"What do you think about that George" Lily said as George continued to stare blankly.

After a moment he leant in and kissed her with force.

Chapter 35

The alarm sounded and Meredith let out a small groan pulling the sheet up over her head.

"Wake Up" she placed her hand on Derek's stomach. He made no noise.

"Wake up" She moved her arm to his face.

He groaned.

"Derek, wake up" She said again.

"I'm Up, I'm up" he sat up quickly slightly disorientated.

Meredith sat up and wrapped her arm and around his shoulder.

"Shower?" She asked.

"Aha" He grunted getting out of bed and leading her to the bathroom.

Now dressed, Meredith stood at the mirror brushing her hair. She couldn't help but smile. For months now she'd been slowly piecing herself back together following Derek's return to his wife.

"What are you smiling about?" Derek came up behind you.

"Nothing" she said walking back into the bedroom. She picked up her bag and they headed downstairs. Closing the door, Derek and Meredith were laughing when suddenly Georges door opened, Lily came out wearing her dress from the previous night.
"Lily?" Derek said as Izzie opened her door and came in to the hall.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked, not actually wanting an answer.

"What do you think?" Lily said, looking from Derek to Meredith to Izzie, who gave her the thumbs up. She smiled back.

"Lily" he said giving her a disapproving look.

"What, you want details" She asked.

"No!" He said as Izzie said, "Yes".

Meredith shot her a look.

"What I'm not getting any" She turned and heading down the stairs.

"Later then" She said under her breath.

"Is there a problem" George came out of the room.

"George" Meredith tried to act like she hadn't hurt his feelings the night before.

George ignored her.

Stepping into older brother mode Derek began to stare at George.

"No problem George, why would there be a problem… I'll see you at the hospital" Derek walked off leaving Meredith to smile awkwardly at Lily and George.

"Way to go!" She said uncomfortably and rushed after Derek.

Chapter 36

"… And then McDreamy was all like see you at the hospital" Izzie relayed to Christina coming out of the last room on rounds.

"O'Malley, Dr. Shepherd wants to see you in CT" Bailey said, checking off her list. The interns all shared a look.

"That's it people, what are you waiting for monogrammed invitations, get to it". Bailey turned and led Alex off to the floor.

"George is in trouble" Christina teased, amused at the fearful look on Georges face.

"Christina" Meredith said.

"I don't need you to defend me Meredith" He shot.

"George I was just…"

Before she could finish he turned his back on her.

"Dr. O'Malley I was about to send out a search party" Derek said as he looked at a scan on the computer screen.

"What do you see?" Derek motioned to the screen. George leant on the desk to look.

"A… ah…."

"We don't have all day O'Malley"

George coughed uncomfortably.
"A High-Grade Astrocytoma, The high-grade group is represented by the glioblastoma multiforme and a variant, the gliosarcoma."

"Define high grade" Derek was testing him.

"Mid and high-grade astrocytomas grow more rapidly than low-grade tumours and tend to invade nearby healthy tissue" George said confidently.

"Treatment"

"Depending on the area of the tumour it is operable, with a course of radiation to follow"

"Good" Derek pushed the chair back and stood up.

"You're scrubbing in" Derek noticed Georges face.

"Is that a problem?"

"Ah no Dr. Shepherd…. But" George had no idea what he was going to say.

"Yes" Derek said.

"Well, this operation it's a long one, so I feel I should maybe clear the air"

"Nothing to clear" Derek walked passed him.

"Well forgive me Dr. Shepherd but you seem a little…" Derek turned around quickly.

"What, I seem a little… weird, forgive me, I mean I just learnt that your screwing my little sister, tends to turn me into a protective big brother" Derek said.

"But she's like 30" George replied. Derek looked at him. He wasn't sure why he cared, if he were truthful he would realise that he was bothered more with Lily about her resurrected friendship with Addison. And he didn't even know why that bothered him?

"I'm still her elder brother… I'm just concerned" Derek said.

"Well don't be… I don't have a wife waiting in the wings that I've kept secret" George shot back before he had a chance to process the words.

"You're outline Dr. O'Malley" Derek inched in closer.

"I apologise" George said a little insincerely.

Derek looked over his shoulder to see Lily standing several meters away. She had her hand on her hip and was looking at Derek unimpressed.

Chapter 37

"I'll see you in OR" Derek said and George walked off without seeing Lily approaching.

"What is your problem?" She said angrily when she reached Derek.

"Newsflash Derek I am a big girl, I have sex"

"Details I don't need Lily" Derek said.

"Well don't be hassling me out" She shot back quickly.

"I can't do this now"

"Yes you can… it won't take a moment" Lily pulled him into a nearby lounge.

"It isn't about George at all is it?" Lily asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about Lily?"

"Denials a river Derek, you're pissed at me about Addison" Lily said.

Derek through his head back and scoffed.

"You are ridiculous" He said.

"Please I know you Derek" Lily could see how defensive he was.

"Derek" She repeated.

"Well, It's unbelievable, you get here, you hate her, now suddenly she's your best friend"

"Hardly. I just moved on. Yes I hate what she did to you but I just realised I don't hate her"
"Jesus Lily when did you get so philosophical"

"I've told you read the book" She tried to lighten the mood.

"Its just weird – I loved having you on my side" He said.

"Seriously! Derek I am ALWAYS on your side, but you moved on… you're with Meredith already" Lily tried to reason.

"It's just weird - I guess I still want to punish her…"

"Derek" Lily tried to stop him.

"I thought I was over the cheating but I wanted to punish her and I was pleased that no one was on her side"

"Nice Derek" Addison said from behind.

Still facing Lily he pulled a face.

"You hate me that much?" She asked as he turned to explain.

"Someone should give you a bell for your neck" He tried to joke as she stood looking hurt and disappointed.

Chapter 38

Addison stood stone faced.

"C'mon Addie" Derek said softly.

"I just meant…"

"It's clear what you meant Derek, you're only happy if I'm miserable and alone" Addison's voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

"Addison" Derek was human, he had just admitted his feelings but he still knew how horrible and selfish that was.

"I don't really"

"Please Derek, there's no need to say anything more… you've said it all… I just wander how I've been so wrong about you?" Addison walked away.

"Nice one Derek" Lily pushed past her brother leaving him alone to shake his head.

"It was nice" Lily sat on a bench sharing a quick coffee with Izzie debriefing on her night with George. Without realising she began to rub her head.

"I so knew there was something there… you alright" She asked.

"Headache, stress, you know, the fight with Derek" Lily lied, she had vomited early this morning from the pain of a severe headache.

"You sure that's all" Izzie asked more as a concerned friend than a doctor.

"God I hate hanging around Doctors… you can't stub your toe without them wanting to run labs and scans" She stood up smiling.

"I gotta fly, my book signing is in an hour" Lily looked at her watch.

"Okay, well get some rest" Izzie said with a sympathetic look and she watched Lily walk away.

Meredith stood in the doorway of the scrub room as George scrubbed out of the operation with Derek.

"So George when are you going to forgive me?" She asked.

"George, George" Meredith said, each time she said his name she pleaded more.

He ignored her, sidestepping to leave the room. She sighed heavily, leaning her head against the doorway.

"What's his problem?" Derek came in from the OR.

"Long story." She said.

"I've got time" He smiled.

"I heard you fought with Lily… and Addison" Derek looked at her intrigued how she had heard.

"The walls have ears Derek, the walls have ears" She indicated to the walls jokingly.

"What happened?" She asked wanting to know more about Addison than Lily.

"Long story." He smiled drying his hand.

He walked up to her and stood close.

She took his hand and smiled.

"I've got time"

Chapter 39

Lily signed her last book and put her pen down, She rubbed her hand softly to relieve the tingling feeling.

"Too many copies" RJ, her publicist said as he began to pack up the promotional material.

"Must be" Lily said feeling slightly uneasy.

"Need any help?" She asked considerately.

"Are you kidding? There's not much to do" RJ said as Lily's cell rang, she looked at the screen to see her eldest sister's name. She was a little surprised.

"Hello Audrey" Lily said.

"It makes me very uneasy when you answer like that" Audrey said disapprovingly, Lily signed. Lily's 3 sisters were all great people. They were kind, generous, all were mothers. All were involved in Medicine. Derek was close to them, Lily was not. For some reason, with the exception of Derek, Lily had always felt like an outsider in her family.

"Besides that it's rude Lily, you really should answer properly" Lily rolled her eyes as RJ waved good-bye to her.

"I'm sorry," She said obediently.

"I'm ringing to see how your little venture went last night," Audrey asked.

"My book launch was fabulous" Lily wanted to scream it's not little, but she knew it wouldn't matter.

"Good, Good… and how's Derek?" Bingo the true reason for the call. "The sisters" as Lily referred to them had requested updates when she had left for Seattle. Derek, the only boy and certainly the most successful, was the families pride and joy.

"He hasn't spoken to Mom in a few weeks, and she's awfully concerned about him"
"Why doesn't she call?" Lily wondered.

"Lily" Audrey seemed to be telling her off.

