A/N: I do not own Bones, I am just borrowing :)

6:00 am

I turned off my alarm an hour ago, yet have made no move to get ready to leave. For the first time in my life, I do not want to go into work. I grab my cell and dial Cam.

"Dr. Brennan?" Cam voice chimed in and from working with Booth I can tell she knew something was off as I never call like this.

"Yes. Hello Dr. Saryoan, I am going to take a personal day today as long as there is nothing pressing."

"Is everything alright?" Her voice is full of concern and I am grateful she cares.

"Yes, I just really need a day to myself."

"Of course, you have plenty of time. If you need more let me know."

"Thank you, I will see you on Monday."

"Anytime." I could hear the question in her voice but we both hung up knowing full well I wouldn't say more.

It has been eight months since the Emes case and two since Booth and Hannah split. Things had slowing begun returning to normal but there was still awkwardness for me anyway with Booth. We had slowly maneuvered ourselves back into our rhythm with regards to our partners cases, but our friendship that is another story. He has tried on multiple occasions to get me out of the lab per our old usual but I find I cannot allow myself to give in to it. He even tried to stop by with Thai food here one night and I ignored the door. The next day, I flat out lied saying I was out with a friend.

Honestly I had become so accustom to him not being there again that I didn't trust to let him back. I am making no sense. I know I still care for him more then I should and I am finding it irrationally difficult to keep my feelings locked up with him always around. I sigh and snuggle back into my covers. Now I have three days to get myself back in check for Monday.

As I start to drift to sleep my cell rings, I grab it and see that it s Booth. I hit ignore, turn the phone off and try to go back to sleep.

10:00 am

I startle awake to a pounding noise. "Bones?" I huff frustrated Booth...of course its Booth. Why the hell can't he leave me alone? I am not answering it. Throwing myself back into the pillows, I wait for him to leave.

"Bones? Come on I know you are in there, your car is here." He keeps yelling and knocking. "You are starting to worry me." I hear the lock turn. What gives him the right to use a key! I sit in my bed and wait for him to walk in.

"Bones?" His gun is drawn as he pushing my bedroom door open. "What the hell didn't you hear me knocking?" I glare at him and take a deep breath.

"Yes, I heard you. My entire neighborhood probably heard you. I am in my home and chose not to answer the door." I am seething at him right now and he is playing indignant.

"I was worried. You never take a day off."

"I spoke with Cam and she is aware. If there was something to worry about logically I would not have been able to call Cam." I stare at him hard. "Which, does not give you the right to break into my home and go into my bedroom."

"I didn't break in." He smiled. "I used a key."

"Which was for urgent emergencies and this was NOT an emergency." I sigh. "Realistically I should take the key back from you." He looked surprised.

"Whoa Bones, what is going on?" He sits down on the edge of my bed, which is making me more angry. I need distance not him on my bed. "Talk to me Bones, you're my partner I need to know what's wrong. More importantly you're my friend." With that I laugh and again he looks puzzled.

"Booth we are not friends. We are partners...co-workers but not friends." My tone is soft and no longer angry but regrettable.

"That's not true Bones...at least not to me." He is staring at me intently and I see he really doesn't understand.

"Alright what is your definition of friend?"

"Wow..ok a person who you confide in and spend time with. He is struggling and I can see him getting agitated.

"A friend is a person who you hold a close emotional bond or attachment to. One who is a confidant, who you choose to spend time with and have common interests." I pause. "Another way is that you consider them to be family and love them in some way...like I do with Angela."

"But not me?" His voice sounded hurt and he looked away.

"Booth we do not confide in each other anymore. We do not spend time together outside of work since you and I got back." I couldn't hide the hurt tone in my voice. "Friends do not treat each other as strangers." His head snapped up and he looked at me.

"Bones, I have been trying to spend time with you."

"Yes, since Hannah left and that is the only reason. I am filling in for some gap you have in your social life." I could feel myself getting upset and I refuse to do that in front of him. "I am not someone who wants to be thought of at your whim or when it is convenient for you. At least until you get another girlfriend."

