Disclaimer: I don't own anything from YYH (I wish I had Hiei for a day though…) I do own my own characters though.
Vertical(ly) Challenged
By Tagalog
A young girl paces the rooftop of Sarasaki High School, pestering an inattentive boy. She badgers him over a tardy assignment. The teen boy sits, pulling at the sleeves of his green jumpsuit, neglecting her nagging.
"Yusuke, it's bad enough that you rarely attend school, but when you are present, you slack off!" Yusuke slightly nodded his head as he flipped a jellybean and caught it in his mouth.
"C'mon Keiko, school's too boring and nobody, besides you, cares whether I skip or not." She twirled around, her eyes ablaze with impatience.
"Well maybe if you came to class more frequently, people would respect you more! Instead, you go off and fight recklessly! Stupid boy!" Keiko turned around to see her friend preoccupied with prying jellybeans out of his molars.
"Damn jellybeans. You'd think they'd come with a box of floss or at least a toothpick." Keiko's face flushed as Yusuke sat completely ignoring her lecture. Turning, she stomped towards the stairs.
"I guess a bag of jellybeans are more important than me or your academics."
"Wait!" Yusuke rose, spilling the package of sweets, "KEIKO!" He began running towards the exit when a ring cam from his pant's pocket. From the pocket, he pulled out a communication mirror. Yusuke popped it open, and was greeted by a jovial voice.
"Greetings Yusuke! Botan here! Do you copy?"
"Botan!" he yelled, "Ya kinda caught me at a bad time!" Yusuke raced down the flight of stairs, trying to locate Keiko.
"But Yusuke…Ko…" Before she finished, Yusuke impertinently interrupted the grim reaper.
"Whatever Koenma wants, it can wait!" As he charged down the steps, it proved to be a difficult test of coordination. While complaining to Botan, he lost his footing and tripped. He tumbled down the remaining steps until he landed at the bottom. Keiko looked up from her spot at the foot of the stairs, eyes wet with tears.
Yusuke glanced up at her and smiled, despite his crippled body.
"H..he…hey..Ke…Keikk…Keiko…" The mirror landed beside Keiko, still operational.
" Yusuke. Yusuke! YUSUKE!!" Botan screamed from the device. Meekly, the detective seized the mirror.
" He..hey…Bo…Botan…" He managed to squeak.
"That's better. Now Yusuke, Koenma has a new mission for you." At the sound of this information, Keiko began weeping again.
" Yusuke," she sobbed, "I thought we agreed that you'd tell me about this Spirit Detective stuff."
" Yah Keiko, but I didn't kno…"
"Yusuke, are you still there? Don't ignore me, I know you can still hear me!" The young Spirit Detective frantically exchanged gazes between a wailing girlfriend and a screeching assistant.
"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" Yusuke screamed so loud, the floor seemed to rumble. He took his hand and raised a lock of Keiko's hair until her left ear was exposed.
" Hear me out, both of you! I'm NOT accepting ANY new cases until I get my deserved rest!"
" But Yusuke…" Botan whimpered.
" No more! I want to sleep now! Maybe I'll feel like fighting after I've slept a few days!" He dropped Keiko's hair back to her face and prepared to close the mirror.
" Yusuke, this mission doesn't require fighting." Both Yusuke and Keiko looked up with shock.
"Huh!?"
"Okay, let's get this straight: I don't have to deal with demons, travel to a foreign world, or fight?!" Yusuke was pacing throughout his room as Botan and Keiko observed him questionably.
"That's correct."
"Hah! Hah! Cool, this is the best assignment yet!" Keiko glanced hopelessly at her jaunty friend, prancing around at the sound of being lazy.
"Well Botan, what is his mission?" she inquired, awaiting Yusuke's reaction.
"I'm glad you asked," turning towards Yusuke, she continued, "He'll be accompanied by Kuwabara. By the way, recruiting Kurama and Hiei is an option this time. If you don't require their skills, consider them off this case."
"Nah, let 'um come. I don't want to look after Kuwabara by myself." Yusuke laid his head on his pillow with satisfaction.
"Anyway, don't think this will be an idle mission. You still have to work hard."
"Hold up Botan," Yusuke sprung to his feet, "What do you mean work hard? The only work I've done for Koenma has been fighting evil monsters, but you already mentioned we're not going to fight." Yusuke parked himself back on the bed and heaved a long sigh.
"I'm lost."
" Well when I said you wouldn't be fighting this time, that wasn't entirely true." Botan backed away to give the oncoming scream room to explode.
