Musings of a Madman
He didn't know what hurt the worst.
That he didn't know how it had come to this?
He wondered how it had. It didn't seem so long ago he had it all in his hands, and now here he was. Here he was sitting in the car in silence, driving to that destination.
Was it the Viccodin?
No, he knew that. He knew how it felt when it went down, knew how it felt when it hit his blood stream and for that one second he was free of the pain and the thoughts always spinning around his head until he thought he would scream. Viccodin didn't fix anything for him, but he'd always known that. He'd just chosen to take the artificial happiness over no happiness at all.
Was it the infraction?
No, he'd been stuffed up long before that, that had just put the clincher on the deal. He had kept his leg, and it was better then not having one at all. He had made that decision, it had been his decision. Sure it had been some of hers too. But then maybe he hadn't minded so much, living without dying, it was better then facing the unknown somehow. Even he was afraid of what he didn't know. Or maybe he just wasn't ready to leave all the stuff he didn't know here to fester. Maybe he was just too curious for his own good.
Maybe it was the lies?
Everyone lies. He had proven his own theory. The funny thing was he had successfully lied to himself. He had always hoped somewhere deep inside that he would always be the one who could find the truth in all the lies, who wasn't afraid. It turned out he was the most afraid of them all. Maybe that was what hurt the worse.
Or maybe it was that it had all been a lie?
That perfect life, the one he had scorned and made fun of. That was the one he had wanted all along, and for one shining moment he had gotten it.
He knew that was what hurt the most.
He wish he could go back and live it all again.
Because it was what had felt the best too.
Oh my God. I live in Australia and I just read a little while ago what happened on House. It made me so sad I felt like I wanted to cry, but what an amazing ending for the season. I can't believe House is going to a psych ward, that's so sad how he and Cuddy didn't get together. I just feel so sad for him. : (
So for some reason I thought I should put that sadness on paper and write this fic, cause I'm weird like that. It's probably totally AU. And please don't be offended by the title or anything, it just sounded right, even though I don't think House is a mad man. Please excuse spelling or grammatical errors, it's late in the night. Please review : (