"Look Audrey I'm really not in the mood for this"

"Lily Emerson Shepnerd, don't give me that" Audrey said sounding much more like her mother than her sister. Lily rolled her eyes again.

"Audrey I have to go" She said hanging up before Audrey could say anything else, and before she said something she couldn't take back.

The cell rang again. Lily flipped it open straight away without looking to see who it was.

"Really, just back off" Lily wasn't feeling well and couldn't deal with Audrey right now.

"Lily it's… ah" George stammered.

"Oh god, oh god, George I'm so sorry, I though you were… I thought you were someone else" Lily rushed to reassure her.

"I was hoping to catch up," George said.

"Sure, when?"
"Tonight, at Joes, around 8.30" He was smiling as he spoke.

"I would love that, see you then" She said hanging up, and she too was now smiling.

Addison was looking at a chart trying hard to concentrate.

"How's my superstar" Richard Webbers voice boomed from behind.

"Richard, I thought you weren't back till Monday" She smiled, relieved to see a friendly face.

"Here's a funny story, Adele came down with the flu. How's that for irony? Finally gets me to take the time off and she's too sick to travel" He tried to contain his amusement.

"That's not ironic Richard, just bad luck… poor Adele" Addie said concerned.
"She's fine Addie… more annoyed at her misfortune than anything" He said sitting on a nearby couch.

"So, how are you?"

"Richard if you're checking to see that I'm not planning on breaking my contract… I'm not" Addie sat next to him.

"I wasn't, I was checking on you?" He said sympathetically.

Addie looked at her hands trying not to loose composure.

"I'm fine" She looked up at Richard.

"I've learnt some things about myself these past few days… not to mention about other people I thought I knew" Addie said talking about Derek.

Richard reached across and patted her hand in comfort.

"I'm sorry Addie"

"For what?" She asked.

"For your pain" He said and the mentor and his former student sat in quiet understanding.

Chapter 39

"What a day" Christina said closing her locker.

"I assisted Burke in a Closed Mitral Valvotomy, it was freaking excellent" She was obviously on a high.

"He was freaking excellent," She added as she tied her shoelace.

"Meredith and McDreamy are going to Joe's… you wanna come to" Izzie said.

"Can't" She changed legs.

"Meeting Burke… gotta run" She rushed out the door.

Meredith poked her head through the door.

"Are you coming to Joe's Izzie?" She asked.

"And be the third wheel? Do I seem that pathetic." She grabbed her bag.

"Izzie, I was just asking" Meredith hadn't meant anything by it.

"I know… no I think I'll go home and bake" She said, and the two walked out together.

Lily walked into Joe's and sat at the desk. There was another bartender behind the bar.

"Is Joe not working tonight?" She asked.

"Night off" He responded.

"What'll it be?"

"A Manhattan… and a glass of water please" Lily wanted to wash down some painkillers first.

"Can I leave this for Joe?" She said pushing her book across the bar.

"I'll see that he gets it" The bartender picked it up and placed it in a cupboard before placing Lily's drinks in front of her.

As she ran her hand through her hair her skin tingled.

"Lily" Derek startled her.

"Addison's not with you is she?" He asked.

Lily looked around.

"Not unless she's in my bag, hold on I'll check?" Lily picked up her bag and looked in.

"Nope, not in there… Hi Meredith" She quickly scooped the pills off the counter and in to her bag, and Meredith waved to her.

"Very funny" He aid sitting next to her.

"I thought so" She took a drink of her Manhattan.

"You should call Mum" Lily said.

"Why?" He asked.

"So Audrey won't call me," She said.

"She called?"

"The sisters are worried" Lily said seriously.

"Who's Audrey?" Meredith asked.

"My eldest sister" Derek replied.

"She's not as scary as Lily would have you believe," he added.

Lily just laughed. It was easy to see the good in someone when they weren't constantly judging you.

"Anyway, I'm meeting George so to avoid a confrontation I might go sit over there" Lily said pointing to he chair. As she stood she lost balance in her legs and fell to the floor. Derek and Meredith both jumped up.

"Lily, Mush… are you okay?" Derek asked concerned.

Lily angrily swatted his hand away.

"I tripped" She lied.

Derek looked at her disbelievingly.

"What! I tripped. Get over it" She stood up, wiped herself off and waled away.

"She didn't seem to trip," Meredith said.

"I know" Derek managed as he began to wander what his sister was hiding.

Chapter 40

George sat trying to avoid looking at Meredith and Derek while he waited for Lily to come back from the bathroom.

Occasionally he would glance out of the corner of his eye and despite being there with Lily he would feel sad when he saw them laugh, or he saw 'him' touch her.

What made him so Dreamy anyway?

"Hey" Lily sat back down.

"If your uncomfortable being here with Derek over there we can go" She said placing a hand of reassurance on his.

"Dr Sheppard is not a problem," George said.

"George, you gotta call him Derek, you're not at the hospital right now?" Lily smiled.

I don't want to, George thought but instead he nodded.

"You feeling better?" He asked. Lily had told him she felt unwell and excused herself to the bathroom to take her pain medication.

"I am… so tell me about yourself George, lets do the thing?" Lily said.

"The thing?"

"Yeah the thing were we make small talk about each other, I'll start" Lily began to tell George about herself, about her family and how she had started to study medicine just like her 4 siblings before her. She noticed that George wasn't listening.

"Then I ran off and became a groupie for Bon Jovi" She said to test him. He said nothing.

"George?" She said.

"What"

"Are you okay?" Meredith let out a loud laugh and George's body tensed.

"I mean what makes him so perfect… anyone can be a brain surgeon these days… and she said I was a puppy" His pent up anger bubbled over and he was unable to stop his words.

"She called you a puppy, Meredith called you a puppy?" Lily tried to make sense of his words.

"He had a wife, and he didn't tell her, what an ass…"
"George that's my brother" Lily was working it out.

"I'm sorry, but it's true, apparently you have to treat woman like dirt to get anywhere these days… What?" George asked as Lily began to nod her head.

"You're in love with Meredith," She said sadly.

"No!" George said.

"You're in love with her… I totally missed that one" Lily looked over to where her brother sat with Meredith.

"Look, you don't owe me anything… one night of great sex doesn't get me into your heart… I get that, and I expect that… in fact you'd seem a little Norman Bates if it did" Lily smiled.

"But you see those two?" She motioned with her head to Derek and Meredith.

"That's the shazam"

"Shazam?" George asked confused.

"Oh George please tell me you've had the shazam before, that great feeling when you connect… really connect" She leant in to whisper.

"When someone gets under your skin and just looking at them makes you… shazam" Lily smiled as if she was experiencing it right then and there.

"If you're lucky, really lucky, that shazam becomes the real deal… I can't say for sure if they're the real deal… I know for now they're certainly under each others skin… but if you want to wait… and miss out on the shazam… then be my guest… but I won't be keeping you company" Lily stood up, dropped some crumpled bills on the table, leant over and kissed George on the cheek then walked out of Joes before he could say a word to stop her.

Chapter 41

Lily sat on a rug in front of Derek's trailer enjoying the quiet. It was Sunday morning and Derek had not been home the night before.

Lily had hoped George would have called after she had left him alone at Joe's.

The quiet was giving her a chance to process her health. She certainly hadn't been feeling right and felt she could no longer equate it with the excessive volumes of alcohol she had consumed of late.

But she was fearful, now when her life was going well, her book was about to hit the stand, her career was thriving… could it be about to all crash in again.

She picked up her cell, and searched her phone book for the only person she could call right now.

"Hello" Addison answered.

"Addie, it's Lily, I need to see you… today at the hospital" She said.

"For work?" Addison asked.

"No… but it's important" she said turning at the sound of Derek's car pulling up.

"I can't talk about it now, but it is important" Lily rushed to finish the conversation as Derek got out of the car and began to walk towards her.

"How about 3?" She said.

"See you then" Lily hung up just as Derek reached her.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Gee your nosy?" She teased.

"Ah it was my publicist about some stuff for the book, I'm actually flying home for a couple of days this week" Lily covered her tracks.

"Oh! So where did you get to last night? Did you and George have a fight"?

"Why would you think that?" She asked casually.

"Well you left… and he was still there, he looked pretty… miserable" Derek sat down next to her.

"No fight… just some… realisations… it's all good," Lily said mysteriously. She had no intention of telling Derek about George being in love with Meredith, even though he had probably worked it out himself.

"This place is beautiful Derek" Lily said looking around at his property.

"Thanks" He said.

"I love it here" He added.

"Do you miss New York?"
He shrugged. There were parts of New York he knew he missed… but somehow he just knew it wasn't home anymore.

"Where's Meredith?" Lily asked when he didn't answer.

"The hospital… good chance for us to hang out"

"It's always great to be second choice"

"C'mon Mush, that's not what I meant" Derek said.

"I was joking D, lighten up… anyway I have to be somewhere this afternoon" She sipped some water.

"Well until then" Derek looked at her and smiled.

"Mush, would you tell me if something was wrong?" He asked referring to the night before and his underlying sense that something was not right.

"Don't I always?" She looked down at him, buying herself some time. There was no sense stressing him out when there was nothing to worry about just yet she justified.