"WHAT!!!!!!!!! The only reason I agreed to partake in this mission, is because it sounded easy! No you're going back on your word and saying it isn't!"
" Oh Yusuke, no assignment is ever easy. Besides Koenma wouldn't have summoned for you if it wasn't of some urgency."
" Come on now Yusuke, the assignment can't be that dreadful can it?" Botan nervously laughed trying to make it oblivious to Yusuke's ears.
"What's so funny Botan?" Although she succeeded to keep her snicker from Yusuke, Keiko managed to hear her.
"It has something to do with the mission, doesn't it?" The irritated Spirit Detective spoke through clenched teeth.
"Keiko's right though, it's not that awful. All you boys have to do fetch a certain human Koenma's had his eye on for quite some time now."
" So now I'm a delivery boy, transporting humans to the Spirit World." His sarcastic tone only caused Botan to giggle cheerfully.
"No silly! The human you and your team 'delivers' is going to be your new apprentice!"
Needless to say, Yusuke wasn't pleased with the new info. After various curse words were yelled and a visit from Yusuke's mother (who informed him not to act in front of girls that way) Yusuke was off to convene with Kuwabara.
" I can't believe them!" He viciously kicked a pop can down the curb. Yusuke remembered what Botan had said after his mom intruded into their conversation.
"She's about your age, so I think she'll be easy to cooperate with." Yusuke gulped.
"She?"
" What's wrong with your apprentice being a girl? Besides, she has great potential with spirit energy. Why, already she has mastered her own techniques."
"Is she familiar with the Spirit Gun?"
"No. Her method of spirit energy always uses air as a medium."
"What the hell does that mean?!"
"I think what Botan is saying is that she forms her spirit energy by using the air around her." Keiko explained, trying to help Yusuke in his mission all she can.
"Well that's kinda lame. Using simple air as an attack. It sounds boring and weak."
"Don't get to overconfident. It may sound weak, but Koenma believes her methods are quite hazardous, especially since she can't control them."
"How bad could it get? You said yourself that I didn't need assistance."
"Just be careful. I have to return to Spirit World to gather more information on her. Go and explain the mission to Kuwabara. I'll contact you through the mirror when I found her location."
"What about Kurama and Hiei?"
"We'll send them over ASAP. Bye Yusuke, have fun."
Yusuke trudged down the streets, waiting for Kuwabara. As angry as he was, Yusuke couldn't help but wonder what the mission was going to be like.
God, I hope she's not a REAL fighter. Maybe she'll just agree to come with us to the Spirit World without resistance.
Many new thoughts boggled his mind, throwing him into a state of paranoia.
Come to think of it, I've never actually HIT a girl before! Maybe I'll get Hiei to do it.
"Hey, Urameshi!" A large boy in a blue jumpsuit charged at his oblivious comrade.
"Oh, hi Kuwabara!" He was greeted by a vigorous smack on the head.
"Ah, was Yusuke thinking?" Kuwabara teased.
"At least I have the ability to think." Yusuke retorted punching his friend as part of his reply.
"So how's business? Do we get to beat the crap out of more demons." Kuwabara clenched his fists and modeled a few air punches, signaling his eagerness.
"Besides your small conflict with Hiei, we're not going to fight this time."
"WHAT!?" Yusuke's collar was grabbed by Kuwabara's large hand. He felt himself being slightly elevated off the ground as Kuwabara screamed in his face.
"What do you mean we're not going to fight?! What did they hire you to do?! Huh?!"
After a long, long, very long talk with Kuwabara, the dense friend finally understood. The orange-haired boy wasn't pleased without the opportunity to fight, but was relieved to know that there was a damsel in distress.
"Alright, so where's this girl we're supposed to save?"
"You idiot, have you forgotten already?! Botan's supposed to call us when she found more info on the assignment."
"Theoretically." A soft voice came from behind the two detectives. They turned around to be greeted by two, familiar demons.
"Hey, you two! I thought Koenma wasn't going to send you until we received the whole mission.
"Well, I guess we're here to accomplish both jobs." Hiei grunted.
"Here." The fire demon callously handed a piece of paper to Yusuke.
"Let's see…" Yusuke was suddenly pushed away from the printout as a deeper voice began reading.
"Naomie. What a pretty name. What else? Blue eyes. Black hair with blue highlights and…Ow!"
"Hey!! Who's the Detective here?! Now, we'll find her in…ooh… that's sure a dreadful place to call home."
