Disclaimer: all rights belong to the writers and artist who created the characters of Weiss Kreuz, and I gained nothing from writing this story.
Title: Benommen und Vertwirrt
Author: Kreuz Swords
Notes: This is my first WK story (part one) that takes place right after the final WK CD (DP), and please excuse any incorrect grammar. If you haven't head about the final CDs, then here's the important parts you need to know. Omi meets his grandfather and finds out who his real dad was. He leaves Weiss after Kritiker falls apart. Meanwhile, Ken was having mental issues. Their last mission was to go off to kill an old teacher of Aya's. In the end, the teacher, Shion was killed, but they were badly hurt. Aya blanks out and you don't know if he lived or died (cliffhanger). My first part is centered on Aya-kun p.o.v. with angst. The extra characters and story I made up belong to me. The title is loose German for "Dazed and Confused." Rating: PG-13
Key: [dream land], /flashbacks/, mental words
CRAWLING: Lyrics by Linkin Park (it's traditional to have a song ^. ~)
Crawling in my skin
These wounds / they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming / confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling / I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I'm convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting / reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I'm convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I've felt this way before
So insecure...
[Two male figures stand together on a beautiful white sandy beach with the sound of waves rolling onto the shore. One figure has red hair and dressed in black attire while the other one has long black hair and dressed in white.]
["You're Weiss. What a silly notion you have Ran-kun. Now come on, Shion and the others are waiting for us," said Kikyou.]
[Then I hear the voices of Ken and Yohji calling out to me, " Aya…Aya-kun!" I ignore them.]
[Their voices fade out and are replaced by my imouto's. I hear her call out, "Onii-chan where are you! Please come back Onii-chan!" I don't answer her pleas because I feel I could not turn around to face her. Her voice also slowly fades away into the sound of the waves.]
["Ran-kun stop daydreaming and come with me," said Kikyou and tugs on my arm.]
["Beloved, I am here!" a voice echoes out.]
[That voice! I have heard that mystical voice before, so long ago when I was small.]
["Beloved, please don't go!"]
["I'm sorry Kikyou-kun. I must go find that voice calling out to me."]
["Ran-kun you must be hearing things. I hear no voice calling," said Kikyou.]
["Beloved!"]
["There it is again! I must leave you!"]
[" No, Ran-kun don't…!"]
[The red haired man turns around and meets a blinding white light that engulfs everything.]
"Smith-san. John Smith-san are you awake?"
My eyes slowly focus onto a hand holding a pen light to my face and I feel another hand on the side of my head. Then I came aware of the pain in my body and let out a groan.
"I am glade you are awake Smith-san," and the doctor puts away his pen light. "You are a very lucky young man to be alive. If your friends had brought you in any later to the ER, I'm afraid you wouldn't be seeing me right now."
Why is the doctor calling me John Smith comes to my mind as I give him a confused look?
"Well John-san, my name is Dr. Ioto, and you had been drifting in and out conciseness for about two weeks in Tokyo Central Hospital. We stitched up the deep knife cut, which sliced into your shoulder's main muscles to the arm. But, it was a clean cut, so with a lot of healing and rehabilitation, you should gain back the full use of your arm. As for the rest of you, don't expect to be running around any time soon."
I had been out for two weeks. Then I realized that it was my sword arm that the Shion's katana cut damaged! I will never be able to fight with a sword again!
"I will come to check on you later," continued Dr. Ioto. "Oh by the way, your friends left you a letter and brought some of your things which are in the closet to the left side of your bed. If you need anything just push the button here, and a nurse will come and help you." Dr. Ioto gets up and leaves.