"Good" He replied and for a while the two siblings sat and enjoyed each other's company just as they had done many times before.

Chapter 42

Lily handed Addison a form.

"It's all just basic stuff, but the network needs it for my insurance" Lily smiled.

"They said I could get my own Doctor, and I know it's way out of your area, it's basic medical stuff, but I thought you might do me a favour.

Addie looked at the short medical forms in her hand.

"I can do that, let's go in here" Addie guided her into a small exam room just near the NICU.

"So you're my doctor" Lily said as Addison attached a BP monitor to her hand.

"I am" Addison smiled at the formality.

"Good, Good"

""Your BP's a little high Lily, not too bad though," Addison wrote the number on the form.

"On the scales over there" Addison indicated to the scales, which Lily stood on.

Addison went through the form and performed all the checks, recording all the details.

"Okay medial history, you've only ever had the one major problem haven't you?" Addison asked. She was aware of the Brain tumour Lily had had despite being before she had known her.

"Ummm about that…" Lily figured this was her time.

Addison immediately looked up.

"Yes" She said.

"Well I've had a lot of head aches lately… and some neck pain" She started to fill Addie in knowing now as her Doctor she would not be able to go to Derek.

"Lily, why didn't you mention this?" Addison asked.

"I am… now"

"What else? Any other possible symptoms?" Addison made some notes.

"I've vomited most mornings this week, I thought it was the alcohol... but it's not".

"Plus I've been disoriented a few times…" She drifted off.

"Lily, this isn't fair. You planned this didn't you? So I wouldn't… couldn't tell Derek?" Addison said.

"He'ds a neurosurgeon, this is his field… not to mention the small fact that you're his sister… Do you know what he'll think of me when he find out?"

Lily looked at Addison incredulously.

"You're kidding me… I'm here with the possibility of a reoccurrence in my tumour and you think I've orchestrated this to keep you and Derek apart?" Lily was angry.

"That's not what I meant." Addie retreated.

"Addison, I don't want Derek to know until there's something to know, it's that simple. He can't treat me anyway… And I came to you because I trust you, and even though this isn't your field, I believed that you would point me in the right direction… I'm sorry I troubled you" Lily stood up and left the exam room.

Chapter 43

"How's it all going?" Lily was walking the halls of Seattle Grace with Richard Webber early on Monday morning.

"Great, Addison looks great on camera" Lily acknowledged a little distracted.

"Ah, I'd like you to meet someone" He said walking up to Preston Burke.

"Lily Maloney, this is Dr Preston Burke, our chief cardiothoracic surgeon" Preston shook Lily's hand.

"Miss Maloney, pleasure to meet you, I'm an avid viewer of Lifeline"

"I'm flattered" Lily smiled.

"Lily is also Derek's younger sister" Richard added and Preston nodded knowingly secretly processing the fact that Lily could promote Sheppard's work and give him a leg up in the race for Chief.

"I have some cases you might be interested in" Preston said.
"Preston Lily is focusing on Addison and obstetrics" Richard said leading her away, Lily smiled apologetically.

"Fill me in?" Derek stood with Meredith discussing a case.

"Betty Aitkin has a right hemiparesis, poor naming and repetition. She could not read or follow simple auditory commands and her writing is incomprehensible… most likely Aphasia due to stroke" Meredith reeled off.

"I agree" Derek wrote some notes on the chart.

"How'd you go yesterday?" Meredith asked.

"I missed you" Derek looked up from the charter and gave Meredith a smouldering smile.

"Did you talk to Lily about your concerns" She asked.

"A little" He said. But he certainly didn't feel any closer to the truth.

They started to walk, running into Lily with her crew as she was filming a stand up.

"All good Lily, as always" Toby said unplugging her mic.

"Head up to NICU - Addison will fill us in on the FTT Baby" Lily said walking over to Meredith and Derek.

"Hi" She smiled.

"Derek I had three messages from the sisters since yesterday… you gotta call if only just to save me an earbashing" She said in jest.

"I gotta fly" She rushed off.

"Why don't you call your family?" Meredith asked.

"I'm not ready to deal with the questions?" He replied.

"I thought you said they're not scary"

"They're not… but sometimes they get a little too involved… They'd most likely be on the first plane out here to see me… and meet you… Do you want that?"

"Not just yet" She smiled at the thought.

"I thought so" He leant in and quickly kissed her, looking around to ensure no one was watching.

Chapter 44

Addison watched as lily and her crew set up. She had thought long and hard about what she would do about Lily. She was completely stuck. If she told Derek she would be breaking her oath as a doctor, but if she kept her secret and Derek were to discover that she knew then he would never forgive her.

She took a deep breath and walked over to Lily.

"I need to talk to you"

"I'm too busy' Lily was still angry with her.

"Lily, Please" Addison said but Lily continued to work.

"Lily, I'm going to help you" Lily looked up immediately, her eyes filled with a mix of relief and thanks.

"Thank you" she mouthed.

"So, I've arranged for you to have some tests over at Memorial with a Dr. Keith Kramer" Addison and Lily had moved into the lounge area.

"Is he good?" Lily asked.

"Second best in the city" Addison said.

"I know you think I should tell Derek, I get that, but I want to know what I'm dealing with first, I need to be strong enough to tell him Addie, he has saved me too many times… I need to save myself first" Lily tried not to let her emotions overcome her as she spoke. Addison reached across and grabbed her hand.

"I get that," She said trying to be supportive.

"He could help you"

"I'm still hoping there'll be nothing to help me with" Lily looked up at Addison and tried to look confident.

At that moment Derek came around the corner. He looked at the two of them, both looking sombre.

"What's this all about?" Derek asked startling both women.

"And you think I need a bell Derek" Addison immediately letting go off Lily's hand.

Chapter 45

"What's going on, why do I feel like I've interrupted something?" Derek ignored Addison and looked at Lily.

"Don't be ridiculous D" Lily said uncomfortably.

Derek just looked at her.

"As much as you'd hate it Derek, Lily and I do have other people and things to talk about" Addison tried to cover.

"Hmmmm" Derek said, before walking away.

"Thanks" Lily said.

"I don't like it Lily…. Anyway, the appointment is Thursday…"
"I already told Derek I'd be out of town a few days, so if he asks…"
"I know, I lie" Addison said unhappily and Lily tried to smile.

"We should get this done." Lily was referring to the shoot.

"I'm waiting for O'Malley"
"George?"
"Yes. He asked to be put on the FTT case" Addison said.

"And here he is" George approached and tried to smile at Lily. He hadn't had a chance to see her since Saturday night.

"I'll set up" Lily walked over to Jim and Toby ignoring George.

"O'Malley, here's the chart, what do you know about FTT"? Addison quizzed.

"Failure to thrive (FTT) is a common condition of varying etiologies that has been associated with adverse effects on later growth and cognitive development."

"Good, why is it a concern in infancy" Addison asked

"Failure to thrive in early infancy sometimes results in death" George said while looking back and forth at Lily.

"How do we treat it?"

"Treatment of failure to thrive requires discovering and treating its underlying cause(s). In the interim, IV feeding is required in some cases, while in others supplemental high-calorie feedings can help"

Addison was impressed.

"Well done O'Malley, our FTT baby is Joshua" She began to walk, with the cameraman following.

"He was found abandoned and was placed in care… his foster parents bought him in when they realised something was wrong" Addison lead George and the crew to a small crib in the Nursery.

"A specific type of failure to thrive is sometimes seen in abandoned infants who seem to "give up" and become listless and unwilling to feed" Addison added for Lily's notes.

"He is precious" Lily walked to the crib and looked at the small baby laying in it.

"Would you like to hold him?" Addison asked picking him up. Lily looked frightened and unsure for a moment.

"You can't hurt him?" Addison said placing him in her arms.

"In fact FTT babies are often treated with frequent holding, it's like feeding their emotional needs" Addison smiled at Lily.

"Monitor his IV" She said to George and tried to write some notes on the chart.

Addison looked over at Lily holding Joshua. For a moment, her mind flew to Adam; she shook her head as if to rid herself of the thoughts. She had learnt not to be emotional at work. But she looked at Lily, who stood with tears welling in her eyes.

She caressed the tiny babies hands.

"How old is he?" Lily asked.

"About a month?" Addison replied.

"Hey baby… I'm Lily" Lily spoke softly to Joshua her emotions finally spilling over, she began to cry.

She placed the baby down again.

"Excuse Me," She said leaving the Nursery.

Jim turned off the camera, Addison looked at George.

"Why don't you check on her, Dr. O'Malley?" She said quietly and George quickly followed in Lily's direction.

"I just need a moment George" Lily looked up as George entered the waiting Lounge.

"I'm usually pretty good with my emotions… but babies…." She started to sob again.

"It's okay, I struggle everyday I'm here with something… someone" George put his hand on her shoulder.

The two sat quietly for a moment, George allowing her to regain her composure.

"I wanted to see you today" He broke the silence.

"You did?" Lily replied.

"I've been thinking…" He continued and Lily looked at him.

"I've been thinking it'd be good to try the shazam" The two sat smiling for a moment, before George leant in and kissed her…. And he definitely felt the shazam.

