1Disclaimer/Rating: I don't own any character/anything else from Stephenie Meyer; this includes the quote I used in the middle from Eclipse. Haven't decided if this will become an M, we'll see where it goes.
Author's note: So I wanted to write something after Eclipse that made up for the Breaking Dawn situation. If you liked it...sorry I didn't. This story will bring in a new family of vampires that will test Bella's relationship with Edward but also dig into immortality and its effects. This is a Bella/Edward story but it will also involve Jacob and how she deals with that. When I read Breaking Dawn, I had expected some more of that love triangle situation but...lack there of. Anyways, I want to pretend that at the end of Eclipse, they never discussed the marriage. Don't worry, they'll certainly discuss the sex element throughout this story but the marriage I'm not going to deal with at this point.
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"So, why exactly are you in need of my help?" I asked, awkwardly shifting between Rosalie and Alice. Rosalie, encompassed in a navy trench coat, had a look of complete boredom on her face, spinning a lock of blonde hair around a manicured finger. Alice bounced slightly from one foot to the other, clutching my arm and searching the room determinedly.
She had dragged me to the Seattle Public Library because she had required assistance in "book finding or whatever". Exact words. Much to my wariness, Rosalie had been sitting in the front seat when I had hopped into Alice's car that morning. Rosalie's lovely face had shifted from brisk acknowledgment with an imperceptible nod and then intense indifference throughout the car ride. At least, she hadn't glared.
"It wasn't so much that I needed your help," Alice explained, fingers spread wide. "I just know you like libraries and I didn't think you needed to be sitting alone all day. I thought why not sacrifice some good shopping and do something Bella would want. I'm sure Rosalie could use some book references."
I outwardly cringed at the fact that Alice had even insinuated Rosalie would need my help. Rosalie threw Alice an irritated scowl.
" I need the book references? Your idea of high literature is 'Cosmopolitan'."
Alice smiled coyly and twirled a finger around a smoky black lock of hair. "It's not like Jasper minds it. Good tips and all."
A sweep of heat flooded my face and I pretended to flip through one of the books on display. Alice and Jasper were hardly ever physical in my presence. It wasn't that I found it disgusting just surprising. They were all tender kisses, intimacy at its most personal level. They connoted a spiritual connection through their stares and conversations with the other.
Alice had never broached the subject of sex with me. Probably cause she didn't want me to share any inappropriate details concerning her own brother. It wasn't like those details held even a speck of lustful abandon, anyway. I could already imagine our conversation.
"Well he does this really, you know, hot thing with his mouth." I would say quietly, nervously picking at my sweater.
"Which is?" Alice would ask, smile wide and inviting. She would most likely enjoy the fact that innocent little Bella was actually exposing some intimate piece of herself.
"Well, I mean, he uses his mouth to kiss me and it's, you know, hot."
She had every inclination to know Alice would just stare at her blankly before patting her head with pity. One goal for the summer would have to be pushing Edward out of his safety net and making him understand that I wasn't such a fragile doll. It was already horribly backward that I was the only one begging for some sexual release with my own boyfriend.
"You know, Rose, I saw Emmet actually reading a 'Cosmopolitan' once and he looked incredibly curious." Alice teased, knocking me out of my own embarrassing reverie.
"Emmet and I do not need any tips concerning sex. Thanks." Rosalie hissed, folding her arms across her chest.
"Whatever you say."
"We don't. At all."
Alice giggled, tinkling bells rolling off her tongue. "Okay, okay...don't freak."
"I was not freaking."
Despite Rosalie's furious and frigid tone, there was a tinge of discomfort beneath her words. Whether she was slightly embarrassed to be discussing this topic in front of me or was actually reconsidering how good her sex life was, I wasn't sure. Then again, Rosalie embarrassed of anything? Especially, anything concerning me? Not likely.
"Since when were you interested in economics, Bella?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" Alice had the ability of sneaking up on me during mid-thought.
"The book your reading." she pointed to the thick book I had picked up in my attempt at distracting myself from their sex conversation. I glanced down at its cover and read "The Wolf on Wall street".
"Oh no! It....um...just looked interesting. Vibrant cover art...very eye catching." I said quickly, putting the book back on its shelf. Rosalie glanced at me oddly.
"Oh," Alice laughed. "Well, I need some new reading material. I suppose you ask the front desk for that."
"I would think." Rosalie replied, a little sarcastically. Alice narrowed her eyes at her before skipping lightly over to the librarian's desk. The ancient woman at the desk looked incredibly bowled over at Alice's bright appearance. I glanced over at Rosalie and noticed how their skin glowed sugary white in the dim light of the room. The librarian's paper-thin hands typed slowly at the computer under Alice's patient stare. Her skin was delicate as crisp fly wings and her veins burned blue beneath her skin. I found it nauseating.