It took me a couple of months of healing and enforced exercises before I could stand on my own feet and gain some use of my arm. I didn't correct the nurses or the doctors when they still called me John Smith. I felt there was an important reason for having this new name. All that time in the hospital, none of the others had came back. Then I knew I was truly alone now. The night before I am scheduled for release from the hospital, I check the closet to see what Ken and Yohji left me. In the closet were some of my cloths and a gun in a backpack, and by the look of it a katana wrapped in a sheet. The letter envelope was also tied to it. I carefully dress into my clothes, which were a bit loose on me. I pull off the envelope and place it on the bed, and I begin to slowly uncover the katana, which I know that it is not mine because Shion had broken it. When I was finished, I saw it was the katana that Shion used to fight me. Either Yohji or Ken must have pulled it out Shion's body. I stare at it for awhile knowing that I will never use it. After re-wrapping the katana and putting it away, I open up the envelope to find there are two letters and some money in it. One was from Yohji and the other from Ken. Yohji wrote:
As you have found out already, you have a different name. I'm sorry about what I chose for your fake name, but it sounds foreign enough that our enemies won't find you. This is where we will separate from here on. Now, you have a chance to start a new life. Please go back to your sister, I think she still needs you by her side. Yohji
Then Ken wrote:
Sorry about leaving you, but Yohji-kun said it was for the best to keep you safe. Don't worry about us. Our wounds were not bad as yours. Here is some money to go on for awhile. I felt it would be strange to see you without your katana, so I removed and dragged along Shion's. By the way, the trailer is gone. As soon as we took some of our things out, it disappeared. I hope things turn out for the better for you. Ken
The letters confirmed my suspicions that I was on my own. What will I do with my life now without Weiss or Kritiker? Maybe I can go back to my little imouto. Well, I will think about it more tomorrow morning.
I then put away the letters and settle down into my bed to sleep. I gaze up at the ceiling for long while before my eyes finally close.The next day after breakfast, Dr. Ioto comes to put my arm in a sling and give me some pain medication pills. He also tells me that I need to go in for a check up in two weeks from now. I thank him before he leaves to see another patient. I pull out the backpack and put as much of the katana as I can into it. Then leave the room to go to the elevators, and head out the front sliding doors. Outside, the day is very bright to my eyes and wish it was night. I decide to go back to Kamakura where the trailer was. I feel that the place is where my life left off, and that is where I should pick up the pieces and decide what to do next.
I take a train down to Kamakura for an hour. When I get there, I walk the rest of way and stop in the main walkway to the Tsuruoka shrine. I sit on a bench near the area where the trailer once was. I feel so tired from the trip. I then lean my head forward to let my hair fall over my eyes to block out some of the light and to feel the cool breeze ruffle my crimson locks onto my face. My memories begin to dwell on the last time I saw others, especially Omi's last words.
/"No! You can't just give up like this! We're…we're killers. We bore this sin. But… that doesn't mean we have to continue Weiss our entire lives!" Pleaded Omi. "…Life is full of potential. The future isn't determined!" Omi continued. /
/"Omi…if you can truly live some other way, then you should leave here at once," advised Aya. /
/"What…" replied Omi. /
I wonder if Omi is having a better life with his grandfather now? Ken and Yohji are also finding a life of their own somewhere out there. Where does this place me as?
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Lifting up my head, I turn to see the Torii gates leading off to the Tsuruoka shrine. Maybe the answers will come to me while I go up to the shrine and see the gardens. With some effort, I went up to the shrine.When I get there and into the gardens, I rest heavily on the red rail to a small bridge. My imouto loved looking at flowering plants. She would have liked it here and take some pictures of the bright flowers. My mind drifts off into nothing. Then I hear a familiar noise.
"Meeow, meeow!"
I look to see where the calls were coming from and see my Abby cat dashing up the path towards me. "Mikomi!" I murmur as I bend down on one knee. Mikomi jumps into my arm and curves his front legs around my shoulders while purring loudly and rubbing his head on my cheek. I just hugged him tightly for awhile. I couldn't believe that Mikomi had escaped and stayed here. When I put him down, he follows me up the path to a bench and I sit down. Mikomi climbs into my lap, and I start petting him while he happily purrs up at me. He soon droops off into a nap. My heart feels a little lighter to see him curled up in my lap. I go back to thinking on what to do with my life. My thoughts return to deciding on whether or not I should go back my imouto. I close my eyes and sigh. Returning to her would be the right thing to do. I have no ties or debts to anyone now to prevent me from going. I guess it is the best path I can take. I also decided to rest another day in Kamakura.
After I am rested, I get on a train back to the flower shop. I cover Mikomi up with my orange sweater to get him on the train. When I get to my stop, I let Mikomi down and it takes me awhile to reach the corner near the shop as the sun is going down. I start to feel strange as I walk up to the shop. I stop in front of the window, and I see my imouto happily playing with Ken and Yohji's cats on the counter with a bit of string. As if she feels my presence, she looks up in my direction. My mind blanks out, and I run off ahead onto the other side of the street and hide behind a van. I collapse close to the van, closing my heart to the desperate calls coming from my imouto.