Chapter 46

"What are you working on" Christina asked throwing her fork down on the plate.

"An appendectomy this afternoon with Bailey" Izzie said.

"Boring" Christina, replied at the routine procedure.

"George is on an FTT baby case"

"FTT, that's like babysitting" Christina rolled her eyes.

"I think the baby has an umbilical hernia that may need be removed laparoscopicly," Izzie stated waving Lily over.

"Hi" Lily sat down with a coffee.

Christina just nodded.

"I heard you worked things out with George" Izzie said playfully.

Lily simply smiled in response.

"So you must have seen some cool things, tell me about the cool operations and things?" Christina turned to Lily.

"Forgive her Lily, things have been slow around here" Izzie finished her sandwich.

"Careful what you wish for" Lily said.

"Oh I should be so lucky" Christina said as her beeper went off and she looked at with anticipation.

"The Pit!" She muttered leaving the table.

"Is she always like that?" Lily asked.

"Can't get enough of it" Izzie smiled.

"We're all the same really, she's just more apparent about it"

"Hey guys" Meredith sat down with her lunch.

"I'm starving," She said as she joined the two to eat.

"You're covering the FTT case, right" Meredith asked Lily.

"Amongst others" She answered. Meredith wandered whether Lily liked her.

"We should do coffee some time" She said without really thinking.

"Sure, I'd like that" Lily gave her a friendly smile and Meredith was slightly relieved.

""Izzie read me your dedication from the book… you and Derek seem very close" She continued to try and make conversation.

"He's a great brother" Lily said as she flicked through her pocket PC checking her messages.

"We've been through a lot… well I've been through a lot and he's lived vicariously through me" She joked.

"Izzie says your book is great" Meredith added, Lily smiled a thanks at Izzie.

"It is great Mer, you've got to read it, heaps on McDreamy…. I almost fell in love with him" Izzie teased, and Lily laughed again at her brother being referred to as McDreamy.

"I will, I will read it… " She said.

"Maybe you can convince that boyfriend of yours to read it too" Lily said as she got up.

"I'll see you guys later, I have some phone calls to make" Lily walked away.

"She is so great" Izzie said as the two watched Lily walk away.

Chapter 47

"They had an anonymous phone call about Joshua" Addison said. She had just finished another sit down with Lily.

"From the mother?" Lily was very interested. It broke her heart to think of Joshua and his situation.

Addison shook her head.

"Someone who says they know the mother, apparently she's a junkie… but Joshua screens came back clean, so I'm thinking she was clean for a time… anyway we have to focus on what we do know for now" Addison said as George came in.

"Excuse me" Addison said leaving the two alone.

"Can you do dinner tonight?" George asked.

"Love to… I just have to finish this weeks intros then I'm done"

"Perfect I finish in an hour" George said.

Lily turned to start her intros as George walked away.

"Quiet night?" Meredith joined Derek who was sitting in the waiting room downstairs.

"That'd be great" Derek was exhausted.

He stood up and placed his arm lightly on her lower back as they walked to the door. Addison and Bailey were coming in the opposite direction. Addison stopped suddenly before Derek and Meredith could see her.

Bailey looked from them to Addison.

"You okay?" She asked with genuine compassion.

Addison took a deep breath.

"It had to happen," She said.

" Sometimes you can't fight it" She forced a smile.

"Doesn't make it less painful" Bailey said.

"No it doesn't… good night Miranda" Addison sucked in her resolve and put on her brave face.

"No one would blame you for showing your emotion" Bailey said seriously and Addison looked at her.

"Thanks" Addie replied.

"But I'd rather keep it together".

"I Know… good night Addison" Miranda said as they parted ways.

Chapter 48

Addison sat at the bar at Joe's alone. She sipped at her Manhattan and flashed back to seeing Derek with Meredith. His arm on her lower back as he had done to her so many times before. She wanted to leave Seattle then and there.

"Your big debut tomorrow night, Dr. Sheppard" Joe said recognising she seemed a little sad.

"What?" She asked distracted.

"I'm sorry Joe, what did you say?"

"The TV. Tomorrow, that's the night your on, right?" Joe repeated, pouring Addison another drink.

"Yep. Tomorrow night" Addison said with no enthusiasm.

"We should have a viewing celebration, here at the bar" Joe offered, and Addison looked up at his smiling face. So friendly and non judgemental.

"Maybe" She said. Not sure who exactly would want to come.

"We can run it past Lily now" Joe nodded towards the door and Addison turned to see Lily and George entering, laughing and holding hands.

It reminded her how lonely she was.

Lily waved to her, pulling George over.

"Drinking alone is the first sign of a problem," Lily teased.

"I needed to wash away the day" Addison replied, and Lily looked intrigued.

"I saw Derek and Meredith leaving the hospital together" Addison gulped down her last swallow of drink.

"Oh" Lily said sharing a look with George.

"Lily, I was just suggesting to Dr, Sheppard…"
"Addison"

"I was just suggesting to Addison that we have a viewing party for Lifeline tomorrow, here at the bar" Joe said.

"You know what… that's a great idea" Lily agreed.

"We could make it a theme… New York… invite anyone from the hospital who can come on short notice" Lily loved the idea; it was just what Addie needed.

Lily's cell rang.

"Lily Maloney" She said.

"Darling" RJ said.

"I have you booked on Good Morning America tomorrow morning," Her publicist said.

"Really?"

"Sweetie the buzz around White Lilies is huge" RJ gushed.

"… And they want you on The View… preferably in studio but they'll do Satellite if you can't get out of Seattle"

"It'll have to be Satellite, Jim can hook us up" Lily said.

"I'll send you the memo" RJ replied.

"Ok darling, I'll be in touch" RJ hung up the phone.

"I'm going on Good Morning America… tomorrow… and The View, for the book" Lily said excitedly.

"That's great" George gave her a congratulatory kiss.

"Congratulations Lily" Addison stood up and threw a fistful of crumpled bills on the bar.

"I'll see you all" She walked out sadly.

Lily decided not to follow her. She needed space.

"Manhattans all round" Lily said.

"Manhattans?" George said surprised.

"That's a bit girlie"

"Don't fight it George… you're dating a New York girl" Lily tossed her long dark hair back proactively and George turned to Joe.

"You heard the girl… Manhattans all round"

"Derek" Meredith was lying next to Derek in her bed.

"Hmmmm" He moaned half asleep.

"What made you go back to Addison?" Meredith asked the question she'd wanted to ask since they had gotten back together. She'd been afraid of the answer.

Derek sat up surprised.

"Meredith" He said.

"Please… I want to know"
"Meredith, I'm with you now, isn't that what matters" Derek rubbed at his eyes.

"I need to know," She said softly.

"I want to understand… I mean you obviously loved her… do you love her still?"
"Where is this coming from?" Derek was confused and he reached for her hand.

"I just want to understand, there are so many things I don't know…" Meredith wasn't sure where her anxiety was coming from.

"Okay" Derek leant over and turned on the light.

"No, I don't love her now, not like that at all, I went back to Addison because she was my wife…. And because I owed her that Chance" He moved towards Meredith and placed his arm around her, pulling her into his chest.

"I abandoned her once, when she had needed my support… I guess it was my way of relieving that guilt," He was thinking about Adam, and the time after his death when he had thrown himself into his career to dull the pain.

"We had a son," Derek said quietly and Meredith sat forward shocked.

"You had a son," She repeated.

"Yes… Adam…. He would have been seven" Derek swallowed hard and Meredith looked at him sadly.

"He drowned when he was two…." Derek paused remembering that day.

He had been so busy at work all week. Addison, who was only working part time at the hospital at that stage, had begged him to spend some time with them. She had wanted to go away somewhere. Some place with a lake… and boats, because Adam was in a boat stage. "Big ones, little ones, he loved all boats" Derek told Meredith.

"Derek" Meredith ran her hand down his chest sadly.

"I'm sorry" She smiled lovingly at him.

"After he died I let Addie down… I didn't support her… we both got through it alone…" He said sorrowfully.

"I guess I felt I owed her"

"Shhhh, I'm sorry" Meredith leant back into hug him.

"No I should have told you about him… I need to talk about him, if I don't it's like he never existed… and he did, he was so beautiful" Derek smiled at the memory of his angelic features.

They sat quietly for a few minutes. Derek remembering Adam, and Meredith wandering what he looked like.

"Why didn't you have more children?" Meredith asked.

"We just never wanted too… Adam was always going to be our only child" Derek replied.

There was silence again.

"Meredith… I love you, you believe that don't you?" Derek said.

"I do" She replied.

"That's important… because I have a history with Addie and sometimes I know you'll wander, you're human… but I do, more than I can possibly say" He leant in and kissed her.

"I don't think your sister likes me" Meredith pulled away.

"Lily?" Derek said.

"Why?"

"I've seen her with Addie"

"This is what I'm talking about… there's a history. She's been Addie's friend for a long time…. You just need to spend some time together, she'll love you, because I love you" He smiled at her, pulling her in and kissing her passionately again.

