Okay, so this is a total rewrite of ME2 (possibly ME3 as well, I don't know). I had a thought the other day and wondered what if Shepard didn't die because of the Collector's attack. Anyway, this will show my thought on what could happen and how she will, or won't, join Cerberus.

Any thoughts about this are appreciated, of course :-)

-X-

It all happened so fast. The sudden attack, the crew members running around doing everything necessary to help each other and save what could be saved. Kaidan storming to her and refusing to leave her side before she practically ordered him to leave. He did leave, and she felt relieved to know he's safe. It was rude for her to feel that way, but Kaidan meant everything to her.

She tossed everything aside as she send the distress call, knowing only one more person was left at the Normandy; Joker. The faithful pilot wouldn't allow the ship to go down. But Shepard wouldn't let him end like in the old movies, where the captain goes down with his ship. Not on her watch.

She made her way through the CIC as fast as she could (as fast as the gravity would allow her, that is) as the unknown ship came in for another attack. She hurried, and soon reached the cockpit where she found Joker fumbling on the controls.

"Joker we have to leave! The ship is going down and I'm not letting you go down as well!" She yelled in the radio, but he just kept on pushing the buttons, doing everything he can to save the ship. She had enough. Without warning she grabbed his hand and pulled him up, ignoring the loud yelp of pain coming from him.

"Watch the arm, goddamn it!" Together they hurried (even though it looked more like stumbling) back to the only escape pod left. Shepard placed him on the seat as he fastened his seat belts, then she turned her head around to look over her shoulder. She caught sight of the unknown, massive ship readying another attack. Knowing the Normandy can't survive another attack, she pushed the button before sitting down in front of Joker. She just managed to fasten the seat belts before the pod flew away in time.

The ship's laser pierced through the Normandy again, tearing the ship in half completely. Then it exploded, and the escape pod shook a little because of the explosion. Her heart sunk though as she watched her home, the Normandy, falling down towards the surface of Alchera. She swallowed hard as tears burned her eyes. Glancing at Joker she realized he cried too as he threw his oxygen mask away, then lifted his angry eyes to look at her.

"Damn it Shepard! Why didn't you let me save her?!"

Shaking her head and swallowing her anger, she answered, "You would go down with her, and I need you to pilot another ship!"

Joker tensed at the mention of flying another ship. "As if I want another ship. Damn it! The Normandy was my ship! I had to-"

"Enough!" she yelled and interrupted him effectively. Joker shut his mouth as she threw her oxygen mask away as well. "Don't you think I feel bad for losing the best ship in the Alliance?! She was my ship Joker!" She said with a raised voice before taking a deep breath to calm her temper. It wasn't his fault after all. "If you'd stay there a minute longer, we'd both be dead by now."

Joker, now admitting he was wrong, lowered his head in shame, "I'm sorry. I'm not yelling at you Shepard. It's just-"

"I know," he didn't have to tell her how he felt like right now, because she felt the same. "I know..." Sighing, she let her shoulders relax as they approached another planet which the systems recognized as an Alliance colony. She stared at the planets surface as a cold shudder ran down her spine at a certain thought: she almost died back there.

-X-

He paced up and down a line, worried and physically exhausted. He couldn't just sit back and wait while she would arrive, the waiting was killing him and he couldn't understand how the others could be so relaxed (compared to him, they were relaxed).

"She can't be gone..." he mumbled his greatest fears as cold sweat appeared on his forehead. "She has to be fine..." the others kept watching him but didn't dare approach him.

Liara felt his biotics raging a war with his self control, and she knew that everything could be a trigger to release that anger. Sighing, she looked away at a clearly shaken Tali who hid her face between her knees. Liara placed a comforting hand on her shoulder which made Tali look up. Even though she couldn't see her face, she knew her quarian friend cried, so she pulled her into a hard hug.

Kaidan looked away at the two hugging each other simply because the sight twisted his gut. He felt like they hugged because they feared that Shepard was gone. Kaidan balled his hands into fists as he breathed deeply in and out of his nose, muttering, "She's safe. Please God let her be-" Then he looked up and saw the last escape pod fall not far from them.

Everyone hurried up to their feet as the doors of the last pod slid open. Silence spread between anyone as they waited for Shepard and Joker to come out, only Kaidan ran into to the pod to see Shepard standing over Joker, waiting for him to remove his seat belts. When she felt Kaidan's eyes on her though, she completely forgot about Joker. Instead she hurried to him and leapt into his arms as he lifted her in the air. Their armor clashed and didn't allow them to get close, but none cared.

