Title: Lifting Shadows
Author: Kate (kate2130@yahoo.com)
Archive: Blown Away – of course. Everyone else, just ask me first, and I'm sure I'll say yes.
Summary: A continuation of/alternate last several scenes to "First Snowfall."
Spoilers: None, unless you haven't seen up to "First Snowfall" yet.
Feedback: Well, duh. ;) I mean, please…
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I ever get rich enough, though, Luka and Eric are mine.
Dedication: To Sami, because I promised her she would not have to be the only one writing Luby fics lately. J
Author's Note: The title is taken from a line of Cat Steven's song "Changes IV." Don't you feel a change a coming/from another side of time/breaking down the walls of silence/lifting shadows from your mind
Actually, the song has nothing to do with the story, but the phrase fits. I think.
~*~
The weight of Carter's arm, slung possessively over her chest, was suffocating. Abby tried to wriggle out from under it but finally had to settle for picking the entire thing up and placing it across his own midsection. He stirred, muttering something incoherent, and turned over, his back to her.
She sighed, almost awed by the ease at which sleep had claimed him. She had feigned fatigue to get out of sex, and had thought it at least the partial truth at the time. But while Carter had taken her weary rejection in stride and promptly fallen asleep, Abby had spent the last – she glanced at the clock – two hours counting ceiling tiles.
She'd at first been pleasantly surprised when Carter had shown up – after all, there was only so much Maggie (stable or not) she could take, and she desperately needed someone to hold. She'd thought the cell phone trick was sweet, if a bit cheesy. And so she'd felt a small smile creep onto her face as he'd approached.
But after a quick hug, Carter had gotten down to business. Maggie watched (passively, noted Abby) as he rattled off medications, doctors, courses of treatment that were sure to have a positive effect on Eric. Abby stood silently, feeling overwhelmed, until he started referring to "a guy my father knows in the military" and began dispensing legal advice.
"Carter!" she finally snapped, "Stop it. You're not helping!"
He stopped mid-sentence, an almost offended look on his face. "Sorry, I just thought…"
She shook her head, throwing a small wave to Maggie, who'd taken the tension as her cue to head towards the rental car. "Well, don't think. I don't need…" She sighed. "I just don't need that right now."
"Hey!" he protested, "I know it's been a bad couple days, but I thought…I mean, I came all this way…"
She looked at him, disbelieving what she'd heard. "You want a medal? I'm sorry it's such a hardship for you. God, Carter, it's not like I begged you to show up here!" She stared at him, daring him to continue.
Carter held his hands up defensively. "Okay, okay." He sighed, dropping his hands. "Come on," he said softly, changing his tone and taking her arm, "Let's just get to the hotel." She shook his hand away but still allowed him to open the car door for her.
They rode in silence for a while, Abby becoming increasingly annoyed at Carter drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Finally, to mask the sound, she spoke. "I'm sorry." He glanced her way and she dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry; It's just…it sucks. Eric, of all people." She rubbed a hand across her eyes wearily.
"I know." A long pause. "I'm sorry, too." Abby pursed her lips but rewarded his apology with a quick smile, and they spent the rest of the ride in silence.
And now, listening to Carter snoring softly next to her, Abby wished she were anywhere else. Anywhere at all, except for a strange hotel room in Nebraska lying next to someone – she realized with a disturbing clarity – who she didn't want to be lying next to at all. At least not now. She almost wished she'd followed Maggie to the hotel room they'd rented together before John Carter had shown up, ready to save the world.
She had just decided to go for a walk around the hotel, maybe find the bar, when she heard the tinny ringing of her cell phone across the room. Carter stirred again and groaned. As she moved to get out of bed, he reached his arm back to her. "Just leave it," he mumbled foggily.
She pushed herself off the bed. "Eric's lawyer…" she whispered in explanation, fumbling with her purse and finally extracting the angry phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, Abby." The softly accented voice was the last one she expected to hear on the other end of the phone and, with a cursory glance at Carter – sleeping again – she stepped out into the dimly lit hallway. "I'm sorry I'm calling so late," she heard.
"No, it's okay," she answered automatically. "Luka?"
"I just…" He sounded embarrassed. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Abby sank slowly to the floor, resting her head on the wall. She shrugged, remembering halfway through the motion that Luka couldn't see her. "I'm…fine." Luka made a noise that indicated he didn't believe her, a hybrid that sounded like a cross between a cough and a snort. She sighed. "He's crazy. Literally. And in big trouble with the military…" Abby was surprised to feel tears clog her throat. "It's just not fair, Luka."
She could almost picture the worried look on Luka's face. He would be running his hand through his hair, maybe rubbing his chin. "If there's anything you need, Abby, anything I can do…" He trailed off, obviously afraid to say too much, or say the wrong thing.
Abby tensed immediately. "No, no, I don't need saving, I don't need advice."
"What?"
Ashamed, she sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just…" She sighed again, a bit louder. "…Carter's here."
"Oh. And that's…not good?"
Abby picked at a loose thread on the hem of her tank top. "He has this…" she flipped her hand, wishing she were talking face to face with Luka. Or maybe not, she reconsidered wryly. They'd never done much talking face to face. "…this savior thing going on," she continued. "It's like he has to fix everything, right away." She paused, tracing the pattern in the carpet with her forefinger. "Never mind, I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," he replied matter-of-factly. And then he cleared his throat. "But if you ever do, you know…"
Another time, Abby would have ended the conversation right there. She was an expert at that – stopping when things got too personal, backing away when she thought the other person was prying too much. "He hates me," she said suddenly.
Luka waited, listening to the shaky intake of breath.
"He didn't even want to see me. He'd called Maggie, of all people. Maggie."
He paused, deftly hiding his surprise over the mention of her mother. "And he should have called you because you were more of a mother to him than she ever was?" It wasn't a question, though posed as one, just a statement of what she'd been too ashamed to put into words all day.
"Well, yeah." She twisted a strand of hair in front of her face. Blonde? What had she been thinking? "I guess. Maybe. I don't know." She groaned painfully. "Maggie's right; she's his mother; I'm not. And she knows what he's going through; I don't. And maybe he was just too ashamed to tell me. But…he's my brother. I love him."
"I know." The reply came quickly, softly. "And I'm sure he knows, too."
Abby let her head rest against the wall again. "I told him." And she heard the smile in Luka's voice as he answered.
"I'm glad."
The two fell silent for a while, each listening to the other's faint breathing on the line. Abby felt somewhat relaxed for the first time all day, and when her eyelids began to droop, she broke the silence. "If I don't hang up this phone, I'm going to fall asleep right here in the hallway."
Luka chuckled. "I guess I'd better let you go then."
"Mmhm," she hedged, not willing to break the connection just yet. "Thank you, Luka."
"Anytime," he replied, and the often-automatic response was anything but automatic or thoughtless. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
She rolled her eyes, strangely touched by his genuine concern. "Yeah, I will." Another pause. "I'll see you in a couple days. Or however long this takes."
"Good night, Abby."
"'Night."
Abby stared at the silent phone in her hand for a long moment. Then, pushing herself to her feet, she turned the knob to the room and groped through the darkness to reach her purse. As she put her phone away, her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she could just make out Carter's form sprawled across the bed. He was spread across the entire space, leaving her no room unless she wanted to ball herself in a fetal position at the foot of the bed. She smiled, gently extracting a pillow from the sleeping man's grasp, and lay down on the couch, her back to him. Relieved, with the sound of Luka's calming voice still in her ears, she drifted into a dreamless sleep.