"That's what you think?" His voice sounded raspy and I knew he was upset but I needed to get this out.

"Yes as of late that is what you have proven." I pulled the covers away and stood up. "I would really appreciate it, if you showed yourself out." I walked into bathroom and closed the door. I turn on the hot water and just cry under the hot shower.

11:00 am

I dry off and warp myself in the plush robe Angela bought me. She is correct that it is comforting. Which reminds me that I should call her later. As I go out into the kitchen I see Booth on my couch.

"We need to talk Bones." I sigh and continue to the task I wanted, making coffee.

"Obviously you will not leave till we do...so go ahead." I pull out two mugs from my pantry and I realize I am making him coffee when I am trying to kick him out.

"I need you to tell me everything you are thinking about us." That is not what I expected him to say. "You obviously have a lot on your mind and I want to fix us."

"Something cannot be fixed." The coffee is ready and I pour us each a cup proceeding into the living room. I sit on the far end of the couch away from him.

"Please Bones?" I hate that his voice can do this to me.

"Fine but I have one condition. Let me speak and do not interrupt me." He nods. "When you asked me on the steps of the Hoover to give us a chance you talked about thirty, forty or fifty years ..yet in less the six months you were in love with another woman." His face looked panicked. "You wanted to gamble with our relationship, knowing full well how important it was to me and also you claim to know me. If you knew me you knew that I would not instantly say yes. That is not me. That is not how I am." I put the coffee down and stand up, pacing. "I said I didn't have an open heart like you, I didn't say no. You didn't actually let me finish, because your next breath was that you had to move on." I stared at him. "What the hell did you want me to say. In one breath you went from you are the one to I need to move on." I went back to pacing. "While I was in Maluku, I thought about you often. I missed you. I knew how I felt about you and I thought that I should have tried your gamble but you scare me. If I cannot be someone who wanted marriage, you could up and leave. Just like with Hannah." I heard him suck in a breath and saw the struggle to stay quiet. "I was going to tell you on at the reflecting pool but you told me about Hannah and I kept quiet. Then I broke down during the Emes case, which was...a mistake." I finally sit on the arm of a chair. "I have known how I feel about you for awhile. I always felt something for you but it magnified when I was in the car with Hodgins. He said I had faith, but my faith was in you, not god." His eyes were watery as I looked at him. "You are why I didn't sail away with Sully. I love you. I know I do for as irrational as it seems but the difference with me is that it has never waivered. Yes I dated a few people trying to adapt but they were never more then a lunch or dinner. I haven't slept with anyone in over two years and that was never me. I was the one who argued for satisfying biological urges. You changed me and then you left."

"Bones..." My name came out as a plea from him but I had to get this out.

"You treated me horribly the last eight months. You shoved Hannah in my face and I tried to be friends with her because she was important to you. I wanted to keep you in my life but I realize that was my mistake. I was punishing myself on top of you doing it. You were angry and hurt because you took what I said at the Hoover as a rejection. You jumped to conclusions and didn't believe in us enough to stay the course. Did you even realize while you were with Hannah you introduced me as your associate and not your partner?" I looked at him hoping he didn t and he shook his head. "You pushed me out of all the aspects of life you forced me into at the start of our meeting."

"I'm sorry...I am so sorry."

"I know but here is the thing I am not a consolation prize either." I heard him suck in air like I punched him. "I deserve someone who will be, what is the word I want to use...consistent."

"Bones, Hannah was the consolation prize. You were always the standard." I could feel the tears on my face but I didn't say anything. "I loved her, but I have always been in love with you."

"I...I don't believe that." My throat was tight and burning.

"Please let me prove it to you?" His voice was pleading but I promised myself I would be honest.

"I don't trust you with me to not do it again." I looked away from him as more tears fell. He was in front of me and put his finger under my chin pulling my gaze to him.

"I promise not to hurt you again."

"Nobody can make that promise Booth. You cannot control the future."

"But I can control my actions." He leaned down and kissed me.