You deserve to be saved
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
Castiel's POV
"What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?"
"You don't understand, Cas." He cries out. "This isn't fair. I'm not a hero, Cas. Look at me. I'm nothing. I shouldn't be here. I've cheated Death so many times I feel like a whore. It's not fair. It's not fair, Cas. Better men have had their lives taken away, why do I get to stay? What makes me so special?" He wipes his nose with his sleeve and looks up at me with his big green eyes before closing them.
It's funny, all of my existence, I never felt for anything. I couldn't feel, I couldn't make decisions, and I couldn't care. I didn't know how to. My orders were all that mattered to me. But then I laid hands on Dean and raised him from perdition and everything changed. He doesn't know it, but he is the most precious thing to me now. Dean Winchester is all that matters. I do not understand why my eyes are suddenly wet and my heart feels like the heaviest stone. I do not understand why my hands ache to touch his face, or why my heart burns when I see him like this. I am not yet accustomed to all these "feelings". All I know is that Dean is broken right now, and I want to do everything I can to fix him.
"We've come so far, Dean. You've come so far and you've done so much good. You may not be the most honest or the most virtuous, but you have a pure heart and good intentions and you've sacrificed everything you have for a job you didn't sign up for. You've lost all the people you care for, except Sam, and you've had to give up on having a normal life and peaceful sleep and a happy family. Dean you've saved more lives than those men you speak of have met. And what did you ever get in return? Nothing, Dean; just heartbreak and strange looks and cheap motels. If that doesn't make you a hero, I don't know what does." I finish, my face burning and my breathing harsh. Dean eyes widen in surprise, his mouth slightly open. I feel like I'm drowning in a green sea of emotions. God, When did I become so human?
Dean's POV
Cas finishes speaking and just stands there staring at me, his face a pretty shade of red. I can feel my eyes widening but I have no control over my face. God, when did he become so human? I stare at him and my heart starts beating too loudly in my chest. Castiel, angel of the lord; the angel with the intense eyes, and the crooked tie. The angel that never gets the reference and can never grasp the concept of personal space. The angel that once didn't think or care about anything other than his orders, is standing in front of my hospital bed with flushed cheeks after delivering an angry speech about why I deserve to be saved.
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
I take a deep breath and try to speak, try to sound like my soul isn't in pieces. "Cas, co-"… My voice gives me away. I take another breath. I give up. My eyes start to water. "Cas, I'm so tired. My body aches all over and my heart feels heavy." My voice cracks again. "Cas, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, Cas. You saved me. Literally. And I will never be able to tell you how that makes me feel. Because-"
My lips start to shake so I close my eyes and try to breathe again. Before I can exhale without my tears threatening to fall over, I feel a hand on top of mine. I open my eyes and find a pair of baby blues staring right into my soul. "Dean, it's okay. Everything's okay, I promise. I'm not going anywhere, Dean. Saving you was the best thing I have ever done, and you have no idea how I wish I could give you more, I wish I could heal all your wounds and cover all your scars. I wish I could make you forget all your heartache."
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me for you and me
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
Castiel's POV
Dean closes his eyes and struggles with his breath. His left hand clenches the sheets and before I realized what I was doing, I walk over to him and put my hand on top of his. It immediately stops moving and I feel the tension slowly leaving it. He opens his eyes and stares right into mine. More than anything I have ever wanted, I hope he can see in my eyes the things in my heart that I cannot put into words.
"Dean, it's okay. Everything's okay, I promise. I'm not going anywhere, Dean. Saving you was the best thing I have ever done, and you have no idea how I wish I could give you more, I wish I could heal all your wounds and cover all your scars. I wish I could make you forget all your heartache."
I try my best to let him see things the way I see them.
Dean Winchester is a hero. The light of his soul is so bright I'm surprised people walking past him don't shield their eyes and cry in awe.
"I think what I'm trying to say, Dean- and bear with me because I'm new to this whole human emotions thing- what I'm trying to say is that I love you. There. I love you and I don't want to see you hurting like this. You do deserve to be saved, Dean."
Dean's POV
"There. I love you and I don't want to see you hurting like this. You do deserve to be saved, Dean."
I look into his eyes and I can see how honest he is. His emotions and words are so sincere I almost want to break down into a puddle of shame and tears.
"Cas I… I love you too, Cas. Next to Sammy and Bobby, you're all I've got."
The room becomes silent for a second and then I do the only thing that seems right to me. I lean up and gently press my lips to the angel's. My angel. My angel who learned all he can from the pizza man. My angel who has no people skills and never laughs at my jokes. My angel who loves me so deeply, and doesn't know it. I kiss him until I can't see or think or feel anything else. My senses are full of my angel and my heart swells and suddenly things aren't as bad as I thought they were. I finally see the light.