Chapter 49

Izzie stood in a patient's room watching the TV as Lily finished her interview on Good Morning America.

"Mom bought her book in yesterday for me" Amanda, the patient said indicating to the copy of "White Lilies" on the nightstand beside her hospital bed.

"It's great" Izzie said checking Amanda's pulse as Derek moved in.

"Good Morning Amanda, still travelling well" He smiled at her. Amanda was post op for a benign tumour on her lower spine.

"I feel great Dr. Shepherd… Dr Stevens just told me something about you" Derek looked up surprised, first at Amanda then at Izzie.

"Sounds ominous" Derek said.

"She just told me Lily Maloney is your sister, is that true?" The young girl asked.

"Yes it is" Derek looked at the chart Izzie had passed him.

"I'm reading her book you see, and I'd love to be a writer or reporter like her" Derek looked at Amanda who was excited about his sister.

"She's here at the moment you know," he said.

"I know, she was just on Good morning America" Amanda said excitedly.

"Lily was on GMA?" Derek looked at Izzie who nodded.

"She didn't tell me?"
"And Dr. Stevens said she's having some party tonight at the bar across the road"

"Oh" Derek didn't know that either.

"Right, well Amanda all is good you should be able to go home tomorrow" He said.

"Do you think I could meet your sister Dr. Shepherd" Amanda asked.

"Ahhh sure, I'm sure she'd love to meet you" He replied walking out to find her.

"So I have tomorrow off… can you get off too, I want to take you out for the whole day, show you Seattle" George and Lily stood in a corner quietly.

"I should be able to do that" Lily smiled. She looked at him, he was so cute. She wanted to tell him what was going on but it was too much, too soon. How would she tell him that after convincing him to give them a try she was going to be tested for a return of her brain tumour?

She wanted to cry.

"It's going to be great, we'll spend the whole day together" George had many plans.

"Dr. O'Malley Room 413, Dr. O'Malley" A voice boomed over the PA.

"I'd better go" He kissed her cheek.

"Sure" She said wanting to hold him longer, but letting go of his hands.

She watched him get on the elevator and Derek get off. He looked at her seriously, and for a moment Lily feared he had somehow discovered her secret.

"I hear you were on GMA this morning" Derek walked toward his sister.

She nodded.

"I would have loved to have seen it… why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't find you?" She said looking at her watch.

"Am I keeping you?" Derek asked a little annoyed.

"No, it's not like that, what's wrong with you?" Lily looked at Derek displeased with his tone.

"Mush, I would have loved to have seen you on TV… you could have rang and left a message" Derek said. And Lily laughed.

"Left a message… sure, I'm in the same freaking town and you want me to leave a message… no thanks, you're not my father". The only way she ever communicated with her parents was through messages; they rang when they wanted to speak.

"Mush, what is going on with you?" Derek changed his tome.

"Nothing? I'm just saying Derek, It's not my job to track you down… how do I know what you're interested in anymore… you haven't even read my book" Lily was annoyed now.

"I'm busy"

"I know… I've lived with surgeons all my life, I know how earth shatteringly important that is" Her voice cracked as she spewed sarcasm.

"But my book is important… to me…. And you should know that…. You're always with Meredith…"

"You're kidding?" Derek asked in amazement.

"That is so adolescent… you not liking Meredith when you don't know her" Derek said.

"Not liking her… what?" Lily was sick of this conversation already.

"I don't know her! But if you love her, I love her… this…" Lily shot her hand back and forth between her and Derek.

"This is not about her" Lily shoved past her brother and walked off.

She walked quickly up the hall and into a cleaning closet.

Closing the door, she began to cry. She felt like the walls were closing in and there was no escape. Why now? She wondered… and she placed a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs.

Chapter 50

"So you and Dr. Shepherd" Bailey caught Meredith off guard in the middle of surgery.

"It won't be a problem Dr. Bailey" Meredith managed.

"I know it won't be" Bailey said looking at her as if to send a message. Dr. Bailey didn't care either way, as long as it didn't affect the way her intern performed her job.

Meredith washed her hands having finished in surgery. Dr. Bailey stood next to her at the sink.

"Excuse me" Lily tapped on the door to scrub in room.

"I'm having a viewing party at Joes tonight… the stuff we've been filming starts on air" She told both ladies.

"I'd love you to come" Se handed over a quickly drawn up invitation.

Miranda took it.

"It's date night," She said.

"Date night?" Meredith queried.

"Yes Grey when you've been married as long as I have and you add a screaming yet adorable child into the mix you've got to set aside nights for dates" Bailey said.

"We can come to Joe's" She walked past Lily who thought she almost saw a smile.

Meredith read the invitation.
"You should know Addison will be there"

"Of course she's the guest of honour" Meredith tried to seem unaffected.

"Meredith… I'd really like you to come though, you all have to face it eventually… look, I really want to get know you, my brother is the only constant in my life… and what's important to him, is important to me" Lily had decided to make an effort.

"Okay" Meredith smiled at her.

"I'll come," She said.

"Good". Lily walked away and Meredith looked at the invitation again, bracing herself for the night ahead.

Lily sat in the nursery rocking in a chair, holding Joshua in her arms.

Derek looked into the nursery.

"Hey, I just had a civil conversation with Addie" He said coming over.

"That's good" Lily said quietly.

"She told me I'd find you here". He looked at his sister and tried to make peace with a smile.

"What's going on Lily? We don't keep secrets," He said to her fully aware there was something going on with her.

"Nothing, I promise" Lily lied.

Derek looked at her and tried to read her face for clues.

"If you say so"

"I do" She replied.

"Look at this baby, it's so sad, what would be going through that poor Mothers mind to leave her baby" Lily said.

"Poor mother?" Derek asked.

"How desperate she must have felt," Lily said sadly as if Derek wasn't even there.

"I'll see you tonight" Derek had run into Meredith and found out the details of the party. He was nervous about being there with Meredith in front of Addison. He started to walk out but stopped for a moment.

"Mush"

"Yes" She said as she stood up to return Joshua to his crib.

"Thankyou for making an effort with Meredith" He said as he turned to walk out.

Chapter 51

"This is my wife Adele" Richard introduced Lily before making his way to another group.

"Nice to meet you" Lily extended her hand.

"I'm just please to actually be with my husband for a night" Adele replied.

"You must rarely see him" Lily added.

"I had him for a few days last week … and what do you know I got sick" Adele said frustrated.

"My father is a surgeon, most of my family are Doctors" Lily replied.

"So you understand" Adele said and Lily nodded.

"What fields are the in?" Adele asked.

"Well… you know Derek?"

"You're Derek's sister"
"I am"
"I didn't realise" Adele grabbed a drink from the bar and looked intrigued.

"Ahh I see Addison and Preston, I might go join them" Adele smiled politely and walked away.

Lily looked at the amazing turn out for the short notice. There must have been close to 30 hospital staffers there.

Addison had arrived early with some information on the Doctor the Lily was seeing on Thursday.

Lily turned around to see George, carrying a bouquet of white Lilies.

She smiled at him as he walked over.

"They're divine" She admired the flowers as she took them from him.

"There's a card" He said as she picked up the small note card attached.

It read simply "Shazam"

She looked at him and the two shared a quiet smile before being interrupted by Christina, Izzie, Alex and Meredith.

"Hi" Izzie said giving Lily a hug.

"Nice flowers George" She teased.

"Go to the bar and get a drink – Manhattans or Cosmopolitans only," Lily ordered.

"That's a bit Gay" Alex grumbled.

"A male as in touch with their masculinity as you won't have a problem" Lily retorted.

Izzie, followed Alex and Christina towards the bar.

"Derek is coming soon," Meredith said.

"Great… Well in the mean time how about a drink?" Lily smiled.

"A cosmopolitan would be great" And Meredith and Lily sat in a booth while George got them a drink.

Richard looked at his watch.

"Ahem" He coughed loudly.

"Excuse me everyone," His voice boomed over the crowd.

"We're all hear tonight to celebrate the Television Debut of Seattle Grace's latest Superstar, A doctor I see bringing great things to our hospital…" Everyone was silent and Joe had turned down the TV, so right at that moment Derek came loudly through the doors with Bailey and her husband.

Derek smiled uncomfortably as Richard stared at him.

"Anyway… ten minutes to the TV debut of our very talented Dr. Montgomery Shepherd". Addison looked at Derek, who looked away.

He walked over to the booth where his sister was sitting with George and Meredith.

"Nice timing" Lily said as he sat down across from her.

He rolled his eyes; he could feel Addison's eyes on him.

"You ready for this" He whispered in Meredith's ear.

"As I'll ever be" She replied and under the table he squeezed her hand.

Chapter 52

"From the halls of Seattle Grace I'm Lily Maloney for Lifeline wishing you and yours good health, goodnight" The credits began to roll on lifeline and the people in Joe's let out a large cheer and thunderous applause.

Lily left the booth and made her way to Addison.

"Well done," She said giving her shoulders a squeeze.

"Thanks Lil" She smiled, but took the opportunity to look over her shoulder to where Derek and Meredith were locked in deep conversation.

