AN: Okay, first off, this story was entirely inspired by the first line of "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance, where the "voice" says "You can't, swim, you can't dance, and you don't know karate." It was a brief impulse that ended up evolving into this humorous ficlet.

"Teaching Hiei"

Keiko stared at him in shock, brandy eyes wide. She was so completely stunned that she couldn't even form words. Kurama was starting to get worried. She'd been staring at him like that since he'd told her. She'd never stood so still for so long before. "Keiko? Keiko, are you all right?"

She blinked and shifted her gaze to Yuusuke and Kuwabara, standing behind the reformed spirit fox, whispering together oddly. "You're...serious?"

"As serious as death," Kurama nodded reluctantly. "It was Koenma's orders, the newest mission. We have to do it, or Hiei's going to jail."

"But...but I don't...I can't..."

"We won't let him hurt you, Keiko," Kurama said soothingly.

"It's not that I'm afraid of him anymore," she replied. "I know he won't hurt me. It's just that...well...I can't...I don't know how to..."

"You don't?" interrupted Yuusuke incredulously. "Really? I thought all girls knew how!"

"Yukina doesn't either, and Shizuru sucks at it," the brunette retorted tartly, propping her hands on her hips. "Even Botan makes me dizzy when she does. It's not just me. Lots of girls are as clueless as most boys and some boys are better at it than most girls." She shrugged delicately, the bridge of her nose pink from embarrassment. "It's not a big deal, normally. But I can't do what you're asking me. Even if I did know how, I still wouldn't do it."

"Why not?" Kuwabara asked.

Keiko grinned, making her eyes twinkle. "Because the very thought of teaching Hiei how to dance makes me want to laugh hysterically," she replied matter-of-factly.

"Absolutely not." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't sound angry. But it was all Koenma could do to retain the appearance of impassivity. He knew that Hiei needed only the slightest provocation to lop off his head with that damned katana. Not that he would die, necessarily, but it hurt and it was so inconvenient to have to heal his own head back on. He sighed, still feigning boredom.

"You have two choices, Hiei, as I'm sure you're aware. You can either go to prison for the next two centuries, or you can learn to dance." He waited. The little fire-aparition continued to glare at him furiously. "You possess no social graces, Hiei. You would endager any undercover mission sent anywhere, and the others work best as a team when you are present."

"Hn." At least he wasn't leaping across the room to tear out his throat. Koenma was thankful for small blessings.

"Look, Hiei, this isn't a request," he finally said, standing up on his chair. "This is an order. Need I remind you that you are still on parole?"

Before the diminutive leader of Reikai could continue, the doors to the office burst open and Yuusuke barged in, trailed by Kuwabara and Kurama, both of whom looked extremely put out about something. "We've got a problem, toddler," Yuusuke shouted. "Your brilliant plan has backfired...again!"

"How so?" Koenma asked calmly, convinced Yuusuke was merely overreacting. As usual.

"Keiko doesn't know how to dance. Shizuru doesn't know how to dance. Yukina and Botan don't know how to dance. We've just exhausted our supply of girls to ask. That's how so!"

Hiei bit back a smirk and rolled his crimson eyes. "I guess it's a moot point now, isn't it, Koenma-sama," he sneered, spitting out the honorific as an insult.

Again, before Koenma could speak, the team of detectives ducked just as Botan zoomed in on her oar. "I've got it!" she exclaimed. Keiko, dizzy, slipped off the end, looking sick.

"Remind me never to accept a lift from her again," she said to Yuusuke before sitting on the floor and burying her face in her knees.

"I've got it!" Botan shouted, louder. "Keiko told me about it...reminded me about it! There's a girl at Sara Yashiki who knows how to dance and knows how to teach people how to dance! She teaches classes at a youth center. She'd be perfect!"

"If we can manage to keep hidden the fact that Hiei is a demon," Kurama pointed out calmly, almost enjoying the look of frustrated outrage on the little Jaganshi's face. "I suppose I could be talked into joining the class as well..." Now they were all looking at him stragely. "I know how to dance a little. It would be good to brush up my skills. It would also serve to have someone around to help control his temper. I understand that we all need this to some degree for our newest mission?" Koenma nodded. Now Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked properly horrified.

"Good. Settled," Keiko muttered, climbing back on the oar. "Can we go slower this time? I don't want to end up puking all over her when we ask her about lessons."

"Of course," Botan said as she zoomed back out of the office at top speed. Keiko could only hold on and hope she didn't fall off.

There was silence in the office after the two women had departed. "You know, when Keiko said the thought of it made her laugh, I agreed. Now I think about it and I feel kind of sick. What if this girl makes me wear a tutu?"

"Aw, you would look so adorable!" Koenma declared in a high falsetto. His voice dropped back to normal. "Quit whining Yuusuke and deal with it. It's mandatory."

"Mandatory, mandatory...everything's mandatory with you," the youth grumbled. His eyes sparkled dangerously. "If I have to wear a frilly costume, I'm gonna come back and kill you, who cares what it does to Reikai, who cares what your father does to me. It'll be worth it."

"Calm down, Yuusuke," Kurama said with a smile. "We're just learning how to dance. What could possibly happen?"

AN: Famous last words. I will be making this a chapter fic soon, promise. Owari!