Sara sat quietly on her couch, her brown hair swept up in a messy ponytail, watching her favourite show, Cold Case Files. Normally she would have been thinking about the cases, but tonight she was distracted. She couldn't help but think about what she had overheard, and seen, that evening, it had been such a surprise that she had been unable to think about anything else all night. It was almost unfathomable, she knew that Greg had always had a bit of a crush on her, but when she had heard him talking to Nick and Warrick, she couldn't help but be curious. She was replaying those moments in her head, over and over, almost willing them to be simple figments of her imagination, but somehow she knew they weren't and that she would have to deal with it sooner or later.
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Greg sat in the break room, deep in thought, a black spiral notebook open in front of him, and an open can of Red Bull nearby. All of a sudden the silence was punctuated by Nicks voice over his shoulder, "Hey Greggo, whatcha doing, man?" Sara walked toward the room, looking forward to her evening pick-me-up, a cup of hot coffee, and a little bag of M&Ms. "God, Greg, are you at it again? Sara'll go nuts if she ever finds out about this." Sara paused, maybe this wasn't her time to barge in, but listening outside wasn't a crime was it? Greg sighed, "Yeah, Nick, she would. Which is why we're never gonna tell her, right? Look, it's embarrassing enough that everyone, including Sara, knows I like her, but this would really make my life fun, so gimme a break huh?" Warrick came in through the other door, "yeah Nick, give Greg a break, his little diary is funny enough…" "It is NOT a diary" Greg insisted "it's a record of my thoughts, and any… creative impulses I may have, look guys, do me a favour and just drop it already."
Sara was confused, why would Greg freak out so much over a little diary? Nick and Warrick chuckled, "Greg, you know Warrick and I are just messing with you, we won't tell Sara, promise, now do us all a favour and stop moping, put that thing away." "Thanks guys" said Greg, "sorry if I got a little wound, but I've really gone out of my way to be sure that Sara hasn't seen that thing, and I'd really prefer if it were to stay that way."
All of a sudden, Nick's pager went off, "crap, no break tonight, Grissom calls. Come on 'rick, what's the betting that if he needs me, he probably wants you as well." The two took off, "later Greg!" Warrick called. Sara chuckled to herself, Warrick and Nick were like the jocks she remembered from high school, they rushed everywhere, and were fiercely competitive, and Greg was like the captain of the chess team, smart, but not obnoxiously so. But there was this unspoken understanding between them, she almost wondered how they got along without driving each other nuts. She watched Greg finish his Red Bull, and throw out the can, she watched him carefully hide the notebook within Grissoms pile of papers near the coffee machine, then as he walked out, he turned back, looked over at the pile, shook his head, and headed toward the lab.
After a few minutes, Sara couldn't take it any more, she was so curious about why he didn't want her to see that book. She slunk in, and, quickly forgetting her coffee, sifted through the papers until she felt the spiral spine of the book. Her heart pounded as she sat down at the table, she knew that whatever this book held, it was probably not going to be any of the things she might expect.
Slowly, she opened the book, the inside cover was entirely unremarkable, with just the name "Greg Sanders" written inside, she scanned the first page, looking for any indication of why he was so vehemently against her seeing this. Soon enough, she found her name, "the reason I started this book is, well, not really a reason, her name is Sara Sidle, and she dominates my thoughts, day in and day out". That's all it said, she wondered why it wasn't more descriptive, but she knew that Greg often thought in that way, sort of, fragmented, sure enough, in the next sentence, he was on about his video games.
She couldn't help but laugh, Greg was like a little child, going quickly from one thing to another without the slightest indication. She wasn't so worried anymore, so he wrote how he felt about her, it wasn't anything she didn't already know, why was he so worried? It was just a little crush, he'd get over it in time. She turned the page, and started reading, there were doodles in the margins, and it was dated about 3 months before that day. Her eyes grew wider as she read. She was beginning to understand.
"Today Sara was wearing a tight, black shirt with a jean jacket, she looked so pretty, I couldn't take my eyes off her, she noticed me staring, and I felt like I was naked, it was so embarrassing. I can't believe what an idiot I am, she's too good for me, sometimes I wonder how I keep going."
Saras mind was reeling, she remembered that day, and she had noticed Greg staring at her, she had given him a saucy little wink and he had blushed and turned away, she had laughed to herself, and not thought about it since.
"It feels like Sara is taunting me, she knows that I like her, and lately she seems to be hanging around a lot more, I wonder if maybe she feels the same way."
Saras lips drooped into a frown, she felt bad for Greg, she had had a tough case going then, and she had needed to be in the DNA office a lot. Poor Greg, he had thought she was going out of her way to be around him, but that wasn't what she had been doing, was it?
The rest of the page carried on the same way, eventually she couldn't take reading it. She turned a few pages, there was just more of the same, and a few mundane notes about appointments, or the way his shift went. But then, dated about 2 weeks before that day's date, she found something that broke her heart, she barely held back the tears as she read the heading on the page, "A Letter For Sara". She thought back to that day, she could remember that Greg had seemed a little quieter, that was the day that he had asked her to take her break with him, but a pressing case had taken her away before she could keep her promise. For the rest of that week he had been reserved around her, and even a little morose, everyone had noticed it, but Sara had chalked it up to a stressful week. Even though she felt that this was too private for her to read, she couldn't take he eyes away.
"Sweetest Sara, I know that you know that I like you, but I need to get it off my chest, it has been more then 3 years now, since that day we met, since the day I fell in love with you. The way your eyes sparkle when you smile, the cute little gap in your teeth, how many times have I thought about if I would feel it if I kissed you? When I see you smile, I melt, your laugh is like a wind chime, soft and beautiful, and I wish that I could hear it all the time. And when you cried over Hank, I would go home and cry too, because I knew that no matter what, I would never treat you that way, I wanted to kill him for doing that to you. One day, I saw you crying in the break room, and I knew it was because of him, but you wouldn't confide in me, and that broke my heart."
Sara noticed that here, there were teardrops on the paper. She wiped her eyes, how was she to know he felt so strongly? Poor Greg, this must be so hard for him.
"That day, when the victim who looked like you came in, I had to call in sick, I slept all day and cried because I realised that this was how I would feel if I lost you. If that were to ever happen, I don't think I could go on. The other day, I was sitting in my lab, deliriously thinking of you, I had seen you that morning, you seemed so happy, and when I saw you hug Nick, and kiss him on the cheek, I felt like my heart had ripped in two."
"Kissed Nick on the cheek?" Sara thought, "only because he brought me a chocolate bar, we were just being friendly." Evidently Greg didn't realise that.
"Sara, when you smile, I smile, when you cry, I cry, I feel like I can't change this, I have never felt this way about anyone before. I can't explain it, Sara. But I feel like I'm meant to be with you, I love you Sara, I couldn't stop if I tried. Love Forever, Greggo."
Sara finished reading the letter, partly aghast at this new side of Greg, and partly surprised at how sweet he could be. She heard a noise, turned around and was faced with Gregs retreating back. She got up and followed him into the parking lot, he got into his car, and for a moment, their eyes met. It was all Greg could do not to cry, but he knew that now, it was up to her.