Hello All! So my friend MauMauKa and I were traveling for a few days and had been reading New Moon and Twilight the entire time, we were a bit punchy by the end of the first day and we got into the same discussion as Alice and Bella which was one about inherently funny words. Many bags of highly sugared candy, monster energy drinks, alcohol once we stopped driving and little sleep later we had this poem written out. We apologize profusely for it, and hope it offers you at least a laugh!

Edward's Lullaby.

"Ladies and Gentleman" Alice called with a gleeful gleam her eye. The Cullen family along with Charlie and the Wolves all looked over to where she and Bella were standing. "As you know, Edward, Jasper and Emmett all went hunting last night and Bella and I had the unique opportunity to spend some quality time together. During this time we were deep in conversation of many different topics and we stumbled across the discussion of inherently funny words."

Esme frowned slightly as she considered and spoke up, her light voice rushing over the assembled like bell chimes on a breeze, "What do you mean inherently funny?" she asked and was met with echoes of the same.

Bella smiled shyly at them all and sat down on the nearest chair, hating as always to be the center of attention, "Well like, the word turnip for example. If you play with it and really think about it, it sounds funny and can even make some people smile or laugh just at the sound of it."

"Anyways, so Bella and I came up with a whole poem containing these funny words and well… She had stayed up and was munching on those pixie stick things and drinking sparks which honestly smell horrible but she says are good and well I think she was a bit drunk and missing Edward which just made it all the funnier when it was finished!" She exclaimed happily.

Bella blushed at Charlie's disapproving frown and smiled weakly at the boys' hoots of encouragement.

Alice grinned and cleared her throat, beginning to read as a hush fell across the crowd.

"Edward's Lullaby by Bella and Alice

Spoon me, spoon me

Fork me with your pork spork

Lick me like a lollypop

And cover in pudding

Hump me like an orangutan

And take me nude spelunking.

Boink me with your Pogo-stick

And smother me in flubber

Suck on my turnips

I'll tickle your pickle

And jiggle all of my blubber

Bugger my buttocks

And butter my squash

And force me to suck on your toes

Hammer my yammer

I'll bang on your wanger

And yodel it out of my nose

Lets go play doctor

I'll let you proctor

And give my colon a squeeze

Tap on my bladder

I'm mad as a hatter

I'm begging you down on my knees."

It was a pronounced and rather awkward silence as the assembled stared in open-mouthed astonishment at the poem which they had written. Suddenly great booming laughter erupted from Emmett and the Wolves as Edward stormed forward and stood glaring down at his shortest sister. "Alice you must give me your word you will never use an intoxicated Bella in your schemes again!" he snapped as he pulled his rather red-faced girlfriend into his protective embrace.

Alice smiled innocently at Edward, "Well of course, unless she asks me to!" She chirped before bouncing away.

THE END.