I walked over to one of the book shelves in order to get the woman's ash gray hair out of my head. Rosalie began scanning the covers in one of the display cases. Her blonde hair flickered like glossy daffodils beneath the amber glow of the library lamps. I felt my own breath catch at her immaculate complexion and was once more reminded of my grainy mortality. I looked at Alice, still leaning over the desk and speaking quietly to the librarian, her flawless white grin emanating charm. Both were guava pink lips and ochre eyes, living statues with arabesque throats and limbs. Figures taken out of Baroque paintings, shrines of beauty. These perfect faces were so ingrained in my brain that I was beginning to feel a withering indignation towards them. Even Emmett, all broad muscle and heavy appendages, had the gracefulness of a jungle cat. On top of all my gifted clumsiness, my grace could be paralleled to a one-legged, blind, sloth.
Every night, I told myself that the end was nigh. I knew it or believed it or prayed for it. I had to hang onto that one simple fact that the end was nigh. Because if I didn't, if the thought of me becoming a vampire shattered into nothing, I would lose everything. I loved Edward. It was static and clear as glass. It was my love for Edward that caused this, this absolute intense desire to die or, more romantically said, to be reborn as another creature altogether. I wanted to be with Edward forever. I knew this. That love had become a wholly entity that had consumed me to the point where normalcy had run its course. There would never be normal for me. There would never be children, picket fences, or bursting apple pies. All that had died when I had said goodbye to Jacob Black.
The thought of Jacob made me stagger against a book case and I prayed neither Rosalie or Alice had seen it. Barely a week ago, I had pushed him away or let him go. Maybe both. I thought of his face in my hands, square jaw and strong nose and soft, soft lips that were too full for such aquiline features. He had been too lovely, really. For how wild he was, for all that lively tenacity and fervor, Jacob Black was lovely. That shouldn't have fit with the whole package at all. It was like loving rippling vitality, his heart echoing the beating thrum of the earth. He shined in the sun, natural and subtle, like a fallen leaf resolutely drifting in the wind. I stopped myself because I wouldn't touch on Jacob Black at this moment. I couldn't face the idea of Jacob and certainly not with the rawness of hurting him still burning bright.
"Bella!"
My head shot up and met Rosalie's irritated stare, I guessed I was more lost in thought than I had imagined. I usually was more alert when Rosalie was hovering around.
"Jesus, I have been calling you for a good two minutes." She said harshly, her black rain boots squeaking slightly and I thought that only she would be able to wear rain boots with such elegance.
"Sorry, I got distracted by the books." I muttered, running a hand along the titles.
I supposed that me being distracted by novels was about as common as Emmet getting lost in a game of "Halo" and thus not to be questioned. Rosalie rolled her eyes and her turquoise earrings glittered against her white cheeks, aqua water and winter plumbs.
"Do you think this is good?" She lifted a fat novel up to my face as if asking me to inspect a bee sting or a paper cut.
"I Am Charlotte Simmons? Tom Wolfe?" I offered her a small smile, more flattered at her desire to know my opinion than in her new interest in reading.
"Yes. That would be the title," she said dryly.
"Yeah! Sorry, I mean I know Tom Wolfe is a fantastic writer. I bet you'd enjoy it." I grinned sheepishly and she looked at the cover once again as if searching for an answer in its bold type.
"Sure." she shrugged but her eyes were alight with some form of an acceptance. A very small acceptance, of course. But "small" meant absolute bounds with Rosalie. Despite our rather shaky relationship, she had been defrosting to some extent. I wondered if that had something to do with our one time heart-to-heart. Probably. She could also be plotting my demise and trying to keep me in a relative, safe state of mind. More probable.
Ever since she had told me her story, I felt both sympathy and a drumming anger in my system. Because as horrible and tragic as her story was, I still wanted to be her. I wanted what she possessed and hated her own sticky words concerning my fate.
"You don't want to be rash about permanent things, Bella."
I wasn't being rash. Vainglorious Rosalie. If she had fallen in love with a vampire, no doubt she would have forced him to turn her instantly on account of her own desperation for her eternal beauty. She meant well and I knew that. But, I could only look at her and curse her for her defined niche in the Cullen household. Her defined niche in Edward's life.