"Maybe you two would like to say something" Richard said as everyone began to jokingly chant "Speech, Speech, Speech"

"No Richard, please, no" Addison said.

"C'mon Addie this is your 15 minutes" Lily pulled her up.

"Go On Addison" Adele helped push her up.

"Excuse me everyone… two more quick speeches…" Richard boomed again.

"Lily Maloney and Addison Sheppard" Unexpectedly Addison cringed at the sound of her name.

"Me first" Lily smiled sweetly.

"I want to thank Richard for inviting me to do this story… I've known Addison a long time…" Lily looked over at her brother.

"And I was reluctant to come, for reasons that had nothing to do with Addie's medical skills. But I'm so thankful that I gave her a chance and I got to see what a fabulous doctor she is… and I got to remember what a wonderful person she is too" Lily finished and she moved her eyes to Addison who gave her a smile.

Everyone cheered and uncomfortably she began to speak.

"I want to thank Richard, for his support and friendship and for the incredible honour of working at Seattle Grace…" Addie paused to keep from looking Derek's way.

She coughed.

"I'd also like to thank the amazing Nurses in my department and across the hospital" She smiled at the small gathering of Nurses who gave themselves a cheer.

"I should also mention my fellow surgeons…" She caught Derek's eye briefly.

"But mostly I want to thank Lily, who has been my friend and family…" Addison looked down at her hands, which were clenched together.

"… For a great while. However I have finally gotten to see her as the talented and compassionate woman she is" It was Addie's turn to smile at Lily and the crowd, including Derek applauded, before returning to their drinks.

Chapter 53

"So they're together," Addison said to Lily as they sat at the bar looking over at Derek and Meredith talking to Preston and Christina.

Lily wasn't sure whether to lie or tell the truth, but as she looked at Addison she felt it was time to help her move forward.

"Aha, they're together" She nodded.

Addison said nothing. It took everything not to run to the bathroom and vomit her heart felt so sad.

"You'll get through this Addie" Lily promised.

"How do I learn not to love him?" Addison asked, choking on tears.

"For now you've just gotta learn to live without him…. The rest will come" She put her head on Addie's Shoulder and rubbed her arm in comfort.

"Do you like her? Meredith I mean" Addie asked.

"Oh Addie… don't go there?"

"It's okay… I don't not like her either… I want to not like her, I'd give anything to hate her, but I can't blame her for loving him… I came out here convinced she'd be some pathetic bimbo… and there she was… and the first time I saw them… well they didn't not look right. Does that make any sense?" Addie almost laughed.

"Not a lot… and yet it makes all the sense in the world" Lily giggled.

"You ready to go?" George came up to the two women, cutting off their laughter.

"I am," Lily said.

"George is showing me Seattle tomorrow… all day, before I fly back to New York for a day or so" Lily had her back to George as he helped her with her coat.

Addison nodded.

"That'll be nice, contrary to what your brother would say there is a lot more than ferry boats in this City" Addison stood up to leave.

"Good night Addie"

"Good night Dr Shepherd, you looked great tonight," George said leading Lily out the door as she waved to her brother.

Addison stood facing the bar, swallowing her last mouthful she felt someone brush against her arm as they stood at the bar.

It was Meredith.

"I wanted to say…. Congratulations" Meredith voice cracked a little as she summoned the courage to speak.

"You really were amazing," She added.

Addison took a moment to digest the compliment.

She smiled.

"Thank you Meredith" She said simply, before walking out of the bar, head held high, alone.

Chapter 54

"My feet are killing me" Lily sat at the end of "Seattle in a day" with George in a beautiful restaurant on The Waterfront.

"It was a great day George" She leant across the table and rubbed his hand.

It had started with breakfast at the Pike Place Market, then a trip to the Woodland Park Zoo.

After lunch they had taken a boat cruise before hitting the shops on The Waterfront.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it" George smiled. Lily had loved every second of the day, but it had made her sadder than ever. She was scared about the day to follow, the tests the Dr. would run and the possible diagnosis they would bring.

She was scared that as she looked across the table at George there was something more in his eyes. She certainly knew she felt more than she'd expected, but Lily had no fears for heart. She was a firm believer is love experienced and lost is better than no love at all.

Perhaps it was the close line between life and death she had walked twice before… but she wasn't so sure George would feel the same.

"What are you thinking about?" George asked looking at her intently.

"You. I'm thinking about you" She smiled and she blocked out her worries for a while longer.

"One more place to go" George pulled up the car and removed the blindfold.

"The hospital?" Lily said surprised.

"Kinky" She teased getting out of the car.

"I spoke to Dr Montgomery Shepherd about visiting with Joshua…" Lily held a hand to her chest and looked at George.

"Since he was all you could talk about last night… I thought I'd bring you here… just so you wouldn't be distracted later on", He smiled at the obvious connotations.

"George, you are amazing" Lily leant in and gave him a long, soft kiss.

"There he is" Lily leant over Joshua's crib and saw him fussing.

"He's been unsettled all day," The nurse said as she took his temperature.

"Dr. Shepherd looked in on him and he checked out fine," The Nurse added.

"Poor Baby needs some loving" Lily said as she picked him up.

She walked around the room holding him close to her chest. Seeing a baby was just another reminder of life's fragility for Lily.

Placing the baby back in his crib, she struggled not to cry.

She kneeled next to him and placed her hand softly on his body, through the crib's bars.

"It's so unfair…" George whispered.

"He didn't do anything to deserve it"

"Hhhmm" Lily made a noise softly so George knew she was listening.

"I mean he's innocent… but his mother she made choices… she chose to be a drug addict" George shook his head unable to grasp the reality.

"You think she chose this?" Lily asked.

"Well she chose to be an addict" George replied.

"It would be nice if it were that simple" Lily said.

"I think it is".

"You make choices…"
"Yes, sometimes people even make the wrong ones George" Lily said softly.

"Haven't you read my book? You know I was an addict, don't you? If it wasn't for Derek, I'd probably never have chosen to get out of that life" Lily looked deep into his eyes.

"That's different"

"Why is it? Because I'm a success now… because I came from a well off, respected family, you're right it is different. It's worse" Lily shook her head.

"I had a future and I just couldn't see it, I had a family who despite their inability to show me, actually do love me… that is different, it's so much worse, I should've known better, I should have done better" Lily said.

"All I'm saying is we don't know her situation… but we do know Joshua's, he's here and he's struggling, and he needs to feel love" Lily suddenly stopped when she realised how passionate she'd sounded.

"I'm sorry" George said to her.

"George you know I won't be staying here" Lily suddenly felt scared for George's heart… she didn't want to break it beyond repair.

George looked at her, well aware this wasn't a long-term thing he placed his hand on top of her hand which was soothing Joshua, wanting to live in the moment.

"He's asleep" George said, looking up to smile at Lily.

"You don't want to go, do you?" George asked.

"I want this baby to know I was here all night" Lily replied.

"…We were here all night" George said and the two sat quietly through the night making sure Joshua knew they were there.

Chapter 55

Addison was working with Izzie in the NICU.

"Where's Lily?" Izzie turned to Toby who was setting up audio.

"Just us two today, Lily had to fly back to New York for an overnighter"

"Joshua has made great improvements," Addison said as she performed a few checks on the baby.

"Dr O'Malley and his girlfriend were with him all night" The nurse assisting them said.

"Lily was here" Addison asked concerned she may have forgotten her appointment.

"They left at like five, Dr. O'Malley had rounds, the girlfriend said she had some place to be… obviously the air port" The nurse walked out.

"Dr.Shepherd is that all for now?" Izzie asked trying to get Addison's attention.

"Sure Stevens, do a post op follow up on Teresa Elliot and let me know if her drainage tube comes out" Addison said, leaving the room to try and make a phone call to Lily.

"Lily, It's Addison, if you need anything call me" Addison hung the phone up behind the nurses station. Looking up she was greeted by Derek.

"Addison I was hoping to see you" He said.

"Funny… I was hoping not to see you, it looks like only one of us can win" Addison said quickly beginning to walk.

"Addie, c'mon five seconds" Derek followed her.

"Five seconds Derek really, okay" She turned around.

"Five, four, three, two one" Addison said smugly beginning to walk again.

"Addison you're being ridiculous"
"Maybe" She called over her shoulder still working.

"I just wanted to tell you I was proud of you"

Addison stopped dead.

"What?"
She didn't turnaround to see if he was sincere.

"I'm proud of you," He repeated, meaning every word.

"You were amazing last night," He said softly.

Wearing down, Addison turned around. He reached out a hand and gently squeezed her arm.

Neither one saw Christina, who had witnessed the sudden closeness, scurry away before hearing anything else.

"Thank you Derek, that means… so much" Addison replied.

"Addie…" Derek began.

"Yes…"
"I know you and Lily have made amends… I'm wandering if there is something wrong with her". Addison froze not wanting to lie.

"It's just I sense there's something up, and I want to help" Derek continued.

Addison said nothing for a second, then not wanting to lie, but having no choice she turned the tables on Derek.

She slapped him.

"Addison" He said in shock.

