I am fed up! I can't stand it anymore! Usagi is not God people! She is not an Elf, she is not some Omnipotent figure who knows and sees all! So ... I am striking back, in my own and non-violent way of course. Naturally, inspiration comes from the fabulous Girl-Chama, whose own parody can be read on ff.net.
Disclaimers: I own nothing. The idea to write this was taken shamelessly from other parodies written by authors wiser and far better than I, but I am, as I said, doing this in my own fashion.
Act One: Betrayed! or Usagi isn't who we think she is.
Narrator/Me: *reading off a script* It was a bright sunny day, right after school. *is handed a piece of paper* No, wait ... it's not after school. I forgot, there *is* no time of the day in these fics. Right, well, anyway ... As per usual Usagi found herself walking down the street to Mamoru's apartment *gets another paper* ... No wait, she's not going to Mamoru's apartment, she's going to Rei's temple. *gets more paper* no, she's not going to the temple, she's going to the shrine. Right, so she found herself walking down the street to Rei's temple/shrine, unaware of anything going on around her and blissfully happy. Then she looked at her watch.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I'M LAAAAAAAAATE!!!" Usagi wailed, tears of frustration forming in her eyes.
Narrator/Me: And so she began to run, now even less aware of anything going on around her. *is threatened by author* Oops, sorry, I forgot. Her senses are so enhanced that she was able to note /everything/ happening around her, but she was going too fast to pay attention.
"Rei's gonna KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" she shrieked as she ran.
Narrator/Me: She ran all the way to the temple/shrine and up the huge stair case, until she came to the top stair and promptly fell over, tripping on her own two feet. *another paper is handed down* All right, all right! So she /gracefully/ ascended the many steps to the temple/shrine like the goddess she is! Happy now?! Anyway, the Inner Senshi were standing there, but Rei. Usagi noted this only vaguely as she looked around.
"Where's Rei-chan?" she asked.
Narrator/Me: Not waiting for an answer from the others Usagi happily walked inside, heading towards Rei's room and humming happily. When she reached the shoji door, she saw not one, but two shadowed figures through the paper shielding.
"Oooh ... you've really got it deep in there," said Rei's voice.
"That's not even half of it," answered a male's voice.
"Mamo-chan ... " Usagi whispered.
"Ouch! Take it easy! Not so hard!" said Mamoru.
"I'm sorry, but it's really big!"
"Well then, get around it a little firmer."
Narrator/Me: Usagi gasped in horror. Her so-called lover and best friend were having sex behind her back! And he had just proposed to her, too! Not taking into account any of the vast majorities of other possibilities of situations possible, she turned and ran down the temple hall, wailing. Rei and Mamoru heard her shrieks and as they jumped apart to find out who had started the fire, the splinter that was in Mamoru's side came out.
"Ack! Itai! ... Er ... thanks, Rei. I'd hate to have to explain to Usako how I'd gotten that there," Mamoru said sheepishly.
"I told you not to go foraging for firewood in the dump. You never can tell what Christmas trees are like after they're thrown out," Rei answered with a teasing grin, "Now, let's find out what that was all about."
Narrator/Me: Usagi had run to the other Senshi and was now in the process of accusing them for Rei's so called "betrayal". This was, of course, done without even bothering to think that they either might not have known about it, or that they even if they had known about it, there was no way that it was their fault. After all, people couldn't exactly force two other people to sleep together, but we must remember that Usagi's I.Q. is not the best. *more paper comes down* Oh, all right. So Usagi's I.Q. is /higher/ that Ami Mizuno's, but she just likes to jump to conclusions. Anyway ...
"How could you? You knew that Rei and Mamoru were cheating on me this whole time, didn't you? And you never told me!!! What kind of friends, no ex-friends, are you?!" Usagi ranted at the very confused Senshi standing in front of the shrine *more paper* ... temple ... *more paper* building of prayer. *rolls eyes and mumbles about stupid newbie authors raised on the dub.*
"Anou ... Usagi-chan" Ami began, "Mamoru-san and Rei-chan went inside because of a splinter - "
"NO THEY DIDN'T! THEY WENT IN TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT MEEEEEEEEE!"
Narrator/Me: If it were possible, Usagi's screeching went to an even higher deciple level and the Senshi were forced to plug their ears with spare tissues or ear plugs pulled out of hammer space. And, because this happens every time, the Outer Senshi randomly appeared out of thin air, while Mamoru and Rei walked out of the temple ... shrine ... building of prayer entrance.
"Usagi-chan?" Rei asked.
"Don't you Usagi-chan me!" shrieked the oblivious blonde, "You've been cheating on me with Mamoru! You just want to be queen! You never liiiiiiiked meeeeeeeeee!"
"What are you - "
"Shut up!" Usagi shouted and ran into Setsuna's arms, "You're my only real friends!"
Narrator/Me: And naturally, the Time Guardian tried to peel her off ... *threatened with a flaming stick* ... simply so she could better console her distraught princess.
"What are you talking about?" Hotaru asked, "I spend more time with Chibi-usa than I ever have with you."