It was difficult for me to even see her as she was anymore. Every time she passed my way I saw a flushed cheeked bride splattered in blood. She had gotten her revenge and now all remained was an obsolete emptiness leaving her aching and withered. I shivered and inspected her again from behind the book I had picked up. Blonde tendrils daintily skated across the white pages of her open book and her sooty lashes fluttered. She was reading, looking truly interested with her story. It gave her an endearing quality and she was almost touchable. Almost.
She looked back at me and her expression was strained, her eyes tightening at my nosiness. I saw a wedding gown like icing, dripping white crystalline, and her fingers locked in a man's open chest. Carmine stained her snowy arms. I shivered. Rosalie Hale was not someone to be put off as trivial or shallow, though Edward often brushed her off as such. I knew that she was beyond those things. I knew she was a labyrinth and I had every desire to not even breach it.
"What time are the boys coming home tomorrow?" I asked, hoping to make up for my obvious stare.
"Emmett said around five, but they usually get delayed." She answered, still reading.
"Delayed?"
"Well they sometimes get into these wrestling contests or just begin goofing off." She shrugged but a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Goofing off tends to mean pulling trees out of the ground and seeing how far they can hurl them."
I laughed despite myself, imagining Emmett pumping a fist in triumph as he made the longest throw. If Edward won anything, he smiled smugly, crossing his arms over his chest in pride. I had a feeling Jasper really did nothing except evoke a serene countenance. He only ever evoked a serene countenance.
I glanced at my cell phone, Edward had left a voice mail that morning and I had hoped he had sent another message. The reminders of him, his very voice whispering sweet, husky "I love you's", kept the visceral thoughts of Jacob and my aging face at bay. When Edward was away, I was more irrational than I usual.
Emmett, Jasper, and Edward had bounded off on a weekend long hunting trip. Apparently, an influx of mountain lions had made their way into the more northern parts of Washington. I smiled at the thought of his child like excitement at getting to track one down.
"You're leaving me!" I had gasped, hand falling across my chest in mock horror. He had actually looked concerned at my reaction.
"It's just for a few days, Bella." He had reasoned, wrapping an arm around my waist and nuzzling his face into my neck. He knew how to make me putty, malleable, easy.
"Jerk," I scoffed and he had laughed and laughed, messy hair falling into his eyes.
"My pretty Bella." He said softly, cupping my cheek and rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip.
He had kissed me harshly that night, fingers wrapping around my head and his beautiful face crashing against mine. I knew he was still anxious about the Jacob situation. I wondered if the hunting trip had been more of a breather from the chaos left over from my breakdown. After all, I had completely broken into a thousand pieces in his arms over another boy. I shrugged that thought off quickly. I had made it perfectly clear who it was I needed. Who it was I wanted.
"Rose. Bella."
Alice came rushing towards us, eyes shadowed and body rigid. A vision, most likely. I immediately felt a clawing bite in my stomach at the thought of Edward. Had there been some stray newborn vampires in the area? Even if Edward could handle himself, groups of newborns had to be dangerous. I imagined him attacked, fragments of porcelain spread out on the forest floor and visions of his lovely face in ribbons. I thought of how desolate Victoria's head had looked ripping off her body and how the fire had burned it all away. I felt an instinctual tug in my system and an intense desire to pull at my own hair.
"Is it Edward?" I croaked, already seeing my vision tunnel into white.
"No," Alice almost whispered. "Not that."
But, she did look frightened. Her fingers twitched and her eyes darted around the room quickly, anxiously, as if something was about to erupt from the middle of the floor.
"What is it?" Rosalie asked, eyebrows furrowed. She looked nervous, her mouth pursed at Alice's expression.
"We're going home," she responded bluntly, turning to the exit of the library with long strides that were almost alien compared to her usual prancing gait.
Rosalie and I gave each other confused looks and I felt a moment of shared companionship with her. When it came to bad situations, it was easy to acknowledge the fear of losing a loved one. Regardless of our differences, we had that much in common.
"Come on," She motioned and walked quickly after Alice, the book still locked in her arms. I was about to say something but thought better of it. I liked how even under the threat of danger, I could think only of inconsequential things. Maybe it was a coping method.
As I followed Rosalie, I thought of how ignorant I had been after Victoria had been killed and total catastrophe averted. I had wanted this to be my summer. A time that I could drift into seamless ease with Edward Cullen and forget all about flamed hair and shattering limbs.
Figures, I was wrong.
***
Final Note:
So...I'm aware lack of Edward and boring beginning. I mean it took place in a library...but I wanted to explore Bella's mind set at this point, etc. I promise more Edward (meaning more sexual angst), more vampires, more violence, and more epic matters.
Reviews totallllllyyy appreciated