"How dare you? How dare you come up here and feign pride and respect for me, when you sat there last night and watched that story with your little girlfriend … all to get information out of me. Well you wasted your time Derek, Lily and I are working together, I know nothing" Addison turned and hurried away so that Derek would not have the chance to see she too was covering.

Derek nursed the sting in his face, and he knew more than ever that something was going on.

Chapter 56

Christina, Meredith, George and Izzie finished their shift on Saturday and headed for the bar.

All were tired after a particularly tiring week.

"Shame Alex is on call – it'd be nice one day to all get together" Izzie bubbled with her usual enthusiasm as they all sat at the bar.

"It would?" Christina said, only half joking.

"Line em up Joe" Meredith said smiling.

"Where's Lily tonight George"

"She had to stay in New York longer than she expected" Lily had called George late Friday night. She's sounded upset but had assured him she was fine and just needed extra time, as the press junket had gone longer than expected for her book.

"She's done a runner" Christina said, placing some beer nuts in her mouth.

"Ha Ha Christina" George said.

"Christina… Lily really likes George" Izzie defended and George smiled.

"It may be hard to believe, but it's true" She teased and all three girls laughed.

"Well I think it's great George is with someone… he hasn't been interested in anyone since the syph girl" Izzie and Christina shared a knowing look.

"Don't even mention her" Izzie said.

"Oh Oh" Christina said suddenly amused.

"Imagine if you both get married that'll make you like George's Brother in law"

"Oh George is already like my brother" Meredith hugged him playfully.

"Yeah I'm everyone's brother" He took a shot of tequila.

"Well hopefully not Lily's cause that'd be just wrong" Christina had a look of revulsion on her face at the thought.

"Speaking of Lily's actual brother…" Christina said.

"We were" Izzie looked confused.

"I've been meaning to ask what went down with McDreamy and the ex the other day"

"What do you mean?" Meredith had no idea what she was talking about.

"They just looked pretty intense when I saw them" Christina said.

"I have no idea what you're talking about?" Meredith tried to sound like she wasn't bothered.

"Oh okay" Christina didn't want Meredith to end up broken hearted again.

"I heard Addison slapped McDreamy" George said like it was news to everyone.

All three girls looked at him in surprise.

"Addison slapped Derek" Meredith asked, knowing nothing about that either.

"That's what I heard" George continued to be oblivious to the surprise on the girl's faces.

"How? What? Who told you this George?" Meredith stammered.

"Nurse Debbie"

"Oh that's why he's so nice to them" Christina seemed to suddenly work out the benefits of respecting the Nurses.

"Wow! That's big. You didn't know Mer?" Izzie asked.

"No, I didn't know" Meredith said sheepishly.

"I'm going to ride with George, okay" Izzie waved goodbye to Meredith and Christina as they stood out the front of the bar at the end of the night.

The three girls were all a little tipsy; George on the other hand had enjoyed only two drinks knowing he had a shift early in the morning.

"You're not worried about what I said," Christina asked.

"About?" Even in her drunken haze Meredith knew what she was talking about.

"McDreamy and his ex"

"Should I be?" Meredith wandered aloud.

"I don't know Meredith, I'm just suggesting you proceed with caution… you don't want a repeat performance of Broken Hearted victim again" Christina said.

"You'd prefer I'd not be with him," Meredith said defensively.

"That's not what I'm saying Meredith"

"Yes it is… you'd prefer I was miserable…"
"No.. It's a bit sad really" Christina replied.

"Truth be told I think you like it better when you're cleaning up my pathetic love life… because it makes your strange excuse for one seem half normal" Meredith said the words and wanted to pull them in. She didn't mean them.

"Fair enough" Christina said nodding as she absorbed the harshness of what Meredith said.

She walked off without saying another word, leaving Meredith alone to stare at her disappearing into the distance.

"Hey I was hoping to find you here" Derek ambled up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Hey yourself" She said angrily.

He spun her around.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Christina said she saw you all snug and cosy with Addison the other day… don't screw with me again Derek, I can't take it again?" She said overcome with emotion.

"Meredith I'm not screwing with you?"
"Then George said Addison slapped you, so I have no idea what's going on"
"She did slap me"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He shrugged.

"Well if George was right, was Christina too?"

"I have no idea what Christina is talking about? I did congratulate Addie like I told you I was going to… I did touch her arm… but it was nothing like the way I touch you" He said giving her his dreamy eyes. Her anger melted away.

"Show me the difference" She smiled at him.

"Here?" He asked sweetly looking around.

"Here" She said and he pulled her in quickly almost causing her to loose balance, drawing her into a kiss so deep all doubt faded away.

Chapter 57

Lily opened her eyes on Sunday morning and decided it was time to face reality. She got out of bed and walked to the window, opening the curtains to look out at the Seattle skyline. Lily had been hiding out in the hotel since late on Thursday when Dr. Kramer had given her the results of her MIR.

Against his medical advise she had decided not to go ahead with the operation straight away, wanting to find a way to tell Derek and her family first.

And George.

She put her head down and held back tears. She had made the decision the night before that there would be no more tears.

It was time to accept her roadblock and deal with it.

Dr. Kramer had said that there was a small amount of time, but had wanted to remove the tumour straight away. Depending on the spread it was likely Lily would need radiation treatment as a follow up… and of course the many risks that went along with any brain surgery were certainly a concern.

Lily had tuned out. She'd heard it all when she was 15. She also remembered the Doctor telling her it wouldn't come back. Apparently he had lied.

Her cell ringing startled Lily.

"Hello" She managed to hide her emotions.

"Hey, I miss you" George said and she could hear the smiling in his voice.

"I miss you too" She replied.

"When are you coming back to Seattle?" He asked as Lily looked out the window again.

She paused for a moment to consider her answer.

"Later today" She said.

"I can't get out of the hospital to pick you up… maybe your brother can"
"No, that's fine… I'll meet up with you later though…. Okay" She said changing the subject.
"Ok, can't wait" He said.

" Me either" Lily hung up the phone and again had to take a deep breath to contain her emotion.

Then she walked over to the hotel phone to order room service.

"I want scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles and hot cakes," She told the service staff.

"And I want espresso coffee, hot" Lily wanted to enjoy her last hours of peace, where she wasn't made to second guess her decisions, to question every choice in only the medical sense and where she could just ignore what was really going on inside her brain.

Tomorrow she would tell her brother and prepare herself to fight for her life again. Today she would enjoy being alive.

Chapter 58

"Hey it's good to see you" George kissed Lily who was waiting for him outside the hospital.

"You too" She smiled, brushing her hair from her eyes.

"What do you want to do?" He asked, grabbing her hand.

"Just be with you" She smiled and they started to walk to his car.

"Lily… wait, Mush!" She hear Derek calling her and she turned to see him and Meredith heading towards them.

"Hey" Derek leant in and kissed his sister in the cheek.

"How's New York?" Meredith asked with a friendly smile.

"Ahhh New York is always… New York" Lily returned the smile.

"How are Mum and Dad?" Derek asked.

"I didn't see them" Lily replied, Derek looked displeased.

"Why not?

"The guy who doesn't call home much at all these days doesn't get to ask that" Lily shrugged her shoulders.

"But if I was in town I would call" Derek said quickly.

"Then you wouldn't be as busy as I was" Lily was getting annoyed.

Derek looked at her face and realised he should let it go.

"Sorry"

"How about we all go for a bite to eat?" Meredith asked.

Lily and George looked at each other and had a conversation with their eyes.

"I'm kinda tired" George said wanting to be alone with Lily.

"C'mon Mush we've hardly spent any time together" Derek said.

His guilt trip worked.

"Do you mind?" She asked George.

"Whatever makes you happy?"

"Okay, a quick bite" And Lily and George followed Derek and Meredith to a small restaurant not far away.

Lily's head was throbbing. It was Monday morning and she was trying to prepare her stand ups for the second Addison story that needed to be fed out in an hour for postproduction.

"I don't mean to rush you Lily but we gotta get this down now, Bobby from post is waiting on it for timing" Jim said.

"I know, I know" She rubbed her head and took another swig of water.

The words began to swim on the page and she squinted to read them.

"Lily, I've been looking all over" Addison rushed up.

"Addison I have no time" Lily stood up.

"You'll make time" Addison grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side.

"Why on earth didn't you call me Lily? I left over 15 messages for you" Addison folded her arms in frustrations.

"I needed time Addie" Lily said and looked her in the eyes.

In an instant Addison needed no confirmation.

"What are you doing here then?" Addison asked.

"Dr Kramer said I had a small time frame and there are things I need to fix before the operation…" Lily responded.

As Addison went to lecture her Lily stopped her.

"You won't change my mind so you can save your breath, I have a little time and I need to tell Derek… and George"

"So tell them"

"I will Addie, get off my back" Lily snapped.

"Plus I may need radiation so… I want to talk to you about things… you know, I didn't have it last time, and I've still got time, I mean… I'm thinking about children, well not now, but one day… and my options" Lily said sadly.

"I can talk to you about the possibilities" Addison placed her hand on Lily's shoulder.

"You need to speak to them today"
"I know"

"Lily" Jim said.