"Shepard," he breathed into her hair, smelling a faint scent of her vanilla shampoo combined with the smell of smoke, and death. "God I've missed you."

She broke the hug and cupped his face before crushing her lips on his. They didn't care about the audience because they had a close call today, and right now they could strip each other even in front of everyone. So desperate were they.

Liara cleared her throat though and Joker cursed her for that. "Aww no Liara. You were supposed to let them give us a good show."

Kaidan blushed furiously where Shepard just smirked at him, "Yeah, as if you could handle watching us."

Joker rolled his eyes but still managed to smile, "Empty promises, Commander. You know I only believe in what I see." Now she rolled her eyes but didn't miss the blush Kaidan had on his face.

"One day, you'll manage to sneak a camera into my cabin. Just don't give up." She said sarcastically which made the others laugh a little. Kaidan, still bright red, helped her get Joker out of the pod. They put him down somewhere under a tree before Shepard turned to her crew.

"Is anyone that is here severely injured?" None lifted her or his hand, and for that she thanked God. "Okay, stay calm. I know we've been through a lot, and we lost a lot, but the Alliance is on their way. They'll be here in no time." Everyone nodded, then turned to their closest friends. Shepard's crew (well, the aliens she picked up) came to sit around Joker before Shepard sat down on the lawn as well.

"What the hell attacked us?" Asked Joker while shaking his head. "They've burned the Normandy and turned her into butter! As if she didn't have any shields at all!" Everyone heard the pain and frustration in Jokers voice, but everyone understood him. The Normandy was his baby, after all.

"Whatever or whoever attacked us, must have some advanced technology ship." Answered Tali as everyone turned to her. "The Normandy couldn't even detect it."

"Yeah but the enemy ship detected the Normandy even with the stealth systems on," stated Garrus. "Those must be some very advanced space pirates."

"Whatever they are, they almost killed us," said Liara. Shepard glanced at her crew, she saw the fear on everyone's face. She could barely keep calm herself, but she had to because of her crew.

"Hey, we have to keep it together. We'll know more when the Alliance arrives." Everyone nodded, and she felt relieved they bought her facade. She stood up and lied when she said she would walk around a little to inspect the close surroundings. When she found a secluded place where no one could see her she fell down on her rear while letting out a long sigh.

She let her head fall down and touch her knees as the exhaustion crushed on her. The fear she felt all the while she was witnessing the destruction threatened to break her, to shatter the walls of courage she build around her. She looked up at the sky as tears burned her vision, but she blinked them away. The others would see she cried and she couldn't allow that.

Suddenly she could feel another ones presence. She tensed and wanted to put up her Commander face, but relaxed when Kaidan approached and sat down next to her. "Hey, what are you doing here?" Shepard let out a heavy sigh as she dug the heels of her palm into her eyes.

"Honestly?" she looked back at him and already could he see why she went away from everyone. "I'm scared." She swallowed the lump down her throat as Kaidan placed his hand around her shoulders. "I know I have to stay tough and brave, but..." she couldn't finish her thoughts, the emotions were just too overwhelming. Kaidan took her chin and forced her to look at him, which she did without putting in any resistance.

"It's okay to be scared. I mean we received a hell of a punch today and no body is going to blame you for being a little scared." She smiled but still she couldn't lose the fear, the terror she felt while on board.

"A little? Hell I'm scared as shit." she admitted when looking away, but Kaidan forced her gaze back on him and smiled reassuringly.

"I know, and no body is blaming you for that. You did a hell of a job Shepard." He opened his arms, inviting her into his embrace. She didn't hesitate a second when she embraced him back, leaning her head close to his so he breathed down her ear. "It's okay. We're safe and fine, and that's what matters." He whispered down her ear before tightening his hold on her. She knew he was scared.

She hugged him hard too, before whispering, "I know. And thanks for cheering me up a little." He broke the embrace and placed his palm on her cheek while he smiled.

"Anytime Shepard." They both settled down, he pulling her into a half hug as he stared at the sky. For the first time a thought crept up his mind; what if I lost her up there? Kaidan tightened his hold on her and placed a hard kiss on her hair. Thinking about losing her twisted his gut, but she's safe and next to him so he chased that thought away. Minutes passed, and not long after the Alliance vessel landed close to their location. Kaidan sighed, sometimes he was so sick of being a marine.