Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville, or any of the characters within this story, I just want to play with them for awhile.
Authors notes: I have been reading fan fiction for years, and as a lot of you know, I have given many reviews over the years. Some of you are very talented writers, and some are good writers, but tend to get to caught up in the ships they favor, and thus the plot gets ignored, and/or the ship becomes the plot. You are in good company though, as the writers of Smallville have been known to occasionally do this also. So this will be a shipper parody focused on Clark ships. To be fair I will begin with my favorite ship. Some of the things I will be parodying will not be because they are bad, but because they are incredibly clichéd. And other things just lack logic. I don't mean to offend anyone. And I am bashing my favorite character (Clark) in the process.
This story takes place in Smallville. This is a parody, so all characters will be bashed to some extent.
Chlark: They are true loves because Chloe is the true Lois. Chloe is such an exceptional character that all the guys want her (so there Lana) and want to please her. She becomes too good for Clark. Frustrated fans get back at Clark for not wanting their girl in canon, so they pair her up with Oliver, Bruce Wayne Lex, or some other hot guy. Chloe becomes Lana, basically a canon Sue. Clark regrets not seeing the light earlier. They are soulmates!
Clois: Clark and Lois must be brought together because after all it is destiny, and written in stone and/or the stars. No other relationship can be allowed for Clark! It is against the law, and forbidden for Clark to have even the slightest interest or attraction to anyone else!! Chloe, Kara, and/or Lana conspire to get Clark and Lois together. They are soulmates!
Clana: Mostly canon because I haven't read many Clana fics by choice. Clark is obsessed with Lana. He puts Lana before everything and everyone else. All the guys, and even some girls love, and/or obsess over Lana. She is sweet, innocent, and perfect. Clark blames himself for all of Lana's troubles and character faults. Lana can do no wrong! And now she is "SUPERLANA".
Clex: They are hot for each other even though neither of them are gay or show gay tendencies in canon. Clark sometimes gets pregnant with Lex's baby. Lex is obsessed with Clark's pretty-boy looks (Not that I blame him). The female characters are rarely mentioned in these fics. I haven't read many of these fics either, but this is the gist of what I found.
Marysue: She is usually new in town, she is beautiful, and likely to have a cool superpower of her own. Clark falls in love with her. He can trust her more than anyone else. He tells her his secret, because he knows they are meant to be together.
Acknowledgements: I want to thank my girls, Shady-777 and Sadistic Requeim (who used to be Jellysunshine before she lost her account information and couldn't log in anymore) for the editing, and contributions they made in creating this fic. I couldn't have done it without their support and encouragement.
Chlark:
Clark and Chloe are sitting in the Kent kitchen discussing their relationship, both of them enjoying each other's company. Suddenly, Clark brings out a bracelet and lovingly places it on Chloe's wrist.
Perplexed Chloe says "Clark what is this?"
"This is the bracelet that Kyla's grandfather gave me after she died. He said it was for my true one, and Chloe, you are my true one, my soulmate, so this bracelet belongs to you." Clark replies while looking longingly into her eyes.
Chloe's eyes fill with tears as she whispers "Oh Clark, I have loved you since I met you. Do you mean that you are finally over Lana?"
"I have never loved Lana the way I love you; she was just an infatuation. I am only sorry that it took me so long to realize this!" he exclaimed.
Chloe sighs then exclaims "Clark, we can never be together because you took too long to realize your love for me, so now I am with Oliver. Or is it Lex? Or maybe Bruce? Oh well, it is another hot male lead. And he doesn't take me for granted like you do…in fact, he can't do enough to please me, and all his friends have crushes on me, so there!"
"I am so sorry Lana — I mean Chloe — I got confused for a second because you have become so beautiful, and perfect. I understand why everyone wants you. You are right, I am not good enough for you." Clark laments.
As Chloe gets up to leave she calls over her shoulder "By the way Clark, if in the future I change my name to Lois because my cousin dies, or some other unforeseen event occurs, then we can start a relationship again."
But for now she is off to become SUPERCHLOE with her newly discovered meteor abilities. And yeah sure, it is well known that meteor-infected people tend to eventually go insane, but Chloe confidently doesn't even consider this could happen to her.
Years go by as Chloe has many adventures as Watchtower with her current soulmate Oliver. Or Lex? Or Bruce? Or insert character here______. She often hears of this Superman character who rescues people and keeps Metropolis safe. She knows it is Clark as she occasionally has dealings with him as Watchtower in relation to the Justice League of America, but he is just a friend, because he couldn't put her first in a relationship, and her soulmate must always put her first before the safety of the world.