"But right now I have to do this" Lily walked over to the camera, and Addison stayed to watch as Jim cued her in.

"And so Dr. Montgomery Shepherd says goodbye to another patient as Luly.. Lucy…" Lily stumbled over her words.

The floor began to jump up at her, and she felt a sudden sharp pain in her head.

"Lily" Addison's voice echoed as if she were inside a tunnel.

Toby dropped the microphone to help her right as Lily collapsed on the floor.

Chapter 59

On a gurney now, Lily faded in and out of consciousness. She could almost make out Addison's voice as she issued orders.

"Someone has to page Derek" Addison said as she watched as Dr. Webber worked on Lily. He had been near by and Addison had already cleared rights for Dr. Kramer to operate at Seattle Grace with him.

Addison turned to the door to see Meredith.

"You have to get Derek" Addison said, as Meredith stood in shock.

"Meredith, Go find him!" Addison repeated, Meredith snapped out of it and ran out.

Addison closed her eyes for a moment and made a silent prayer.

"Have you seen Derek?" Meredith rushed up to Izzie.

"What's wrong?" Izzie asked.

"It's Lily, she collapsed… I've got to find Derek"

"My God, where is she?"

"On 4, Dr. Webber is there" Izzie raced off before Meredith could finish.

Meredith turned around scanning the floor she locked her eyes on Derek in the distance consulting with a Nurse. He looked up and smiled… then as he read her concern his smile turned to questioning worry…. Then fear.

"Where is she?" Derek pushed through the doors into the room Meredith had left them in.

"Derek, Richard took her to MIR" Addison said calmly.

"What's going on Addison?" He asked angrily.

"I asked you what you knew… will you tell me now"

"I've already spoken with Richard and he's given Keith Kramer operating rights… he's on his way over" Addison continued.

"Keith Kramer… from Memorial, Addison what do you know" He raised his voice. Meredith stood back and watched the two. When she had told Derek about Lily, he had hurried off and said nothing the whole way down.

"Derek you need to calm down…."
"What do you know Addison?"

Addison took a deep breath and prepared herself.

"She want to Keith Kramer last Thursday, he confirmed the tumour had returned" Derek put his hand to his head and made a strange sound as he absorbed the knowledge.

"I knew there was something" He said ti himself.

"Derek, I told her to tell you" Addison said.

Derek looked up at her with a look of anger and possible hatred that left Addison cold. The last time he'd looked like that was the night he walked in on her with Mark and Addison had promised she would never do anything again that would warrant that look again.

"She came to me as her Doctor…"
"Shut up Addie! I don't want to hear it" He walked out, past Meredith without saying a word.

Meredith looked around uncomfortably. Not sure whether to follow him or not.

"I knew it would come to this" Addison said sadly.

Meredith looked over at her and she truly felt sorry for Addison.

"What would you have done Meredith?" Addison asked but needed no answer.

Meredith left the room, knowing there was someone else she needed to find.

Chapter 60

"Richard, what's going on, where's my sister?" Derek came into the MIR room.

"She's being prepped for surgery, Keith Kramer should be here any minute" Derek turned to walk out.

"Derek we need to talk"

"Not now Richard" Derek said.

"Yes, now… you know you can't be in there, don't you Derek?" Richard looked at him as his boss, and his friend.

"Richard, this is my sister…"
"Derek… I don't need to tell you… push it and I'll have you removed… Don't make me. I'll close the gallery for you to watch but you need to let Kramer do what he does best" Richard had placed his hands on Derek's shoulders.

"Let him do his job" He repeated and Derek now overcome with emotion began to sob.

Meredith stood in the doorway of a teenage boys room. George was on his bed following a consultation playing his gameboy and joking with him.

"George" She said feebly.

George turned his head to see Meredith in the doorway.

"I need to speak to you out here for a bit" Meredith said.

"Sounds serious… I'll be back later to follow up Simon"

"You mean to let me whoop your ass again" Simon took his gameboy back.

George just laughed.

"What is it Meredith?" George leant against the wall outside the wall.

Meredith was silent.

"Meredith?" George said again.

"It's Lily" She finally said meeting his eyes.

"Where is she?" George raced up to Izzie with Meredith following closely. She spotted Derek pacing and feeling his distance she stayed back. Addison stood further back, alone, her concerned eyes fixed on Derek.

"She's going in to surgery Dr. Kramer is here now. Christina's going in, Alex is covering for me at the moment but I have to get back to the floor" Izzie said, surprisingly keeping all emotion out of her voice.

"He's just about to go in and see her" Izzie tilted her head in Derek's direction.

"Webber won't let him go in the OR" She added dropping her voice.

George looked at Derek, who feeling him watching him looked up and caught his eye.

"Did you know?" Derek glared at him. George shook his head in confusion. Derek looked away.

Dr. Kramer, a man about 10 years older than Derek came into the hall then.

"Keith" Derek shook his hand.

"That's my sister…" Derek voice trailed off.

The surgeon looked at him intently.

"I'll do what I do," he said speaking Derek's language.

"Can I see her?" Derek asked.

"Quickly"

Derek began to go in, passing George on the way.

"O'Malley, you coming?" He said continuing in.

George stood stunned, and Izzie pushed him into the room, before turning to Meredith and asking her to keep her updated.

Chapter 61

Even as a surgeon the site of his sister in the operating theatre left Derek feeling winded.

"She's been in and out Dr. Shepherd" The scrub nurse updated Derek on Lily's status.

He walked over to her side, touching her head where her hair been shaven.

"She's going to hate this," He said to no one in particular.

George stood in the door unsure of what to say or do.

Derek picked up Lily's hand.

"Hey Mush, it's me… " He coughed to clear his throat.

"Why didn't you say anything"?

He looked over at George.

"George is here… say something George"

George looked awkward.

"Lily…I'm here" was all he could muster as he placed his hand on top of her other hand.

"Lily you gotta fight here… you have to want to live…. Remember" Derek leant over and whispered in her ear.

"I can't do this one for you… I want to…. But I can't"

"Its time Derek" Dr. Kramer came in.

Derek seemed to freeze.

"I know" He said and kissed Lily's forehead lightly.

"You get through this okay," He said walking out of the OR without another word.

George looked around, he spotted Christina dressed in scrubs, who seemed to encourage him with her eyes.

He leant over and kissed Lily on the cheek, and then he too left the room silently.

"There you are Dr. Grey" Bailey said coming up to Meredith near the OR.

"Someone give you the day off and not tell me about it"

"Dr. Bailey, Derek's sister is in the OR" Addison came up to Miranda.

"Oh… what happened?" She asked softening just slightly.

"Brain tumour" Addison said.

"I asked Dr. Stevens and Karev to cover for Grey for the rest of shift, I'm sure you understand" Addison said as Derek came out of the OR and walked up the stairs to Gallery acknowledging no-one.

"I see" She said.

"And O'Malley" Bailey asked.

"Him too?" Addison said.

Bailey walked away and Meredith looked over at Addison giving her a silent thank you.

"I'd like to try talking to him Meredith" Addison said looking up toward the Gallery.

When Meredith didn't speak she went up the stairs.

Derek was sitting in the middle of the front row, his eyes fixed on Lily's operation as it began.

"Derek" Addison said when she came in.

"I know I'm the last person you want to speak too… but I rang your family. Your parents are in Australia, at a Medical convention… but your Mom is trying to get home, but there still at least 48 hours away. I left a message for Audrey, I'll try the others now" He slowly turned his head to look at her.

Staring through her as he spoke.

"Tell them not to come, she won't want them here"

"It's not just for Lily" Addison said.

Meredith was standing on the last step before the gallery entry listening to them speak.

"It's for you too" Addison finished.

"Thanks, but no thanks Addison, It's Lily on that table… I don't need anyone" He turned back to the operation and Addison sighed heavily. She left the room, to see Meredith walking down the stairs.

"Meredith, aren't you going to go in?" She asked.

"I heard him. He said he doesn't need anyone" Meredith had no idea what to do.

"He lied… he's hurting" Addison said. She could hardly believe what she was about to say.

"He'll push you away… that's how he copes, he doesn't know he's doing it… he'll push you away until you're ready to give up… but if you love him… then you won't give up… you'll be so close, then he'll reach out and you need to be there for that" Addison stepped aside.

Meredith looked at her then started to walk up to the Gallery.

"Meredith" Addison said and Meredith turned to look at her.

"I still love him you know… but I get it, I get that he loves you, now you've just got to be strong enough" Addison said looking over at George who was sitting on the floor with his head down, she walked over to him, leaving Meredith to walk into gallery.

"You going up there?" Addison asked George.

"The Gallery? I don't think I can watch, not this" George shook his head.

"I understand, it's suddenly so different when it's someone who matters to you" She spoke softly.

"They don't teach that in Medical school" She reached out and put her hand on Georges shoulder. He was surprised by the gesture.

"I have to go and try Lily and Derek's sisters again, you be okay?" She asked, George looked up and half nodded.

Addison stood again, she walked away, and then rounding the corner where no one could see her she began to cry, first softly, then uncontrollably. Both for Lily, and because she had finally set Derek free.