"Where does she live?" Kuwabara rubbed his chin where his friend previously hit him.
"On the coast on the Pacifist Lake, in a shed."
"I recognize that vicinity. That's around the same place where you first confronted Hiei." Kurama replied.
"Good. Then it won't take us long to find her."
"Fool," everyone turned towards Hiei, " Look again, it's not that simple."
" Let's see… Lives in shed, got that, although this is her home, she is rarely found there. Ah, great!" Yusuke sat down, already renouncing his assignment. Kurama yanked the paper from Yusuke's hand and skimmed the whole printout.
"Here's a lead. She often resides to a local club for a majority of the day. Let us go there and search for her."
"Keiko's going to kill me if she found out I went to a club for detective work." His shoulders sank, as if he could already hear his girlfriend reprimanding at him.
"Ah, hell. Let's get this over with."
The four comrades marched to Kuwabara's house and despite their pleading (not Hiei's), Kuwabara's sister refused to take them. After much quarrelling and thunderous debates, the detectives resorted to the local bus as transportation.
"Damn bus." Kuwabara grumbled. His complaining only made Kurama smile.
"It's not that bad. We can see more of our surroundings than if we were scrunched in a car."
"Why bother to see the sites, it's all a bunch of junk anyhow."
"You moron! Being vigilant of your surroundings helps your poor instinct become more aware. Once you comprehend that, you can understand what your target is like. Pathetic human"
"Why you little smart ass! Come here!"
"Can't both of you just shut up! I don't know why you guys are complaining; I had to pay for ALL of the boarding tickets." Yusuke screeched back at them. They had only been on the bus for a mere ten minutes and it already appeared like a field trip with stubborn children.
" And we thank you for that. You contribute much more than just your fighting talents to this team." Kurama managed to smile.
" Why, Detective, did you request our assistance in this assignment when there is to be no battles? Are you too weak to handle a simple assignment as this?" Hiei smirked only to be contradicted with Yusuke's grin.
"Well, I'll just keep that information to myself for now, but I kinda feel like I wanted your help more than needed it. We make quite a team, don't you agree?"
"Hhn…" Hiei turned away and remained silent for the remaining of the trip.
The "perfect" team was dropped off at the curb only a block away from the club. They found a lengthy, disorderly line going into the club's double doors.
" Looks like quite a party! Let's hope she's in here, it might take us a good amount of time to reach the front" Kurama scratched his chin in bewilderment.
"Who says we're waiting?" Yusuke leered and began scampering down the alleys and back ways to find another entrance to the club. The remaining three proceeded after their leader, each hoping not to be caught.
"Here we are." Yusuke still had his devilish look smeared across hi face."
"Now, what genius! We're supposed to be detectives! Good guys! Not bad guys who break into places, illegally!"
"Relax, we're doing our job! If Koenma doesn't like it, he should have sent us some VIP passes or something."
"So kiddies, where are your VIP passes?" A looming voice emerged from behind them causing Kuwabara to shriek.
"Ah Urameshi! It's a giant! We shouldn't have come, let's get out of here!!!!!!!!!!" Yusuke kept most of his cool and smacked his paranoid friend causing him to scream in agony instead of fear.
"You have to excuse my friends for their outlandish behavior, you frightened them." Kurama calmly stated an excuse for his teammates.
"That's fine, but that gives you no authority to be sneaking around here. Go home!" The security guard glanced at all of them, making extra certain that they heard him.
" We're looking for a person around here, do you know anyone named Naomie?" Yusuke took a chance in asking the guard and it seemed, for a while, that they wouldn't receive an answer.
" What business do you have with her?"
" We were advised to talk to her."
" Just follow me." The buff man led them to a back door and after whispering to a fellow guard, they were led inside the entrance.
Neon lights caused the entire facility to appear to be on fire. What were even more extravagant were the hordes of people, each individual dancing to their own beat, yet they appeared as one. The group of boys looked on in astonishment as they emerged into the club.
"Welcome to Find Club Nine, boys! Enjoy your time here." Then the guard leaned over and whispered in Yusuke's ear.
"Make sure to finish the task completely so no one will suspect." Before he could confirm, the guard slipped out the door.
"What the hell was that for?" Yusuke scratched his head in confusion.
"Never mind him," Hiei interrupted his puzzlement, "I want to find this human a get back to Spirit World."
"Geez. Some people act as if they have never had a day of fun in their life." Yusuke plunged his hands into his pockets and led his fellow comrades into the heart of the commotion.