"And the only reason the rest of us appear is because, unfortunately, you're needed in the future. You see, I like the idea of knowing that I'm not going to die tomorrow and that the world isn't going to blow up around me. That's why we stick around." Haruka added.
*both get bonked over the head with a mallet by newbie author*
"Oh, fine!" Hotaru muttered. "I mean: Of course, Usagi-san. I see now that your supposedly faithful Inner Court was no more than a bunch of scheming liars. But rest assured knowing that we are with you till the end."
"Yes, that's right," said Haruka sullenly. "We will prove our faithfullness to you because you are so perfect and graceful and wonderful and more powerful than we are, despite the fact that you can't even use your own crystal without dying and can't walk without tripping over non-existant shoelaces."
Narrator/Me: Usagi, conveniently, didn't hear them and grabbed the Time Key staff from Setsuna. Then she brought out her crystal from God-only-knows-where-she-keeps-it.
"Take me anywhere but here!" she pleaded.
Narrator/Me: Experiencing a Freudian Slip and very conveniently forgetting that the crystal would kill her if she tried anything and that only Setsuna could control the Time Key staff. *growling from newbie author* Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I won't add in any more of my own commentary. Sheesh. *looks down a script* A blinding flash of light, as always, appeared around her, and when it disappeared she was gone. The Senshi blinked, trying to regain their vision, and looked at each other.
"Should we be worried?" Makoto asked, after a while.
"No, I don't think so. I'll be able to look into the dimensions and pull her out when she finally comes to her senses," Setsuna assured them.
"But ... what if she lands in a time and falls in love with one of them? What if she refuses to come back?!" asked Ami worriedly.
"Oh, there's no needing to worry about that. They'll either all be gay, or they just won't be able to put up with her for more than an hour."
"You know this?" asked Minako.
"Of course," Setsuna grinned, "I can see the future after all, she'll be arriving in the dimension of the Colonies first, I think. Would you like to come watch?"
Narrator/Me: The Senshi looked at each other and shrugged, each nodding.
"Why not?" asked Mamoru.
Narrator/Me: And Setsuna brought them all to the Time Gates to watch the fate of their Princess with an I.Q. of no more, though very possibly less, than three. *the flaming stick reappears* All right, all right! An I.Q. of no /less/ than 340. Happy now? *author nods smugly*
~done with chapter one~
Where shall Usagi go now? Well, you've got a choice. After this chapter will come a multitude of the various places that Usagi usually goes, starting with the Gundam Wing dimension. In this way, I can make fun of more stories, in greater detail. In other words, you can choose all the places you like to see me make fun of, aren't you lucky? Enjoy yourselves, and please review! =^-^=
Disclaimers: I own nothing. The idea to write this was taken shamelessly from other parodies written by authors wiser and far better than I, but I am, as I said, doing this in my own fashion.
Act One: Betrayed! or Usagi isn't who we think she is.
Narrator/Me: *reading off a script* It was a bright sunny day, right after school. *is handed a piece of paper* No, wait ... it's not after school. I forgot, there *is* no time of the day in these fics. Right, well, anyway ... As per usual Usagi found herself walking down the street to Mamoru's apartment *gets another paper* ... No wait, she's not going to Mamoru's apartment, she's going to Rei's temple. *gets more paper* no, she's not going to the temple, she's going to the shrine. Right, so she found herself walking down the street to Rei's temple/shrine, unaware of anything going on around her and blissfully happy. Then she looked at her watch.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I'M LAAAAAAAAATE!!!" Usagi wailed, tears of frustration forming in her eyes.
Narrator/Me: And so she began to run, now even less aware of anything going on around her. *is threatened by author* Oops, sorry, I forgot. Her senses are so enhanced that she was able to note /everything/ happening around her, but she was going too fast to pay attention.
"Rei's gonna KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" she shrieked as she ran.
Narrator/Me: She ran all the way to the temple/shrine and up the huge stair case, until she came to the top stair and promptly fell over, tripping on her own two feet. *another paper is handed down* All right, all right! So she /gracefully/ ascended the many steps to the temple/shrine like the goddess she is! Happy now?! Anyway, the Inner Senshi were standing there, but Rei. Usagi noted this only vaguely as she looked around.
"Where's Rei-chan?" she asked.
Narrator/Me: Not waiting for an answer from the others Usagi happily walked inside, heading towards Rei's room and humming happily. When she reached the shoji door, she saw not one, but two shadowed figures through the paper shielding.
"Oooh ... you've really got it deep in there," said Rei's voice.
"That's not even half of it," answered a male's voice.
"Mamo-chan ... " Usagi whispered.
"Ouch! Take it easy! Not so hard!" said Mamoru.
"I'm sorry, but it's really big!"
"Well then, get around it a little firmer."
Narrator/Me: Usagi gasped in horror. Her so-called lover and best friend were having sex behind her back! And he had just proposed to her, too! Not taking into account any of the vast majorities of other possibilities of situations possible, she turned and ran down the temple hall, wailing. Rei and Mamoru heard her shrieks and as they jumped apart to find out who had started the fire, the splinter that was in Mamoru's side came out.