"Oniisan! Ran wait, come baack! Oniichan, oniichaann!!!"
Tears start to stream down my cheeks, and she gives up calling for me after awhile. I'm not her brother anymore. I can never be! Lifting my head up, I see my faded reflection in a shop window. I see this very pale, dark ring-eyed and gaunt figure looking back at me. Murder! You are just a cold-hearted murder! You deserve to have no life at all with blood stained hands! I bury my face into my hands to hide my spilling tears from the world. How can my imouto ever accept me for what I have done? Mikomi leans one paw on me and looks at me with questioning eyes and ears pricked forward.
"Meow?"
* * *
The time is between night and dawn meeting as one as twilit or with no distinction. A lone thin figure appears through the mist at the edge of the bridge over the Uji River. The person slowly staggers across the bridge to the center while an Abyssinian cat trots nearby with a worried look to his owner. The man leans over red handrail and stares at the moving water as a partial moon is reflected in the river. The cat sits and leans on his owner's leg without taking his attention away from the man's face.
This is the place where I saw Shizu jump to her death into embrace of the river's water. Somehow I can still smell the fragrance of aloe-wood. She couldn't bring her self to kill me and become a killer like I am.
I hear her last words ring out while she cried./"I…I can't do it…I can't make myself murder… not even you! I can't kill people! Why…why?…I thought I could…kill anyone…but why…!/
What made me able to cross the line and become a killer? I had loving parents and an imouto who adored me. For revenge? But, Shizu wanted revenge too and couldn't kill me. She chose death over becoming a murder. I thought I would have been content to die by her katana, and I even ordered her to strike me down.
I push myself away from the rail with a deep sigh and walked over to the other side of the bridge. I put down my backpack with the katana sticking out by the bridge's end post. I take out some string and tie Mikomi to the post. I pet him and give him a kiss goodbye. Then I stick note on the end post telling someone to please take care of Mikomi. When I am finished taking off the arm sling, I start walking over to the river's bank. I could see a slight grow of the rising sun off to the horizon. I fix my eyes to the little light and move into the river. I ignore the river's icy bite on my skin. As the water comes up to my waist, my ears pick up Mikomi's frantic yowls. I also start hearing Kikyou's and Shion's voices beckon out to me to come join them. I let the water come up to my chest.
"Beloved! It's not your time to become nothing!" calls out a rich genderless voice.
I stop. It is that voice again which I have heard in my faded memories and dreams. It also stopped me from going with Kikyou-kun before.
"Beloved do not take the easy way out and abandon your life!"
I hear something splash into the water. As I turn around, the sight that befalls me is almost unreal. Right before me in the shallow water was a shimmering, silky white unicorn as from a fairytale, but the size of a draft horse.
"Beloved please come back to the shore!"
I obey its voice and swim up to the shallows. As I stand, I gaze up into its eyes. It was like falling into a vivid blue violet sky that never ends and reaches into my soul. Then I know it is the same being that I had seen when I was very young. My arms stretch over to embrace it, and my head rests onto its neck. I begin to silently cry with the feelings of joy and anguish.
"There, there now! I am here beloved!" It speaks as it nuzzles the neck and shoulder of its beloved. "Come with me out of the cold water onto the river's bank."
It moves gently onto the dry land, and I follow with my arms still around its neck. When we are on the bank, Mikomi comes galloping up to me with the string dragging behind, and he madly body rubs my legs while meowing. I reach down to him and he jumps into my arms purring loudly as I hold him close. "I am sorry my little Mikomi." I feel the light of the early morning sun and look up into the horizon. As I lean back on the unicorn, I see the purple to pink light begin to touch the earth and slowly push the mist away. I notice the unicorn seems to reflect the light with a halo effect and its horn sparkles. My fears and phantoms are once again locked away and my mask of emotionless return.
"The coming of a new day is always breathtakingly beautiful to gaze upon as life starts anew," murmurs the being.
TBC, the 2nd part will focus on Ken and Yohji.
Words used: Oniisan means honorable older brother, Onii-chan older brother, imouto younger sister, and mikomi roughly means hope.
*To the reader, if you want to barrow my story, please contact me. Also, if you feel the need to flame, make it with guidance in mind. I hate meaningless flaming, and it will be ignored. I'm just writing this for personal pleasure.