"Ack! Itai! ... Er ... thanks, Rei. I'd hate to have to explain to Usako how I'd gotten that there," Mamoru said sheepishly.
"I told you not to go foraging for firewood in the dump. You never can tell what Christmas trees are like after they're thrown out," Rei answered with a teasing grin, "Now, let's find out what that was all about."
Narrator/Me: Usagi had run to the other Senshi and was now in the process of accusing them for Rei's so called "betrayal". This was, of course, done without even bothering to think that they either might not have known about it, or that they even if they had known about it, there was no way that it was their fault. After all, people couldn't exactly force two other people to sleep together, but we must remember that Usagi's I.Q. is not the best. *more paper comes down* Oh, all right. So Usagi's I.Q. is /higher/ that Ami Mizuno's, but she just likes to jump to conclusions. Anyway ...
"How could you? You knew that Rei and Mamoru were cheating on me this whole time, didn't you? And you never told me!!! What kind of friends, no ex-friends, are you?!" Usagi ranted at the very confused Senshi standing in front of the shrine *more paper* ... temple ... *more paper* building of prayer. *rolls eyes and mumbles about stupid newbie authors raised on the dub.*
"Anou ... Usagi-chan" Ami began, "Mamoru-san and Rei-chan went inside because of a splinter - "
"NO THEY DIDN'T! THEY WENT IN TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT MEEEEEEEEE!"
Narrator/Me: If it were possible, Usagi's screeching went to an even higher deciple level and the Senshi were forced to plug their ears with spare tissues or ear plugs pulled out of hammer space. And, because this happens every time, the Outer Senshi randomly appeared out of thin air, while Mamoru and Rei walked out of the temple ... shrine ... building of prayer entrance.
"Usagi-chan?" Rei asked.
"Don't you Usagi-chan me!" shrieked the oblivious blonde, "You've been cheating on me with Mamoru! You just want to be queen! You never liiiiiiiked meeeeeeeeee!"
"What are you - "
"Shut up!" Usagi shouted and ran into Setsuna's arms, "You're my only real friends!"
Narrator/Me: And naturally, the Time Guardian tried to peel her off ... *threatened with a flaming stick* ... simply so she could better console her distraught princess.
"What are you talking about?" Hotaru asked, "I spend more time with Chibi-usa than I ever have with you."
"And the only reason the rest of us appear is because, unfortunately, you're needed in the future. You see, I like the idea of knowing that I'm not going to die tomorrow and that the world isn't going to blow up around me. That's why we stick around." Haruka added.
*both get bonked over the head with a mallet by newbie author*
"Oh, fine!" Hotaru muttered. "I mean: Of course, Usagi-san. I see now that your supposedly faithful Inner Court was no more than a bunch of scheming liars. But rest assured knowing that we are with you till the end."
"Yes, that's right," said Haruka sullenly. "We will prove our faithfullness to you because you are so perfect and graceful and wonderful and more powerful than we are, despite the fact that you can't even use your own crystal without dying and can't walk without tripping over non-existant shoelaces."
Narrator/Me: Usagi, conveniently, didn't hear them and grabbed the Time Key staff from Setsuna. Then she brought out her crystal from God-only-knows-where-she-keeps-it.
"Take me anywhere but here!" she pleaded.
Narrator/Me: Experiencing a Freudian Slip and very conveniently forgetting that the crystal would kill her if she tried anything and that only Setsuna could control the Time Key staff. *growling from newbie author* Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I won't add in any more of my own commentary. Sheesh. *looks down a script* A blinding flash of light, as always, appeared around her, and when it disappeared she was gone. The Senshi blinked, trying to regain their vision, and looked at each other.
"Should we be worried?" Makoto asked, after a while.
"No, I don't think so. I'll be able to look into the dimensions and pull her out when she finally comes to her senses," Setsuna assured them.
"But ... what if she lands in a time and falls in love with one of them? What if she refuses to come back?!" asked Ami worriedly.
"Oh, there's no needing to worry about that. They'll either all be gay, or they just won't be able to put up with her for more than an hour."
"You know this?" asked Minako.
"Of course," Setsuna grinned, "I can see the future after all, she'll be arriving in the dimension of the Colonies first, I think. Would you like to come watch?"
Narrator/Me: The Senshi looked at each other and shrugged, each nodding.
"Why not?" asked Mamoru.
Narrator/Me: And Setsuna brought them all to the Time Gates to watch the fate of their Princess with an I.Q. of no more, though very possibly less, than three. *the flaming stick reappears* All right, all right! An I.Q. of no /less/ than 340. Happy now? *author nods smugly*
~done with chapter one~
Where shall Usagi go now? Well, you've got a choice. After this chapter will come a multitude of the various places that Usagi usually goes, starting with the Gundam Wing dimension. In this way, I can make fun of more stories, in greater detail. In other words, you can choose all the places you like to see me make fun of, aren't you lucky? Enjoy yourselves, and please review! =^-^=